Hey boys - got a high paying job, gym 3/4 days a week, heavy sports / cardio to keep me lean.
Im RP in most things, my relationship, keeping fit, not taking shit & a high paying job. The only thing holding my back is my gambling "addiction" i have quite significant savings in the six figures, im only 28 bang hot 19-25 year olds.
But my issue is last week i lost $2k gambling on the NBA finals. I originally lost about 20k 2 years ago and went cold turkey. This year in total i lost around $8k. Given my level of savings this its only about 4-5% and something i can take. However i always have the thought in my mind i will win that money back in future and some more. To the point where i don't want to spend money on my personal life (clothes, physio, holidays) but spending $1-2k per bet isn't an issue. I also have this issue where im fixated on how much i have in savings account (protecting / growing it - via betting only at this point)
How can i get around this and start thinking in a different way? i have virtually blocked all access to gambling, only way i can gamble now is a physical bookie. Thanks in advance bois.
Problematic_Browser 1 3mo ago
I'm gonna say it and it's a bit counter-intuitive:
Keep gambling.
If this is your ONLY vice, trying to quit it cold turkey is going to be hell. What you need to do is control it and put boundaries on it. You have to control it rather than bottling it up and pretending it doesn't exist or it will control you the first chance it gets.
Set a specific budget for gambling. Tell yourself "THIS amount is for gambling" and frame your thoughts around "if I go over budget, what things in my life will I have to give up?"
Lone_Ranger 2 3mo ago
Worst. Advice. Ever.
Problematic_Browser 1 3mo ago
Clearly, we disagree.
Tell me, how can he escape from gambling? It isn't like illegal drugs, where obtaining them can be a barrier.
Gambling is something that is pervasive and easily accessible if you have an Internet connection and a few free minutes. Setting limits and learning to live in those is, in my view, far more manageable than trying to avoid it altogether.
If he has the willpower to do so, he would have done it already.
Lone_Ranger 2 3mo ago
Treat it like any addiction. The only thing that works is separation and time.
If someone is addicted to cocaine, the solution is not for the patient to continue using coke in 'a controlled way'. The solution is to stop altogether. Forever.
There is only one cure for addiction - and that is abstinence. The patient can then do some therapy to process their feelings of loss - why do I crave it? how can I manage the cravings? what are my triggers? What are my alternative pleasures (such as running, walking in a forest etc).
to be fair (@Typo_mega-shit) you are talking the language of an addict in denial - you are recommending that he control it, and put boundaries on it. To set up a 'budget' for gambling. To think of an amount 'that he can afford to lose'.
That is addict talk. That is delusional thinking, to think that you can pivot from being a slave to being the master. It's the sort of delusional thinking that keeps people from breaking free.
You then go on to say
"If he has the willpower to do so, he would have done it already."
By that you mean give up totally.
But in reality, the reverse is true: if he had the willpower to control gambling, he would have done so already. He has been trying and failing for years. he has told us so. And you are recommending that he keep trying and failing.
think off it like smoking. I used to smoke - was totally addicted. The solution was NOT to set a budge of only 5 smokes a day, and control it with boundaries. That is not how addiction works - that would make me more addicted because I would be under supplying my desires, which would make the payoff / enjoyment even greater.
The solution was to stop smoking altogether and start a new hobby (sports). Now I am a non-smoker - and I never think about smoking.
The solution for OP is to become a non-gambler (like me). I never think about gambling, because I don't do it. That is the solution that he needs.
Problematic_Browser 1 3mo ago
You make some valid points.
Lone_Ranger 2 3mo ago
I feel for you bro. I don't have this addiction, but I have a friend who does, and its a tough master to serve.
I would advise you do EVERYTHING you can to put distance between you and gambling. Be prepared to cut off everything that leads you to gambling. For example, you might love NBA or football, and you might try to enjoy these sports without betting. But be realistic - if they are triggers for gaming, then cut out watching all professional sports.
I beat an alcohol addiction in 2008 (still doing great) simply by going to AA, listening and then having a serious convo with myself - and the question I kept coming to was this:
What are you prepared to do to be victorious?
That is the only question you need to start with today. When you watch boxing at the very highest level, or tennis, you can see that the winner of a match between two equally skilled guys is the one that has thought about that question. The winner is the one that is willing to give the most. Prepared to sacrifice the most.
You might have friends that are into gaming - cut them out. Even family members - cut them out if they are into gaming.
That's how you beat an addiction. It's all about how far you are willing to do to beat it. Are you ready to war against your gaming addiction? That is the question.
Because when you ask yourself that question, you will hear your inner voice;
"I can't cut my friends out, I like them, its not bad if we just watch a game together, I can just watch it, with friends, I can just share they excitement in a bet........it's just a small bet....It's not like I can't afford to lose a little bit.... I still have a lot of savings.... everyone needs a bit of fun........."
You'll hear your reasoning degrade right in front of your very eyes.
whytehorse2021 3mo ago
I've found extreme sports can replace that dopamine rush. Right now I'm doing extremely fast downhill mountain biking. All I can think about is that next ride rather than drinking alcohol. You could do any extreme sport: combat sports, skydiving, rock climbing, etc.
redhawkes 2 3mo ago
Two of my close friends fucked up their lives from gambling, lost apartments, savings and almost became homeless. Gambling with money they couldn't afford to lose.
Gambling is the definition of FOMO, it's all an artificial dopamine hit in the brain. There's no such a thing as moderation when you're an addict.
Drop that shit asap. Also, cut contact with all of your "friends" who gamble, it's just a coaddiction not friendship. You're the company you keep.
MrSupreme 3mo ago
Switch your addiction to something healthier than gambling. Perhaps a new hobby to keep you off the stuff, a hobby that requires studying and some investing. Try getting into forex for that gambling fix,it can be way more productive. Also try getting into wines, cheeses or even rum tasting. it requires learning something new,investing in some bottles to taste and it's gotta feel great learning something new.
Lone_Ranger 2 3mo ago
Dude, OP has a gambling addiction and you are directing him to FX trading??
wtf.
MrSupreme 3mo ago
Why not,Gambling is a gaming, Forex is work
Lone_Ranger 2 3mo ago
forex is gambling.
MrSupreme 3mo ago
Well then he shouldnt quit gambling and move on to FX
Lone_Ranger 2 3mo ago
Dude, you're not making sense.
Please take OPs question seriously. He has a gambling addiction. And you are suggesting that he take up Forex 'trading' - which is gambling pure and simple.
MrSupreme 3mo ago
Whatever, Forex isn't gambling,it is you who isn't making sense
Maturin_nj 3mo ago
Gambling is such a waste and shows your susceptible to the barrage of sports betting marketing. Don't support those motherfuckers. They are cancers that won't go away.
Never realized how shity many baseball pitchers are until I bet on baseball a few years back. First couple months I got nice steady results until the unexpected became the norm. The biggest bum was a pitcher Cobb on SF. Total dogshit. Closed my account, took my money and don't that's it. I stopped watching the NFL years ago. My first super bowl was 1970 colts v cowboys with Bob Lilly and Mike Curtis. I just can't watch or listen to the broadcasters anymore. It all such a huge waste of time!! Advice: go cold turkey. Once you see it for the garbage it is you won't be aware of it. It's only a great thing for the players and talking heads.
First-light 3mo ago
Gambling is a bet against yourself. The odds are always against you and in the end the house always wins.
At the moment the vice is within safe limits but it sounds like you know there is a risk of it spiralling out of control or you would not be worried. If you were not worried and it was just fun within safe limits, then I would not be worried for you but as it is, I hope you can overcome the problem.
Gambling somehow hijacks a natural reward system in us. I think it goes back to the hunting instinct. Ask a hunter if he wants to shoot a bear in a cage -hell no, not unless you pay him good money as a slaughter man. Ask him if he wants to go in the woods and get wet and covered in ticks looking for a bear that he might or might not get -hell yeah,. He will spend a lot of money on doing that. The difference is the "maybe". A hunter loves the idea that he might get the deer or for that matter that he might get the girl and that if he plays his best game it might be more likely to go his way. The gambler has the same instinct -to turn maybe into reality with courage and knowledge. These are not bad things but gambling hijacks the reward system for good things and uses it against you. Accepting this and seeking other outlets that let you use this instinct better is probably a worthwhile thing.
A man whose gambling gets out of control and who ruins his life with it is a very sad case indeed. Everybody is sorry for him and everyone says he has no one but himself to blame so its important not to be that man. Something is telling you this is a risk for you -even if only a small risk- if you continue this behaviour.
Durek_The_Bald 3mo ago
It's a vice. And as with most vices, it can bring a lot of joy in moderation, and a lot of misery and lost potential in excess.
NeoSpartan 3mo ago
The house always wins in the end. If it didn't, they wouldn't be able to pay for operating costs.
Game is always rigged against you, you may win sometimes but probably only about 35% of the time. Just use basic logic and maths. House always wins in the end. You are throwing money away for a gambling "rush". Some of the richest people in the country are casino owners, they didn't become multi-billionaires by letting you win bro. Gambling is always rigged against you.
If you need a rush, plenty of better ways. Sex, sports, mountain biking, skiing, etc.
Or... just play poker with friends. I do that from time to time. It's fun and the odds are not rigged.
prapra-horse 3mo ago
35% you are very generous.
Sigle digits at most, if you play anything else but the basics, like roulette: odd/even red/black etc
Musicgoon78 1 3mo ago
Gambling is usually a low value activity for low IQ individuals. The house will set an RTP of 7% on most games. They are all rigged. Most people that don't have talent, expect to go to the casino and get rich.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Return_to_Player#:~:text=Return%20to%20Player%20(RTP)%20is,deposited%20during%20the%20game%20initially.
pofkaf 3mo ago
Put money into trading sticks instead. Much more likely to earn money but you still get the rush.
Financepapi 3mo ago
isn't this another route into gambling? if I put my money into stocks I would be significantly more wealthy
EurasianChad 1 3mo ago
That addictive part of your personality can be channeled to either positive or negative things.
Currently its on a negative, such as gambling and fast money. However, if you can shift it to a new addiction (more fitness, sports, hobbies, business) - you can create an even more abundant life for yourself in a positive way. Dopamine from the right sources.
I know because I used to be heavy into cannabis.
Einsamer 3mo ago
No easy way out. Similar to eating chocolate instead of healthy or chilling on the couch instead of working out. Stopping to do gambling is the same. Even if you know you shouldn't, you still do it.
What to do? No magic trick, but a few things help: permanently delete every account and any bookmark or other opportunities that let you gamble. Put all your savings into assets that you can't access easily (or have to pay a penalty). Distract yourself with something else as soon as you even think about gambling.
You will then be like an ex alcoholic. Never healed, but potentially be able to live a normal life while keeping away from the drug as much as possible.
Good luck mate.
Financepapi 3mo ago
I have to accept that this is a flaw in my characteristic. I always believed after some time off I can master it, but its similar to what you said an ex-alcoholic doesn't know his limits regardless how long away from alcohol. once he gets a taste a spiral will begin. I will have to just stay away and be content with life
Einsamer 3mo ago
I wouldn't even call it flaw in your characteristic. It's a handicap like loosing a leg. You can never undo it (at least with the current state of medicine) but you can learn to live with it and get used to it. Same a certain trauma.
You are lucky to be able to self reflect early and stop it before it gets worse though. Most people don't and convince themselves that it's normal until they cannot cover it up with resources (money, help from partner, ...) anymore and then they take a short but fast fall into hell.