I posted here like 9 months ago but cant find my account, anyway.
My ex broke up with me, I focused on work, got a new job, am hitting a pretty nice salary. I have now met a new girl. We went on two dates, the second date I went to her house and did a lot of kink stuff(restrained her. slapped her, fucked her with some toys, CNC stuff - it was porn level good) . I even took some videos/pictures. I didn't actually stick my cock in her as I am paranoid about STDs but I gave her a pretty rough fingering and we talked about mutual STD testing in the future.
Anyway I notice she has somewhat gotten more distant the last couple days after our experience. She didn't complain about the experience itself(and while doing it she loved it) but I feel I may have started to come off as "beta" in so far as expressing a desire for a relationship and wanting to get to know her beyond sex.
I think she has some mental problems and has a pretty long history of different partners which I dont mind working with but, I am wondering if there is any way to catch this before it goes more south? We are clearly sexually compatible and on her dating profile she said she wanted a relationship but as soon as I started acting like I wanted one she is pulling back.
The sex was great and I am fine only being sexual but I actually wanted to have a relationship with this chick.
Musicgoon78 2 1d ago
Bro, this is a mess. She sounds like a sexual woman that wants dick. You didn't give her dick, came across like you were paranoid about std's (this kicks in her ASD).
When you don't give her dick then push for a relationship, it's too much, too fast and too weird.
Why should she choose you for a relationship over another guy that will eat her out and fuck her properly?
Kragzen 1d ago
I gave her a lot of other stuff most people will literally never do hahaha.
Do you really think it's a great idea to stick your cock in a chick without prior testing, who does extreme BDSM with a guy she just met? I don't currently have any lifelong STDs and I hope to keep it that way.
Musicgoon78 2 1d ago
I think you would be surprised with what women are into and what other guys will do. A kinky chick will want a dominant guy who takes what he wants. You don't discuss testing. You tell her to show up on this day at this time for a test.
I'm not going to tell you what is or isn't a good idea with your sexual health. I can say that for me, my notch count is really high. I'm snipped and I rawdog almost every woman I'm with. The only thing I've ever caught was a kid before I was snipped.
Women want a man that is dominant and helps himself to her body. They like the guys that move fast and are reckless. Slap a condom on and then pound away. Women won't stick around for an LTR or repeat business without intimacy. She can get that easily. Your fear of and STI is going to come across as disinterest or insecurity from a girl that's used to getting easy sex.
Kragzen 1d ago
I'm never going to have sex without a prior STD panel, me and my prior ex had one. Relationships end but herpes is forever. Three partners back I had a scare with it before that turned out to be a friction rash and I made the decision I would never have sex again without testing, so I haven't and I won't.
I don't know dude,I have a fair amount of BDSM stuff most people don't. There are certainly more but she got an experience she won't get with most people.
Anyway, knowing these limits, can it be saved?
redhawkes 2 1d ago
When are you clowns going to understand that relationship stuff is womens prerogative, especially OLD whores. You made the mistake of listening to her horseshit instead of watching what she does.
There’s no saving this. It reeks of scarcity mindset. Next time, just fuck the shit outta her instead of doing all of this dancing monkey beta shit.
Kragzen 1d ago
After play we had some cuddle time and she bemoaned often being used for sex and how she regretted her past decisions. I was trying to show interest in wanting to develop a relationship instead of repeating her past experiences.
EurasianChad 1 20h ago
This has to turn you off dude. You don't want to be captain save a ho...
Kragzen 20h ago
I don't know, I don't particularly like it but if she has similar sexual interests to me and is compatible with my quirks I don't really mind.
I would be pissed if she tried to act like a virgin but she gave me everything I wanted the first time we did something sexual so I don't feel I am being disrespected...
redhawkes 2 1d ago
Every slut ever.
If she says that, you need to be that guy 100%
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
Just put your dick in her, bro. What's wrong with you? Lmao
pofkaf 1d ago
Looks like other guys beat me to the punch, so I'll just reiterate. You should stick it in her. That's how you "save" this situation. You're overly-paranoid about STDs...just roll out a condom and use it properly, you'll be good to go.
derdeutscher 1d ago
"but I feel I may have started to come off as "beta" in so far as expressing a desire for a relationship and wanting to get to know her beyond sex."
Here is your answer, you answered yourself. She wanted hard fucker and got some boy who wants to push for relationship after two dates. Sorry bro.
You are not what she looks for and maybe you will never be. And its also ok.
Kragzen 1d ago
I push for a relationship after sexual activity. I'm fine doing kink stuff with her but if I'm sticking my cock in her I require exclusivity and STD testing. This is logical decision making, largely everything I do is calculated and so far things have worked out relatively well for me. I don't have a kid, I don't have an STI, I make relatively good money in an amazing field that most people consider high status.
Musicgoon78 2 1d ago
This all sound like great selling points for a relationship except sex is the glue that keeps it together.
A girl could easily commit to you and take a test. While she's waiting for that test to come back negative before you give her dick, another Chad can come along. He could blow her back out, and give her anything he has.
Dating isn't without risks. And it seems like you're running the risk of being single for a long time.
Kragzen 1d ago
Obviously the assumption of sexual exclusivity would need to be satisfied. If I didn't think that was possible I wouldn't bother interacting with her.
Hell, in this particular chicks case, her OLD bio she said she is "only interested in people listing long-term relationships" and won't go out with anyone who lists "short term" or "hook up".
mattyanon Admin 1d ago
You really should mind working with this. "Mental problems" means bad results for you 99% of the time, police getting called, etc.
Says: "I want a relationship"
Does: Pulls back when relationship offered.
Mistake one: wanting a relationship, especially so early
Mistake two: caring about THIS ONE CHICK
Kragzen 19h ago
So how do you handle a situation where a woman says she wants a relationship, you go on two dates with her, you stay overnight, do some extremely kinky shit multiple times in the same day and then at the end of it she acts like she doesn't want one when you try to progress it? I'm literally at a loss.
Musicgoon78 2 15h ago
Sex always comes before a relationship. No one outside of highschool will settle for a relationship before finding out if the sex is good.
And when I say sex. I mean actual sex, not just spanking and fingering. You don't know if you're sexually compatible unless you've fucked.
Kragzen 15h ago
I don't think you understand the extent of what we did.
I will preface the following comment by saying it was fully consensual.
I fought with her, shackled her, dragged her by her hair to a mirror and forced her to watch as I roughly fisted her while she was crying and begging me to stop. This was not basic bitch BDSM play.
While I didn't fuck her with my cock, I fucked in every other way(both figuratively and literally).
This was so far beyond normal sex that if anything its experience will have a far greater effect.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 21h ago
You didn't fuck her. If you're afraid of STDs don't hook up with women that you think might have them.
Then you should have fucked. She was expecting it...
YEAH! AT THE RIGHT PROGRESSION OF YOUR TWO DATING
This is gay as shit. That's not your job. Your job is to fuck her. Women want to be fucked by an alpha. Then they get emotionally attached and you get to know each other a lot more. You acted like a 24oz can of pussy repellent.
Because it's a man's job to acquire sex and a woman's job to acquire commitment. How did you not understand this after being redpilled? Have you never heard of Womanese or dating strategy before?
You said you didn't stick your cack in her. Which is it??? Don't call it "sex" if you didn't fuck.
You have this all wrong. This is not a healthy male strategy. You should be wanting to fuck as a man. You are blinded by Disney conditioning. How do you sleep knowing these women are getting railed by other men while you are "fine" with being asexual. Reread that 10x or more until you realize why you should fuck first, get close later
Kragzen 20h ago
I think a lot of women potentially have STDs and I won't have sex with them without an STD test. I talked to her before we did our play session and said I wanted STD tests before my cock enters her and we both agreed. I then followed through on what we said beforehand.
Honestly I had more fun sexually torturing her than I would have had from regular sex. I don't think you understand the extent of what we did. I recorded some nice content that would put a lot of fetishes sites to shame.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 20h ago
Holy shit dude!! You REALLY don't understand how women work. You're cooked. Keep believing in whatever cope you want, you clearly didn't come here for advice, you just wanted a magical fairytale text suggestion to send to this woman
She wanted to get fucked. End of story. Women are emotional. It doesn't matter how much "talking" you did. Women do not want to "talk" about sex. That is not what they fantasize about.
They fantasize about a man they have chemistry with that can't resist fucking them and taking charge. She's had that from other men before and she'll get it from another man again.
You clearly don't get it, and you're not special. I'm not wasting any more time on this you have no desire to be any form of actually red pilled
[deleted]
Vermillion-Rx Admin 20h ago
I'm not clicking on that. If it's porn don't post it again you could have been banned on the spot for it
I don't give a flying fuck what you did with her. You didn't give her what she wanted. And you deserve the outcome of it
Kragzen 20h ago
Her text message would indicate otherwise which I was trying to show.
Ultimately I care about my sexual health more than any particular chick, I mean increasing the chance of a relationship is great but nobody is worth an STD to me.
So I'm interested in seeing other suggestions but no, I don't regret not having PIV sex with her.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 20h ago
Sweet. She wanted more and she wanted to take the risk. Game over. You got what you were willing to have
Kragzen 20h ago
I guess I'm not really seeing the issue here though. We can have PIV sex in the future, after an STD test, why is this a problem? I literally did exactly what I said I would do. Particularly considering the other stuff which was drastically more personal than your average fuck session.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 20h ago
You don't understand how women work. Bdsm intensity has absolutely fucking nothing to do with it.
She wanted to be fucked. And women don't like talking about sex like a fucking robot with contractual obligations.
You don't seem to get it at all. I'm done helping you going forward. It's a waste of time
Move on. Find a woman who shares the same values as you and who is completely okay with settling for the beta male dating strategy and who can somehow retain enough moisture in her pussy after you've dried her up with that approach.
That's your only option. You need to find a woman who will stomach losing her fantasy of being uncontrollably fucked by a guy who can't resist her and is okay with dating a guy who won't give most women what they want.
Move on and be willing to settle because your dating strategy is ass backwards and incompatible with what women actually want.
I'm not replying any more. You are beyond help.
Kragzen 20h ago
Ok, as a final comment I guess I don't agree with the idea that the sexual interaction we had was the cause of her losing interest or that I was beta during it. Honestly I think it went quite well.
I do think me escalating towards a relationship was what caused the issue, but I'm not sure how to maintain that balance between showing interest but not too much. She talked about wanting a relationship but as matt pointed out as soon as I tried to build one she pulled away.
Musicgoon78 2 17h ago
You show interest by giving her dick. This isn't salvageable. How many guys have to tell you the same thing for it to sink in?
If your strategy worked well. You would either have an LTR or someone here would agree with you.
Stop living in fairytale land. The seasoned guy and even not so seasoned guys are trying to tell you in a nice way that you royally fucked this up.
If you don't believe us, STFU and prove us wrong.
Kragzen 17h ago
Hmm, I'm looking for text game advice I suppose. I think the failure point happened in post stay-over text as I got too personal and that is what I need to reverse.
I am going to wait a couple days to text her and see what happens, reducing contact and hoping she gets horny for kink play(I suspect few people here really understand the extent of what we did) is a possible solution but I'm feeling odd about it since I went into it assuming a relationship would happen.
Musicgoon78 2 16h ago
Why would she want a relationship with someone that doesn't fuck when there are an endless supply of guys out there that will?
Kragzen 14h ago
I didn't text her, she just messaged me saying Merry Christmas. I know I shouldn't respond right away but I am wondering how long I should wait?