A little context and background, any feedback is welcomed!
I'm 31 and my husband is 46. I met him when I was 26 and we got together almost immediately. My previous partners were all about 3-6 years older than me and this 15 years age gap is the largest i ever had.
I believe I have found my perfect partner. He is *not* perfect but he is a natural "red pill man". Highly sexual, extreme go getter, countless ex sexual partners which didn't bother me. Very successful and charming. I knew a catch when I met one because he was also kind and very perceptive. It suited me as I was earning higher than my age bracket and I needed that connection that was hard to find.
I would say our relationship started off very sexual and I think subconsciously I knew it was the way to get him from the start. It was very passionate and I am naturally feminine and I am not afraid to show my physical weakness and what I like to call my sometimes bimbo moments.
5 years and 3 kids later, we are still going strong even though we definitely had our ups and downs.
I am thankful he still finds me physically attractive and he has been the best father to our kids and is an awesome husband throughout my pregnancies and post partum period.
I finally understand what it means when women are gatekeepers to sex lol. Our frequencies has gone down a lot compared to the beginning when we first met but I can feel the power every time we come together and it's what keeps our bond going.
Now, to my questions-
- I cant help but feel slightly manipulative in a way after coming to know about RPW, even though I wasn't intentionally being manipulative and everything happened organically. How should I feel about this?
- I find some women overly submissive in the RedPill forums...... is that how it should be? I am not, I am respectful of my partner but not afraid to call him out, even if our dynamics is a male leading relationship. He calls the shots as he is more logical and better planner than me but always taking my opinions into consideration
- Last but not least- I am very open with my partner and would love to talk and discuss redpill with him but not sure if he should know about "sexual strategies" as well as what RPW talk about. As mentioned, he is naturally a masculine red pill man who knows what he wants and got sex all his life without learning any strategies. He found me and loves me for who I am so I am unsure if I want to spoil any dynamics or "let him in" this. lol
Sorry for wall of text!
Kaleidoscopiquant 2y ago
manipulative how? are you somehow getting him to do things for you at his own expense? just think of RPW as self improvement. if it makes you happier, makes him happier, makes your relationship better, where's the manipulation?
it should be whatever makes you both happy. has he expressed any issues with how to talk to him? would being more submissive to him make him happier? it sounds like you're doing just fine the way you are. RP is a toolbox etc etc
i wouldn't. you're going to bring complication into a good thing. just show, not tell. my partner and I discuss sexual dynamics sometimes and his views are naturally RP, but he's never heard of the place and i think it would just weird him out to bring some strange theory into it. RP is just human nature codified. talk to him about how you view human nature and leave the lingo alone i'd say.
airpork 2y ago
thanks for sharing, that's very helpful!
yes sometimes he do get upset at my tone but that's something I need to work on myself, nothing about submissive and I definitely would like to improve on it as a personal growth.
and yes i am leaning towards not complicating things, it's kinda hard to properly explain to someone completely new to the theory anyway.
SunshineSundress 2y ago
The beginning of your relationship and how you view your man sounds A LOT like mine and how I see my man! Not surprisingly, it seems like we currently have a similar approach.
We’ve been together for years, but I haven’t told him a thing about how active I am on here and I don’t really plan to. He doesn’t know what the red pill is besides the general media interpretation of it (“red pill good blue pill bad”). And honestly, I plan to keep it that way. Selfish or not, he doesn’t NEED to know that I had to work hard to become a desirable and worthwhile partner. Maybe it’s a bit silly, but a magician doesn’t want to reveal her secrets.
The MAIN reason that I don’t want to introduce him to the red pill is that the men’s side very purposefully builds off of men’s anger to motivate them to become better men. To me, my man doesn’t NEED to become a better man because in my eyes he’s as close to perfect as it gets (well maybe he could like doing touristy stuff on vacation more but now I’m just nitpicking
Advanced_Bar_673 2y ago
I'm the same way as yourself. My bf knows "I know" about RP, but we don't talk about it directly. And he is familiar with RP but as a "Sigma male" he takes what is useful but still beats to his own drum.
I mix RPW practices into our daily life, and I feel this way we are able to each bring what works for us within RP to our lives, and we leave behind what doesn't. He regularly comments "It's like you were custom built just for me!" and I just smile sweetly because I'd be so embarrassed if he knew the amount of reading, research and relationship advice I give and receive here to be this way
airpork 2y ago
wow i love this. that's my dilemma as i find it enriching to talk about things to him but also, if it ain't broken don't fix it. I am just amazed there's an actual outlet that describes how i feel and been doing into words and theory.
I think i will continue to learn and absorb from here. Being good is a key but maintaining it for long is gold. Thank you!
SunshineSundress 2y ago
Yeah I know what you mean. I think that’s why I like talking about these things as hypotheticals. I don’t tell him, “don’t you love how submissive I am to you?” because he would probably look at me like I was crazy. But we literally had a discussion today about how women who force themselves to be extremely independent (not women who are innately independent) to fit the current societal mold are missing out on one of the best pleasures of being a woman - being taken care and protected of by a man who’s able to call the shots, aka a sexy man. I brought this up and he agreed. Maybe it’s a little cringe, but I find that talking about society or evolutionary biology or general cultural trends is less jarring than talking about what I specifically do/did to win him over.
I totally agree with you that the long term is what it’s really about! That’s why we have to put in the work every day. Thankfully it becomes second nature after a while.
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Kaleidoscopiquant 2y ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/v1pcs5/dear_men_rpw_is_the_womens_sub
Yung4Yrs 2y ago
Ms. Kaleido,
In the year or better I've been occasionally commenting in RPW, the mods have been kind and appreciative of my attitude and experience. You feel the need to downvote my posts and inform me I don't belong here cuz you know what the posters need and I'm a man. I took a look at some of your other comments in Purple Pill Debate. It's obviously not worth engaging your very set opinions. Whatever. I don't come here to pick fights.
Kaleidoscopiquant 2y ago
you didn't answer a single question of hers, unless i somehow missed the part where she said "please, men of Red Pill Women, tell me how often you have sex".
airpork 2y ago
is he really 70 yo? im not ageist but found this hilarious. and yes no questions were answered... haha
Kaleidoscopiquant 2y ago
Yeah he commented on the age gap thread with his full life story, including how much sex he has at 70 with his 50 year old wife. Some guys will take any opportunity to talk about themselves, especially here.
Yung4Yrs 2y ago
No I am not really 70 years old, a lie promulgated by Kaleidosycophant. And laughing at me for answering no questions? The gist of the whole post was should I tell my guy about and discuss with him RPW concepts or not? I went straight at answering that question in the first line. You don't see it because you are blinded by your hard shell biases.
"I cant help but feel slightly manipulative in a way" and "I am very open with my partner and would love to talk and discuss redpill with him but not sure if he should know about "sexual strategies". I would say one of the hallmarks of the women in the RPW forum is transparency in relationships. Since the two of you think it's best to keep your "sexual strategies" from your guys, no wonder you're so quick to pounce the idea of openness and honesty in relationships shared by an older guy in the RPW forum. I've learned from this exchange, thanks. New rule for me. Don't touch a post where the poster smacks of thinking manipulative behavior is a good thing.
Kaleidoscopiquant 2y ago
How old are you?
LadySandcastle 2y ago
You said yourself you're 69 multiple times lol, we're just rounding here.
Euphoric-Chain-5155 2y ago
My wife and I discuss it all of the time. She's on here right now as a matter of fact.
You both took a vow to love and honor each other until death. Engaging with an RP mindset isn't necessarily manipulation, and that should not be your default assumption in the context of a marriage, or even an LTR. You should assume your partner is acting in good faith when they do things.
The idea that the sexes are by default antagonistic towards each other, and cannot be otherwise, is another example of the absolute poison of feminist thought.
airpork 2y ago
Thanks for sharing!! That’s the thought I have as I don’t feel I went into the relationship with any sort of manipulation or strategies in hand. It was all very natural. Discovering RP just kinda made me understand it better as well as be aware of what can be done better. Thanks for sharing!
emmalai85 2y ago
Yes, about a year into our marriage, obey was left in our wedding vows,, and I needed better language for friends,, family, etc..
I won't do things without permission including being on boards like this, we talk about everything.
But, i am submissive in a bdsm way, not just using red pill and surrendered wife way. This forum would not offend him lol
There's a mix of us here, people are different and need different things relationship wise. Don't compare
LadySandcastle 2y ago
My husband's a natural red pill man too in a way, and I've always been a RPW (in the concepts of how men and women are different and what men want vs what women want). I found this forum and I told him about it. Sometimes I read him comments to see what he thinks about it and we have nice discussions.
I'm not overly submissive either. I help make decisions and have always been open about my opinions/telling him when he's wrong. I have a fiery side too, especially if I'm defending something I care about. My husband likes that about me though because it shows I have a lot of care and nurture in me. I am working on expressing all these things in a calmer and less aggressive way.
airpork 2y ago
This is very similar to me.. i get very defensive and passionate at times and I’m honestly working on it instead of launching into a tirade without thinking through
airpork 2y ago
This is very similar to me.. i get very defensive and passionate at times and I’m honestly working on it instead of launching into a tirade without thinking through
sunglasses90 2y ago
It sounds like everything is working perfectly for you so I honestly wouldn’t change a thing. My fiancé doesn’t know about trp, but we talk society and politics and such so he wouldn’t be surprised by it either.
My relationship is similar to yours. My fiancé treats me like an equal, we just have differences in our roles aka traditional gender roles. He asks my input all the time on big decisions and such. My opinion and thoughts on things are a top priority for him.
Throwawayneedhelp77 2y ago
It sound like you have a good marriage.
Throwawayneedhelp77 2y ago
It sounds like you have a good marriage.
airpork 2y ago
Thank you!
airpork 2y ago
Thank you!
Proof-Examination574 2y ago
Never keep anything from your spouse. That's my advice and I've been married 18 years with 2 kids. About the same age as your husband. My wife and I sit around and laugh at some of the stuff posted on WhereAreAllTheGoodMen and talk about red pill stuff sometimes. It's really helped us to understand that she gets taken care of for the rest of her life as her SMV goes to zero in exchange for her giving up her youth and fertility during her peak SMV so that we can be together and have a family. It's more complicated than that but you get the general idea. The red pill truths bring a mutual understanding to couples that would otherwise be some kind of magical or religious indoctrination.
airpork 2y ago
You know what! I ended up overthinking about this.. today I spoke to my spouse casually, briefly sharing RPW and how I resonate to it in some ways. He totally understand the whole thing at first instance, I was pretty impressed. Except he ended by saying he doesn’t need to know about the RP as he don’t need it lol. He’s happy doing what he’s been doing his whole life as a natural RP man type. He says I can continue doing whatever I’m doing as long as I’m happy as he knows I love creeping around in Reddit lolol.