Hey all, some background first:
I'm 25 years old, living in a small-ish university town in Europe. Working a successful career in IT, recently finished my master's degree, have my own place. Did competitive swimming during my younger years which combined with working out at the gym in recent years has kept me in athletic shape (currently working on bulking up with more muscle). I've had a couple "proper" relationships over the years with one or two ONS/FWB in between but have spent the last two-ish years focusing purely on improving myself and my life (which in part led me to discovering TRP). This "hiatus" was mainly sparked by my last relationship - being in that situation had left me mentally fucked up and ultimately caused me to decide that I would rather spend my time developing myself and my life until I am ready to involve myself in any non-platonic relationships with women.
Well, recently decided that its finally time to start actively working on my skills with women, which leads me to this post. This is my first "proper" experience since these last couple years and I writing this report as a way to self-reflect on the things I've internalized over the course of these two years, as well as identify the issues (which there are many of) that are still to be fixed. I will break down this interaction with this woman into three sections: before the first date, during the date, and after the date.
Before the date: We matched on Hinge: she's an exchange student who just came here from SEA, kinda cute, fit, smart, probably a 7 overall. Her profile mentioned something about liking beer, so I opened the conversation right away by suggesting we go out for a drink. She suggested a day she was free right away, to which I simply told her that I would text her day-of with the time when I'd be picking her up. Texted her on the morning before the date with the time, and got her address in response.
Date: Picked her up, we exchanged some basic small talk in the car, then I told her we're going to the city to check out the sights. Walked around town for half an hour, then I told her we're going to play pool. Got into some more banter/teasing as we were playing the games: stuff like betting a round of drinks on the game, or calling her out when she misplayed her turn etc. After playing for an hour or so, went to a nice bar nearby to grab another round of drinks (she paid for this one). Conversation was a bit more flirty at this place: stuff like joking about how its past her bedtime and that she's a bad girl for staying out so late. Decided to go out for a night drive after leaving the bar (I only had one alcoholic drink and was fully okay to drive). We spent the next hour just driving and chatting until we ultimately agreed it's late, after which I dropped her off at her place. Almost immediately after dropping her off she texted me saying she had a great time and asking me if I got home safe, to which I simply replied that I'm home and also had fun.
After date: I spent the next two days (the weekend) just doing my own shit, not thinking about the girl or texting her. Woke up on the third day to a message from her asking how my weekend was and to let her know if I want to meet up again while re-iterating how much fun she had. I replied that I am still interested in meeting up but my schedule for the week is packed and that I would message her when I have the time to meet. She basically replied with a "no worries, just let me know when you have time and you're up for it". And that's where we're at right now.
All in all, there's definitely things here that I think I did right, but also some very obvious things that I did wrong.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- GOOD: Assertive and to-the-point opener and texts. I practically asked her out in the very first message, and we had a date set up within 4 total messages. Efficient, and no bullshit.
- GOOD: Being the one to set the time and activities for the date. Throughout the whole evening I was simply telling her the things we would do, instead of asking for her opinion. This is a big improvement for me as I have a history of asking girls what they want to do, instead of leading like a man.
- GOOD: Date structure was conducive for a gradual increase in closeness. A simple walk at first (to vet for her not being a catfish/psycho/whatever), an engaging competitive activity, followed by a more social atmosphere in the bar, and a more intimate setting later in the car.
- GOOD: No pedestalizing/simping. I bought her a single drink, which was a bet in our game of pool (that I lost fair and square). That's it. This is not generally a problem in my country's culture (girls here tend to pay for themselves or want to split things evenly on dates), but thought I would bring it up since its a common mistakes guys seem to make.
- BAD: There was definitely points during the whole evening where I simply didn't know what to talk about. I think I handled it pretty well in general by either ignoring it or just saying whatever to restart the conversation, but its definitely a sign for me to keep improving my conversational skills.
- THE BIG BAD: No physical escalation. I didn't touch her during the date, or kiss her at the end of it, nor anything in between. This is something I'm well aware of but its been the one thing I've been having trouble improving on. The reason is most likely fear of rejection. As long as I don't physically escalate, there's no risk of rejection and we can just have a good time; is what I tell myself.
Overall this is a win in my books. It's my first attempt at this after a long break and I'm happy to see how many things I'm doing correctly now that me from a few years ago would've fucked up royally before the date even began. Of course there's also things to improve but luckily this community has enabled me to reflect on these things much more efficiently. I'm sharing this as-is, but any feedback or advice is of course greatly appreciated.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
The fact you are a new account and properly formatted a field report and met the posting requirements for one (one that didn't get a lay no less) is impressive and respectable
In terms of advice, the fact she said that she was tired and was a bad girl (enough of an innuendo on its own) and then STILL stayed out for another hour isolated with you (always watch what they do not what they say) and you were already bringing her home, you could have smashed.
The fact she wants to see you again confirms that even more. You already had logistics in the bag. You could have invited yourself in with any reasonable plausible deniability excuse and could have smashed
boosted 1mo ago
Not gonna lie, I didn't read the posting requirements if there were any. Just used the few leftover brain cells in my head and tried to write something that makes sense. Glad to hear it wasn't complete nonsense.
As for the advice, its totally obvious when you spell it out like this but I tend to miss obvious signals/IOIs like these in the moment. Very good point about watching what they do - I definitely have a tendency of overthinking their words rather than judging by actions. Adding this to the list of things to improve on.
MrSupreme 1mo ago
Dude, you don't need feedback from the forums if she wants another date. you're doing ok, go for the kiss next date, the earlier the better.And maybe even a fuck the same date, but take the kiss first.
boosted 1mo ago
You have a point, my situation probably isn't as hopeless as some of the other people on these forums (or online in general). But I did make mistakes and there's room to improve which is why I'm asking more experienced people for feedback on doing so (hence this post).
As for the physical escalation on the next date, I fully agree with you.
redhawkes 2 1mo ago
Cool, just don't turn this into some friendzone shit. At least you're aware of your fuckups. It takes a while to get into the flow state, especially after a long period of stagnation. Could have slayed on the first date tho, just needed to be more zfg oriented.
Next time, do some kino right away, pick her up, hug her etc. Don't let her thing you're an eunuch. Then, use some bullshit to get her in your place and escalate from there. Nothing to be afraid of. To women, touch equals sexuality, don't forget that.
boosted 1mo ago
Definitely not letting this turn into any kind of friendzone situation, I've fallen into that trap way too many times in my life. Generally speaking my investment in this chick is as close to zero as can be, so in the worst case if it doesn't work out, I'll just forget about it and move on.
As for the kino next time, totally agree. Lack of physical escalation really is my biggest sticking point in this (as others in the comments have also pointed out), so I'll be focusing on improving that in the future.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Lol, beta
/s
For real though, properly timed and executed hugs can be quite deadly and underrated in game. They can be completely total vibe changers or vibe enhancers for rapidly escalating out of nowhere if you are surgical about when and how and why it's done.
redhawkes 2 1mo ago
Here in Europe, hug with a kiss on the cheek is standard greeting method and easy way to kino. Same as smacking her ass when you say goodbye when the vibe is sexual.
boosted 1mo ago
I happen to be in the one country in Europe that has a culture of keeping massive physical distance to strangers so those kinds of greetings definitely aren't standard here. Not making an excuse to not do it, just an anecdotal point...
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
My /s was not powerful enough
:(
redhawkes 2 1mo ago
Nah, that was a footnote for aspies.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Oh okay good