For LTR vetting.
Vetting is long process 1-2y minimum. What mistakes should be avoided to limit woman desire to fuck around or look for other options (while it will always be possibility).
Example: don't overtly state you fuck other women, but only show you can do?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Where are you getting one year minimum of vetting a FWB for an LTR? Most will have become exclusive by someone else by that point
For one, avoid oneitis, don't let your oneitis make you ignore all her flaws and red flags to begin with. When you're wearing rose-colored glasses every red flag just looks like a flag
Second, don't stop seeing other girls (unless you've said you're exclusive with the one you're about to LTR). You need more than one egg in your basket to avoid getting too hung up on her and giving up looking for better women
Obviously don't break your FWB while vetting her for LTR. You don't want to overtly state you're seeing other women. Dodge topic as long as possible if she asks. Unless she says she's seeing other men then at which point why hide it?
Don't let her think she's won you over while vetting or she'll get lazy
Importantly, ask the questions you need to know, or trickle probe things about her life while vetting. Don't do it so overtly that she gets defensive and lies about things, but if you're considering a woman for an LTR you want to unturn the stones before, and not after she's an LTR
Terra 2y ago
I have seen bad habits/red flags coing up later on. Minimum 6m to 1y, especially if you date on-off and don't see much of her.
But that is my goal in the question as well. One dates on-off which will look more of FWB, no one is waiting (meaning both dating non exclusively) everyone is free to do whatever. So I agree with you that sounds long (in modern world, but Im not so sure man should bend.to new world reality)
Would you say that once she proposes to move it to the next level, man should let her know that she is accepted as exclusive but keep her at hand distance and fuck other plates as she will most likely branch swing anyway?
Once I.was in LLTR, progress was lightning. No vetting (almost no vetting, but I wouldn't remeber well today), moved in together fairly quick. She was psycho later, for what I did, most on the forum probbaly would go to jail In USA. Whatever I did it fixed her permanently.
I have a litttle clash of views which are. Invest only in yourself, my early experience, dating at arm length, cultural differences, wokness differences (ofc taking on account the goals of individual) .
My 1St post is thought that sprung up to me reading other poster on forum. There is more factors in play and I'm trying to sort them.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
The rest of your points are valid. Especially if you don't see the girl weekly or more than once a week
This is a tough call. If she asks for exclusivity, you have to seriously evaluate if she's worth that. You can be exclusive without committing to a relationship. This would be a trial period for a serious relationship.
But YOU have to really see yourself possibly being able to be in a LTR with that specific girl. And in the trial period make sure you turn over some stones with the increased time you have together.
You have to realize telling the rest of your plates/prospects that you are going exclusive with another girl may break some. They might not come back if things don't work out with the potential LTR.
So these are calculated risks you have to assume when making such a move. If need be, you could overtly tell her you want to see if a certain aspect is working out before you make a decision but this should be a last resort.
Overtly probe stuff that has zero consequences for overtly probing, and be more sly or careful about probing for things that are more sensitive (n-count, slut tendencies etc). You don't want to get defensive lies by outright finding out an n count etc
[deleted] 2y ago
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whytehorse2021 2y ago
There are 2 approaches to this: passive and active. Rollo's method(plates) is passive, mine is active. We both got awesome wives, kids, happy marriages, etc. I prefer the active method because it is results-oriented whereas the passive method requires luck. Active method is basically just arranging your own marriage. There are some key stats you can use to maximize your return on investment:
n-count: lower is better. Virgins have the highest success in marriages.
Does she want to be a wife and mother or does she want a husband-accessory-thing and child-accessory-thing and a big party called a wedding?
I immediately eliminated thousands of women while vetting by asking them if they want to run away together, get married, and have bunch of kids. My wife said yes so here she is 18yrs later. Next I used an interrogation technique where you keep asking the same questions and see if they change their story. This is why it takes about 2 years to vet. Even the best liars slip up in that time frame. My wife's n-count was 2 and she still says that after 20+ years. There was no revising.
All of these things have many levels of further stuff depending on the guy. You'll have to define that for yourself. For me a wife is a person who is traditional and does things like cooking, cleaning, child rearing, dealing with the social BS, etc. So I vetted for that. Don't need no strong, indahpendayant wahmen's around my household.
Terra 2y ago
Can you give me timeline?
H9w fast from that message "lets run away together" did you move in together. How long after sex. How long after her saying she has feelings for you.
For my mentioned LLTR i need to say I do not remember that at all. I fucked her on.1St date, 2nd meeting all I remember.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
It was long distance. Several years.
Problematic_Browser 1 2y ago
Okay so:
Women like men with options. Look at who they hookup with ffs. Now, I'm not saying rub it in her face, but never stop gaming. Keep it in the back of her head that she might be your first choice, but not your only choice. You do this by having a strong social life that includes women and men.
You cannot control her hypergamy. Trying to do so is a pointless exercise and only makes you look stupid. What you can control is yourself. It took a divorce for me to learn what I'm about to tell you, so take fucking notes: You need to be the best version of yourself that you can be, and if her hypergamy leads her away, chalk it up to the game. Do not try to "get her back" or any of that shit.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
The biggest mistake is to "try to vet for a LTR" rather than "evaluate how this woman really is". The problem with the former approach is that there is a strong tendency to let a few red flags go, commit too much time, etc.
Terra 2y ago
Yea there is tendency to let the red flag go. I did it, but from what I know I managed to turn the girl into green flags for quite many years . Only my blue alpha fuckups led to split. She even gave me (almost) direct advises which I have ignored, but somehow remeber them today, altho being said years before split.
If comes to veting, yeah just live and look who around is showing better qualities, in essence that would he shotgun vetting, yet still vetting. If one is able not to get emotionally invested, one maybe could take some steps to secure the outcome so girl will not to get slutty/on CC as a form of.revenge/regret. So focus not on the SMV man works for but rather things that should stay in shadow.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2y ago
(what mistakes should be avoided to limit woman desire to fuck around or look at options)
I'm not sure this is something you really worry about. I mean if a girl is openly going out with other guys and talking about it, she's a plate or FWB, she's removed herself (at least for now) from being a LTR.
You only want to consider a girl for LTR if , she doesn't want to go with other guys and wants your time and is actively trying to obtain your time. In this case she's saying you are her best option, she wants you.
If she's not doing that, why would you consider her to be a LTR, she needs to show that level of interest first. That's IMO
then, all the other items of why you'd LTR her, have to be looked at also.
she's level headed, not crazy treats you great can cook, clean doesn't spend beyond her income doesn't have huge debt is not social media hooked and so on
Terra 2y ago
I have problem with that. I dont think in my world someone can remove themselves from being LTR option temporarily. That is borderline with OK I had some fun, lets see now..
One could be non jealous but realising that someone hits her up and (occasionally) accidentally finding out, wouldn't bother you, or affect how you see things? Or at least wouldnt that plant a nail at 5he back of your head so it would affect how you see her in a future?
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2y ago
(I don't think in my world someone can remove themselves from being LTR option temp)
If they didn't have exclusivity agreement, and she is dating other guys, why is she removed from LTR?
I agree there are things that , once removed from LTR, it's forever. Depends on the item and situation.
Terra 2y ago
If I would have absolute zero knowledge then ofc by the virtue of it, no problem.
But I'm very suspicious and developed very good sense of bulshit detector. Think about shit testing women do without knowing - its the same. I can.ask stupID questions (even for myself they sound like it, PS that might be amused mastery or similar ) and then they so often lead to surprising conclusions. Even few weeks down the line.
So any hint of girl fucking around would scar back of my mind, questioning her choice to settle down later. This would be prerequisite to "I had my fun, time to settle" that none of us wants (I understand that none of them are expected virgins, yet man didn't witness or suspect her taking dick, while being in FWB).