Men and women both suffer from what I call the “weak” emotions. The weak emotions are fear, anxiety, depression, angst, boredom, distraction, worry, etc… There are many different types of anxiety and they combine in weird ways to cause a plethora of mental problems of women. I can’t make a complete list of the weak emotions, but you get the point. I call these emotions weak because they make a person weak: confused, listless, and unable to pursue or achieve any worthwhile goal. If you’ve ever been under the spell of anxiety or depression, you literally feel a weight on your body that prevents you from doing anything positive. Crazy thoughts race through your head that prevent you from focusing on anything, sleeping, or enjoying your life. Worst of all, the weak emotions are constantly changing, coming and going, so a person feeling them has no way to battle them or a solid footing to rest their thoughts and emotions on. Some scientists have argued that the weak emotions have an evolutionary purpose, but as a matter of practical reality in the modern world the weak emotions usually just cripple people and serve no good. The weak emotions are very difficult to overcome and basically make life shit for anybody experiencing them. This is a wild oversimplification, but mental illness is basically when a person’s weak emotions become too strong and a person’s logical mind cannot control them.
There is one thing that can conquer the weak emotions: masculinity. What is masculinity? It is difficult to describe any human emotion in words, but I will attempt to define masculinity as an emotion (or a series of emotions) that make a person feel powerful, confident, competitive, aggressive, focused, etc… In other words, masculinity is an energy that makes one feel they can overcome any obstacle life throws at them. It is probably the result of various chemicals in your body. The precise definition of masculinity is beyond the scope of this article, but you know it when you see it. The only thing that can conquer an emotion is a stronger emotion, and masculinity is stronger than the weak emotions so it can conquer and silence them. A person who can focus his masculinity with his logical brain can plow through the weak emotions, focus on his goals, feel powerful and dominant, and become successful. Masculinity clears all the emotional debris and useless thoughts floating in a person’s head and focuses them.
Just as both men and women feel the weak emotions, both men and women are capable of masculinity. Women who have no men in their life oftentimes are often forced to become masculine. Women also naturally become more masculine as they age, perhaps because of their body produces more testosterone. Both and women enjoy feeling masculine because it kills the weak emotions.
Now here is where the misogyny starts: because women are less masculine than men, they feel weak emotions on a stronger level than men. Studies have definitively shown that women experience anxiety and depression at twice the level men do. Maybe the chemicals in their brain produce more anxiety and depression, or maybe they just feel it worse because they don’t have masculinity to combat it. Who knows? Feminists argue that women feel anxiety and depression more than men because society is tougher on women, but they’re probably just creating a bullshit explanation to explain data that is not favorable for them.
Because women feel the weak emotions on a stronger level than men, they have historically been stereotyped as “emotional,” “weak,” “irrational,” “hysterical,” “crazy,” “unstable,” “constantly changing their minds,” etc… Women being emotional has historically been the excuse for not giving women rights, because women are just as smart as men. Women in power are often considered “bitches” probably because people suffering from the weak emotions are more likely to feel anxious and threatened, and lash out and become defensive. Another reason women may become “bitches” is that they are trying to fake masculinity – but because they don’t have the actual emotions that accompany masculinity, they come off as unconfident and vindictive.
Please keep in mind: women don’t like being tortured by their weak emotions. They know they are crazy. They know nothing good comes from anxiety. WOMEN HATE THEIR OWN EMOTIONS. That is why women are often disgusted by men who probe their emotions and want to “fix” them. They know there is nothing to fix. Their concerns are stupid, illogical, frivolous and constantly changing. There is no rhyme or reason to them so trying to satiate, address or fix them won’t solve anything. Women know they are being crazy and a man who enters the world of their emotions is just losing himself in a maze with no exit. Women would oftentimes rather men dismiss or ignore their emotions rather than to respond to them as if they were legitimate concerns. They also prefer a man “listen” to their problems rather than offer a solution because they know there is no solution. They don’t want their problems “solved” – they want to be in the presence of masculinity so they can forget their problems.
Because women hate their weak emotions, they are attracted to masculinity. They admire anybody who is calm, collected, unemotional, focused, ambitious, motivated, unshakeable, confident, powerful, and happy. They also like people who are disciplined, live by rules, and have strong boundaries – because those things break weak emotions. Depression makes you want to sleep all day – well you can conquer depression if you are forced to wake up at 6 AM to go the gym! Women are also attracted to men who are not afraid of other men and cannot be broken or intimidated by other men (or nature). If a man is calm, focused, and driven, and can also defeat other men in whatever competition exists, then there is nothing to worry about in life and no cause for weak emotions. He can obtain food, a place to live, comfort, security, happiness, etc… He may not be able to deliver those things today, but he has the emotional make-up for it. Women need that.
The reason men act “beta” around women because they don’t understand how awful weak emotions make women feel and how amazing they feel to be around a man not affected by those emotions. For example, it’s dating 101 that a man should take the lead on a date, choose the restaurant, guide the conversation, choose the next bar, etc… Most men don’t know this instinctively. Instead, they think “well I don’t really care where we eat – I’ll ask her what she likes.” But in a woman’s mind, making any choice invites them back into the hell of their weak emotions. “There are so many restaurants. Which one? What if the Italian place is closed? What if he doesn’t like it? Etc…” Picking a restaurant gives the woman the same angst as picking a college would for a man. That’s why a woman would much rather the man just pick a place, even if its not good. The anguish of eating at a shitty restaurant is not nearly as bad as the anguish of the weak emotions attacking her brain as she makes this decision.
Women attracted to masculine men like to feel men’s masculinity vicariously through the man. In other words, a man can lessen a woman’s weak emotions by channeling her emotions through his own masculinity. Let’s go back to our date example: if a woman wanted to go out to eat with her girl friends there would be a lot of anxiety as to which place to pick. The women would pick a place, but it would be a tough, annoying decision. She would be tortured by weak emotions. But when she’s with a man, he makes that decision for her. BAM! Weak emotions destroyed.
Another example is known as a “shit test.” A shit test is basically when a woman challenges a man with a bit of anxiety she has been feeling. If a man reacts with masculinity, he passes. If he reacts with anxiety, he fails. For example, let’s say the woman says “why are you talking to me? I’m not that pretty. You must be a player.” Here, she is expressing anxiety. Her anxiety is that you might be a player taking advantage of her. A lot of guys might respond with a long speech about how they are not a player. But that doesn’t make the woman feel better because she is still feeling attacked by her weak emotions and nothing he can say can definitively convince her he is not a player. A good response would be the following: “I might be a player. I might not. You’re just going to have to take a chance.” This response says to the woman “I am not allowing you to entertain these weak emotions. You will either fuck me or you will not.” While it may seem wrong to dismiss her concerns about you being a player, the fact is that there is nothing you can say to convince her either way, so you might as well just dismiss that emotion before it annoys her.
Here’s another shit test: she asks me to buy her a drink. I say no. She calls me cheap. Once again, her calling me cheap is an expression of anxiety. You may think her anxiety is that she doesn’t want to be with a cheap guy. Wrong! Her real anxiety is that being insulted makes her feel bad, so she wants to insult me and see how I react. If she insults me with what she KNOWS to be a frivolous insult and I act upset or insult her back, she loses attraction because I am displaying weak emotions. If I can show the insult doesn't faze me I show myself to be a suitable partner because I can destroy weak emotions in a way she can’t. So when she calls me cheap I respond “yeah, that’s why I have a lot of money. I don’t spend it on stupid shit.” I make it clear that I am not going to tolerate her feeling weak emotions about me being cheap and I will not feel insulted or make her feel shitty either. That’s why it’s usually good to respond to a shit test with a joke – it shows that you are not under the grip of any weak emotions at all.
It is said that women are more “compassionate” and “sensitive” than men. This is sometimes true – because women feel the weak emotions more strongly than men they are oftentimes more compassionate to people going through those things. However, women can also be more cruel and heartless than men because when a person is under the grip of the weak emotions and feels threatened, they will lash out in incredibly vindictive and destructive ways with no regard for the feelings of others.
It is said that women like “assholes.” This is not exactly true – women like emotionally unavailable men. Why? Because men when a man displays emotions, the women is reminded of her own weak emotions, and becomes disgusted. Many of the emotions that make up “love” are weak emotions – weak, transitory, changing, irrational, etc… Women don’t want a man who loves them, but a man they can love with no problems. It is much more attractive to a woman to see a man be passionate and emotional about something other than her, but also to let her tag along so she can channel her emotions through him and feel masculine through his life. Another reason that women like “assholes” is that society teaches us that if a person displays weak emotions we should respond with concern and compassion. But as we have learned, that’s nto what women want. Women want a guy who will oftentimes dismiss their concerns.
So the upshot? When dealing with women, the man has to be an unbreakable pillar of confidence. He has to show little to no anxiety and if he does show anxiety, he must immediately have a solution for it. He must smile and have fun, because that is what people without anxiety do. And when the woman expresses anxiety through her words or behavior, he must immediately set her straight.
These facts are difficult to accept and apply. For one thing, men naturally want to make an emotional connection with women so it is difficult to extricate from yourself that situation and remember that you can’t display or encourage weak emotions. I have dated girls that were going through difficult times in their life but my “advice” only made me look unattractive. Furthermore, nobody (men or women) knows these truths, so you have to interact with women as if they were your equals. You have to dismiss women’s anxieties without looking like an insensitive jerk (most men fail on this point). Women still need love, compassion, and attention, they just need to have their weak emotions shut down. Finally, sometimes women DO have legitimate concerns, and they need to be addressed. It’s your responsibility as a man to figure out which one of their concerns are legitimate and which are weak emotions.
Go to my blog: http://www.playersjourney.net
johnnight 10y ago
OP, this is easily the Top 3 all time post on this sub, and I somehow missed it! This is sidebar material.
This is the emotional basis for ALL interactions with women. It encompasses many specific rules, e.g. shit test, frame, etc.
[deleted]
[deleted] 10y ago
This was fucking fantastic
partygeit 11y ago
Dont ever undestimate depression, it can not be defeated by simply waking up at 6 Am and hitting the gym. Sadly enough there's more To it than that.
Max998 11y ago
I'll accept that, but why are suicide rates among men so much higher? What makes depressed men more liable to off themselves than depressed women?
SmellyJelly22 11y ago
Have you ever seen a pretty homeless girl?
Max998 11y ago
Haven't seen too many homeless girls to begin with.
SmellyJelly22 11y ago
my point exactly
[deleted]
Gabe6678 11y ago
Well written. What should I do if a woman tells me about a legitimate problem? For example, she thinks she didn't pass her final. She probably did, but there's a good chance she didn't.
[deleted] 11y ago
Ask her if she can do anything about the problem, if not, why worry about something out of her control now? Distract her away to something you both enjoy.
no_face 11y ago
"Either way, you can still get a job at NASA ... in the kitchen"
[deleted] 11y ago
Worrying about something you can't know is pointless. Worry over the outcome of a final exam should be dismissed outright. Once the outcome is known you then deal with the resulting emotions.
fin8 11y ago
Give her a nuggie
kinklianekoff 11y ago
"it is out of your hands" and instantly redirect to something positive
Hyooge 11y ago
Give her a long friendly asexual hug and console her for 4 hours telling her everything will be alright.
[deleted] 11y ago
And buy her several expensive meals.
dray121212 11y ago
Great advice. I end up laying mad pipe using that strategy.
[deleted] 11y ago
"Keep pushing forward."
SmellyJelly22 11y ago
This is another example of a weak emotion. There is nothing you can say to her to make her feel better. You can't fix her final for her. So you might as well just say "I KNOW you did fine" and change the subject.
[deleted] 11y ago
"That's always a possibility. We'll just have to wait and see."
itsmsbetty 11y ago
That doesn't make sense. 'I know you did fine.' she comes back the next day with a 12%...
SmellyJelly22 11y ago
there is nothing else I can say. Like I said, there is nothing I can say to make her feel better. Once she fails the quiz, I can say "well the quiz wasn't important." But at that time, that's my best option .
[deleted] 11y ago
Tell her to study harder for the next one, theres no point in dwelling on the past.
itsmsbetty 11y ago
So... When she fails her college FINAL you tell her it's not important?
You got this all wrong.
"you seem like you've been preparing a lot, I'm sure you did well"
This statement has a lot of meanings. Firstly, if she didn't study, she will be shamed indirectly and maybe she'll study next time. Second, you acknowledge her hard work. Any girl wants that man they look up to, to acknowledge their work.
SmellyJelly22 11y ago
Ok dude the point isn't about what to specifically say in every situation. The point is to not honor her freaking out.
More_Human 11y ago
Exactly. Worrying over something you currently have zero influence over? Weak.
wiseclockcounter 11y ago
Shaming her into studying the next time? If you guys are going to use hypotheticals, you should use ones that you've actually experienced. itsmsbetty, I'm more on your side on this one, but I think you miss the point too.
Girls patently, or at least overtly, DO NOT want their feelings to be disregarded. With your approach, it only works if the girl really knows she didn't do that badly. But if it's a legitimate concern -the tangent you guys went on- and she knows she fucking failed, giving empty consolation will only inflame the situation.
My solution, perhaps not entirely better than either of yours would be to shift the focus from the test itself, from the item of concern, and instead focus on her qualities independent from any stressor,
"This test was important, you may have gotten a bad grade, but it is not a reflection of your intelligence. Everyone knows how smart you are, there is no question there. Everyone bombs a test here and there, the good thing is that there are things you can do to improve your standing. It will suck, and it would have been better if it didn't happen, but you're smart enough and capable enough to fix things."
A girl OR a guy in that situation is automatically going to be spiraling into a thought vortex around the singlular mistake and all it's possible ramifications. You need to take them out of it, build them up, and reveal the possible solutions. It's about instilling confidence and optimism- traits that OP would probably argue are masculine anyways.
Darth_Pete 11y ago
Your approach of consoling would work IF the person was a male. Using the entire redpill must reads as the basis, females generally don't want any advice or reasoning when they turn to you for emotional support. Any attempt to give advice will be perceived in their minds as you not listening. Listening is should be just listening to the female mind. OP is correct in that the correct way to respond is to make a brief statement and stick to your frame and move on. Anything else is falling into her frame and (although it might seem counterintuitive from the logical male mind) she will resent you for it.
wiseclockcounter 11y ago
Again, girls do not want their feelings disregarded. I can follow TRP on a lot of things, but this thread is one I am struggling with...
Perhaps it's because I'm thinking in terms of my experience with an ex where she would get extremely hysterical, and OP is talking in terms of a casual plate. But like I assumed, we're talking about legitimate feelings in this tangent, so again, I fail to see how glazing over the problem showing zero sympathy will benefit the situation.
Her feelings are important to her so she will resent you if you don't acknowledge them. If you're trying to have any relationship beyond fucking a chick, then you're going to have to deal with her feelings and make her feel better. The trick is to do that while maintaining masculinity. And unless I overlooked it, I've yet to see anyone put forth a proper solution.
*A possible solution: You listen to their feelings and tell them you understand how they feel (parrot back what they said and add "that must be tough" etc) But never cave completely to their feelings. So don't say, wow he was a total dick, that teacher can not even teach for his life, you did absolutely no wrong. No. You call bullshit out where it happens. Deal with the feelings but maintain masculinity by stopping the train when she pulls some bullshit.
SO far, this thread just seems like a very unconvincing and unwarranted derivative of RP theory.
sam_sing 11y ago
Eye opening.
[deleted] 11y ago
Yea I get described as an emotionless robot simply because I don't break down once a week...
Hoodwink 11y ago
I know this setup.
What's she actually saying is that she's not feeling anything with you. She's a girl who needs beta orbiters. But, you probably also need to work on making her feel something - anything really. It's not about you feeling something, it's about you making her feel.
Men recharge with quiet. The new 'fishing' is some mindless video-game. Women like that don't actually recharge and calm the ocean waves, they distract themselves with other feelings.
[deleted] 11y ago
I give her the "fuck me now feelings" which is good enough for me.
EmergedRed 11y ago
From a TRP perspective, is there any advantage into utilizing your own weak emotions to show vulnerability and potentially trigger attraction in a girl? Or should a man always demonstrate invulnerability in their emotions?
SmellyJelly22 11y ago
That's a good question and I honestly don't know. I think if you do talk about your weak emotions, you have to do in a way that shows that you have conquered them completely or that you do a great job of controlling them. However, you do not want to look like an emotionless robot.
riyuugonepro 11y ago
That's indeed the hard part, going one way(emotional) or the other(emotionless) is easy.
To find balance between those 2 is the hard part. If you're too insensitive they'll have nothing to hold to.
So how can you manage to be unemotional but not insensitive? For example she says she's stressed and you know why. You can't just not give a shit, but if you care too much she also looses attraction.
SmellyJelly22 11y ago
She says shes stressed. I ask her why. She gives her reason. If her reason is legitimate, I offer a solution. If her reason is bullshit I dismiss it.
[deleted] 11y ago
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
CodeineCowboy 11y ago
What about when she is suddenly always...stressed...?
SmellyJelly22 11y ago
Honey, you need therapy.
And if it continues, you dump her. If a woman keeps showing you weak emotions and nothing you can do silences them, then she is probably not interested.
Hamilton5M 11y ago
I think it's more that women want someone to listen to their endless emotional complaints and needs, someone who never corrects them or contradicts them.
Being "emotionless" might be seen as dominance. Even the hardest bitch desires to have someone powerful and dominating. That's what I consider "the surrender"
They no longer have to worry or feel scared or insecure. They have the alpha male who takes care of the problems.
Interesting point of view for sure.
ilovemagicmush 11y ago
I dabbled in steroids
Once my estrogen was really high
I couldn't control my emotions at all. It was exactly what you said. Like masculinity was pulled from me
d6x1 11y ago
Not so much unemotional men, but those in control of their emotions and the ability to affect others'.
lucifa 11y ago
Estrogen.
Interestingly guys with high testosterone may also have an issue with this, given that a percentage aromatases to estradiol. Guys on steriods can get really emotional if they don't keep their estrogen in check with aromatase inhibitors.
I'd advise any man to have their E1 and E2 blood levels tested to verify they're within a healthy range. You need a reasonable amount of estrogen for well-being, joint care, libido and muscle building, but any excess is extremely undesirable for men. It's easy to manage by dosing low amounts of Aromasin.
Darth_Pete 11y ago
It all depends on the amount. Estrogen is normal in both male and female, likewise, androgens are normal in both genders as well.
Aromatization occurs in fat tissue. This process is normal. Aromatization becomes a concern if the person has a high percentage of fat tissue (e.g. Male with excess fat or in general women). Such a case is polycystic ovarian syndrome where the female patient would produce excessive testosterone which then aromatized to estrogen further increasing the hormonal imbalance.
CptDefB 11y ago
This is really fucking good.
I don't see gold tossed around here much, but this post is beyond deserving.
You should feel excellent about writing it.
justRPthings 11y ago
That was long, but a seriously great post. Well worth a read through.
thats a great concise description of what is at the core of all shit tests. god I love this post.
sweely 10y ago
I think this is the very first time I've understood what a shit test really means. Great post!
logi_thebear 11y ago
I think this is a contender for my favorite TRP post thus far.
[deleted] 11y ago
Wow, serious wall of text, but worth it. I spent a lot of time in my younger days with a well known jungian writer who was a mentor, and this is exactly what he said many times over, albeit in a different language, and he was right.
As far as the end of your post, how to deal with this stuff? Some guys go cocky-funny with a females emotions, but the reality is that this is immature, more appropriate for teenagers and people who are most comfortable with interactions on a superficial level. The masculine response to one's own or another's emotional weakness is a stony gaze on the horizon (don't engage or get personally involved) and then some form of action. Not action to 'fix' but action that betters oneself because thats what men do. Women, although they may not understand immediately, eventually respect this sort of behavior because in general it is what they are not capable of. Wallowing in the bog of emotionality is poison to masculinity, and if indulged makes an inferior man. It's something we all need to learn to leave behind in order to grow up, and it's not easy even though it is necessary.
This is a great post. Wish we saw more like it here.
Labore_Et_Constantia 11y ago
I think you need a combination of humor and stoicism because using too much of one and not ANY of the other makes you predictable, even while both of them CAN work and both of them DO work completely on their own, the combination of them makes them lethal.
There are times when you want to use humor to diffuse the situation and there are times when you want to just be completely stoic/serious and let her know, enough is enough and you're not tolerating it on ANY level (not even humoring her BS).
ss_camaro 11y ago
Or escalate physically in a non-sexual way.
jianinglai 11y ago
Well said, thank you for sharing.
Lightning14 11y ago
Wow, I never reflected on the truth of this before. Anecdote time. Sports and live music are two areas where I can really get into the moment and forget everything else. They are passions of mine, where even when I was usually very beta I wouldn't be bothered with a woman's needs in that environment. I had an ex who would watch basketball games with me (even though she had no interest before or after our LTR) and told me she loved seeing me get so into the games. Another FWB told me once that live music for me was like sex because she could see the excitement in my face when we were out. Neither of these girls really cared much about basketball or live music on their own, but it appears in my presence they definitely enjoyed it.
Hardparty 11y ago
damn, good eye ♂
emptyform 11y ago
Mirrors my experience exactly.
[deleted] 11y ago
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nourathrowway 11y ago
The part about wonen not wanting us to solve their problems, and knowing certain problems are entirely weak emotion bs ---- too true. My LTR says this all the time, and (stupidly?) I coerce her to tell me about it, instead of being strong and doing my own thing.
Do you recommend trying to avoid the complaint/discussion, but somehow cheering her up another way? How?
Modified_Hackware 11y ago
I think this says a lot when comparing the levels of suicide between men and women. What levels of depression and anxiety were the men having - given that they're overwhelmingly the more likely to commit suicide.
sexowlinyourwindow 11y ago
Do those studies just take women at their word or something? Off the top of my head, I can't think of any girl I've know who, if she said she was depressed, that I would believe.
[deleted] 11y ago
Thats kind of most of what psychiatists have to work with. Checklists based off of your word.
Modified_Hackware 11y ago
I don't know - I think this is likely though. There is a depressingly(Forgive me) large amount of studies that poll people's feelings - rather than empirical data.
Traz_Onmale 11y ago
There are problems with some of your statements:
It is due to the capability of abstract thinking, foreseeing potential future scenarios and logic that anxiety or depressive disorders are prevalent in the human species. Depressive patients can give you a very accurate and logical account of why their life is meaningless and why they're better off dead. Anxious patients can give a long list of things that indeed might go wrong. Highly intelligent people are prone to suffer from social anxiety and existential depression.
(Low) neuroticism and (low) agreeableness. Defining a trait by the group this trait is more prevalent in is confusing.
Women actually score higher on average than men on agreeableness. See also this study and this excellent lecture (University of Toronto) on gender differences in agreeableness.
There are several reasons women are prone to experience more negative emotions than men:
See before. Women are more agreeable and men are more aggressive. This is logical (men have evolved to fight and kill) and obvious when you look around (prisons are filled with men).
SmellyJelly22 11y ago
Are you fucking kidding me? Depression and anxiety are mental disorders. They are not good. They are emotions caused by chemicals in your brain. They can be alleviated by ingesting other chemicals. They are not rational thoughts.
Ok, but when women are put in positions of power where they can't be agreeable, they are bitches. 90% of women say they would rather work for men. Women aren't "naturally" nicer than men.
Where the fuck did you get this list? You didn't cite any sources. It's a fact that women are more prone to anxiety than men, and it doesn't really matter why. They are like that now.
Traz_Onmale 11y ago
I didn't say mental disorders were thoughts or that they were good, what are you talking about?
This only shows that disagreeableness is accepted more from men than from women.
OP's convoluted theories without sources are acceptable but much simpler explanations are not. Here's a source:
gwankovera 11y ago
That was a very interesting thought process. Thank you for posting it, it will give me a few more things to think about.
another1takesthepill 11y ago
my answer to any insult:
Regarding expressing emotions:
Guess where I threw them ...
[deleted] 11y ago
Thats gay. --translation--> I wish I knew how to read.
[deleted] 11y ago
What's the difference between reading self-improvement books and reading TRP? If you like the books and become better from reading them, it doesn't matter at all what she thinks. She was probably shit-testing you, and the last kind of woman you want I your life is one who makes fun of your books.
Hardparty 11y ago
how many fucking books has she read in her life? ask her that. I wouldn't want you to bless her vag with your cock from the sounds of it.
[deleted] 11y ago
The girl? You dumped her.
another1takesthepill 11y ago
I think I had already signaled my beta status by having these books around so maybe she nexted me ... we haven't talked for a while so definitely I'm out of the game.
Which is great cause once you start being RP you just say: "Oh crap I fucked it ... ok. I'm not gonna get anything here. Next". Time for oneitis is gone!
[deleted] 11y ago
Why the hell should you dump your self-improvement books?
I do have many different books on my shelf. Many self-improvement ones. Many about addiction. My knowledge about human issues is pretty cool, I love it. This is one of my strong points. I have some religious books I bought, some of them I started reading but they are haaard, I keep them, what the hell.
As somebody on the TRP wrote, women don't care about self-improvement.
If girl dumps you basing on your bookshelf, which, as you said, contained self-improvement books, and there's nothing wrong about them IMO, she was not interested in you in the first place.
another1takesthepill 11y ago
I expressed it wrong (English not being my language). I threw them into a drawer. Although I see your point, I think having books on love, relationships and stuff isn't the most masculine thing ... or wait, she was shit testing me ... agh!
[deleted] 11y ago
You did not only dump the books but your whole frame.
Set them the hell up there again, make them visible from a long distance.
Just be fucking proud of them. And think of any witty response to the next shit-test.
[deleted] 11y ago
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redbluepilling 11y ago
Sex, fortitude, accomplishment of goals, and happiness...
deville05 11y ago
Basically they want the opposite or rather, what they dont have. So i guess they are normal. Great post
through_a_ways 11y ago
This rings so true for me, especially the relation to cuisine. I've always been a "novelty seeker", and one of the ways I express that is through food.
Two years ago, I was invited to a girl's house, along with a bunch of other friends. The girls were getting together to bake something. I ask the host girl if I can make miso soup while they're there. She seems wishy washy, hamsters excuses as to why I shouldn't, then finally says no, because she's "not comfortable with it".
Literally almost the same thing happened at another gathering several years ago, different girl.
My mother would always express concern when I brought home unfamiliar ingredients. Fuck, she would discourage me from getting a coconut because it was "too much work", as if she was the one preparing it.
Cooking on a non-gourmet level (that competes with 95% of restaurants out there) is easy as fuck, provided you have access to fresh, quality ingredients. It doesn't take much skill to figure out how to use a particular item. Even if you're stumped, you've got internet.
The thing is, women are afraid of novelty, regardless of whether there's a good reason for it. There was a study that tried to quantify the behavior of "novelty seeking", and found that males were overrepresented in those behaviors.
This fundamental behavior of seeking novelty vs. going along with the crowd would not only explain discrepancies between males and females in the hobbies they partake in, but also in their respective sexual interests and entrepreneurial behavior.
My mistake: Asking the girl for permission. If the same situation presented itself now, I'd probably just bring the ingredients over and say "I'm gonna be making some miso soup for you guys"
[deleted] 11y ago
Exactly.
I used to have that whole problem with "where do you want to eat", "wherever", "how about this place?", "nah", " ok how about here", " not in the mood for that"...etc..
But today im like "where do you want to eat?" "wherever", "ok, get your shoes, lets go, ill tell you where were going along the way."
If I get complains I tell them they should have picked when they had the chance. They will most likely be satisfied, or at least will pick a place themselves next time.
QQ_L2P 11y ago
Great post. Have you considered posting this to /r/AlreadyRed?
SmellyJelly22 11y ago
never even heard of it
TRPsubmitter 11y ago
I'm a moderator there and our list shows you were added 2 months ago.
unmitigatedbadassery 11y ago
This seems like sidebar material to me, after cleaning up the two merging sentences below:
This clears up a few things to me, as I would eventually like to tackle a lifelong LTR.
I have been pondering this lately. The first level of this is to dismiss shit-tests in a perfect way. But I have been thinking that when in an LTR it is not always that simple and that this has several levels to it. As you said; Men must be the immovable rock, but still be sensitive to legitimate concerns. Maybe a post discussing this in particular, going beyond just the shit-tests and how to defeat them? I am sure it would be greatly appreciated.
SmellyJelly22 11y ago
i cleaned it up, thanks for catching that
RcskaSedd 11y ago
Great post, as a masculine man you are here to heal a women's emotional weakness (heals means to relieve off, not fix or cure) while a feminine women is here to heal physical wounds (lifting,being sore, back pains, ect ect), so many on this forum get so pissed off when they confess their insecurities to their SO, we'll duh, she is here to fix your physical wounds you dummie, you're playing the wrong role, it's your own fault, not the girl who you dumped you because you went soft, you communicated to her "I'll be the female and you be the male sweetie"
[deleted] 11y ago
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SmellyJelly22 11y ago
You realize that not all worthwhile ideas can be condensed into 3 sentences, right?
No_disintegrations 11y ago
That's my main issue with most "career" women. They think that if they talk enough about how ambitious or confident they are, then that's true. The most confident people never need to tell you that they're the shit.
This effect snowballs into their attitude, and it becomes pretty obvious that they're faking it.
FunPun 11y ago
A great point right there. As Tywin Lannister said "Any man who must say, "I am the king" is no true king."
No_disintegrations 11y ago
Characters don't get much more RP than Tywin.
o0o-o0o 11y ago
King of the north! King of the north! King of the north!
rebuildingMyself 11y ago
The confidence boasting usually comes off as borderline retarded. So you studied hard in school, pounded the pavement, and got a job. That's what you're supposed to do! Six guys in this room did the exact same thing and there's no trophies given out to them.
No_disintegrations 11y ago
Yes. You do not get credit for accomplishing the bare minimum that is expected of men.
Samantha_Simpson 11y ago
This reminds me of the time I was at a bookstore and picked up a self-help book geared towards business women out of curiosity (it was also written by a woman). The advice in there came across to me as overly aggressive and domineering. If any woman were to actually follow it in real life, she'd be dismissed as "trying too hard".
I have spent some time observing qualities of strong leaders (who are mostly male). You're right in that the best ones don't ever need to tell anyone that they're the best - it's like some kind of aura that they just seem to naturally exude.
lucifa 11y ago
This was discussed in that MMA thread the other week. The OP commented on the fighters exuding a calm demeanor, as there was no doubt in the room they were top dogs and had nothing to prove.
Whenever you see a guy try and assert his dominance overtly through aggression or posturing, it just comes across as an insecure move to disguise their low value.
puaSenator 11y ago
That's what I try to tell people. It's not that women are just naturally bitchy bosses because their gender. Instead it's because they are faking masculine leadership which makes them come off as fake and untrustworthy. Take for instance Sen Clinton vs Sen Titus. Clinton has genuine emotions and leadership qualities. Meanwhile, Titus, well I just want to slap that fake smile off her face every time I see it.
KyfhoMyoba 11y ago
David Deida calls it the 'masculine shell.' He speaks of it in detail in 'The Way of the Superior Man.'
CarnageReincarnate 11y ago
Hijacking top comment. I think you pretty much described Freud's "penis envy" theory. I would look up his theories and "defense mechanisms" if you guys are interested in hardcore psychology.
GuildedCasket 11y ago
I would caution anyone who looks up Freud to be aware that almost nothing he said has been validated with empirical data. His theories are pretty... outdated. He was very important to psychology, just not very accurate.
CarnageReincarnate 11y ago
Psychology itself it not a very accurate science (unless you're focusing on the neuroscience aspect of it), but a lot of what he theorized was based on decades of psychiatry. I wouldn't discount Freud just because the main criticism against him is that his theories are "untestable". At the same time, you can't take everything he says literally because some of it is pretty crazy.
That said, many of Freud's theories still hold up today (defense mechanisms and free-association are still used by psychiatrists today for things like CBT)
GuildedCasket 11y ago
Freud based his ideas on his own therapy with his patients and how he interpreted it in relation to his current time period. What he did wasn't scientific, and few of his principles stand up. He is very valuable, and his ideas about the subconscious led to great places, but I wouldn't recommend anyone start there because it doesn't give them the more rounded view of what we've actually discovered. It also fits in far too neatly with "pop psych" and is likely to be taken on as fact when it is really shaky.
For example, his psychosexual stages? There has been no evidence to support that the things he ties in with each stage ties in with later personality traits, i.e. a baby who could not control his bowels very well becoming "anal" later, or a babies who are more orally fixated being more likely to become addicted to cigarettes or whatever. Also, loose attachments to your father if you're a male does not correlate to being homosexual, and double backflip failed Electra complexes do not make lesbians - we can tell because parental attachment does not predict The main criticism isn't that they're untestable, it's that they don't pan out. His defense mechanisms, however, are somewhat valid, although we don't think their manifestation is due to conflicts between id, ego and superego. Projection, for example, could be due to the accessibility schema, where you're preoccupied with it in yourself, so you constantly see it in others. Splitting (basically his explanation for DID) is explained better (in my opinion) through behavioral theories of state based learning. Free association is still used, but more because of how our brain is structured and how we naturally, cognitively access information because of how it's organized.
CarnageReincarnate 11y ago
Considering OP just described penis envy regarding most women (and the fact that it makes sense as most non-submissive women that I've known are batshit crazy), I'd still give points to Freud. The guy had a thing for incest but he knew whats up with people's minds.
I can't really change your opinion and you won't change mine but I appreciate the explanation.
GuildedCasket 11y ago
Eh? Penis envy is the idea that at some point females feel like something is "missing" because males have something dangling and females don't. I don't think it has to do with this idea of weak vs. masculine traits.
trancefiend24 11y ago
incredible
SadFace959 11y ago
I often get carried away in my own adrenaline rushes and say stupid, meaningless shit to my teammates(3:1 girl:men). E.g. I have declared an entire week to be "Beanie Week", and then acted on it by wearing a beanie everyday that week. Would this be viewed as letting weak emotions control me or just expressing a hyped up, passionate vibe?
I have also noticed that I can say essentially nothing to women and just the fact that I am excited from practice transfers to them. Sometimes I worry that they will actually listen to the words.
kinklianekoff 11y ago
You caring about how you appear to your female teammates does not sound like a recipe for success in your game nor for getting laid
SadFace959 11y ago
Perception is everything. Why settle for being one, when I can be many?
[deleted] 11y ago
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sexowlinyourwindow 11y ago
Woke up at or before 6 everyday for 2 years. Running, boxing, gym, etc. Did fuckall for depression and other problems. If you are someplace that you fucking despise, none of it matters.
KyfhoMyoba 11y ago
Exercise has been shown to alleviate depression in clinical studies.
You're dumb.
[deleted] 11y ago
Are you sure? I used to suffer from mild depression and starting to work out has definitely made me much happier. Working out leads to the release of endorphines, plus being stronger than ever before boosted my confidence.
11411181 11y ago
There's the difference. Mild "depression" is merely sadness that you've post-rationalized into inaction.
Try the heavier stuff where not only can you not foster the thought or energy for self-improvement - but you cannot muster the energy or emotion for anything other than a great sigh about the gigantic grey hell you live in.
Try waking up every day and holding a knife against your skin every morning and not being able to feel any kind of emotion about ending your life - positive or negative.
That's the difference between the sadness you describe and depression. Actual depression numbs you from feeling all of the things that make life worth living. All those things worth waking up for, that we push ourselves toward in search of fulfillment. The ones who manage a temporary breakthrough are often so drowned in overwhelming negative sadness about their state of being in that grey place - that they would rather commit suicide in their potentially last moment of fleeting personal emotional autonomy, than ever return to that place.
Please don't confuse the two.
sonario500 11y ago
Whenever I'm upset I go to the gym for hours. The endorphins become incredibly addicting and leave me in a state of euphoria. If you do this every day making it a routine it can very easily clear depression. Working out because to be happy is also the best motivation to get fit, thereby increasing your confidence even more.
[deleted] 11y ago
Thats not depression in the clinical sense.
SmellyJelly22 11y ago
explain
[deleted] 11y ago
The definition of clinical depression is that you are unable to fix it through willpower alone. If you were able to fix it yourself, it probably wasnt depression. You were just sad or unmotivated or bored.
[deleted] 11y ago
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SmellyJelly22 11y ago
I didn't mean that that one activity is literally going to cure somebody's depression completely, but being forced to do things and staying on a routine and all that shit will definitely help.
bsfilter 11y ago
I'd make an argument that the structure and work of the gym could add a stable retreat from depression. Seeing the slow and steady progress of one's body improve will help improve one's self-confidence as well. On top of that, going to the gym is actually doing something. I've found when dealing with depression it stems from a lack of activity, be it hanging out with people, enjoying new media( watching TV you've already seen is bad, etc ) or going places and doing things.