So I recently went on a Tinder date with a girl who looked great in her photos but turned out to be pretty average IRL.
I initially suggested a coffee date, but she pushed for a lunch date instead, claiming she was hungry. Since we both traveled an hour to meet at a midpoint, I reluctantly agreed.
I don’t usually eat out due to my strict diet, so I told her to order whatever she wanted while I just got a salad. She ended up ordering three expensive dishes for herself, while I stuck to my one salad. She was super chatty and seemed interested, but I wasn’t feeling it. I should’ve left, but for some reason, I stayed.
When it was time to pay, I asked for the bill, and she conveniently “had to” go to the washroom. She took 10 minutes, came back, and didn’t even acknowledge the bill or offer to split. I ended up paying for everything.
We walked around for a bit afterward, but I was so turned off that I didn’t even go for a kiss—just gave her a quick hug and said goodbye.
On the way home, I was furious. She essentially got a free meal and didn’t say a word about it, despite me mentioning multiple times that I don’t usually eat out.
When I got home, I texted her something like: "Hey, you owe me [amount] for today," and shared my payment details. She ghosted me after that, and I’ve heard nothing since.
I know I shouldn’t have agreed to lunch and operated on her terms, but now I’m thinking whether to send her a follow-up text asking for the money or just let it go and move on.
What would you do in this situation?
SwarmShawarma 2d ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9KM-QmxXyw
that for educational funsies
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3d ago
This is your fault. You should have held frame on not getting the food. And when she ordered expensive shit you should have said she's getting it.
You sacrificed frame for a slight chance at pussy. Own it. You got played. Good luck getting that money back because you won't.
Don't be a simp in the future and stick to drinks. Her instance on food was your meal ticket warning. Block her and move on.
jeavih924 3d ago
I get your point about holding frame, and lesson learned. But do you think there's any way to approach this tactfully to get the money back, or is it just a lost cause? Appreciate your input.
Problematic_Browser 1 3d ago
Take your L
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3d ago
Take the L.
She doesn't owe you. You willing simped for her
SpiritualEnema 3d ago
Take the “L”. Take this as a lesson to be more assertive next time, especially if you’re being catfished. It’s ok to just take a look at her and leave if her appearance is that off.
I don’t even get why you think you’re entitled to any money back from her. You told her to get whatever she wanted.
jeavih924 2d ago
If her appearance is off and we’ve both traveled an hour, how do I leave without it being awkward?
First-light 3d ago
There is almost no chance of getting the money back. It sounds like she was out for free food. Since she is already a lost cause, you can always send her another polite text saying that you had to cover her while she was in the bathroom and that you would really appreciate her paying her share. The chances of her responding are virtually nil but it matters not as she is not a girl you will be seeing again.
In the end its one to chalk up to experience.
Problematic_Browser 1 3d ago
You played yourself.
You said what you wanted and she bullied you into doing what she wanted instead. Consider this a lesson learned.
Redpillpusher 3d ago
Accept your loss and tell yourself that you let this 5 out of 10, overweight broad bully you out of 3 dishes that she almost surely took home in a doggy bag. Also know that she laughed at your text and blocked you and that, since she's average looking, catfish, and on tinder, there were absolutely times where guys she met were visibly disappointed and treated her like the 5 she was and spent nothing but because she realized she was on a date with someone way above her smv, she still let them hit AND then still got blocked afterwards. Thus, she did to you what was done to her repeatedly. Next time stop treating females like a privileged superior class and hold them accountable and you wouldn't have to log online and cry about "what should I do?"
So it was too much to ask her to send you a picture of her at that moment before you drove out? So it was too much for you to stick to the coffee plan, especially when she already agreed? A lot of you younger guys these days are so terrified of rejection that you can't take a failed date.
Musicgoon78 2 3d ago
Jesus man, learn your lesson and move on....
SwarmShawarma 3d ago
To be fair, he'll learn it faster by trying to get his money back. And I mean him going to her doorstep.
So far he has only experienced being used, kick in the teeth will work better.
No-Stress-Cat 3d ago
And she took you up on it. You don't get to complain when you give her the green light to go all out.
If you're buying her lunch, next time, order two salads, one for you and one for her. Make sure you comment something like, "I have to make sure I don't eat like a pig and get fat." That'll send her hamster a clear message that you won't tolerate a fat bitch pigging out on your dime.
MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 3d ago
Too on-the-nose. Will send a clear message that your social calibration isn't very finely honed.
Agree that OP walked himself into this one, and needs to just accept it was a learning experience that cost him the price of her meal.
SwarmShawarma 3d ago
Oooor..
Next time you smell a fish, excuse yourself to the outside after she orders and eats, pay for your meal on a way out.
Make a dull shit, fun.
mattyanon Admin 3d ago
Let it go.
You have zero legal comeback in this situation, and she is immoral...... so just move on and chalk this one up to experience.
Yeah, there are a lot of women who take advantage of traditional dating models to exploit men. They have a few tricks to do this, but it's easy enough to dodge around the problem without looking cheap.
Here's how I do it:
Coffee/snacks/incidentals
If it's coffee and cake, fuck it, I don't care. If we go halves great..... but if I end up paying it's fine, it's just a coffee. I'm not splitting a 10 buck bill. If a woman likes and respects you, she'll usually pay or at least halves. There's a middle ground where things are great but you don't want anything to be awkward, in which case happy to pay. I'm happy to risk a coffee or a beer, but that's about it.
Meals
Never do a meal on a first date. It's awkward because you're eating and there's going to be silence and what.... watch each other eat? It's a terrible date idea, and paying is awkward: you either look cheap or you look beta bucks, it counts against you either way.
Third date meal, or you know each other, or whatever
It's simple..... either she offers to pay in advance, or we agree to go halves, in advance. Women have very low honour and fairly low honesty, but it's easy enough to work out what's going on.... I literally say "are you good to go halves?" ....... either she says "of course we're going halves!" or it's some variant of "but but but the man should pay". If you get that sexist shit, it's honestly time to move on. This is the exact same type that will agree to go halves then do a runner or "I forgot my wallet", etc etc.
The trick is to agree the going halves before ever stepping foot in a restaurant and agreeing to a meal...... and if she starts to pull some stupid shit like ordering overly expensive food or drinks, you cut things off then and there. If it gets awkward it's because SHE is making it awkward, and the reason she is making it awkward is because she wants to exploit you, not fuck you.
Also: know the laws in your area. Here the liability is on who ordered..... so if we order our own food, she is liable if she reneges on the agreement to go halves. I have the legal option to pay for my own food, and she is stealing if she doesn't do the same. Forgot her wallet? Well, she can leave her name and address with the restaurant.
Obviously don't let her buy champagne while you drink beer...... simply say "look if you want champagne that's fine, but you're paying for it".
The simple truth is that women either want to fuck you or exploit you, and not both........ so all you have to do is up-front tell her it's a halves deal FROM THE START, and she will either be cool with it, or she'll have a problem with it. If she's got a problem with it, she was never going to fuck you anyway.
SwarmShawarma 2d ago
Out of interest
What are some other laws
mattyanon Admin 1d ago
I don't know the laws in all countries of the world, but one could imagine that the last person to leave is liable....... and in many places they'll hold the man liable regardless of what the law says.
Seagram7 2d ago
Good that this happened to you. Why? Because you can LEARN from this. There was this one reeedit post where the guy got dined and dashed 5 times before he learned. I call a loss of money like this an idiot tax and yes I and many men have paid that tax. So take this as a lesson and dont be that same sucker again. You do know the level of validation you gave to her ego and she laughed with her friends that she took your wallet for a ride.
On a side note: I also think of the social ramifications of post like this on society. I have been reading and watching vids on women complaining that men dont date anymore or take girls out on dinner dates and how the dating game consists of men doing coffee dates or walks in the park type dates. Reading the OP is an example why men dont "date" anymore. How many dine and dash dates will a man endure until he stops and goes to walks in the park dates.