The real motivation - preface
A good teacher exerts himself for countless hours that accumulate into years. Spending a big part of his life, trying to teach one more student.
Why does the teacher do this? What does he stand to gain, that justifies the cost of time, health, energy and money?
A generous philanthropist invests a sizable portion of his hard earned wealth, into helping others. Additionally, he pours in many hours, to ensure that his charity project is actually helping others.
Why does the philanthropist do this? What does he gain from spending so much time, energy and money, to help other people?
A business owner rips out his heart and soul for his business to succeed. He takes pride in the product or service that he sells. He feels like he's having a positive impact on the world. He is motivated by his goal of improving the lives of his employees and customers.
Why does he do this? What does he stand to gain, that justifies such an enormous cost?
Why are people so deeply fulfilled by giving to others?
Conversely, those who live to consume, but do not contribute - will feel like life is empty and meaningless. All the money, sex, food, stuff and even knowledge - will not bring fulfillment to their lives. Why is this so?
The desire for greatness
In light of all that has been written so far, the answer is exceedingly simple. A man desires a woman, to be the recipient of all he has to offer.
When he invests in her, he can build a legacy that is greater than himself. This is achieved when he gives and she receives.
The same is true of the teacher, philanthropist, business owner and every other giver in the world. People who selflessly invest themselves into others, resulting in a far greater legacy for themselves.
This is the paradox of the giver. One one hand, giving costs, in time, energy, money and health. OTOH, it creates a legacy that is much greater than the giver himself. Propelling the giver into greatness.
A man has a deep love and desire for women. Not just for sex, not just for family - but to have someone to invest in. Someone who will receive all that he has to give.
The insanely powerful desire that men have for women - expressed in marriage
Men love through giving, women love through receiving. This is how marriage worked for millenia.
Sex to a married man is much more than a mere orgasm. It is an expression of bonding love, in the most intimate way possible. Bonding that is achieved through giving to an active recipient.
Family is a social structure that is dependent upon the man of the house. The enormous cost of time, energy and money - is an enormous opportunity to give to - and invest in - worthy recipients. To his own family - the most worthy recipients!
Companionship is a side benefit in all of this. When you're fully invested in the project that is your wife - you also have the benefit of companionship.
Recipients and takers
A key distinction is to be made here. Between a recipient and a taker. (Many women today are unappreciative takers!)
What is described above, is the immensely fulfilling relationship between a giver and his recipient. It is highly unequal. Yet, it is active on both ends. A two way street.
A taker is someone who is not interested in the giver. Rather, they are only interested in the stuff that the giver has to offer. The time, the money, the sense of security, the companionship, the tampon to absorb her emotional bleeding…
A taker is a user. She is like a parasite who feeds off her host. Her relationship with her giver is a one way street. He is active and she is passive.
As deeply fulfilling as it is, to have a relationship between a giver and recipient - is how deeply offensive and hurtful it is, to have a relationship between a giver and a taker.
The woman - and only the woman - can choose whether she will act like a recipient or a taker.
Conclusion
Men crave to be a giver to a worthy recipient. Being a recipient is an active role, that requires a lot of humility and yielding. This creates a deeply intimate bond between husband and wife. The type of bond that deepens with time, even as the physical bodies deteriorate. Anyone who had grandparents who had a good marriage for 50+ years, has seen this dynamic in real life.
When this dynamic is present, all the costs in the world - are more than worth it! A man will be happy to invest his entire life to achieve this.
Conversely, men are deeply hurt when their wives turn into entitled takers. A level of hurt that matches the deep level of intimacy, described above.
If you can't find a man, you are (for starters) probably not the recipient described above. If you were, you'd be snached up in a hurry. Guaranteed!
What you have here is a kernel, a basic idea which will branch out in many directions as it is applied and translated into many specific scenarios. These will be discussed in future posts.
Cheers!
achilleslade 1y ago
You hit the nail on the head with this one, man. I made an account on this platform for the sole purpose of congratulating you for this post. Everything you said resonated with me on an almost spiritual level. Furthermore, I think this post goes beyond love and marriage; it captures the very essence of masculinity and the male identity itself.
Nothing short of a masterpiece. Well fucking done.
Loneliness-inc Mod 1y ago
Thank you
SSeuSS 1y ago
IMO It was recognised long time ago as threat, hence dowry. Paid by family to a man to reward his future efforts and security in case of woman's failure.