Louis Theroux does this in all his documentaries. He gets people to say more than they would otherwise by not filling the silence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7-eoiY4bOo (30 Rock - Negotiating with Jack)

Edit: Clip shows negotiating pitfalls. Also that it happens to skilled negotiators. It's all a head game.

I'd like to add that there are times when breaking some form of awkward silence can be beneficial for everyone involved -- a couple's fight boils over and someone storms out, someone breaks something, gotta read the situation in general. I agree with general principle of what OP is saying but not as an absolute rule.

thnx for the tip Depeche mode

This post is perfect timing for me. I've been thinking about this a lot recently. I've definitely been coming to the conclusion that stretching for something, anything, to say comes off as desperate and try-hard. It seems to me the best course is to feel and act comfortable with silence. I do really like the advice to look in to her eyes like you're waiting for her to say something, it's a great way to get her to qualify herself.

Great post

Yeah I used to do the same thing. The only message that sends is "I'm uncomfortable that I think I'm making you uncomfortable" aka "walk all over my desire to appease you, please."

Good post. Even in Pulp Fiction this is coverered. Uma Thermans character mentions how people "don't know how to shut the fuck up" and it couldn't be more true.

More than half of conversation is body language as well.

Here is an example of silence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JwtDsG-oOw

I used to fill the silence saying something thats mildly funny buts subconsciously says BETA!

this what I tell my friends to avoid saying,but thanks to Hollywood they keep trying to be the "Beta guy gets the super hot pretty girl" by trying to be cute with some kind of witty remark in hopes they stand out but they just come across as weird,lame and annoying. I tell them "just shut the fuck up or she's gonna friendzone your ass"

if it happens, repeat what you just said but more enthusiastically and louder as if to imply she is missing her queue in a play. keep repeating and getting louder and it will be much weirder for her. :D

This goes for so much more then just approaching. Negotiations, work place conversations, arguments with your LTR. There are so many times where you can shoot yourself in the foot by saying something stupid just because you're afraid of a little awkward silence.

Let's say you're negotiating for a pay raise. You're offered a salary of $50k, but you ask for $55k in response. The other person sits there quietly for a minute. Just a minute, not a long time at all. But it feels like eternity. So you blurt out something stupid like "never mind, fifty is fine." or "how about $52?". You've now negotiated against yourself and the other side didn't do anything at all. Who knows, maybe they were working out their budget in their head to see if they could work out $55k. You make an offer, let them tell you what they think. Don't fill the silence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-a1jXgAsQI A video with relation on never filling the silence, basically you must teach her how to have a conversation like a normal human. Its a long video, but very good!

Dude. It's when you're* approaching a girl.

you're = you are
your = something that belongs to you

Ugh, during my BP days I talked my way out of a couple girls' pants like this.

Nick sparks got a good talk on this subject. Just throw the burden on her. Instead of feeling that anxiety of having to be comfortable, stand there with a face like "well, let's see what you got" and just be comfortable.

You kinda shame her for not being able to converse, and if she does well by filling the void you reward her with complimenting the question or kino.

Great advice in general. On a cold approach, tho, you need to be ready to talk (IIRC Mystery said expect to talk like 90% initially, granted he was a high energy performing monkey style PUA and that's not for everyone). You need to hook the chick before this will work. In the negotiation analogy, she has to know there's some value (your SMV) so she has a reason to negotiate at all.

In daygame, silence without a hook will just make her go 'why the hell did he stop me while I was shopping/whatever?' and in nightgame, her friends/orbiters/AMOGs will gladly fill the void with their own conversation.

This is great advice during a date or relationship tho. And it's part of why I like activity dates like mini-golf or strolling around where, if you're silent, you're not just staring at each other doing nothing.

As always, looks and physique will help...a jacked silent guy looks imposing and stoic and regal, a scrawny silent guy just looks meek and introverted.

It's a major fuckin red flag if she constantly wants you to carry the convo. I once romanced this girl who couldn't handle a silence... she always wanted me to take the lead and pull some super-brilliant ice breaker outta my ass (bitch...I ain't Robin Williams)....run from these needy, lameass girls.

I learned a long time ago that when you don't know the right thing to say, say nothing at all while maintaining poise.

Seriously, I know practice is important, but I've learned it's just easier to STFU when you don't know what to say, even when it's expected that you say something. Like the paraphrased saying goes, "It's better to say nothing at all and let them suspect you're ignorant, rather than say something and confirm you're ignorant." I am sure I butchered that saying, but the point stands.

Basically, you can recover from not saying anything, but if you do say something and fuck up, it's set in stone. So the safest route to take is just not to play the game and lose by technicality rather than lose by failure.

When I went to grad school to become a therapist, we actually had to videorecord some roleplaying sessions with other aspiring therapists. It was fascinating to see how often we would all try to fill the silence, say something encouraging, lessen the impact of what we had just said, instead of just sitting and letting the words we HAD said carry their appropriate weight. You wait...wait...and wait...one thing that I have found, both professionally and personally, that makes a huge difference in my tolerance for that silence is the simple practice of counting my breaths. It's a meditation principle, but it really does help to ease the anxiety. Whenever my wife and I have a fight and I've really stood up for myself or said what REALLY needs to be said, I sit back, shut my mouth, take a deep breath, and start to count. I've regretted many more things I've said than things I haven't...

Nick Sparks does a great speech on this topic

This might be the most Autistic thing I've ever read in this sub...

This is an old trick journalists use to get interviewees to blab revealing information. Most people can't stand "awkward" silence so they blurt any old shit to end it. Don't do that. Let her fill the silence when it comes up

Men have hamster wheels too that convey useless information. Coming from a frame of logic where the mind is still creates the kind of masculine polarity that makes others want to fill the void.

I take this to another level in business.

Ill say a few things in a conversation and then ask a question and just stop talking until they answer.

Or sometimes I just make a statement related to the product being discussed and go silent.

It's amazing what it can do, especially in terms of engaging the other party.

They won't zone out or play on their phone (conference call) if they think they will need to respond at any moment and not sound foolish.

I think there's a fine balance to be struck between silence and talking too much. Silence is probably a better bet if you're naturally good-looking as the looks will say quite a bit. Being able to read the conversation and know you're the one doing all the talking is key. If it gets that far you've lost it, she's just being polite and waiting for an out.

Ever watch Krauser's pick up videos? Dude will sit there for minutes without saying anything. Chicks love it. Works in sales, business, everything. Silence and "no" are my favourite tools.

what a stupid rule this is! I care not even explain why because you are obviously not on that level. Just trust me