When Asking for Advice: Answer These Questions | RedPillWomen

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PhantomDream09

Posted 11y ago in Uncategorized - Permalink - Locked - 231 Views

When asking a question, please keep the following things in mind:

New users, do not use a throwaway account - if you want to post on the RPW sub and be a part of our community then please pick an appropriate name. If you truly want to remain anonymous for one reason or another, then message the moderating team. One of the mods may feel inclined to post a thread on your behalf. Keep in mind that you will need a legitimate reason for wanting to remain anonymous.

When you do post a thread, make sure that you actually check back in and respond to the comments people are making. If you are a new user, please take the time to participate on other threads and interact on the sub. Posts made by random users that never participate again on the RPW sub is becoming tiresome. Take the time to participate and contribute to conversations on other threads. Give back to the community before you ask other subscribers to help you out.

When you are creating a thread, be sure to consider and address the following questions:

What is the problem? (Neutral phrasing: use words like "we," and "our" so that you aren't trying to off-load problems at your SO's feet when there's actually plenty of blame to go around)
What are your faults? How have you contributed to the creation of these issues?
Why do you think this (these) problem(s) manifested?
What steps have you already taken to try and resolve the problem?
How long has this been an issue?
Are you making a mountain out of a mole-hill? If a woman you really despised came to you with this issue, would you still think it's a legitimate concern? Or would you tell her she's throwing things out of proportion?
How's your bedroom life right now? Are you taking care of his needs emotionally and physically?

All threads asking for advice and feedback will need to address this information. Understand that additional questions may be added to this list. We are trying to help users provide more well-rounded and insightful background information. Hopefully this will also cut back on instances of trolling and baiting.

This information has been added to the Posting Rules thread, but this will exist as a separate post so that anyone can quickly and easily provide a link to users that have not covered all the appropriate information when asking for advice.

EDIT:

Bad-mouthing TRP, or any RP sub will result in an immediate ban.
Any terms and insults stated for no reason other than to offend and demean another user will be grounds for banning as well.
Do not concern troll or tone police.

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[deleted]

ahostofeyelashes 11y ago

I lurked here (may have posted a few times, can't remember) when I first found out about it, but I just don't like the atmosphere very much. There's a kind of irony in a group of women eager to fulfill and express their femininity being so harsh and rigid with others, especially new people who often seem to be seeking advice here specifically because they don't want the standard Blue Pill spiel. If there's tension in a longterm relationship, it usually involves both people and is the responsiblity of both people, assuming neither one is some kind of sociopath/monster. I actually wish there was a 'softer' sub for people who don't subscribe to either pill and who aren't interested in doling out smackdowns based on sex.

TL;DR - This place would catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, and I'm surprised, given the explicit call for femininity here, that that isn't the case.

PhantomDream09 11y ago

There's a difference between how we treat our men and how we need to get women to understand what it means to be a RP woman. The advice may be hard to hear, but that's because it's what women need to be told, and they aren't going to get the honest feedback anywhere else. It's difficult and it's a process.

This is a space for women to learn how to be better women, GF's, and wives. We stress accountability, self-awareness, and humility. We're not here to bash men, or root each other on for engaging in damaging behaviors.

Men really don't need much in order to be happy - but women are notorious for kicking up dirt and creating problems where none previously existed.

We promise honesty and useful advice. I try very hard to start out gentle and polite, but I will get more "no nonsense" if the person isn't listening. We will tell everyone what they need to hear. We will help anyone better their relationship, attitude, and overall happiness - but that doesn't mean it will be delivered to you on a bed of roses.

Focus on the end-goal, and don't get hung up on whether or not the advice was a bit "tougher" than you initially wanted.

TempestTcup 11y ago

We are feminine for our men, but if we give the smackdown on this sub it would be nothing but "you go grrrl". Every female space devolves to feminism unless rigidly controlled. It's fine if you don't like this space; I'm sure every other subreddit will be fine for you.

a 'softer' sub for people who don't subscribe to either pill

This is RED PILL WOMEN. Why would you come to a sub with red pill in the name and want it to not be red pill? That's nuts!

Good luck finding a soft space to land.

Akordia 11y ago

This advice is perfect for most situations...I am going to use them as a guideline for general communications and to help me to learn to think before I speak.

cat_fox 11y ago

This is good to have; thanks for putting it together. Most new users are used to other more casual forums where anything goes, so it is good to know up front what behaviors are expected here.

Being someone who was accused of making a mountain out of a molehill, I am a bit leery of #6. Sometimes one person's mountain is another person's molehill. Or, a person might just be looking for a different perspective on dealing with minor issues. Just a thought...

PhantomDream09 11y ago

It's a good way to promote reflection and critical analysis. It's true everyone has varying levels of tolerance, but that's also why I included the part about a woman you really dislike explaining the exact same problem to you. You're going to be more critical of someone that you find really difficult to deal with, so if you can apply that same level of skepticism with your own problems - then you will be less likely to take minor problems and make them seem more extreme. It's all about reflection and being as aware and impartial as possible.

Also, it's worth noting that in the thread you are referring to (the one you posted, asking for advice) - getting rained on isn't that big of a deal. Several people were telling you to put things in perspective and understand that your mindset was not helping you in any way, but actually preventing you from being able to simply adopt a logical mindset and move on. Had you been able to use this list prior to creating your post, you might have been able to resolve the situation on your own.

I'm glad you were able to get some good feedback, but please understand that it wasn't an accusation - it was a statement of fact.

cat_fox 11y ago

But to me, the rain wasn't the issue. I was asking about dealing with what I knew to be an over-reaction in my brain. And if that over-reaction happens due to being stuck walking by myself in a downpour (12 inches of rain in 12 hours), or some other silly thoughtless thing that happened, or if I freaked because we were driving too fast and spun out into oncoming traffic in the snow (long ago freak-out cause) my emotional response was still the same. The end result was the same and those were the issues I was looking for feedback on. Not the causes. Please know that I'm just trying to make my perspective known here, not say that I'm right. Just that all folks have different tolerance levels, I guess. :-)

little_red_ 11y ago

I hope you are maybe able to lurk a bit more and see that RPW have only the best intentions on helping women realize how to become a better version of themselves for the profit of a better and stronger relationship and overall happiness, you'll get some tough love occasionally but that's what self improvement is about - sometimes realize you're being irrational or that you're wrong when you really really reaaaaaally don't want to be. I think in your case there are different ways the rain scenario could have been handled but letting resentment build up inside you is not good for yourself or your man. I can't tell you how important it was to you, if it was a mountain or a molehill, but just take a moment to think - will I care about this in a month? A year? Your post may have been misconstrued in regards to your intentions. Maybe take a moment to stop and make sure you've articulated your thoughts precisely and delivered both sides of the story in a neutral and non-accusatory tone.

this video may give you a chuckle, I know I've seen myself with that nail in my head and I try to avoid it now that I'm aware: It's Not About the Nail

cat_fox 11y ago

OH! That is freakin' hilarious!

and

ouch! touché

givemeallthepuppies 11y ago

This may be a stupid question, but are you asking that these questions be answered explicitly in the post, or just that they are considered while the person is composing their post?

PhantomDream09 11y ago

Include the answers to these questions in your post. You don't have to list the question and the answer to this question - but the answers need to be present. You also don't need to get explicit if it makes you uncomfortable to talk about your bedroom life. Simply say "intimacy has dropped a bit" or "we have been consistently intimate, and this problem has not affected our bedroom life." Likewise, admitting to personal faults helps people cast aside any notions in their mind that they "have done no wrong." In a relationship, problems are created because two people are trying to make a life together. Basically, we want to avoid anything that sounds like "well I'm the perfect First Mate, but my SO is dropping the ball all around the place!" Humility and honest self-awareness are very important aspects when it comes to identifying and resolving issues.

Does that clear things up or are you still confused on something?

givemeallthepuppies 11y ago

No, that makes sense. Thanks. :)

little_red_ 11y ago

I think I am a bit guilty of the not-participating-in-other-threads-as-much-as-I-should bit since when I usually get around to it, most of the RPW endorsed women have pretty much already gotten to the point which is a wonderful thing! I try to be pretty straightforward and self-aware when asking questions, but I'd like to bring more to the table here :)

PhantomDream09 11y ago

Oh nonononono, little_red just taking a look at your posting history shows that isn't the case at all! You are chiming in on conversations, you are working on establishing you presence and actively contributing to threads. Keep up the good work and don't doubt yourself. I'm literally talking about random users that post threads, and then either don't come back to respond OR never bother to comment on any other threads...ever.

Don't stress, you're fine.

:0)

[deleted] 11y ago

Thanks for clarifying. I pop in-and-out depending on the day. Some days I am here nearly all day talking with you ladies and then I vanish for a week.

little_red_ 11y ago

I do know of a few posts that I would check back on hoping to hear from OP as to what she thought of the advice being given to no avail, so I think this was very much needed!

[deleted] 11y ago

I love this. If I ever need any advice from the ladies, I'll come back to this list so I can address each question. This also will make it easier to respond to people who want advice (and will hopefully keep their posts from going all over the place without really explaining anything).

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