I have been living in China since September 2024. For context, I'm 27. I've been in the rp community since I was like 19. I can speak chinese almost fluently although I am not chinese.
I downloaded bumble & tinder. I've been around. I thought I had a 'good one' locked down. I don't want to sleep around anymore. It's boring and to be honest, I just want a gf.
It's not really a challenge to get laid anymore. They challenge is getting a girl to actually like me rather than to fill her foreigner curiosities.
So, as a result I chose the girl who wasn't explicitly sexual. She didn't put out easily (but did eventually). She was one of the more conservative ones. Things were going well, until I didn't reply to her messages for a day. Just one day. Then suddenly everything exploded. It went from 0-100. She has been shit testing me ever since, but somehow I keep failing.
She insists that I apologise, but I didn't. I didn't overly explain myself much.
Now she keeps saying its like I don't care about her feelings. She says I don't respect her. I thought she would forgive me, but she hasn't. It's been a week already. Now she doesn't reply to my messages for the whole day. And she'd randomly ask me things like 'do you like me?....but the the way you behave doesn't look that way'.
This isn't the first time that something like this has happened. Obviously I am doing something wrong. Because different women keep telling me the same thing, so obviously it must be me. They say I am cold, like a stranger, don't care about them etc. They say I don't respect them.
I am not doing it on purpose. I am not actively trying to sabotage myself. Basically, how do I give women more comfort?
And if anyone has any experience with Chinese/asian girls, then I'd appreciate the advice. Maybe the game is completely different here...do I have to love bomb them at the beginning like a typical chinese guy before going back my natural state of not being affectionate?
In my mind I think I am leaning too much on the extreme side of being cold/aloof or alpha (for lack of a better word). But that's what I'm used to. It's my natural state because it has always worked for me.
First-light 2d ago
I have no experience with Asian women beyond work but I do have several wealthy Chinese female clients. They all have very very high standards. This is absolutely fine when they are happy to pay more for the extra time their jobs need. Its a total nightmare when they don't realise everything in life cuts both ways.
One, whose son was educated at great cost in the same class as the last leader of my country, is a terrible stickler and penny pincher. I actually never take her calls and only reply politely in text to messages she leaves. Sadly it appears that this is still better than any competitor will stand for long because after 10 years she is still calling me. Even called me one day expecting me to shoot deer in her large garden for free (which I declined).
So politeness and high standards are probably quite common. In the end it has to cut both ways though. You can try apologising but maybe then have a gentle talk about expectations. So long as she gives your feelings the respect she would like to receive, it can be fair enough but she needs to be excellent too in return.
Women of all races don't respond the same in LTR settings as when spun in the short term as plates. Plates spin till they break. You want to sustain a LTR unless it is not good enough and that does need another approach. There is a difference between being Alpha and not caring and they do need to see you care. But if she is blowing it all out of proportion and will continue to do so, it may be a red flag.
Lone_Ranger 2 2d ago
sounds like you are doing just fine. Stop doubting yourself.
If a girl is saying complaining about you being cold, saying that you don't respect their feelings etc she is saying that she thinks about you a lot and misses you. this means that all is well.
I am really not sure why you are so worried?
You ask if you should love bomb them. give the more comfort.... are you aware what happens when women get 'more comfort'? they lose respect for you. the shit testing and nonsense starts.
the thing that makes women so hard to understand is that what they say they want is nothing to do with what they want. they say they want a nice guy, that is 'emotionally available' and romantic - and then when they get that, they shit all over him and lose respect for him. you really need to learn that the attributes that a woman says she wants is absolutely not what they want.
If she is really dragging you about being cold, then just give her some line like
"look - I'm a very busy guy. I have a thousand things on. I carve out a lot of time for you - if its not enough, you'll have to find someone else'.
women really respect men that DON'T change for them. they will ask you to change, but this in itself is a shit test - if you do change, then they will know you are weak, and suspect that you have no other options.
It takes guys ages to figure out how women work, because they work so differently from men. the main difference is that what women say they want is absolutely a lie. they don't even know themselves what they want - for example, you will never hear a woman say 'I love guys that don't really care for me so much, that could walk away from me at any moment' ....but this is exactly what gives them tingles.
btw - your question about asking for help from those guys that experience with asian girls is way off - girls are girls. they are the same the world over.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2d ago
A) women are women. The cultural firmware might vary a bit, but the biological hardware is all the same. Chinese women aren't special.
B) if she flipped the fuck out over something this minor, why would you want to hang onto her?
B1) this reads like you have oneitis.
B2) the more committed to a woman that you allow yourself to become, the worse her behavior will get. Take it from a guy whose 20th anniversary is later this year.
I'd ditch her and move on.
But that's just me.
Read the sidebar at the Married Red Pill Subreddit, mainly "Married Man Sex Life Primer" by Athol Kay. It'll help you figure out how to balance alpha/arousal with beta/comfort.
I still think this particular woman isn't worth the effort, but it's a good skillset to have.
MrSupreme 2d ago
I can tell you what I would do.Watch what other men are doing and calibrate your game so it becomes your own version of it,you are after all not chinese in China. If you see guys lovebombing girls from the start with gifts and flowers and all of that,try to micro-lovebomb with something like food: "Do you want any dessert? how about some frozen coffee drinks?"Doesnt matter if she wants it or not. It will still show you care about details but not pedestalizing her with some jewelry or whatever.
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MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 1d ago
Focusing on this pattern failure, not necessarily the current situation at hand.
Perhaps you don't fully understand the difference between Shit Tests and Comfort Tests. I watched a good Rian Stone video on this recently, and would recommend looking it up. Now, I DIDN'T SAY "Comfort/Love Bomb her more!!" This is a much more nuanced calibration than that.
I agree with Typo about the female firmware performing similarly, but also find the guy who remarked you aren't Chinese but in China had a good point. Missing the mark on shit vs comfort tests PLUS not hitting cultural nuances on all cylinders makes for a double whammy toward your chances of improving your game.
How invested in this girl? How is your understanding and application of Dread Game? You said she wasn't initially sexual, is it possible she's maxed out what she can give in that regard?
derdeutscher 1d ago
Just ditch here and move on. Whoever is asking you to apologize for something like that is playing some psycho ops on your mind.
My only experience with Asian women is that they are crazy about muscles. Way more then western women.
Kloi 1d ago
Congratulations and welcome to the next level in your RP journey. Understand maintaining a healthy, meaningful relationship is harder than getting laid.
Things that work well for one, don't necessarily transfer over the best but you seem to already acknowledge that.
I don't what your game actually looks like but I had to dial back how confrontational I am when pulling sluts versus actually keeping one around.
Comfort test were hard for me to pass because I treated them exactly like a shit test or just didn't give a fuck.
That being said, I only dialed it back ever so slightly. Learning to tease, pick on things that aren't something she clings too.
My current girlfriend still calls me an ass hole but with a playful tone in her voice instead of being accompanied with a dinner plate flying at my head.
mattyanon Admin 1d ago
Then you need to fit in with her life including her cultural norms and expectations for the future.
Urgh.
Don't be a beta for her. If you get this shit now, imagine it in 5 years time.
It sounds like you're not seen as committed enough to them.
Then again.. with women.... the more you commit the worse they treat you.
This goes double in cultures where you are expected to provide legally-mandated provisioning.