Needs and wants

A need is something that you must have. Whether you need it for your survival, for your health, your wellbeing, your success or whatever. You must have the thing that you need, otherwise you will fail at life, health, wellbeing etc.

A want is something your inclined towards having. However, not having it will not affect your ability to live, to be healthy or any other basic function. The object of your want is something you want, but don’t need.

Similarly, the object of your need is something you need but don’t want!

Example: everyone has to breathe to live. However, as much as you absolutely must breathe to live, you cannot say that anyone wants to breathe. It’s only when we find ourselves in a place of scarce oxygen that we begin to yearn for easy breathing. In other words: we need – but don’t want – to breathe until we can’t breathe. Only then do we acquire the want for breathing. This is likewise true of every need.

Example of the reverse: if I want to learn a specific profession, my want may be strong, passionate and all consuming. However, I ultimately don’t need this specific profession. If I fail at this field (for whatever reason), I can find employment and fulfillment in something else. This is likewise true regarding every want, large or small.

In short – it’s impossible to need what you want or to want what you need.

Sex as a need, sex as a want

This begs the question: is sex a need or a want? The answer is yes. Sex is a want for men and a need for women.

The primary purpose of sex is reproduction. This is true whether you want children or not, whether you’re using birth control or not. Your biologically wired to want sex because that’s how humans reproduce. This is true in a general sense regarding human sexuality and it’s also true in a more specific sense regarding the specific relationship of men and women towards sex.

Please read: The sex gap.

In short – men want sex but don’t need it. Women need sex but don’t want it.

Examples to illustrate this point

The combined points from the above two sections being: Sex is a want for men and a need for women. You cannot need what you want nor can you want what you need. Needs are things you need for your survival and wellbeing, wants are things you wish to obtain for your fulfilment (large or small). Ultimately, if your want is unfulfilled, you’ll be okay. If your need is unfulfilled, you won’t be okay.

Let’s look at the sexual wants of men. We’ll see that these are indeed wants and not needs.

Men want sex. Men have almost no standards when it comes to sex. A man wants sex until he’s thoroughly drained and until the age when his equipment doesn’t work. Even then, he still wants sex, he just can’t actualize his want. It’s fair to say that men – as a rule – want sex with women, unless there’s something that turns them off.

Whether in person or online, in a short term, long term or permeant relationship. Before the kids are born, after they’re born, while they’re growing up and after they leave. During times of calm and stress, through poverty and wealth, through anything else that’s going on in life – the man usually wants sex unless there’s a reason not to.

Women need sex. Women have a biological need to bear children. Women also need the protection and provision of a man and sex is how they obtain a man’s commitment. Therefore, a woman’s sexual desire will drastically change based on these two factors.

When she’s ovulating, when her sex gets her tons of male attention (potential investment), when she’s in a relationship but hasn’t yet locked down her man, when she’s ovulating and her biology is demanded fertilization or when she decided it’s time to start trying for a child – that’s when she’ll be so horny, you probably won’t be able to keep up. Because wants are never as powerful as needs.

However, when she already has her man locked down in marriage, when she already had her children, when she isn’t ovulating or when the man isn’t hot enough (translation: he doesn’t display enough potential as a protector or provider) – then she isn’t in the moooooooooooooood. As Ester Pearl so famously said: you can’t want what you already have…. It’s fair to say that women – as a rule – usually don’t want sex, unless there’s a reason for them to want it. Therefore, there are requirements to meet for her to be interested. Because her default is to be disinterested. Also therefore, the disinterest of men or her man in her, will make her terribly horny. Because you yearn for your needs when you risk losing them, as explained above.

Conclusion

Women need sex to secure male investment, they therefore don’t want sex unless there’s a positive motivation towards sex. Men want sex for fulfillment (of various kinds). They therefore don’t need it. Sure, droughts and rejection may hurt and he may fell unfulfilled without sex, but ultimately, a man doesn’t need sex. A man can be fulfilled without sex.

What does need sex is the marriage. The reason why men invest in the massive – life consuming – investment that is marriage, is for the fulfillment that marriage brings. The intimate bonding of sex, the fulfilling responsibility of providing for an appreciative wife and the children. Without sex, he will survive, but the marriage will not.

Women today though have all the authority over themselves. Modern men cannot expect anything in a marriage, not even sex. Any expectation is considered to be rape or abusive. What’s left is a pile of responsibilities that he is still obliged to fulfill. This is how responsibility becomes a burden. This is when men say, fuck you, I’m out.

Cheers!