Wife cheating - is it worth a divorce? | Ask TRP

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trpsavedme

Posted 9y ago in Uncategorized - Permalink - Locked - 11.6K Views

I was introduced to TRP about a year ago. Married 24 years. 4 kids still under legal age. Wife is college educated but has been a stay at home mom.

We got into swinging 3 years ago (yes, I know...). Worse - it was only her doing the swinging. I was never into it and never did anything with another woman.

We quit around the time I discovered TRP. I have been taking control but she is resisting HARD. 4 months ago she decided she did not want to quit the lifestyle so she began to ride the cock carousel and has been with 9 other men in the last 4 months. I have not agreed to this and it has brought up some difficult arguments.

I have kept frame because I know how crazy it would be if I did not. The only thing keeping me around is the financial ruin I face.

I have consulted two attorneys. In our state her affairs will not be considered as grounds for any sort of punishment. Both said the same thing - I am screwed financially. After child support and almost a guaranteed 30% of my income going to alimony I will be left just above poverty - barely able to provide for my own needs.

My question - For those who have went down this path.... Is divorce worth financial ruin for the next 10 years?

EDIT: Some have sent me messages. Here is additional information:

Married right out of college. I was the only other man she had sex with. Warning signs include her getting breast implants, lipo, face stuff and a tummy tuck. She also started hitting the gym every day 18 months ago. She is a total MILF. Ace in the hole -- she took pics of nearly every experience. It can't be used in court but I can use it to SHAME her.

The pics are my last resort. As things are right now she would never want her family or our children to know what she did... I may have something useful in my toolbox.

EDIT EDIT: I have read every comment and responded to most. Everything points to one fact - I am truly screwed. My financial future is completely in her hands. If she chooses, I will work my ass off for the next 10 to 15 years and barely live. She will get money, the house and the kids.

This is basically what two different attorneys told me.

DO NOT GET MARRIED. I never would have guessed it could happen to me.

Permalink

Ika- 9y ago

Can anyone explain this to someone who is not American how da f*ck is he screwed, when his wife is doing others? isn't this cheating, and you guys say he is 100% fucked, HOW? please explain as I am simply baffled

carolanne64 9y ago

I know your post is from a month ago but in case you read this, here goes. My XH did to me what your W is doing to you. Except one day, he just left. Went to work and never came home again. He had a little apartment all set up with the new GF, had emptied the 401K, and in the 21 days before he left, ran up every single credit card we had to the max. FWIW, we were NOT swingers, I am NOT homely or obese (I am 5'7", blond, 140 pounds). I am educated and was a SAHM. But he wanted more. So he left..and I lost everything. Sure, I got CS and some alimony, but I still lost my house, my kids had to quit soccer (and my daughter was playing for the #2 team in the Nation at her age level), my older son had a nervous breakdown over the sudden abandonment. It was an unbelievable nightmare. But..we got through it. My XH has nothing to do with the kids--hasn't seen them in over 10 years. I am remarried,, have a wonderful husband, a good amount of savings...my life is wonderful. My point is--I would never have left, I would have stayed for the kids...but XH chose to leave. Your W could choose to leave tomorrow so your plans should be about protecting yourself emotionally and financially. Figure out how to hide your money. Start planning now. If she stays, then take of your own needs when./where you can. But be proactive in protecting YOU. I am sorry your wife is an ass...so many of us seem to know people like her...but I wish you all of the luck in the world and just know--you can make it through it.

KyfhoMyoba 9y ago

Hopefully OP sees this even after the thread has gone stale.

I don't know why I (or anyone else here) hadn't thought of this: OP, bring another woman into your bed and fuck her in front of your wife. (Depending on how much of a dick/jerk/asshole you want to be, you may or may not refuse to touch your wife during this.) Everything that I have read on this sub, Heartiste, therationalmale.com, and, most importantly, have experienced in the 6 months or so of spinning plates (since ingesting TRP) tells me that your wife's attraction for you will go through the roof, especially (but not only) if the woman is younger and/or more attractive than the wife. Two of my plates are bisexual with each other. Since I started this, both of them are far more aroused when I fuck them (even when I fuck them alone), they cum faster, harder and more frequently - it's like a turbocharger - whatever was there gets accelerated and amplified. Hire a prostitute (DON'T LET WIFE KNOW THAT SHE IS A PROSTITUTE!!! WILL BACKFIRE!!), if you need to.

Pre-selection is the fucking bomb.

trpsavedme 9y ago

I like this - serious. I have noticed that she does not like the idea of me looking good for other women. Since divorce is likely happening I may as well go for it.

I think I can get another woman to meet us at a bar and make it appear I picked her up. Will report back if it works.

soccerplusaviation 9y ago

Is there any state or any country in the western world where infidelity will at the very least in some way punish the women?

jupc 9y ago

There are still some US states where you prove fault.

Compared to no-fault, each party can spend up to hundreds of thousands of dollars and 3-5 years legally trying to investigate through discovery to build a case to 'out-fault' each other, thus squandering assets, extending the time it takes to get divorced, and increasing the amount of fighting, litigation, court costs, and attorney fees.

KyfhoMyoba 9y ago

There are still some US states where you prove fault.

Every state in the USA is no fault. Some states (not the 9 community property states) divide property based on fault, but the divorce itself is a given if only one party wants it.

jupc 9y ago

You are conflating the issue of availability of no-fault divorce in each of the 50 states with the option and availability of fault divorce in some of the states. States that allow both no fault and fault divorce are known as mixed states.

For example, in New York State:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_divorce_law#At_fault_divorce

The state of New York is one of the states which allow the possibility of an at fault divorce. In this case, one party accuses the other of a wrongdoing (the "fault"). The other party may or may not contest. In practice, the parties might use the at fault grounds to obtain a mutually desired and agreed upon divorce: they can agree to an uncontested divorce as long as one of the parties is willing to allege one of the fault based grounds and the other party accepts the "fault" without contesting it (this was common in the past).

An at fault divorce can be obtained due to the following:

Cruel and inhuman treatment (Domestic Relations Law §170.1)

Abandonment for a continuous period of one year or more (DRL §170.2)

Imprisonment for more than three years subsequent to the marriage (DRL §170.3)

Adultery (DRL §170.4)

For accounts of recent fault divorces, see the dad's divorce forum.

mordanus 9y ago

Your relationship with this woman ended the moment you let her fuck other men. You showed her that you were too weak to stop her and too weak to find someone else. She will never forget how this made you look so stop trying with her.

In my opinion you should make her work. Tell her that if she is going to fuck around in the relationship then she can bring her own money to the table and stop providing anything for her that isn't absolutely needed. Be a husband in name only to her because she is a wife in title only to you.

Terminal-Psychosis 9y ago

Ignore her and start fucking other women. Also get separate bank accounts and rooms.

machimus 9y ago

Exactly. This situation works both ways. In fact, look at all the freedom he has to spin plates now! Is a congratulations party in order? Maybe!

trpsavedme 9y ago

I think I like this plan. She can still divorce me but... maybe I can move some cash money around.

AFPJ 9y ago

Nothing fixes the dysfunction of America like $10-15K in cash and an unplanned vacation to Mexico.

A trip during which you could return safely or get abducted to a sunny country without extradition ;]

mmp31 9y ago

If she wants to divorce you, is it still going to be the same financial outcome?

Addictedtoiron 9y ago

It's easy for people say get divorced and be freed, I know, I did that but I don't have children. If you're facing a 10 year financial wreck and you're almost 50 already it is better to plan you freedom in the long run. I'd suggest you do what many couples do, stay together for the kids until they're big enough. You have an advantage though, you can fuck around. This is a good thing. Become the new TRP man be an example to your kids and seek the sexual gratification you want outside marriage like in the old days. Prepare yourself for all outcomes, even if she comes seeking a divorce. Look into making a trust fund to protect your assets.

Now one important thing: if you're going to get stuck with her. Get her to work asap. Your kids might be big enough to not require a full time mom. Get her working. Manipulate her, tell what she wants to hear, no matter what, make her get a fucking job. This will save you big money in alimony. For longer she works less you will have to pay in the future.

Take care of yourself, continue improving, getting stoic, TRP. According to your own words you are lying to yourself because:

I have kept frame

and

Emotionally, I am a wreck

Are mutually exclusive. Put your shit together man!

MightyTaint 9y ago

You have an advantage though, you can fuck around.

No he fucking can't. She said he can, but this bitch is going to rake him over the coals regardless. If he fucks someone else, she's going to do it right away, and not beat the bush getting around to it.

trpsavedme 9y ago

I have kept frame in the sense that I don't argue with her. When throws out a shit-test I handle it well. If I start to lose it I make a plausible excuse and get away from her.

She knows I do not like what she is doing, but I can also see TRP working on her.

Addictedtoiron 9y ago

Basic TRP knowledge: You can't change her therefore you must change yourself. Lift, get hobbies, review your wardrobe, play dread, get plates.

edit:

She knows I do not like what she is doing

What she should know is that you don't give a fuck anymore.

AnarchyBurger101 9y ago

Take up "jogging", jog to the local pool hall/ beer hall 30-45 minutes away, kill 5-6 hours, maybe pick up a floozie, jog back to the 24 hour gym, wash the hoochie smell off, work out, take a steam/sober up, and jog back. ;)

KyfhoMyoba 9y ago

Don't wash the hoochie smell off, that's a feature, not a bug. Think Dread Game.

jcrpta 9y ago

Keeping frame has to come from a position of strength.

The tiniest, tiniest speck of weakness in your position - whether it's in your tone, your actions or whatever - and your frame is jeopardised. Suddenly you're not being the strong man, you're being pathetic.

It is incredibly difficult to fake because women can sniff that out a mile away. So if you're faking it - sorry, but she almost certainly knows full well.

harkrank 9y ago

To even talk about any kind of frame in OP is laughable when he's living with her knowing that she's cheated on him. There is no frame at all to jeopardize.

jcrpta 9y ago

Good point.

OP: I honestly don't see how you can recover from this one. You are forever going to the man who announced he wanted to stop swinging - and then turned a blind eye to his wife averaging just over two new cocks a month for four months. (And not walking out after cock #1 most definitely is turning a blind eye, I don't care what you say).

I wouldn't be too surprised if your wife has brought back a few surprises - get yourself STD tested.

Terminal-Psychosis 9y ago

Cold and cunning is the way. Don't let on at all that your mattress is full of cash. Cash probably is the way. Don't know how to open an account without using your own name, that's very risky, if at all possible. The courts have their ways of finding hidden funds (unless you're rich enough). And god forbid SHE finds it. :( Be clever.

Like Mr. Iron there says, stay emotionally detached as much as possible. That way lays ruin. Just do what you gotta, no qualms, no guilt, to get yours and take care of your kids. That's what she's doing, and you are irrelevant. She does have a hammer over your head though, so yah, be clever.

TitsAndWhiskey 9y ago

Buying gift cards and loading them up as part of weekly shopping trips is a time honored method. Make sure your itemized purchases can't be tracked via a loyalty/rewards app. Taking cash out for normal weekly expenses is also generally ignored up to a reasonable point.

Or so I been told.

Dnuts 9y ago

A safety deposit box could be an excellent way to hide cash.

Terminal-Psychosis 9y ago

Don't you have to provide ID to get one though? It would still be in his name, and the courts could potentially find it that way, or?

Not up on how that works. If it could be done anonymously, sure.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Thanks, Terminal... I have started today pulling money away. It has to be cash or gold/silver. I can hide that stuff. If I delay the divorce long enough I can sock away a goodly amount (~ 50k or so)

ClassicGoth 9y ago

Prepaid Visa cards or postal money orders? They're lighter and easier to hide than gold and silver, and you don't have to worry that they're going to lose half their value (or more).

cascadecombo 9y ago

bearer bonds.

chortle-guffaw 9y ago

I agree with what others have said. This is not a good long term plan. But, I do think this is an excellent short-term plan. Ease into the divorce. Give yourself a couple of years to sock away some cash.

If you haven't already, start paying all the bills, preferably electronically. You'll know that money is going to essentials. Give the wife an allowance just enough to take care of food and day-to-day expenses. At the very least, she won't also be stashing away large sums of your cash.

Perhaps documenting her indiscretions will help when the day comes to divorce. Maybe you can use that as leverage to make sure she doesn't get sole custody, which I think would cost you more.

Terminal-Psychosis 9y ago

Oh hell yes, document EVERYTHING. Talk to a lawyer about what counts as important and what is irrelevant too.

Also excellent idea about cutting off her cash flow, but I'd wait until I got a decent nest-egg built up before changing things up.

It took OP years to get into such a fucked up situation. He can afford to be clever and cunning for the time it takes to get himself some financial security stashed away.

When he has that it will help him enormously, in coming from a place of true power, when he starts laying down some boundaries on her unacceptable behavior, or if he decides to cut his losses.

Meristry 9y ago

If you're smart, edit and then delete your comments about this matter, or request a mod to delete this topic as a whole. If you are planning to do this (which in some cases could be considered divorce fraud), please do so as discretely as possible. Trails on the internet about the matter is the last thing you need.

Terminal-Psychosis 9y ago

Probably smart advice.

RPthrowaway123 9y ago

I was wondering this myself. How far would it be possible for them to trace it?

bustanutmeow 9y ago

Well his username from his pc would be a good start, Pretty easy to get. If i was him, after i got all the info i could from this post, I would wipe the HDD, As a start, and get a new /u/name that i would use in incognito mode or a vm.

RPthrowaway123 9y ago

Encryption would be an alternative for the HDD. Using a VPN would probably help too.

bustanutmeow 9y ago

yup

Redrog1 9y ago

Bitcoin can be useful too. It's the easier to hide but be careful because it's not anonymous unless you do it right so inform yourself before going this route.

Terminal-Psychosis 9y ago

Stupid to put all of 50K in there though. Isn't nearly stable enough (yet?). Still a viable option for some quick and (when done right) untraceable spending "cash" though... say a few hundred for online shopping?

Don't know any way to get even a few thousand out quickly AND untraceable.

Are there markets that buy / sell gold reliably that are untraceable? Probably at a premium, but that still seems more realistic.

long-lostfriend 9y ago

If you are buying in smaller increments at a time, you can buy from almost any online retailerwithout making huge waves. Pay with a money order (that you can sometimes get for free at a local check-cashing outfit), and voilá, no paper trail. Just have it sent somewhere besides your residence and have a reliable place to hide it off the grid.

AnarchyBurger101 9y ago

There are options other than gold. An old 1988 commercial panel van does not look like a lot of cash on paper. Unless you buy about $400-$600 worth of used, but good condition and working tools. Say just chainsaws to start. And start stuffing them in that panel van. Some snap on tools, blue point tools, maybe an air compressor powered by a gas engine, and a regular genset, etc, etc.

You're gonna pay maybe 40-50% markup at a pawnshop, swap meet, or whatever. But, you can sell that stuff for about 66% what you paid for it no problem. It's sort of like pimps buying pawn shop gold jewelry. Except, even if someone knows you have all that crap stashed in a storage garage somewhere, they ain't gonna give a shit. You can get better deals at estate sales, garage sales, etc.

To most people it just looks like you've gotten the DIY bug, or have turned into an "old man with a garage full of tools". BUT, tools don't change a whole hell of a lot. A 1940s air tool will still work about the same as something off the shelf, so there's not much depreciation. Only issue is corrosion, and for some items like chainsaws, you have to prep em for storage so rotten gas/lube doesn't foul the works.

Battery power tools, the packs will shit out after about 5-6 years in storage, and the newer tech will displace the old stuff in just 2-3 years. Kinda not worth it, unless, you actually use the shit.

ClassicGoth 9y ago

Local coin dealers, but there's a threshold above which they have to report the transaction. You get your best deal at a precious metals refinery, but all the PMs are tracked now.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Frankly, putting cash and gold inside a sock and then inside a gallon ziplock bag and burying it is better than what I was doing up until a few hours ago.

Terminal-Psychosis 9y ago

heh heh.. well there ya go. Just make sure you bury it in a place you can get to. If things go REALLY bad, theoretically, you could get kicked out of your house and not have access to the back yard anymore, and the gold stash. Women get restraining orders based on lies all the time. Be clever.

Good on ya for thinking in the right direction Mr. Me. Hope you get some security built up for yourself, no matter how.

needathrowawayplease 9y ago

Except bitcoin is speculation. Gold doesn't have the volatility bitcoin (currently) does.

long-lostfriend 9y ago

Cryptocurrency guy here. If he is wanting to invest in something he can hide away and hold, I would recommend looking into Bitshares platform. There are "bitassets" that are market-pegged to currencies.

Buying BitUSD carries all the advantages of bitcoins (anonymous and untraceable) without bitcoin's current volatility. And, if and when he chooses to tap into that, it is pretty easy to convert back into something more familiar to the general population.

Having been divorced raped myself about 7 years ago, I plan on writing some kind of "how-to" to help out men who see the writing on the wall and want to hide funds away in preparation for the axe falling.

Redrog1 9y ago

Everything is speculation, even staying in cash.

It's true Bitcoin is more volatile for now and given it's short history has more unknowns, but that also means the potential for a bigger upswing. Nevertheless my point is that, if done well, it's the easier to hide and move around, it's impossible to stop at borders...

frequentlywrong 9y ago

Don't be crazy. Bitcoin is a horrible store of value which is what OP is looking for. It is also difficult to get by cash. It is a great way to transfer money, but a terrible way to store money. Gold coins are a much, much better option.

long-lostfriend 9y ago

Precious metals are a good option, if you can successfully keep them off the radar.

[deleted] 9y ago

you know what, just take the pictures you have and show them ot your children and the entire family. shes a whore, let everybody know it. blow that shit up.

Cacciaguida 9y ago

that's what you do when everything turns nuclear.

Terminal-Psychosis 9y ago

Naw man, then the divorce, and all that bullshit he wants to avoid is BOUND to happen.

IF it happens, THEN is the time for the shaming. That is one small piece of power he has, and he should hold that tight to the chest until / if he needs it as a bargaining chip.

Stories_of_Red 9y ago

Yeah, because his life is so going to be better continuing on with this shitshow, rather than dealing with the cancerous tumor that is his wife.

This is the underpants gnome approach to a cratered life:

1) Move clothes into spare bedroom/open checking account

2) ?

3) Profit!

Terminal-Psychosis 9y ago

The point is to start working for yourself in this situation. The whole emotional turmoil is a distraction, but making a plan of action is vital, and being clever about it is key. It is a dangerous and volatile situation.

OP is already in pretty damn deep. Last thing he needs is a cave-in before he gets some kind of security built for himself.

jcrpta 9y ago

Nothing wrong with it in principle, but you absolutely categorically HAVE to have step 2 planned out in advance - personally I would say that you make sure you have enough cash saved up that you can put down a deposit on somewhere to live (rental is probably quicker than buying) so you can put the wheels in motion to move out properly the day after you've moved into the spare room.

signals101 9y ago

I've seen a lot of comments telling you to hide cash.

This is a bad idea. If her lawyers find it in a divorce, you're going to get screwed.

The only way out of this is:

get her to get her own job so that she is financially independent of you.
stick it out with her, as your slutty "roommate" till all your kids move out. (i.e. kick your kids out at 18)
sell the house, split the cash, and ditch the bitch.

Slide6 9y ago

A lot of states have clauses for adulterous parties which makes it hard if not impossible for them to receive alimony. Document yourself NOT being OK with it and her doing it anyway, and there ya go.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Not my state. Verified by two attorneys. I also looked up what they told me and confirmed. Adultery is not considered for alimony. Not considered at all in my state unless the children were ever in harms way. Thankfully, they were never in danger.

lurkinginplainsight 9y ago

Here's a couple thoughts regarding the hiding/safeguarding of assets:

I had a friend who's wife found a "friend". The first thing he did was refi the house and cash out the equity. She signed off on the refi because of the savings, but missed the cash out (I guess, she was shocked at their divorce signing to find out he did that). He used the cash to fund the divorce. This may be something to pursue with you having multiple properties. Once you've pulled the equity, give her the houses, she'll think she won.

Have your paycheck and all incoming money put into a bank account that is in your name only. Link that account to the family account. Move money to the family account to pay the bills. All other money stays out of her sight.

As so many others have said, put her on an allowance. A tight one, that gets tighter over time. This will help her decide to make her own money.

If you have a good friend that owns a business, you may want to invest in their company. Make sure that there is a first right of refusal clause in the corp's buy/sell. This will prevent her from gaining the stock certificates in case the purchase is caught by lawyers.

Safe deposit box in a family members name.

Whatever you do, do it slowly. She may miss slow movements, sudden switches will definitely get her attention. It is a long game.

Barring this, Thailand sounds nice.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Thanks. Some good ideas - especially taking it slow.

Stayinghereforreal 9y ago

We got into swinging 3 years ago (yes, I know...). Worse - it was only her doing the swinging. I was never into it and never did anything with another woman.

Not swinging. Your wife is having sex with other guys. You are paying the bills.

Of course you divorce her. You are already ruined financially. It is only divorce that will provide you the fresh start.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Financially, I am doing well right now. Emotionally, I am a wreck. Now, I can drive a Lexus, live in a nice home and take my kids out. Both attorneys said the same thing - I can kiss those things goodbye.

The fresh start will only happen after 7 to 10 years. Is it worth shutting down life for that long?

harkrank 9y ago

"Shutting down life"? Leaving her is your only chance of actually having a life. You are living with no dignity. I'm not saying that to insult you, but to help you. Any situation is preferable to the one you are in now, even poverty. Living without dignity kills you. It kills your soul and ends the life of your mind.

If divorce laws are against you, fuck it. It's not your fault. Just get as much money you can amass, empty bank accounts and sell cars and then leave. Just leave the country and disappear. Anything you leave behind is worth leaving behind to gain back your dignity.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A SLAVE FOR 10 YEARS. Leave for South America, New Zealand or anywhere. You are now like a Jew in 1940. There is nothing you can do or pay that will change your fate - except bailing.

Your kids will be fine. One day they can come visit you or you can go visit them. Your kids will be worse off if you stay.

You are in hell. Run.

Huffnagle 9y ago

Money is not life. It's nice, enough to eat is important. Life is life, time is life. You won't get time back.

And broke guys can get laid.

You're in a shitty position, no doubt.

So... Miserable with money in the bank, or free with big bills? I'd choose the second. I did choose the second when I divorced my first wife and I was glad I did.

AFPJ 9y ago

Your life is already shut down: paralyzed by fear. Time without money isn't life shut down - there are so many broke people living amazing lives. The moment you learn to be happy without money is the moment you learn to be happy.

MightyTaint 9y ago

"Well, on one hand I'm completely cuckolded and walked all over, but on the other hand, I drive a shiny car!!!"

[deleted] 9y ago

You can still rent in a nice area. You can still drive a used lexus.

Yes, the divorce is worth it over a wife riding the cock carousel, come on. Find your self-respect.

[deleted] 9y ago

[deleted]

MightyTaint 9y ago

Not at this point. If he fucks around, it will offend her, and she'll bang one of her many suitors extra hard, all while planning how she's going to financially fuck him for wounding her ego.

exbp 9y ago

Haven't you answered this with:

Emotionally, I am a wreck

You can't continue this way unless you plan on conveniently dying in the next year or so. Similar scenario happened to a couple my wife and I know. She kept cheating even when she knew it was not smart for finances/kids/life to do so. The hormones in her brain have her trained and you can't give her another "hit".

Serve her papers, that will get her attention. The attorneys can give you both a realistic idea of what settlement will be like on both sides. It's never as bad as you think it will be. She might even make an effort to reconcile. If she does you need to rock her world and prove you can be her "source". But if not remember you have the income stream, you can always improve. She will be fixed at whatever the settlement is and hypergamy does not age well. The best day of your life will be waking up and knowing this isn't hanging over your head anymore and you have the whole world to choose from.

MightyTaint 9y ago

The best day of your life will be waking up and knowing this isn't hanging over your head anymore and you have the whole world to choose from.

This. So many things in life are hard to do. We know they're right, but it hurts to rip off that band aid. Fate favors the bold.

BhiQ 9y ago

You can always leave the country.

Cacciaguida 9y ago

last resort

harkrank 9y ago

Fucking first resort in OPs case.

[deleted] 9y ago

[deleted]

harkrank 9y ago

Fuck you for trying to pollute this man's mind. Slavery is never an option.

trpsavedme 9y ago

These are some scary stories. I feel so angry at times that I often think sitting in jail is better than working to support her habits.

AnarchyBurger101 9y ago

Hard to go to jail when you're out the the country "finding yourself" and building shelters for war orphans on the weekend. Sure you might be banging hookers and day trading during the week, but those back stateside don't need to know that. :D

fortifiedoranges 9y ago

Sometimes it is. But only after you try everything else first.

[deleted] 9y ago

[deleted]

trpsavedme 9y ago

I am in therapy. A female therapist. She basically thinks I need a divorce. She thinks I will be happier without the wife.

I wanted to see what other MEN think. I don't have many male friends and even if I did - I am not sure I would share all that has happened.

MightyTaint 9y ago

I'm a man. I basically think you need a divorce. I think you will be happier without your wife, even if you take a financial hit.

diablo_fuentes 9y ago

Aaron Clarey actually had some wisdom (from someone else) about the matter.

Fuk_Boonyalls 9y ago

Get a male therapist asap.

JayViceroy 9y ago

Seems the female therapist suggesting divorce isn't all bad. If she suggested marriage counseling that would be bad.

aguy01 9y ago

What would OJ do?

lurkinginplainsight 9y ago

I'd take Thailand over sing-sing anyday.

darkflame420 9y ago

Start shaming her now? We await your picture post.

trpsavedme 9y ago

LOL! Seriously, she looks good.

loveofnotes 9y ago

Just an idea: continue taking her on dates, but only for some preselection. Once out on dates with your slut wife, hit on other girls; leave with them. Leave your wife at the bar.

Another idea: you are a very well informed troll. I just can't imagine any guy whose ever heard about this page, letting himself get cuckolded like you. I'm sorry, it's so pathetic. I've been reading the comments, you say shit like , "I know trp is working on her". All that comes to mind is, "no man, it's not. She's married to you and she's fucking 9 other guys. That's pretty much the opposite of trp" Think about it. The mother of your children is swallowing cum from 9 different guys who are more alpha than you, TAKING PICTURES OF IT then coming home and kissing your kids goodnight. There's no way to say it without feeling like I'm bullying you. But I don't even know you, the last thing I want is to hurt your feelings; I feel so bad for you. There's something wrong with this woman (hypergamy or otherwise) and there's something wrong with you for not showing her whole fucking family the pictures of her being a whore. --for these reason's I think that you're a troll.

Here's another thought: encourage your wife to go on a week long vacation (with 1-9 of her better, more alpha, fuck toy men). While she's gone, you pack up the kids, all your shit, all your money, sell the house for cash (take a loss if you have to), and move to fucking Europe. If your post is real, you need to get as far from this devil cunt as you possibly can.

Wow, the next time I think my life is going poorly, I will think of this and feel better.

trpsavedme 9y ago

HOW IT HAPPENED: She used excuses about how I used to approve swinging. She cried and went on and on until one day she came home and said she did it. I didn't want to blow up and cause a huge scene but as I told her how much I disapproved she began to talk erotic....She ended up doing all kinds of dirty things. It was crazy. When I would tell her how bad her fucking hurt me (without whining too much) she would fuck me raw. THAT became almost an addiction. She would say anything and do anything.... ATM? Yep. Nothing was off limits.

At that point I didn't go completely beta. I kept frame, didn't blow up and visited the first attorney. He outlined how a divorce would most likely roll out even if we were friendly. Being married so long, her giving up career and the kids = divorce rape. Her adultery did not matter.

Meanwhile, she slept with another man and kept going wild with me. I asked her to stop with the other men. I pulled back emotionally (keeping frame) and it didn't work. The only thing that changed was she stopped being wild with me. So, I visited the second attorney who basically told me the same story as attorney #1. Maybe a little more money, but the end result was nearly the same.

The only thing that seems to help is me going to the gym. So... I am doubling down on the exercise and diet. She appears to be bothered by the idea of me considering another woman.

EDIT: I don't out her because I don't want my children to know their mother in that way. At least, not yet. Plus it's my only ace in the hole and I want to spend it wisely. I don't want to use it in an emotional outburst and lose any real value.

loveofnotes 9y ago

Why not just pick up and leave? I think that was my best suggestion. At this point, she's abusing you (whether the courts will see it that way or not). You could change your name, move to Canada/ England/ anywhere you want, keep the kids and your money, get a new job, get a new wife. Maybe taking the kids would be kidnapping. In that case, fuck the kids! Start a new better family :) Sorry, I know that seems impossible. But it seems to me like literally ANYTHING is better than dealing with your wife.

trpsavedme 9y ago

But it seems to me like literally ANYTHING is better than dealing with your wife

Ha! I agree, but it's different when you are sitting in the fire.

loveofnotes 9y ago

Still, why not just abandon?

AlphaAccountant 9y ago

She may be bipolar.

The reason you came on here and asked for advice is because you are sitting in the fire and you're male hamster is spinning.

loveofnotes 9y ago

I wish I could say, "I understand" but I have no idea what that's like. I do appologize if I've been insensitive (although I know this sub generally shuns apologies) but I have really just trying to be objective about your issues (and a little funny, at least I found myself humorous). Good luck. I hope you make it out!!!!

[deleted] 9y ago

how the fuck did it not come to your mind to use the pictures you have into blackmailing her? you can first threaten to show it to the children and let them know what a whore there mother is. after that you can still threaten to make them public and show them to her and your entire family plus telling the entire story.

also, go and find another woman. no matter what you do, at least fuck another woman.

loveofnotes 9y ago

If he shows those pics to his children he 1. Becomes a sex offender and 2. Destroys his relationship with his children because he villianizes their mother 3. Loses the respect of his children for getting cuckolded in the first place.

She knows he would never show the children. Showing her family and friends on the other hand...

trpsavedme 9y ago

Spot on. I am saving the pics for the right moment. It's a form of bad divorce currency and once that genie is out of the bottle it's never going back so I want to spend it wisely.

[deleted] 9y ago

[deleted]

trpsavedme 9y ago

I have kids and will not be abandoning them.

harkrank 9y ago

You will or you will not live.

[deleted] 9y ago

how old are your kids when you are 50? you and your story is bullshit.

-1

slater2j 9y ago

Make her get a job. It will be easier on the wallet after divorce.

trpsavedme 9y ago

I have already been pushing for her to get a job. I think she is liking the idea because it gets her a larger social circle.

slater2j 9y ago

Ok, we'll cutting up her credit cards will help the push.

[deleted] 9y ago

I have kept frame

i actually had to laugh. realy? you kept frame? she fucked NINE other men without your consent and you are still married.. no you actually plan to stay married to her after SHE FUCKED NINE OTHER MEN and you talk about keeping frame.

NeopolitanAfterglow 9y ago

It floors me how many people seem to think "holding frame" means avoiding confrontation at all costs.

MightyTaint 9y ago

There's been a ton of BBs and omegas lately being BBs and omegas and bragging about how they're "totally alpha bra"

-1

trpsavedme 9y ago

My thought process: A woman that will do that to me will have ZERO problems telling the police that I threatened her or pushed/shoved/choked her. Maintaining frame keeps me in the house, out of jail and near my kids.

MightyTaint 9y ago

TIL completely folding out of fear is "maintaining frame".

trpsavedme 9y ago

What would you suggest I do/say in the heat of the moment?

MightyTaint 9y ago

NOT completely folding.

-2

Smekiz 9y ago

Entirely unhelpful

[deleted] 9y ago

Sometimes there aren't any good choices - just less bad ones.

How did you handle your ugly divorce?

MightyTaint 9y ago

How did you handle your ugly divorce?

By never getting married.

-1

[deleted] 9y ago

So unless you have a time machine, that advice isn't going to help the OP. Recognizing when to fold a losing hand - or at least when not to push all your chips into the table - is critical. OP doesn't lose much by laying low and making deliberate plans.

MightyTaint 9y ago

I see. So because I was smart enough never to get married, I am too stupid to make a valid comment about someone who did. Makes perfect sense.

If you were to say to me "Sometimes it's wise to pick your battles." I would agree. But just because it can be wise to pick a battle, it doesn't mean someone avoiding a battle is being wise. The man's wife his fucking nine other dicks, and you're really going to go on about how wise he's being? You fucking think his choices have served him well so far? What are you even doing here?

-2

[deleted] 9y ago

ok you want to keep being a pathetic cuckold. what are you here for then?

-4

trpsavedme 9y ago

A pathetic cuckold that 1) has access to his kids, 2) lives in a nice house 3) drives a nice car.

VERSUS

See children every other weekend (can't afford to take them out) Can't afford the car Wife gets the house I will not have enough money to apply TRP to the lonely 40+ single women...

KyfhoMyoba 9y ago

I will not have enough money to apply TRP to the lonely 40+ single women...

FYI, frame and game don't cost much money. I'm so broke it's not even a joke. I live in a shitty efficiency in a really bad part of town. I also bang 4 plates just about every week with 2 more on a more or less monthly basis. Lowest is a HB6/10 up to a HB9/10.

MightyTaint 9y ago

You've already made up your mind to be a cuckold. WTF are you wasting all of our time for in "asking" for advice just to blow it all off and go with what you were going to do anyway?

exbp 9y ago

If she chooses not to reconcile the children might cramp her style anyway, push for at least 50% custody and I bet she doesn't fight hard, trade money for it if needed. The 40+ singles are dying to meet a decent guy who can hold down a job and be responsible^1. Your biggest problem will be sorting through the flock that comes your way.

^1 Q. What's the best pickup line for a 35 year old? A. "Hi"

[deleted] 9y ago

[deleted]

MightyTaint 9y ago

Yeah, OP doesn't understand that by folding, he's not preventing a worse fate, he's only encouraging it.

AnarchyBurger101 9y ago

See if you can convince the wife to do some amateur Bukake with those 9 guys, and let you film it, oh, 15-20 times. Market the videos on the internet in some foreign hellhole, say Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, and sock away the money in foreign bank accounts. Hey, if it never got to the US, the money never existed. :D

MightyTaint 9y ago

Is some 40 year old slag really going to rack in the big bucks? I fucking doubt it.

KyfhoMyoba 9y ago

IDK, MILF porn is pretty popular.

MightyTaint 9y ago

The "milfs" in milf porn are typically 23 year olds with bigger hips. The "teens" in teen porn are typically 23 year olds with slimmer hips.

Porn stars that are truly 40 years + are far and few between. There are some out there, and there are some whom I'm sure make a decent income. But they are far and few between. The ability to for any somewhat attractive 40 year old to just jump and and earn a good income, especially as an amateur, is unlikely.

rebuildingMyself 9y ago

It won't be long before her hamster realizes she can divorce-rape you, keep fucking other men in your house, and keep the kids. It's best you start preparing yourself for the inevitable.

exbp 9y ago

This, so much this. She'll realize you can provide beta bucks via alimony.

trpsavedme 9y ago

I keep wanting to think the best of her, but I read over and over that all women are like this.... fuck.

rebuildingMyself 9y ago

The best of her was wiped off nine dicks that weren't yours, friendo. Keep those nasty images in your head. Your anger will make you stronger

MightyTaint 9y ago

I keep wanting to think the best of her

Because her fucking nine guys without your approval means she deserves the benefit of the doubt?

trpsavedme 9y ago

No. It's the 20+ years of marriage that tugs at me.

MightyTaint 9y ago

Her betrayal after 20+ years of marriage should tug at you more. After all that, and she throws it away for some 20 year old herpes encrusted dick? She forces a situation where her children are going to be fatherless, and her husband whom she "loves" is going to be destitute, all because she wants to rail some waiter from Applebees? And you're not fucking mad? You are a fake poster. That is the only thing that makes sense.

[deleted] 9y ago

Yes, I asked you what you want here. Do you want our approval to be a pathetic excuse of a man and stay in that pile of shit you call marriage? Here you have it.

-1

Stories_of_Red 9y ago

This guy is either trolling or a hopeless cause. Every bit of sensible advice is met with "but I want to keep my Lexus" or "Yeah, I will just go out and bang hot chicks--I will show her!"

This is mountain-sized self-delusion. For a 50-year-old, out-of-shape, mentally-weak, Lexus-leasing, khaki-clad, soccer dad to think he is going to slay some strange on the side is, well, this is just not reality. His wife can get nailed 7 days a week on side, of course, because female. Some guy is always willing to have a go at a gal. But him? No hope.

He needs to get a divorce and clean up his act before he has any hope. His wife knows this full well, and is totally playing his insecurities and delusions.

Well, either that or this whole thing is fake.

MightyTaint 9y ago

either that or this whole thing is fake.

You're onto something here.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Sucks, but your right on most things.

Not fake. Buying not lease. Wife is a total MILF after hitting the gym every day and plastic surgery I work too much and went soft Mentally weak - I can't deny it

Your comment is hard, but true. Thanks.

needathrowawayplease 9y ago

His comment isn't useful in the least, and you only need useful advice, not pity or spite from internet warriors.

There's a lot of decent advice in this thread.

I think you should find a fuck buddy or girlfriend. You've already said that aside from the fact that she's stepping outside the marriage your life isn't so bad right? Nice job, nice car, good kids, everything's stable but she isn't being a loyal wife.

Well, find a loyal girlfriend who can give you that part of your life back.

It's not even about dread game (though it will do that). It's about finding what she used to give you (fidelity and respect) from someone else.

And yeah, to do that you might have to fuck a woman who hasn't had plastic surgery and been going to the gym everyday. But you know what? You can easily find dates as the older you get the easier the field is for men due to life expectancies and pure statistics. By the time you're 95 in a nursing home there are three women fighting for each guy. And from what it sounds like you have your shit together so you can actually pay for a glass of wine, etc.

Get in shape, start asking some women out, etc. And if you've made a true effort and it's not panning out in a few years then start dropping hundys on the escorts.

trpsavedme 9y ago

You've already said that aside from the fact that she's stepping outside the marriage your life isn't so bad right?

True.

Well, find a loyal girlfriend who can give you that part of your life back.

My wife suggested something along those lines, but I believe it was a false effort. I think she would be very upset if I actually did it, but I need to call her bluff.

needathrowawayplease 9y ago

She probably suggested it to you to make herself feel less guilty, but it doesn't matter whether she suggested it or not.

It's a good idea.

If you spend the time, money, attention you are investing in your wife on another woman, prepare for her to either 1) be jealous and have her mind fucked, in which case there are several different roads things could go down (some probably good, some probably bad, very hard to predict) or 2) not care, in which case you can have a mostly platonic marriage until your kids are no longer minors and alimony/CS changes and perhaps you end it then or perhaps not, but either way you can do so with your emotional health in tact.

I can't see a negative outcome from getting your emotional needs met elsewhere that isn't already a possible negative outcome from the status quo. But I can see lots of potential positive outcomes from you doing so.

AnarchyBurger101 9y ago

Oh no! Forget the girlfriend terminology. The woman is a "sex surrogate" or "relationship therapist". ;)

cascadecombo 9y ago

For one thing the "DO NOT GET MARRIED" is for each person to decide. You were weak and now here you are, you opened/let her open that can of worms. I do feel pity for you though. No one should have to go through that. Now, one option you do have is MAD, mutually assured destruction, or basically set everything up so that if she doesn't stop fucking around on you you torch everything you have so she gets nothing and has to fend for herself.

The big setback there is with your kids. That is not an easy choice to make, one I would not make I reckon. But you do have that option.

thenarrrowpath 9y ago

Start banging other women. Play her own game.

If she pushes for a divorce....

Sell off your assets and/or sign them away to your mother/father/sibling/trusted friend, either quit your job or ask for a pay decrease. I would squeeze her out. Sabotage your own boat (your income/assets) so when you sink she'll have nothing to scavenge for. If she could get a job and you quit yours, you may be able to get alimony from her!

trpsavedme 9y ago

Like many people that are in a 20+ year marriage - there is very little that is not jointly shared. We have even shared the same bank account for the last 15 years. Unfortunately, we have no financial secrets. I do have access to cash/savings and will start pulling money out of there.

jsalathe 9y ago

Borrow against your properties and siphon that off to, but to cash, not a bank or investment account. You can start putting some in offshore accounts like Cayman Islands or Switzerland. The problem here is that it is illegal and has the potential for prison if a trail is found. If you do this, take cash on the plane, no wire transfers.

trpsavedme 9y ago

I need to avoid the blatant illegal behavior. It's tempting but it will only make things worse.

harkrank 9y ago

No, you should do anything you can to save your life. Your life is on the line.

frequentlywrong 9y ago

If you need a place to park money in - buy rare gold coins. No paper trail, easy to hide and can store a lot of value in a small package. Plus they are actually a good investment in the current financial market. These guys can give you a lot of advice if you call them: http://www.usgoldcoins.com/

KyfhoMyoba 9y ago

Avoid 'rare' coins. The value of the rarity will go up much less than the raw metal will. A $100 1 oz silver coin has about an $80 premium over the melt value. If silver triples in price, the premium over melt will not triple, it will remain roughly the same, ergo, spend the premium on more metal.

frequentlywrong 9y ago

And where is that information from. I don't think you are correct at all.

trpsavedme 9y ago

checking it out. I pulled out $300 cash and will buy a little silver. I plan to do this every week. Any more and I may not be able to just explain it away. I will take out a couple thousand over spring break... anything that gives me an excuse to pull out cash I will take double and just act like I spent it.

harkrank 9y ago

Just buy gold bullion coins or bars, trust me. Accepted worldwide and small to carry. "Rare" coins come with a premium and you can only sell them to other fools if you find them, they're not investment.

You can't carry any significant wealth in silver on the airplane.

MoneyStatusLooks 9y ago

Definitely buy gold and silver. Funnel as much cash as you can get away with. Buy them in cash, leave no paper trail.

justskatedude 9y ago

How can you take cash on a plane? Anything over 10k is illegal and can be seized and they X-ray every bag.

harkrank 9y ago

No, shut the fuck up. Anything over 10k has to be DECLARED. You declare it, they shrug their shoulders and on you go.

justskatedude 9y ago

So I can have 25k in cash and as long as I declare it they won't ask why I have it, etc? In the USA it's illegal to have over 10k I heard.

harkrank 9y ago

What do you think they're gonna do once you've declared it? It is legal so they can't do anything. Say you're gonna buy a yacht. Or a house. And you're still wrong. It is perfectly legal to bring ANY amount of cash into the USA or out from the USA as long as you declare it. Look it up if you don't believe me.

And when he enters the next country he get's a little form to fill in where there is a check box for him bringing more than $10 000 (or the equivalent) into the other country. He ticks the box, gives the paper to the customs official, who doesn't care and on he goes.

justskatedude 9y ago

Ok but part of smuggling is not leaving a paper trail and you would be doing exactly that.

jsalathe 9y ago

smuggle. It's not that hard, or it didn't used to be. The last time I did it was pre-2001.

justskatedude 9y ago

How? A plane ticket to the caymans or Swiss would cost almost 2k and you can't bring more than 5-10k legally. Smuggling isn't that easy.

jsalathe 9y ago

When I did it, I had small bundles of $100s all in every pocket and my underwear. I took about $60k to Russia in one trip this way back in 1993.

[deleted] 9y ago

Grabbing all sorts of info from the replies, here is what I recommend:

Don't even talk about divorce to her. Do not let her see anything or any indication of divorce

Hide them assets.

Get her ass to work ASAP.

Delay the divorce: say you 'want to work it out.'

Delay the divorce pt 2: Try to delay it so a few kids are at legal age.

Monk mode

Spin up some plates after monk mode.

Basically, I think if you can change the playing field for now, it will help you in the future if you can delay the divorce. Two key points would her be working and getting a few of the kids out of the house. I think this will lessen the damage financially. Let's, face it; divorce IS GOING TO HAPPEN...you just need lessen the impact.

Good luck and keep us updated.
Disclaimer: I'm not an attorney. Don't take my advice.

EDIT: Formatting and added one line.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Great summary. The only thing I would add is to get myself in shape but I am guessing you just forgot. Seriously, I like the delay the divorce part.

[deleted] 9y ago

Monk mode is part of getting in shape.

I feel for you dude, hope everything works out. I'm married, but have a divorce back up plan ready whenever shit hits the fan. Thats not to say I won't get fucked, I just hope to lessen the fuck.

I'm in total agreement with DO NOT GET MARRIED advice.

trpsavedme 9y ago

A divorce back up plan is smart, but like you suggest the likelihood of getting fucked is high.

The longer you're married the more fucked you get.

If the wife quits her job to stay home with the kids - multiply fucked by 100

[deleted] 9y ago

Exactly. I'm fucked either way..I've come to accept that. Its just a shame I was a huge BB when I met my wife in college and still a BB up until about two years ago. Now, I've come a long since and regret my decision for marriage. I'd say the only thing about marriage that is worth it is my one and only child.

But that's not to say if I had a time machine I would go back in time and would never marry whatsoever.

Again, good luck.

secret_barber 9y ago

In our state her affairs will not be considered as grounds for any sort of punishment.

I have never heard of such a thing. You should be able to deny her alimony because of adultery. What fucking state is that? I would get more legal opinions.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Yep. Talk to an attorney or search for your state along with alimony and adultery. In my state adultery has no impact on alimony. Zip. Maybe why my wife is so free with the pics. That or her hamster is just running itself to death.

secret_barber 9y ago

What state are you in?

Tastysalad101 9y ago

I would end up killing her then myself if this was me.

Chaohinon 9y ago

This makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I've been burned pretty bad, but not "swinging" while my husband of nearly a quarter century pays the bills and raises the kids bad. Fuck.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Yeah... I never expected it. I guess I should not have let her get a bunch of plastic surgery. Looking back that ought to have been a warning sign.

locomotronn 9y ago

Man this really sucks for you, I am 19 but I am already thinking of vasectomy cause of shit like this..

What is OPs best option I am curious? He seems to not be able to move the money anywhere.

Wouldnt it be better to just spend all the money now and have the time of your life than lose it to her when you get a divorce? Not a fact just a question

MoneyStatusLooks 9y ago

Start funnelling as much money as possible in to gold coins or try and send some money offshore.

How are your assets tied up?

trpsavedme 9y ago

This has been a big recommendation today. Quite the eye-opener. Most of our assets is in real estate. We have a couple rental properties that are paid off, but in both our names. I have some cash savings that I will slowly bleed out - and either keep as cash or gold/silver. I am just not sure where to hide it.

harkrank 9y ago

Gold is not big, you can hide it.

fnordsnord 9y ago

Gym locker. Not nearly as secure as a safe-deposit box, but will not show up when a private investigator starts chasing your money.

trpsavedme 9y ago

I figures I can sock away $300 per week. It may raise her alarms a little, but I could swing it + more on any kind of vacation or holiday. Not sure I want that much sitting in a gym locker. But, it's a good idea for the beginning. Thanks!

fnordsnord 9y ago

Maybe a safe-deposit box in your name only (short term) and then, if things get bad, put in in a gym locker, with a friend, or in a hole someplace. Because lawyers and investigators can FIND those things.

KyfhoMyoba 9y ago

NEVER a safe deposit box. Try either the smallest storage locker you can rent or a large PO box, and just store it in there. Put some canceled stamps on it, of course.

fnordsnord 9y ago

I like that.

favours_of_the_moon 9y ago

She needs to do something to make it up to you.

What does she need to do to make it worth your while?

trpsavedme 9y ago

Ha! I have brought this up and she asked for a list. Everything I suggest she turns down. Her only suggestion is for me to take a hobby or something stupid. After reading all the comments - I am very screwed.

knotbot 9y ago

If you have excess body fat on you, you make sure she's cooking the right food for you at home, turning her daily efforts into you losing weight. (Without telling her this, of course.) Fat loss happens most efficiently if you're lifting and eating correctly. Note that I didn't say losing weight, because you'll probably put on a few pounds of total body weight. If she's feeding you (or if you're eating) lots of bread and other wheat/grain carbs, you need to cut that shit mostly out for at least a while. Eat about 0.75g to 1g protein per pound of your lean body weight per day. Don't shy away from including fats in your diet. (I'm being pretty brief here)

Make her "make things up to you" with a handful of household changes that help you improve yourself. Don't tell her that she's making it up to you like this, but do keep tabs on it and don't let her slip. It's the long game, so make her unknowingly help you get in shape to get out.

favours_of_the_moon 9y ago

Sounds like she thinks she's got you over a barrel.

Lyraless 9y ago

Don't know how legal stuff work in your country but here what I would do. Cut the funds, cut the freakin funds. I mean she is a stay at home mom. You have full control over the money and from what I get it's why she is keeping you around. If you don't want to give her she won't get anything. And then if she is the one asking for divorce you can claim that she was cheating and ask the custody of the kids. She should get nothing that way.

Wrong_Opinion 9y ago

Have you considered leaving the country?

trpsavedme 9y ago

No. I have children.

blarggggggggggg 9y ago

Child support and alimony won't last forever. It is completely worth it to sacrifice your personal financial well being for 7-10 years for a chance at happiness for the remainder of your life. Why be unhappy forever, just to live in a big house with a Lexus? Just to afford the latest smartphone and all the cable channels in the world?

Material wealth and possessions are not the be all end all of existence. Get the fuck out of this toxic relationship, do the best you can by your kids, and invest into yourself - eat well, exercise and stay (get?) fit and healthy so you are best able to enjoy the future.

Get a cheap studio apartment, go into monk mode and do some serious study of stoicism and general self-improvement.

jcrpta 9y ago

Get yourself Athol Kay's books and work on your MAP.

The idea is you improve yourself to the point whereby your wife has a simple choice staring her in the face - shape up or ship out. And if she ships out, you will be in a much stronger position to find someone else.

trpsavedme 9y ago

OK. Some great ideas. I do have access to cash investments. I can siphon that off into a hole in the ground.

Use our living expense money to buy a nice escort. Heck, I can do that every week. I think she will divorce me if I do that but I can't live like this so I may as well go out swinging.

harkrank 9y ago

How much can you get within the week if you get everything in cash and sell the Lexus? You are about to disappear now. If you follow my advice you will escape hell. You know hell like that imaginary land from the Bible? It is not like that, it is real and you are there. I'm not speaking figuratively. I hope my words can reach down to you and help you escape. You need to be on an airplane already when she starts to wonder where you are.

[deleted] 9y ago

Remember that a divorce filing usually comes with a financial restraining order against both parties that prevents (in theory) shenanigans with mutual finances. And right now all your finances are mutual. Once your divorce is final, maybe you come into some cash some how.

I'm just saying.

Seeding this post with misinformation (to prevent doxxing of course) and deleting this reddit account (to prevent doxxing of course) would be smart things to do as well.

[deleted] 9y ago

Build up good will with your kids now.

Remember to delete this post, delete this account, your search history. Delete and destroy any evidence that you're trying 'cheat her' financially. Good luck.

Dark397 9y ago

My friend, a lot of great advice in the comments. Also look into some good asset protection lawyers, they could guide you how to set your existing wealth in a manner that reduces her chances of fucking you up.

[deleted] 9y ago

Bare minimum:

1: Separate bank accounts. Don't wake up one day to discover your ~~wife~~ roommate cleaned out the accounts and cashed out your retirement.

2: Build a bug out bag. Hide it at your office, hide it in your garage, bury it somewhere, I don't know. It'll have some basic necessities- any life-critical medication you may need, clean clothes, some cash money, ect- for if shit hits the fan and your wife feels particularly empowered one day and just kicks you out.

Some more:

1: Unless you simply cannot live with your roommate to the point that things are violent and you descend into shouting matches, I advise you to not divorce her, only as a point of interest for the kid's well being. The post script no one talks about when they say that kids are statistically better off with divorced parents than if their parents are together is when they're talking about mutually abusive relationships. There are no favorable statistics associated with kids raised in one-parent households, its only advantageous as a point of being less bad than with two parents who don't know how to deal with each other.

2: If you have any reason to believe your roommate is demonstrating abusive behavior, start documenting all of it. You may even want to consider bugging your house (not your bedroom) to document it. Assume that if you can't document it, it never happened so far as a court is concerned, even if she won't necessarily be held to that same standard.

slurmfactory 9y ago

That sounds awful but to each his own. how is that a marriage?

thelotusknyte 9y ago

What would happen if you just didn't pay? Would you go to jail?

oldredder 9y ago

not even an option: any money says a judge can have your wages garnished at the source so you'll never see the money to not pay.

thelotusknyte 9y ago

OK I see that, what's your profession/skill?

Edit: cuz I got an idea

oldredder 9y ago

I've had many professions and many skills. I don't disclose them at all, normally, because there's no benefit to me to do so and also it has no relevance to these comments.

If you have any doubts about the comments go check with a divorce lawyer.

thelotusknyte 9y ago

Jesus dude. I was going to suggest you just leave the country and was going to recommend a country based upon what your answer is. I'm a financial advisor and help a lot of my clients invest in companies in different countries depending on the industry etc. I know you're in a tough spot with what you're going throuvh, but am I right you came on here to get advice?

If you left the country then it would be difficult if not impossible for a judge to force any kind of wage garnishment.

Edit: and what's with the many professions and many skills bullshit you don't disclose. This is Reddit.

oldredder 9y ago

No, you're wrong: I didn't come here to get any advice. I'm not in a tough spot. I don't know how you decided that was the case.

Are you replying to the wrong person?

If a man leaves the country his assets will be left behind or seized before he leaves. This shit gets locked down tight. You can't carry a house with you, you have to sell it & before you leave those assets can be seized.

If you immigrate for good there's an exit tax you'll pay too. The IRS will take a huge amount of those assets regardless of divorce for America. Not sure for my country, Canada, since I haven't tried to do it.

And I don't disclose because this is reddit. Only idiots treat everything online as safe & anonymous. ONE of my skills is computer security and I know for a fact the precise intersections of time+info I disclose that would doxx me and I will not do it.

Seeing how all this plays out for many men has shown me enough that I don't share assets, my home with anyone, I will never be married and when someone else I followed on Youtube got the divorce for cash & prizes by his wife, he transferred all his cash as bitcoin and went to Chile and never returned. The bitch got nothing but the physical objects nearby, but also his children.

IF a judge decides you got out with assets and the country has extradition you can be arrested and returned to your home country and now you're garnished/IMPRISONED. That I know of Chile won't do that to this man who escaped Toronto and his bitch ex-wife who would financially destroy him for no good reason but her entertainment at getting free cash.

I'm not ever going to face this problem. I know the wise choice is no marriage, no debt, no room-mates, no live-in girlfriend, no online profiles for people to stalk, no nonsensical risks.

thelotusknyte 9y ago

Well shit. My bad, this whole time I thought you were OP for some reason.

Edit: but philosophically I don't think my idea is as dead end as you say. Plan ahead, open an offshore account in Chile or something, start selling things in general, THEN leave.

oldredder 9y ago

That requires a slow-stage divorce of your own means instead of on her call. You won't get that luxury.

I'll avoid the marriage in the first place.

thelotusknyte 9y ago

True, but it seems like that might be an option in OP's case.

oldredder 9y ago

fails for just about everyone but if you insist, do what you can.

TitsAndWhiskey 9y ago

Sent you a message, but I just wanted to float one particular idea out to the community at large.

One thing that can save your ass on alimony (and possibly help with CS) is if she manages to snag herself another provider. It's very difficult to directly engineer such a thing, but if she really is as good looking as you claim, maybe there's some way to encourage another BB to take her off your hands. Decrease your value as a provider while he increases his in her eyes. Let the branch swing happen.

Just a thought

trpsavedme 9y ago

It's a good plan, but she only hooks up with younger guys. 12 to 15 years younger! Only young single men that are good looking.

It's very unlikely any one of them will want a LTR with her + kids.

TitsAndWhiskey 9y ago

Is she still of child-bearing age?

trpsavedme 9y ago

Not really.

The-Pussy-Whisperer 9y ago

Shit like that makes a man research hit men on onion sites.

[deleted] 9y ago

You need to get divorced. Your wife is abusing you mentally which is just as bad as physical abuse. Get out and start the healing process.

lakingscrzy 9y ago

Go for a legal separation, not a full dissolution of marriage. Create a life away from her. Go find new pussy, rebuild yourself. She has you by the purse strings, if you leave she'll get the kids and suck on your alimony. Talk to one of those attorneys about getting your own place and setting up shop. Maybe she'll be stupid enough to bring around one of her cocks while the kids are home and you can use it in court to show she is inviting strange men around the house and putting your kids at risk, making you look like the more responsible one. Women are often favored in court, but many superior court judges are wising up to female bullshit and giving fathers more rights.

You need to start right now doing everything you can to show that all you care about is the wellbeing of your children. If she goes out to party document it, if she leaves them alone document it, if she brings over cock document it, if she gets liquored up document it. Spend as much time with your kids as you can. Spend all your free time not spent working or lifting with them. Take them places. Be the dad of the fucking century. But DO NOT attempt to keep them away from your wife. Judges fucking loathe parents who attempt to estrange children from the other parent.

She is the one ruining the bond between you two, she is the one who doesn't love daddy anymore and always wants "new friends", she's the one more concerned about being a cum dumpster than holding her family together. You are the fucking father, you are the man. You will put your foot down and slash the throat (metaphorically) of anybody who attempts to harm your family.

jupc 9y ago

The only difference between a legal separation and divorce is that a legally separated person is not free to remarry. All the property division, spousal and child support is ordered by the court.

lakingscrzy 9y ago

The point is for him to leave without actually upsetting the current financial balance of things. Truth be told his wife will cost less currently as his wife than as an ex wife. Right now he only pays to keep her alive with what she and the kids need, alimony and child support is going to give her way more budget than she spends now. So if he keeps paying the mortgage and buying groceries while renting an apartment there's no reason to split community property, unless she decides to file for the divorce. AFAIK legal separation places a bookmark so to speak on community property and marks a date of separation in case OP hits the lottery afterwards or something.

Regardless, my advice was just for OP to begin demonstrating his awesome single dad skills while the wife demonstrates her slutty single mom skills for the inevitable court date.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Excellent advice. Unfortunately, she only does the guys during the day when kids are at school or on the weekend. Moving out seems like a good starting point.

jupc 9y ago

Do not move out until the court makes an order about the marital residence.

KyfhoMyoba 9y ago

Never, EVER move out!!!! It is considered abandoning the marital home. It probably has ramifications for child custody, as well. I am not a lawyer.

lakingscrzy 9y ago

Starting today she is no longer your concern. Every cock she takes is another nail in the coffin of your marriage. The only thing you care about is your kids. By the way. Just some advice. If and when you have a court date. Never say "my kids" always "our children". You want to look like the one who gave a shit while she fucked around, you tried to hold it together. You don't hate her, or want to take the kids away, you just don't feel her new lifestyle is healthy for the children to be exposed to. Father of the century!

[deleted] 9y ago

Wife cheating - is it worth a divorce?

Yes. Didn't even need to read your post.

Forget emotions, forget time invested in this relationship. Think logically about it.

BhiQ 9y ago

Financially is logically.

I would rather have a cheating wife (being able to fuck around as well) while being well of financially than get the divorce, work as her wage slave (in return having less chances at getting laid because more work and less money) while also giving her the chance at finding another provider in the meantime.

If he stays with her for ~10 years until the kids are 18 she gets squat and will drop from the luxurious lifestyle that OP is providing her into nothingness. Bonus points if he doesn't indicate he's planning to get divorced just play the long con, say everything is fine, let her fuck around as she wants and then have her drop into instant poverty on the 18th birthday of the youngest child.

TitsAndWhiskey 9y ago

If he stays with her for ~10 years until the kids are 18 she gets squat and will drop from the luxurious lifestyle that OP is providing her into nothingness.

She will get alimony. Most likely permanent at that point. Best thing he can do is the long con. Start hiding assets, lose the job, get her working. Make it look like tough financial times on paper.

You have to be smart about it, and you have to be a good liar. And it will take time.

BhiQ 9y ago

Why does she get money if she isn't raising kids with it? That one's new to me.

jcrpta 9y ago

Depending on where you are on the world, there are two financial elements involved in a divorce.

The first is child support. Obviously she only gets that if there are kids.

The second is alimony. This has nothing to do with kids; it's arguably a throwback to a hundred years ago when a divorced woman would be unlikely to be able to remarry, couldn't work because women simply didn't work and there was no such thing as social security. I understand alimony quite often ceases when the woman remarries, but frankly this woman doesn't sound like she's going to remarry any time soon.

TitsAndWhiskey 9y ago

Because that's how it is in a lot of places.

Honestly, I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through a divorce should be weighing in on that option here.

AnarchyBurger101 9y ago

Maybe go off on a trip to "find yourself" say, Thailand, Australia, Argentina, Peru, and maybe forget to come back home at some point. Oh yeah, and clean out the bank account on the day that you leave. :D

It's an EXTREME pain in the ass for someone to divorce you for abandonment when you're out of the country. And even worse, to determine alimony payments, child support, or serve a summons to appear when someone is in a jungle teaching dink dinks to build solar arrays, and digital communication networks and has no verifiable source of income, or proof of life for that matter. :D

GenericallyEpic 9y ago

You're fucked beyond hope for the next decade. Start hitting the gym as hard as possible. Acquire a hobby that improves yourself, raises your happiness, and keeps your mind off this shit. Get all your assets in order. Try to sell what you can that could go to her in a divorce. Get evidence against anything she could throw in court, like hitting, raping, etc. God help you if you got a joint bank account. You're worse than nine other men to her. She settled for a cuckolded beta buck at this point. You pay the bills, raise the kids, and she still is getting to fuck alphas. Have you gotten a DNA test on your kids? It's better if they aren't yours at this point. Get some fucking value. when you're better than the other guys, then you start playing the dredge game. Fuck other women. Deny her sex. Stop being her time, money, and effort slut.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Fuck other women. Deny her sex.

I love this idea. She still wants safe married sex from me. Sometimes I struggle to perform with the thought of another mans cum running out her mouth (got the pics). She complains hard that I deny her... this may be the best idea yet.

GenericallyEpic 9y ago

Holy hell, you got the pics... Do you also have a picture of your nuts from when they were still there? Joking aside, it is a real shame infidelity doesn't matter in court for your case. As for fucking other women, don't commit to this idea until you have value. She has better options right now and you threatening to leave is giving her those options that she wants. All women (including animals) are constantly looking to trade up. Deny her those options by being better than what she can get. Then when you are better than at least those nine other guys, fuck women that are better than her. If she is insecure about some physical quality she has, make sure the women you fuck have those. Like if she is concerned about her age, fuck younger women. Concerned about her breasts being too small, fuck busty women. Etc. Fuck other women to prove to yourself pussy is cheap, to make her attracted to your ability to get women, and to make her jealous. Here's some links for improving your value in general: http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/book_of_pook.pdf
https://archive.org/details/pdfy-5tT5K_Bq4yydcE4V
http://www.muscleandstrength.com/workouts/jason-blaha-ice-cream-fitness-5x5-novice-workout

As for your performance issues, this will help you perform. http://www.pdf-archive.com/2014/06/11/daniel-rose-sex-god-method/daniel-rose-sex-god-method.pdf If you want the cheating option, drink a "Sip N'Syrup" or "Purple Stuff." With the drinks, it's cheaper and you won't cum for about 2 hours (you will be softer than normal, but enough to perform). One method to making her love you again is through her pussy.

For your financial situation: http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2wtsri/self_made_millionaire_in_3_years_part_1/ see this man's posts. Try to take care of it underneath your wife's nose while you still have cash and credit. Try to also make some smart investments in stock.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Whoa! Great response. The only guys she fucks are dudes that are 24 to 29 years old. It's not easy for me to compete with age, but I can't get my body back into shape. Also, the young guys only want her because she is a MILF. They will not be willing to stick around. So I do have that going for me.

I see my steps as:

start putting cash away.
get into shape
dread game

GenericallyEpic 9y ago

Yes, you can get into shape. Stop making excuses. Get a personal trainer to teach you the basics, when you perfect your form go off on your own. Hell, boxing will give you a hobby, get you in lean shape, give you a goal, and it isn't boring. Devote one hour every couple days. Give it 4 to 6 months and you will see improvement. You don't need to be ripped, just be better than your average fitness for your age. But yeah, those are the basic steps. But make sure your value is high before dread game. Also, learn your judgement better because your taking advice from some random geek you meet on the internet. By the time you complete the second step, you need to take charge and plan your own life.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Thanks, GenericallyEpic. I certainly pick and choose what advice I follow. You're does make good sense.

GenericallyEpic 9y ago

No problem, but you look like you want validation from me. You fully swallowed the pill? You shouldn't give a fuck about anyone's opinion who can't increase your value. Read the side bar and visit the trp married subreddit too.

As for "I do have [commitment] going for me," no, you don't. The more committed you are, the less attracted she is. They fuck an uncommitted cum dumpster without investing time or money. You're fucked, committed, sexually frustrated, and have wasted your time and money for her cum guzzling lifestyle. There's a clear winner here.

You are right in that she won't immediately leave you: women never trade down in lifestyle and prefer upgrades over age. For example, I'm 25 and if I fucked your wife and wanted her to leave you, she won't. You have a job, I'd be lucky to get an unpaid intern position. However, if I inherited my family's wealth and homes, you can bet your kids that she'd instantly leave you. This is why you need hobbies, value (dredge game), fitness, and cash outside of your family and job. This prepares your state of mind emotions, self-worth, and wallet against the devastating effects of a divorce, and lowers your risk an early divorce rape before you become self sufficient. (Make sure you delete your history of this.)

KyfhoMyoba 9y ago

There's a clear winner here.

And it isn't OP.

(dredge game)

I think he means Dread Game.

GenericallyEpic 9y ago

Exactly the implication I was going for.

[deleted] 9y ago

[deleted]

trpsavedme 9y ago

I appreciate the sound advice. I have been taking notes from the best responses.

BiggestDickInTheRoom 9y ago

You can look at relocating away from a no-fault divorce jurisdiction.

KyfhoMyoba 9y ago

Not in the USA. All states are no-fault. Nine are community property, LA, TX, AZ, NM, NV, CA, WA, ID, WI.

cascadecombo 9y ago

The big setback there is with your kids. That is not an easy choice to make, one I would not make I reckon. But you do have that option.

trpsavedme 9y ago

You nailed my feeling... I want to spend or wreck our finances so that she can't walk away with everything. Yet... that would also hurt my children so I won't be doing it.

alpha_n3rd 9y ago

Wait till the kids turn 18 then skip country

knotbot 9y ago

Remember guys, get your passport BEFORE you're behind in child support. The Dept of State can't deny you a passport for back taxes, but they can deny you a new or renewal passport if you are behind in your kid payments.

masterrod 9y ago

You had 24 years of marriage, and your wife got bored basically. She may have even said to her self, "Is this all that there is" too many times.

She was probably upset that you guys decided to swing, but you weren't willing to fuck another lady. So she was just being the man in the relationship since you wouldn't be. It is possible that she wanted to feel something, by watching you sleep with another lady. The reason this matters is because she agreed to fuck other people but you didn't. So how can she trust you to be man? Or more importantly trust any feeling she has for you? I also doubt this is the first time this has happened.

There's really not aren't a lot reasons to get divorced from you story, unless she's asking for it and you can't handle he handle her sleeping with other men. Especially, since you tacitly were ok with "cheating" to begin with. So it's really hard to say you should just divorce her over doing something you agreed to doing.

I think the best thing to do is to reconnect with your life purpose, and work on your self for some time. Maybe consider a separation. Your story makes me feel like you've lost your way a little bit. And it's understandable. There's nothing to be ashamed of about this. Do your duty as a father, and then try to reconnect with her when you feel stronger. Contrary, to what you might believe 24yr bond isn't going to just going evaporate. I'm sorry this is not a reason not to get married.

trpsavedme 9y ago

I ended the swinging stuff when I engaged TRP. She brought it back up many months later and can't seem to let go of it.

masterrod 9y ago

She's just missing that feeling. The fact is she's telling you, that's a good sign. I can't tell you what to do, but I suggest working on yourself.

[deleted] 9y ago

[deleted]

Cacciaguida 9y ago

this is a last resort option but it should be pointed out.

If he's Canadian and in Ontario this is what he should be doing, the family courts there will turn any man into a mess.

aboveaveragebabydick 9y ago

Never get married. Heard that. Thanks for sharing your story, jesus christ we live in a fucked up society.

trpsavedme 9y ago

we live in a fucked up society

Yep. Her hamster is running 1000 MPH. She feels justified in all her actions.

exbp 9y ago

The parallels between this and drug addicts are not a coincidence. You're dealing with someone who's gotten high over and over again without you. At this point she might even believe that only a new man can provide the excitement, so no one guy will ever keep her going.

trpsavedme 9y ago

This is a very good point.

NeopolitanAfterglow 9y ago

Sometimes a person's sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others. That appears to be the case here.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Fuck.

BrunoOh 9y ago

For what it's worth, we do feel for you. Take some solace that by posting this you may have prevented something like this happening to someone else.

brandor77 9y ago

Nothing is worth the humiliating hell you are going through. I suspect you are only doing it for the kids at this point, but this is a time you have to think about yourself. You aren't doing them any favors as a role model right now.

The best thing you can do is get out of there. Chances are when you get out of the situation and have some time to think, the answer will be as clear to you as it is to us internet strangers.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Thanks. I am thinking I need to get out, but losing access to my kids and having a much lower standard of living is tough.

I am approaching 50... If there are any younger guys reading this - DO NOT GET MARRIED. If you want children... you're screwed.

myrpaccount 9y ago

Why would you lose access to your kids? Where are you located? Fathers have a decent shot at 50/50 custody these days in many states. Go for custody of your kids and the child support won't be as bad. Also shop your attorney. You want the best there is, every penny you spend on a top end attorney will be saved 10 fold in the settlement.

Make sure you don't blackmail here with the evidence as it's illegal. I would start the divorce proceedings and if she starts to be a complete bitch and says bad things about you, send a copy of the evidence to her family and best friends.

TattedGuyser 9y ago

Dunno what state/country you're in, but gather evidence of her infidelity. Might just be the edge you need to come out ahead.

Stayinghereforreal 9y ago

but gather evidence of her infidelity

No fault. Courts don't give a damn.

trpsavedme 9y ago

In my state infidelity is not considered when it comes to financial settlement. That's why I went to a second attorney. Good news is I could also cheat, but that's not what I am looking for.

KyfhoMyoba 9y ago

My wife suggested something along those lines, but I believe it was a false effort. I think she would be very upset if I actually did it, but I need to call her bluff.

OP, I have seen many posts either in TRP or elsewhere on reddit from guys in similar situations - the relationship is opened, the wife of course gets tons and tons of male attention and the husband is left holding his dick. However, as soon as the guy starts to get a little action, or even interest from another woman, the wife goes nuts and comes up with all kinds of reasons why he shouldn't get any strange. As anyone who has ingested TRP knows, this is classic Dread Game. Here's a great example of how it goes right: http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=519110.0;wap2 I understand that this won't happen for you - your wife is too far gone, but that is the dynamic you're looking for.

I started going to the gym recently and it did get her attention. I think if I upped the dread game either she would quit or I would get laid.

You're goddam right. This is the smartest, most Red Pill advice on this thread. OP, you need to study Dread Game. Search the posts of /u/BluePillProfessor, also, get on over to /r/marriedredpill. Dread Game is at its core self-improvement.

Deny her those options by being better than what she can get. Then when you are better than at least those nine other guys, fuck women that are better than her. If she is insecure about some physical quality she has, make sure the women you fuck have those. Like if she is concerned about her age, fuck younger women. Concerned about her breasts being too small, fuck busty women. Etc. Fuck other women to prove to yourself pussy is cheap, to make her attracted to your ability to get women, and to make her jealous.

Look. Your marriage - as you knew it - is over. All your focus and attention should be on how you will live your life NOW, not in the past. Forget about that.

When I would tell her how bad her fucking hurt me (without whining too much) she would fuck me raw. THAT became almost an addiction. She would say anything and do anything.... ATM? Yep. Nothing was off limits.

The good news is that she'll probably go back to that once you alpha up - which means that you will be demoting your wife to the status of plate.

Everything I suggest she turns down. Her only suggestion is for me to take a hobby or something stupid.

You are trying to negotiate desire. This cannot be done. Women talk, men do. Demonstrate, don't explicate. Do you read therationalmale.com? I recommend reading every post AND every comment. It'll take a while, but the knowledge is invaluable. (don't give up gym time for it, though)

trpsavedme 9y ago

One of the best responses. Thanks! I had been using the gym at work but just asked me wife to add me to her gym membership. She is all jumpy about it. LOL

KyfhoMyoba 9y ago

She is all jumpy about it

She doesn't want you to watch her hit on some random stud. It might look pathetic when she gets rejected. Guys can handle this, women, meh, not so much.

After sleeping on it, I want to add to my previous advice and analysis. I strongly suspect that it will be very, very difficult for you to divorce and keep much of your assets or time with your kids (which you've made clear trump all). Accepting what you cannot change may be difficult, but there is also a silver lining. Since your eventually-ex-wife has irretrievably damaged your marriage, you are, of course, allowed to find someone else, even several someone elses. Start now. Why the delay? I also think that you should continue to fuck your wife. She's physically attractive, isn't she? Use her for practice after reading Daniel Rose's Sex God Method. You don't have to kiss the mouth that's had a dozen other guys cum in it, you don't have to give her cuddles, you don't have to listen to her stupid problems, just fuck her, and fuck her selfishly. Apparently she likes it like that. This is how you treat a plate, which is the status she demoted herself to.

How do you suppose she will respond when you stay out all night with a 'friend'?

EDIT: I also agree 10000% with the counsel of /u/needathrowawayplease, especially in the analysis of how each option will break down.

Stay friendly, fuck your wife, fuck other women, hide money, and wait for the youngest to turn 18.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Stay friendly, fuck your wife, fuck other women, hide money, and wait for the youngest to turn 18.

Great positive advice. I have already begun.

rp_aware 9y ago

I would say you have an opportunity here to basically do what she's doing. Keep the marriage together, hit the gym, and go find your 9 lays in the next 4 months.

Edit: further to that, you'll be creating dread and competition anxiety. It may bring her into line.

trpsavedme 9y ago

It may bring her into line.

I started going to the gym recently and it did get her attention. I think if I upped the dread game either she would quit or I would get laid.

Bronze_Bound 9y ago

Cheat her financially but delete all evidence of doing so. Delete this Reddit account after you do.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Never. I would never cheat her from even a penny. I believe she was a good mother - horrible wife. But I will never hold back a penny.

fnordsnord 9y ago

You should still have control over the process. Because she WILL cheat you. When she decides SHE's ready to divorce, you won't believe it.

She'll clean out all your accounts she has access to. She will leave the state with your children.

I had a buddy of mine come back from a business trip to find that his wife had emptied the accounts, left the state with his children, and taken all of the furniture with her.

Put your savings someplace where she can't touch them, preferably without her finding out they have moved.

RiseAboveRuin 9y ago

While your situation saddens me, this is a story of personal growth and success. You have crushed the inner beta and turned your life around. I love what /u/Terminal-Psychosis said and I don't think it would be too hard to do. Start going to the gym 5x a week. Do a normal bodybuilding routine. Workout with 110% intensity and eat at least 200g of protein each day[this is extremely over simplified I know, I've been a personal trainer for 4+ years though so if you need guidance just send me a PM]. If you aren't getting dates now you certainly will be in a years time. Stay strong brother. And for gods sakes separate yourself from that poisonous woman. If not with a divorce at least separate rooms or houses for sure.

crazydave1979 9y ago

Are you sure you can't get partial custody or even full custody?? I've seen co workers pull it off.. Might be surprised what men can do if they actually fight for it

trpsavedme 9y ago

Yes, I can have shared custody, but it's a near certainty that the kids will live with her. I am, after all, the only one working.

crazydave1979 9y ago

that doesn't always matter, and most courts give you credit for time they spend with you, and for you carrying health insurance. Going for full custody on the grounds she can't take care of them is an option..

Lets look at her reality shall we?? She thinks she holds all the cards, BUT she doesn't work!! They can only garish a certain amount of your wages, and even with support and alimony she will be unable to maintain her current lifestyle without getting a job herself (lol, so much for you being the only one working huh)

As she works your alimony goes down, if she gets remarried (if she finds someone dumb enough), then your alimony goes away.. If she has to work two jobs to make up the extra income then who has more time to parent??

My friend is going through a divorce and he keeps going on about financial ruin, but I don't think you married men understand just how cheaply you can live without someone else touching your money. I left my McMansion last year and moved into a nice condo that I paid cash for, cheap as hell in comparision.

TitsAndWhiskey 9y ago

It really doesn't work that way. If the court feels that a mother can't provide for her children, they simply take more from the man. End of story. The only way you can get custody is if she agrees, or you can PROVE she is a legitimate danger - DUI with kids in the car, drug use, severe negligence, etc.

However, you are correct about mitigating financial damage. I drive a 10-year-old car. I live in an apartment. I pay a lot in alimony and child support. I have some expensive habits. But it's still a hell of a lot cheaper than my ex-wife.

crazydave1979 9y ago

Hmmm, I guess it depends on the state. I know in some states when the child gets 12 years old they can choose who they want to live with.

I'm glad I live where alimony seems extremely rare, I've only known one guy stuck with it, and it was only for a few years to give her time to find a job.

TitsAndWhiskey 9y ago

Depends on the state and the circumstances. But yeah. It's real.

puamua 9y ago

http://counsellingresource.com/features/2011/11/08/gaslighting/

http://mind-hacks.wonderhowto.com/how-to/gaslighting-101-turn-peoples-own-thoughts-against-them-0154973/

http://remycarreiro.com/the-art-of-gaslighting-or-how-i-learned-to-love-driving-someone-insane/

She wants a war, give her a war.

NSA_web_spider 9y ago

You will be amazed how fast 7 years goes by.

Maikumizu 9y ago

After reading everything in here...

She won't stop fucking other guys and you're not okay with that, Both parties can fuck other people and not be grounds for financial settlement, you have money.

She's going to fuck you financially anyways. Withdraw some cash and hit up the clubs/bars and find a 30 something wanting to get with a rich dude in a Lexus. It's still your money, and you need it now.

Neuermann 9y ago

What would happen if he started blowing through his money? Not completely, but just spending more of it on going out and living it up? Would that make the alimony payments less? (Less money, less income, less to take?)

Like you said, if he is going to lose it, why not lose it himself rather than her stealing it?

trpsavedme 9y ago

I am starting to see the wisdom in this plan. I am not rich. A Lexus is only $15k more expensive than a Ford.

Maikumizu 9y ago

They don't know that and they don't care. You're not a 20 year old driving a 25 year old civic.

trpsavedme 9y ago

True. I need to think more TRP.

Maikumizu 9y ago

Top of the dickchain bro. Something from past beta you clicked something off in her head. Forget about whether or not you're going to get fucked now or later and talk with your lawyers to find the easiest way out. Your planning has to be revolving around recovery at this point. You see the only door to take, walk through it and accept that the next 10 years is going to suck financially, your goal is to make it suck less by making more or doing the most to protect what you have.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Thanks. Good advice.

AlphaAccountant 9y ago

I'm not sure how feasible this is.

What about waiting till the kids are taken care of and leaving the country?

You obviously need to have some money put away. And skills that are easily employable elsewhere. But basically, your pre-retirement could be in a jurisdiction that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the USA.

The big negative here are that you most likely won't be able to ever come back, and see your kids. But it's an option worth thinking about. Especially if you can ruin your wife's reputation, your children may be open to accepting the truth and keeping contact/coming to visit you from time to time.

autowikibot 9y ago

Extradition law in the United States:

Extradition law in the United States is the formal process by which a fugitive found in the United States is surrendered to another country or state for trial or punishment. For foreign countries the process is regulated by treaty and conducted between the Federal Government of the United States and the government of a foreign country. The process is considerably different from interstate extradition, or interstate rendition, as mandated by Article 4, Section 2, Clause 2 of the United States Constitution.

====

Image ^(i)

^Interesting: ^Extradition ^| ^Political ^offence ^exception ^| ^Extradition ^law ^in ^the ^Philippines ^| ^Harok ^family ^murder

^Parent ^commenter ^can [^toggle ^NSFW](/message/compose?to=autowikibot&subject=AutoWikibot NSFW toggle&message=%2Btoggle-nsfw+couxwsf) ^or [^delete](/message/compose?to=autowikibot&subject=AutoWikibot Deletion&message=%2Bdelete+couxwsf)^. ^Will ^also ^delete ^on ^comment ^score ^of ^-1 ^or ^less. ^| ^(FAQs) ^| ^Mods ^| ^Magic ^Words

randarrow 9y ago

You can't win a messy divorce, but you can make sure she doesn't win either. Start shutting down your life before the divorce. You going to lose the nice car? Lose it now. You going to lose the nice house? Lose it now. You doing to lose the job? Lose it now. You going to lose the 401k? Lose it now. Get happy in your new found lower-income, but drag her down with you.

She can't get blood from a turnip. If you resume the nice lifestyle later, she can take you back to court. But, she will have to fix her life first. Better to lose everything and start from scratch now, rather than later.

Usual advice applies: hit the gym, record everything, get a witness, lawyer up, do not leave the house until divorce is final, don't let her leave the house with the kids (get a court order to keep them here, remember this will trap you too).

[deleted] 9y ago

[deleted]

trpsavedme 9y ago

The thing is other than her fucking around - she is a good mom. I am not going to catch her doing anything wrong by the kids. She likes riding the CC and she feels that after I opened her up to it that she is entitled.

Plan:

continue to hide money
get back into shape
be better than the other guys (if possible)
dread game
fuck other women. pay for it if necessary
stay married as long as possible

MightyTaint 9y ago

after I opened her up to it that she is entitled

So you're the one who first suggested she have sex with other people?

oldredder 9y ago

The longer you stay the worse it will get. May as well get out now.

I can only say swinging can't lead to a reliable marriage.

OR... you can give zero shits about her, act like there is no marriage and fuck all the women you want, even in front of her because she deserves no respect whatsoever.

C00l_Guy 9y ago

Wow, you are honestly either the most pathetic person in existence or this is another troll story. It reads too much like a comic book to be real.

Honestly if this was real I'd kill her and the children be damned they probably aren't yours anyway.

-1

whoops_fap 9y ago

Why can't you buy a bunch of merchandise that won't lose its value, hoard it, get divorced, then sell that shit? Isn't this basically like laundering the money (while taking a pretty big hit) but still not nearly as bad as losing HALF of your shit in a divorce.

trpsavedme 9y ago

I am going to do just that. Buying gold and silver is tops on my list.

MightyTaint 9y ago

Make sure to announce it publicly at every opportunity!

praiseth3sun 9y ago

Financially, start moving your assets. Get your shit ready for a divorce, because she might be thinking the same thing too. You're going to take a financial hit either way, either paying for her lifestyle with your money and time, or alimony and child support. It's up to you which is more humiliating.

trpsavedme 9y ago

Hard to move assets since most of our investments are in real estate. About the only thing that brings smile to my face is to get fired before the divorce. Maybe if I have no money she will have to move in with her parents... she would hate that. I don't mind my family so I could live in poverty with family versus living in poverty on my own.

RPSigmaStigma 9y ago

You could anyways move to another country. Preferably one with decent women. I hear Finland is nice, and most people there speak English. Or maybe a South American country. I'm pretty sure the US isn't going to extradite you over unpaid alimony.

harkrank 9y ago

Finland is horrible. But I guess anything is better for OP right now. South America or South East Asia would be a nice place for him to start a new life. In the Philippines they speak English. Or Spanish is not too hard to learn.

[deleted] 9y ago

The thing is she can sue you there if she finds out where you went. With children this is a impossible plan.

harkrank 9y ago

He can go to the Philippines, which doesn't recognize divorce. Good luck for her getting any alimony.

RPSigmaStigma 9y ago

Depends on the laws of the country. But yeah, the kids thing does complicate. He would basically have to leave them behind, which I guess isn't what he wants to do.

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