Hey,
So my problem is a bit of a weird one. I have no issues getting ONSs or plates. The problem is that I do have a need for a bit of emotional intimacy, it helps me sleep (and I do have heavy trouble sleeping) and relax. The problem I think it's like I'm kinda breaking frame every time I'm getting a bit closer emotionally by cuddles and shit after good sex. Call me gay or feminine, but for me these are very important and pleasurable parts of a lay.
However my last 4 5 cases when I did this the plate got super colder the day after, so I had to ghost em for a week or so to get em back hot, sometimes even happened to not get em back at all.
This happened yesterday again with a plate I kind of liked and it's getting tiring and boring. I don't feel fully satisfied if I fuck and ignore/sleep/leave immediately after.
How can I solve this issue? Anyone else had this problem?
wegojim 1mo ago
This happened to me too. I actually had a girl text me after she got back home from seeing me, saying that she didn't want to lead me on and wasn't looking for a relationship. I noticed that I was looking forward to just laying with a girl and holding her, more than I was looking forward to having sex with her. I pegged this as an emotional validation issue, meaning that I was trying to use girls as a way to prove to myself that I am worthy of being loved. Sounds pretty gay when you say it out loud or write it down.
I fixed this by internalizing outcome independence. If your issue is the same as mine, then you need to understand that you have certain qualities that attract women, and as long as you don't let yourself go, that's probably not going to change for a while. Success or fail, nothing really changes, you are still the same guy. There is really nothing to prove to yourself that women can provide. Only you can provide that, and once you do, then women will actually seek you for THEIR emotional validation.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2mo ago
Then just reward them every time they themselves engage in that behavior. You're probably cuddling like a bitch instead of a rock securing them and making them feel small.
They're probably like wtf? He just railed me now he's being ultra affectionate?
Women don't want to be cuddled as if they are your mom, if you want affection either vet for naturally affectionate women or reward them every time they give you your desired behaviors. More than likely you are giving the affection of a woman
Also why do you need emotional intimacy? That's a you problem you need to overcome. That is a natural progression in a relationship not something you fling out there as a man and hope it sticks
You're doing this wrong
ionvas2 2mo ago
Thanks. This makes a lot of sense, I'm not cuddling as if they're my mum, but I do kinda ask for it by dragging em closer to me. The idea of waiting for them to become affectionate and rewarding them for it makes so much sense.
Two questions:
wswZtyqNGQ 2mo ago
Resource-dependency problem.
Think about it: there is only one pattern here and it's not the plates, there it must be...
ionvas2 2mo ago
Huh? Can you develop a bit wym? I mean, I know it's all me lol, but trying to find a fix
wswZtyqNGQ 2mo ago
One instance creates a novelty. Two creates a pattern.
You have realized that there is a pattern. So you have already answered your own question.
How much more can I develop this?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2mo ago
The mom comment was an exaggeration but if you are cuddling any way that appears to be needy that's the track you'll be on in their mind
I've never really had a problem getting girls to cuddle me after sex other than a couple frame losses i suppose
Just fuck them good and dominant. Be assertive and make them cum a few times. When you get off of them or they lay down from doggy just lay close enough to them. They will usually just slide in or hold you automatically. If they aren't just doing it automatically you're doing something wrong
I've never really had to even get them over to me. If you're assertive enough and dominant enough in bed they'll cuddle you as either a bonding reflex or get close as a form of rapport restoring after you've aggressively drilled their holes.
Should be automatic.
When they get close and cuddle me i just reward them with a close squeeze and stroke their back or hair. Or just let them talk or whatever. Or a compliment about the sex or something funny. It's all small reward but it trains them to cuddle you each time.
But you shouldn't even have to train them. If you're doing everything right they will just do it automatically for their own needs. That's why it's femine to get all cuddly after. They will easily do it on their own to bring back balance or be closer to you after you make them feel good
ionvas2 2mo ago
Oh, that happens for me as well many times, but only immediately post sex. What I meant was rather to sleep cuddle or how tf should I name it, for them to sleep on me relaxed, wanting to get wrapped around my arm etc.. This is something that rarely happens for me for some reason
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2mo ago
Most women will fall asleep before you. Or maybe I'm projecting. I have horrendous insomnia.
Either way, it is impractical. Most women won't fall asleep facing you. women have higher internal heat than men that I've noticed. Women always say I'm so warm. I've been called a space heater i don't know how many times.
Every woman I've fucked yet, somehow, always sets her baths and showers way fucking hotter than mine and they love it. It burns my skin alive. Women gladly cuddle me to sleep yet somehow they always "get too hot"
They like external heat until they get too hot. and in my experience, every woman who has held onto me to sleep (on her own) has turned away at some point. When they don't get space they spoon, because it's (I'm guessing) less direct heat.
I've maybe once or twice fallen asleep with a girl straight in my arms. one time it was such a bad angle i moved. The other time we both were so tired we just passed out like that
The majority of the time they will have to turn away from you if you are under covers at all at night. It's too physically warm for them. Many will happily spoon to sleep but i personally think that you're asking for way too much here on just a biothermal level. Women physically cannot maintain that position for long periods
At least not in my experience. Hence why they almost always spoon (again, on their own, they always fucking do it with me without me asking or anything). It's comfortable enough for them, they want it, and they don't overheat.
At least they have literally told me they overheat face to face and your body is not as comfortable as a pillow. You need to fix your sleep shit. They're getting cold because your needs are costing them a good sleep
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2mo ago
That rarely happens to me. Usually right after I cum, I'm out like a fat girl in dodgeball.
Then again, I can fall asleep by sitting still too long so you and I are probably outliers on distant ends of the spectrum.
whytehorse2021 2mo ago
There's a timing thing with women. For about 1 week after mentruating they want alpha vibes. Then they want 2 weeks of beta vibes. Beta vibe is when you cuddle. If you're just hooking up during their alpha phase then you'll never get to the beta phase.
ionvas2 2mo ago
Ye well I am good and getting ons/plates, but terrible at keeping them lol
whytehorse2021 2mo ago
I had a friend like that once. He was hawt and had HB10s lining up to fuck him. The thing is he was short, had long hair, was a pot-head, had no job, and lived with his mom. The women wanted to fuck him but didn't want to claim him as their man in public. Status thing.
ionvas2 2mo ago
Huuuhh ok I'll think about it, thx
MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 2mo ago
Interesting... I've always liked post-coitus cuddles and women always responded quite positively to them. I'm talking pull them in tight and close, for like 10-15min after.
How are they reacting while you are cuddling? Responding in kind, or going stiff and not reciprocating in any way?
What else are you doing or saying besides holding them? Is there a specific point where the mood seems to turn?
ionvas2 2mo ago
No, they've usually reciprocating, but dont seem very into it, like letting themselves get small or sleep on me.
Might be related to the fact that all my lays are from the club, probably looking to just have some fun.
Last night, for example, I was having this girl at my place for the second time. We had some of the best sex ever (I have learnt to know when its good and when its bad lol). She was so into me, cuddling and caressing and stayed at my place for like 7 hours, up until she said she had to go around 4 am. Then I reacted like 'ohhh cmon, lets stay a bit more and cuddle, I need that." Then she became cold and almost ran the fuck away lol; also she barely replied my text today yikes.
My intuition is that I try to get intimate way too early, instead of letting them chase it and they might go scared like ""uh oh, they guy already wants to wife me or what"
oowiw 2mo ago
They may be trying to avoid catching feels
MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 2mo ago
She needed to get back home to her boyfriend, you ridiculous dude!
I suggest you work on reading people in the moment, and recognizing when its time to let them casually break away. Usually, this is before they give overt signs or come right out and say it. I won't lie, this took me years and years to learn and fine tune.
MrSupreme 2mo ago
Easy fix, get a prostitute, fuck her and cuddle for a while after, they are all about acting up and won't give you shit about it. Mega fix, stop yourself from thinking it is a normal thing you crave, we're not supposed to want that kind of intimacy so early after meeting someone. That's what girlfriends and wives do, maybe you're looking for a stable girlfriend and this is how you express that. Either way,it is causing you trouble
wswZtyqNGQ 2mo ago
Also: compare (without explicitly stating) against a prostitute where you demand GFX.
No-Stress-Cat 2mo ago
You have to understand that plates and ONS are another version of a prostitute. You call them. They come into work. They do their job, drain your balls. They go home. They don't want to cuddle. It would be like going to work and cuddling with your boss at the end of the day. It's inappropriate.
My question is, how did you manage to get to sleep before your plates and ONS came along?
ionvas2 2mo ago
With benzos, unfortunately. And these drugs are the worst. I was also able to when I had a LTR, but I don't feel like going into one rn, especially not with anybody I find in a club lol
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2mo ago
I was once on benzos. You need to address your anxieties, not feminize your role to sleep
Musicgoon78 1 2mo ago
Too much pull and not enough push. Women are competitive. They want a challenge. It's not your job to seek out the relationshipy shit it's hers.
You gotta know your audience. The club hoes are looking for dick. Once you get em hooked then you can't start the more intimate stuff. Right now you took their job. You took away the challenge. You gave it up too early and now you look like a relationship hoe.
So bang them. Then say "come lay on my chest". Get some cuddles in. Then, go make yourself a sandwich and send them packing. Being needy for connection will dry panties, because I hate to say it, but it's a feminine trait and very common among single females.
Look for women that aren't just looking for dick. Try a different venue or social event.
lambOfGod 2mo ago
you said in a comment here "ohhh cmon, lets stay a bit more and cuddle, I need that".
This sounds sissy to me. You sound and speak too feminine.
Here in EU, if we'd say shit like that, we'd be ballbusted and word would go around that we're creepy like that. I guess you americans also need a hot war to your doorstep and a military draft for things to start changing around haha.
I never encountered an issue with cuddling hoes or plates, but I never said things like that either.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2mo ago
That's a generational thing, rather than an American thing.
lambOfGod 2mo ago
hmm, could be rather this
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2mo ago
You have some good replies already.
I'll throw in my two cents as well, though some of it will repeat some of what others have said.
1) beta/comfort that is either a) unearned, or b) too much too soon, or worse, all of the above will repulse women. It's just how they're wired; they can't help it.
The flip side of that, though, is doling it out in measured doses once she's earned it will have her eating out of your hand (or your ass, if you're into that).
2) there's nothing wrong with wanting to cuddle. I love a good post-coital cuddle. But you have to do it in a masculine, non-clingy manner. Usually, if you lay back on your back and put your arm that's closer to her out, she'll lay in the crook of your arm and chest and you put your arm around her. It'll make her feel small and protected, and it feels good for both of you, causing the release of all kinds of bonding hormones and shit.
Don't expect to have her fall asleep that way.
it's only comfortable for a few minutes
women need to pee within a few minutes of finishing sex to reduce the risk of a UTI
Also, I thrash around in my sleep. It was usually inadvisable to stay too close to me for too long. I've clobbered my wife (and others before her) many a night.
3) again, if they need to separate or get up, let them. Do not get clingy.
Like in many things, how you do it is almost more important than what you do.
benzino 2mo ago
only happened to me once or twice but very rarely do they react negatively to cuddling. In OP's case it seems to have become a pattern. Maybe something else is at play here like body odour or something to make them ick
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2mo ago
To expand on that:
If it's just a lusty fuck with a ONS, she'll probably neither expect nor appreciate a cuddle. Do the arm thing I talked about. If she moves in, great. If not, oh well. Just don't force it. Too clingy, and therfore repellant.
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