One of the worst habits I see in people everywhere, including men on this very platform, is negative self-talk. What do I mean by this? Some examples:
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I can't talk to women
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I can't converse with strangers
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I'm a coward
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I have anxiety
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I'm a loser
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I'm a moron
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I can't do anything right
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nothing ever turns out right
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I'm bad at everything
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I'm afraid of ___
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I'm ugly
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I always fuck up
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I never learn
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my stupidity holds me back
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I have no willpower
- I have no self-control
Etc etc etc. You see the pattern right? None of them are statements of fact, and all of them program the speaker/writer for a miserable life full of failure and loserdom. Saying such statements reinforces that negative belief in your mind, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've occasionally had this talk with someone, only to have them reply something to the effect of "I need to acknowledge reality". Actually acknowledging reality would be something like "I'm only 5'3" tall" or "I'm going bald" or "I need to get in shape". Those are stated as obstacles which one can overcome or at least mitigate, rather than defeatist garbage. To take one of the examples I gave earlier and transform it from defeatist negative self-talk into a goal-oriented statement, instead of "I'm a coward" start saying "up until now, I have behaved in a cowardly manner, but I am working on it". See the difference? And actually work on it.
Habits can be difficult to break, but it's possible and even essential to break this one if you have it. Make a conscious effort to catch yourself doing it, stop yourself in your tracks, and replace it with some kind of goal-oriented statement. Keep at that long enough, and you'll eliminate one of the worst habits someone can have.
Alternatively, keep wallowing in negativity and loserhood. It's your life.
Goingthedistance 1mo ago
I feel personally attacked by this post, but Typo-MAGAshiv is my bro.
Self doubt is perhaps the worst you can do to yourself, this year alone i've fumbled at least 7+ girls because i kept thinking how ugly i was how much of a piece of shit i was etc. My go to advice is hit the gym daily and get better at it, you will be better looking, meet new people and your perception of yourself will change.
Yojimbo1786 1mo ago
Anyone recommend practices to build positive self-talk? Throughout my whole life and childhood, people (family, teachers, "friends", random strangers) try to constantly put me down, and eventually I began to believe it, in the last couple of years I managed to get a better job, lift heavy, eat cleaner, graduate a degree my family said it would be hard for me.
But sometimes when I am succeeding, the negative self talk creeps up behind and tries to put me back to square one, if it wasn't for one my only true mates who was the only person I could think of who gave me positive validation, I would have not been able to achieve
But I cannot keep relying on him, I need a genuine way to break this cycle. Any tips how?
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 1mo ago
From my OP:
and an example from the previous paragraph:
It takes conscious effort applied consistently, and it isn't easy. You'll find it's worth it, though.
First-light 1mo ago
Keep a daily diary of positives. You may be surprised how much good stuff you either do or receive from others that you let slip past because of a couple of negatives that you focus on.
At the end of the day take a piece of paper or a notebook and write down good stuff you did and stuff people did for you. Read it back once a week.
Sometimes perception is a big part of the problem. The brain is programmed to avoid bad things, so it focuses on them more than is actually realistic. This kind of thing can help you to see this is fact not just crap your mates say to stop you winging. They are usually actually telling you the truth.
Lone_Ranger 2 1mo ago
The strongest walls holding you back are the ones you build yourself.
MrSupreme 1mo ago
It can be beneficial in this case to positively compare oneself with guys who have "made it". That other guy lost 20kgs,I only need to lose 15,so can I. That other guy got a better job,so can i.That other guy got himself a hot girl, so can I,I just gotta practice and learn game.
It beats saying "that guy is too good at game so women love him, I can never be that guy", "that guy is buff and is very athletic,I'm just a chubby fuck".
A lot of men need role models,it doesn't have to be a father figure,just someone that seems to know what it takes.