Hi everyone.
I just found out my ex had done the trickle truth routine and I'm not sure how to distinguish it for when it happens in the future. More specifically, how to deal with the betrayal.
First it started with lying about a new friend she met. Then how they don't hang out outside of class to turning into having lunch during breaks. To not talking outside of class to finding out they texted after classes. To her all of a sudden needing space, to later wanting to break up. Anyone have any idea why women do this? Are they cowards that can't admit the truth flat out?
captainbloodd 10y ago
It's hamstering. Rationalizing their behavior. All women do this. She did what she did to save herself from feeling guilt. Learn from this experience.
[deleted] 10y ago
Thanks. I learned that if someone wants to leave to let them. Then focus on the people that actually care for me.
As of this account, this will be my last post under this name. I had forgotten my ex would read my comment history. I'm moving on with life and don't want her in it. So I'm deleting/blocking any way she can know about my life.
Marty_ShortForMartin 10y ago
One of the big problems here recently is name-calling women because they worked you. Being a strong confident man is also knowing that bitch, whore, slut, cunt, or whatever else isn't necessary... keeping a calm, strong, and confident demeanor and decor is mandatory.
You distinguish it by being straightforward and cutting it off, if you care to. As soon as you found out they were texting after class you should of cut the cord, or exert authority and hand by texting other girls after your class. If she ever says she needs space, then give her all the space until she's the fuck out of your life... on to the next chick, homie. She did this because she smelled other options and she was allowed to do so, plain and simple. She was allowed to get away with more and more until she realized that she was dating someone who didn't do anything for her from a basic male standpoint. If you want to prevent it, then you be a man about it. Also, now that you've been through it you know exactly what to look for. It sounds like you are fairly young judging by the fact you're in school, next time just make sure you have other options to text yourself. There is a endless supply of girls around you, so make sure you have options. If she is getting lunch, texting, or whatever else with other guys... good. Let her get her ego boost from other guys doing the work for you, it's not like you're trying to get married that young anyway.
CouldofShouldof 10y ago
should have*
LS_D 10y ago
[deleted] 10y ago
As soon as I found out I went cold and felt like my while being was shook out of my body. On the drive home I confronted her about it and she pretty much couldn't come up with answers. Like a deer in headlights. I just dropped her off and denied coming in with her to spend the night.
I went from calm to angry to confused and frustrated. I mean the girl who had been telling me she loved me all this time was doing this behind my back. It's unsettling because I of course believed she was different. That part is my fault. I should have ignored her for good after but like the fool I was(chump in love) I kept looking for answers expecting her to be completely truthful. Again my fault for believing her. I didn't want to lose her because I really loved her. Turns out this pushes people away even when they claim to love you.
What was worse is she chose him over me when I gave her the ultimatum. The guy she was in live with the past 4 years or this new guy she just met. Wow how women can stab you on the back with no remorse. And I'm starting to believe she broke up with me I her terms to make me out to look like the bad guy, despite her breaking up with me to be with this other guy during the time.
I'm doing fine now, it takes getting used to accepting feminine nature and how disgusting they can be, but at the end of the day there are many good women out there who will be better in every sense of the word than her.
GC0W30 10y ago
Correction: The guy she TOLD she was in love with him with the past 4 years or this new guy she just met.
visibleinvisible 10y ago
This response is typical of pedestalization behavior. Women are just people; they cannot provide you with perpetual happiness nor fulfillment.
[deleted] 10y ago
You're right. I saw her as morally superior. That she would never lie or deceive me because I was just being paranoid. I believed her and it turns out I was right to be paranoid. She ended up doing what she said/wrote she'd never do.
aescetic 10y ago
Is that even a word?
visibleinvisible 10y ago
If you understood the meaning, then it served its purpose.
Silverbacked 10y ago
They do it to make sure they can get commitment out of the new guy before they dump you.
It's like getting a new job. Most people have a firm offer with a contract before they quit the old one.
[deleted] 10y ago
[deleted]
Beltox2pointO 10y ago
Personal preference. I myself don't cross that line. But if she's the instigator for anything lude it's on her.
Sounds more like she wanted an orbiter though. So better to next her and save yourself the time.
[deleted] 10y ago
[deleted]
[deleted] 10y ago
Yea I've been working on my discipline. Watching my diet and working out at the gym every day, my confidence that was shook is starting to build itself up again. I'm back at enjoying building aquariums and making new friends.
I finally understand why I didn't want a relationship. The emotional attachment blinded me from a lot of things that were wrong in our relationship. We both knew it wasn't the logical choice to be together given our circumstances. But hell the feeling itself is in par with the most addictive substances on this planet.
I also guess some of my validation and value came from her. Which I now know can only come from me and me alone. They can only add on to my life.
I'm not mad at her. I know why she did it. I know I'm not going to give her what she wants. A provider for her and what she says is her dream of being a house wife with six kids. What gets me is the way it happened with the trickle truth. Obviously I wasn't worth being completely honest to.
She Said logically I wasn't the practical one to marry. And she's right at this current point in time. But still she said she loved me. Although love changes with time to different kinds of love in my opinion.
My dream also involves being a dad someday too but not right now. Not until I'm ready and financially secure. I also didn't want a legal binding contract wedding. The ceremony and reception ok but not under the law. Under God.
In the end it's a bitter sweet symphony. Both a happy and sad occasion. I hope she finds what she's looking for. That chapter is closed in my book and now I'm on the beginning stages of the new one.
MarriedRP 10y ago
Does not have to be cowardice. Just a completely different thought train.
She doesn't want to break your heart. Even though she's done with you, she doesn't want to reduce you to a bucket of blubbering jello. She's telegraphing all the signals she can to let you know that you two are done.
Or, she was just giving you a play-by-play of her new romance. Letting you know that new tingles are heading her way, and maybe wants you to step up your game and give her the tingles like you used to when you were first dating.
[deleted] 10y ago
The problem is lying about it much much worse than telling me the whole truth in detail . She knew this yet did otherwise. It's the hypocrisy in her words. I have all the letters she wrote me and they say the complete opposite of what she actually ended up doing. He'll I wouldn't mind posting it so new guys don't fall for this innocence image crap they portray themselves as .
MarriedRP 10y ago
Expecting a woman to behave rationally or logically or without hypocrisy.. that is foolish of you. If you expect a woman to do exactly as she said she would do, when she had a whole different set of emotions then vs now, you will be disappointed.
They are wired completely differently from us, and expecting them to act like a man is going to lead you to a life of frustration.
[deleted] 10y ago
Can't trust a woman. She was transitioning to a new guy but wanted to keep you idle in case the new guy bailed out.