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reignoferror00 12mo ago
Constructive advise? Let me look ... hmm ... past and current dating history and habits ... needs "good chemistry" ... believes she looks like a movie star ... makes 6 figures .. late 30's with baby rabies.
Let's feed that into the machine. Okay here's the results - any guy that qualifies for what you want is way out of your current and future league. Unless you do a major honest evaluation of yourself and your situation, best we can do is a pregnant bi-sexual soon to be single mom. Do you swing that way at all? or maybe you can just share guys to "hook up" with.
woodsmoke Respectful reprobate 12mo ago
You and all the rest. If I had a dollar for every young woman I've known who was utterly terrified of actually opening up and letting a good man in... Suffice to say I'd have a lot of dollars.
I want to make a crack here about conventional wisdom holding it's men who are afraid of commitment, but of course I understand what's meant by that is "the men every woman wants."
Press X to doubt.
First of all, let's dispense with this "partner" shit. You aren't looking for a partner. You're looking for a husband. Nor were you afraid of picking a bad one. That was, in fact, the primary selector criteria, which is precisely why you were so guarded emotionally - you knew the men you were choosing would use and abuse you and you chose them anyway, knowing full well the nature of the arrangement into which you were entering.
You also didn't choose good men with an "expiration date." Good men don't have an expiration date. That's why they're good men. Unfortunately for all the hard-working hamsters running ceaselessly on the metaphorical wheels within the heads of shortsighted women like you everywhere, the qualities that make for a good man and husband not only generally don't correlate with the qualities that make for an exciting lover (at least up front); if anything they're more often than not antithetical to one another.
Of course you will. Because what value or virtue is there to be found in an innocent child when weighed against your desire to unilaterally subject her/him to your raging dumpster fire of a life purely for your own selfish gratification?
Cats are too good for you. So are dogs, for that matter. Get a stuffed animal and die alone.
Oddest-One-Here Jr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Whether or not society will admit it, but any woman who fails do the twin goals where she locks down a husband and produce offspring is a failure in society's eyes, mainly because both goals should be easy for any woman, even a 49er to achieve, so she will try to have that child by herself to avoid scoring zero out of two for that understandable but ultimately selfish reason.
NotaBene Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
"If you could go back and have no degree and never make one dollar working, but be a successful wife and mother, would you?"
Impressive-Cricket-8 Founding member of FapGPT 12mo ago
That's because you didn't need it. Now that you feel your choices drying up, you're trying whatever you can to keep feeling chased, instead of actually finding a husband.
Oh well, nevermind. You're a strong and empowered woman who doesn't need a man. Maybe a few cats, but no man.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Exactly - she didn't need OLD when she was 27. Men approached her every day, all day, trying to open doors for her and buy her drinks. That has all stopped now.
This is why OLD is trash. It's has been or never will be top tier women. Because top tier women simply don't need to be on OLD.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Women ALWAYS overestimate how much value men place on looks, esp as you get past teenage years. You could summarise this womans post as.....
"BUT I'M REALLY PRETTY! WHY ARE TOP 1.5% MEN NOT FALLING AT MY FEET? I LOOK LIKE MARGOT ROBBIE FFS, THIS IS NOT FAIR!!"
They overestimate by a huge margin how much value we place on looks. The reason? Because she can still recall what it was like in high school and early 20s, when men really were motivated by her looks. We like to smash hotties, regardless of their personality. But when it comes to LTR, its a different story.
We'll smash hotties with shit personalities, but we won't marry them.
Does that explain it to her any better?
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 12mo ago
I'll add that I'm reminded of when I was 30 and dated a 50 year old MILF whose 20 something daughters were shocked that she found a guy like me. She had gone online back when it wasn't popular instead of waiting in the castle to be rescued by Shrek. We broke up because of her flakiness but I referred a friend to her for legal services about 3 years later and he told me that the bottom had fallen out: Her hair, face, teeth, and body had aged like that scene in Dorian Grey. I realized I had dodged a bullet.
I'm in the market to buy a car and I saw an Audi Q3 for $9999. The condition was that had 200K miles on it. It probably still runs great, for now.
Their other problem is that as they're reaching the wall, men are getting smarter. A young man has little emotional experience, blue pilled, and a throbbing sex drive. We only see the narrow world around us where everyone is young. The men she craves in her age group or older are wiser, have seen their friend's hot wives hit the wall, and so on. They know what a 200K miles Audi is worth.
Oddest-One-Here Jr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
When it comes to sex, the hornier Chads will regularly aim for average looking girls, not because he cannot get hot women, but because average looking women will give him access to her holes without jumping through hoops like the hotter women will.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
I was basically that dude in my 20s and 30s. I would avoid the 'hotties' quite deliberately if I was out on the prowl, because I don't have the time or patience to deal with their entitlement. It was much more productive for me to hit on 5s for same night smash action. My experience was also that average looking chicks were much better in bed that hotties.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Constructive advice?
Your ship has sailed, a long time ago. It's actually not visible by telescope any more. You think your problem is some complex thing involving gender politics and modern society etc...its not. The short answer is "You waited too long".
Your only option now is to find a guy who has already had kids and is divorced, and is about 47, and does not want more kids. That is our best and final offer. You have frozen your eggs, but there is no market for a post wall women with frozen eggs. If we wanted to reproduce, we'll not be interested in that offer (thanks very much all the same), we will take one of the hundreds of millions of fertile women under 28 for that job.
If you turn down offers from men that are 48 and not interested in having more kids, the offer will not remain on the table indefinitely. Each additional year that you wait, the age of the guy that will be willing to take you on will increase by 3 years. Let me explain that to you, in case your 'girl maths' is not working.
Right now, you are 37, so you qualify for an LTR with a guy that is 47. If you want to fool around on OLD for another 2 years, you will be 39 and the guy that you qualify for will be 53. If you want to wait another 3 years, you will be 40 and the guy that will be interested in you will be 59*.
Please note: the progression is not linear. Perhaps you could get a man at work to mansplain the difference between linear and geometric progressions.
The wheel is spinning, place your bets.............before we call 'no more bets'.
*Terms and conditions apply. After the age of 59, no man will be interested in a woman of 41. You will have aged out of all available options. As a man goes over the 59 mark, they generally start looking forward to spending more time with their grandchildren, their buddies, their hobbies etc. They are looking to spend LESS time with women.
AsianDude 12mo ago
Imagine shopping at a grocery store. You see a musty box of frozen eggs in the deep freeze with a $10,000+ price tag. The freezer is next to a shelf full of freshly laid eggs, priced at $2.99 a dozen, with a new batch of eggs arriving daily.
No-Stress-Cat 12mo ago
Found a gold nugget, gentlemen.
Bob_and_Virginia Jr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Her eggs are about as fresh as the ones you find shoved into the back of the shelf at your local supermarket.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Not quite.
Her eggs are not there. It's just an empty carton.
Let's be real.
AsianDude 12mo ago
I'm confident that the eggs at the back shelf of my local supermarket are fresher.
Bob_and_Virginia Jr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
"People say I look like Margot Robbie".
With this kind of posts by women, there always has to be some kind of brag about how good-looking they are.
Oddest-One-Here Jr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Margot Robbie isn't exactly in her prime anymore either.
hornetsfalcons12 Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
The more likely truth is that she looked like her 10-15 years ago, looks good vs her age cohort now, and thinks she’s still got it. Probably says stuff like how she’s “mature” now, like it’s supposed to be a turn on to a man.
Oddest-One-Here Jr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
What does this woman bring to the table?
If the man you seek is a nurturing guy who dreams of being a house-husband that you can provide for, then you might find the man you are looking for.
Trying to sell your boss babe and career to a traditional man is like trying to sell ice to Eskimos, they don't need it.
Overkill_Engine WAATGM Endorsed 12mo ago
IKR? Maybe she should brag about her cock size too, surely that will attract successful commitment oriented straight men.
Fuckit, that's going to be my go-to response when I run into these in the wild and don't care about burning bridges lol.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
What does this woman bring to the table?
No eggs.
Oddest-One-Here Jr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
No eggs suggest that it's safe to bang her without any risk of pregnancy, it might be far lower than when she was 27, but wrap your tool up anyway as nothing depletes your wallet quite like paying child-support for a special needs child since her remaining few eggs are far from fresh.
No-Stress-Cat 12mo ago
And tough, leathery bacon.
Boar_excrement Jr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
She would never be willing to make the sacrifices needed for a married life. This Margot Robbie look-a-like would resent any man that she settles for.
If she truly felt that she wanted love and a family, then that should have been her priority. Instead, she sought to prepare herself like a man for a relationship and the acts confused when Prince Charming failed to show up before the clock struck midnight.
How sad, too bad.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago Stickied
very true.....and you know what else?
No man wants to be settled for. This is the thing that she (and other women) don't understand at all. We aren't actually that interested in hottie and baddies (very young men might be). We're interested in women that will make us feel good and improve our lives.
If you are making me feel like you 'settled' for me, I don't care what you look like. It's no deal.
(I highly suspect that is what happened with the two men that ghosted her - she couldn't contain her bitchy self entitlement and they just went somewhere else.)
moorekom Urban Hoe Guerrilla 12mo ago
Well said.
Typo-MAGAshiv asshole. giga-shitlord. worst mod EVAR. 12mo ago
Agreed
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 12mo ago
My wife settled for me. I have no problem with it. We're both realistic about life. Sometimes when she nags me, I say "Do you think Prince Andrew would put up with that?" and she laughs and says "You aren't Prince Andrew!" and I reply "You're not a divorced Meghan Markle either so you have no chance with him!"
The precise reason this and so many women are single is they're at The Husband Store going to ever higher floors either until there are no men left or the ones there are out of their price range. The vast majority of men are taught to settle the moment we ask out a girl, even a not-terribly hot one, and she rejects us. We get the message quick that just because we want a supermodel to cook and clean for us among other tasks, doesn't mean we are entitled to one. One of the first RP epiphanies is the concept of OneItus. If The Perfect Woman Soulmate for you was married before you met her, should you go the rest of your life single?
So if we're forced by Life to settle, why shouldn't they?
In my opinion, this notion of a woman who thinks you're The One and Her Hero is allowing us to be pulled in this White Knight Superhero Protector and Provider burden. I'm not arguing for gender equality, but rather we should be regarded as human and that should be ok. We deserve a person close in our lives to empathize with us.
By my wife seeing that she had to settle for me, she has to learn HUMILITY and for me, that's a turn on.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
"Do you think Prince Andrew would put up with that?" and she laughs and says "You aren't Prince Andrew!" and I reply "You're not AN UNDERAGED MINOR THAT HAS BEEN TRAFFICED BY A SEX OFFENDER so you have no chance with him!"
FIFY
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 12mo ago
Dammit. Prince Harry. I gotta get a Senior coffee...
Problematic_Browser Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
And this is the sad truth. This woman could probably be married within a year if she were willing to become the kind of woman men in her preferred demographic wanted.
But she is unwilling to change one iota. She wants to continue to make the same choices she made in her 20s while expecting those choices to yield results in her 40s.
All it will do is turn her into the kind of woman you fuck for a bit before you settle down with the kind of woman you want.
lurkerhasarisen A Strategist Among Tacticians 12mo ago
I don't think she could, for the simple reason that she doesn't have a time machine. She specified that she's looking for a man in his late 30s / early 40s, which means a man who is within about five years of her age. She also put enough emphasis on "chemistry" that we may surmise that she wants a man who is physically attractive and confident ("alpha" traits). Since she gave us her income and considers herself to be successful, it's a sure-fire bet that the men in the target demographic are at least as well-off ("bucks"), and that's especially true when kids show up... and even more so if they have to thaw some of those eggs and try IVF because she's already of an age where pregnancy is considered "geriatric."
So she wants an AlphaBucks man between the ages of 37 and 43 who is willing to very quickly meet a 37 year old ex-party girl, marry her, and get her pregnant, and support her and the kid. And it's very likely that the complete list has additional items.
That's her preferred demographic. I seriously doubt that there's anything she can do at this point that would cause her to become the kind of woman those men want. Why? Because those men can have anyone they want. Why would any one of them choose her?
If she really looks like Margot Robbie and has her act together (doubtful, but let's assume she's correct in her self-description), she can probably get a man with a couple of those attributes, but nowhere near all of them.
Overkill_Engine WAATGM Endorsed 12mo ago
Yeah men meeting her criteria can "date" like DiCaprio at will until they find one far younger than her that might be worth keeping for the long haul.
Plus noveau riche social climbing women are notoriously disloyal. And I bet one of her suitors realized exactly what she was and that's why he fucking bailed. He knew her family would never enforce any good behavior on her part, and since society at large won't either, it means she no longer has any long term potential/worth. She was just an aging liability that happened to have assets right now, and that was it because her family and any social connections to it were assessed as worthless. Pump and dump.
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 12mo ago
I've reached out to these women to give them kind hearted, supportive, but realistic advice and they have ignored it. Women notoriously say what they don't mean. When such a woman asks for advice, she's perhaps only reaching out for empathy, attention, or just to vent. My wife laughed when she worked at Ann Taylor that women would go there with their husbands, ask him what dress he liked and he'd pick one, and she'd shrug and buy a dress at random. His input was just so she felt more secure about a choice she was already making. If he didn't agree, she'd just ignore it.
As lurker points out, she emphasizes her income not as an asset for him, but a way to justify further demands, "chemistry", and finally she has eggs stored to indicate that she is unlikely to engage in personal change to optimize her ability to lockdown a mate.
GimmeTheUsual Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
This is why moderation makes sense, in terms of not letting entire generations of women "find themselves" by getting run-through like Grand Central Station.
She burned out her loyalty neurons with repeated dopamine hits of getting fucked over and over by random men she "chose". Lets be honest, let a woman go wild and she'll go on a fuckathon where the most primitive part of her brain selects the next target. Not so much "choice", more like scratching an itch, even if continued scratching will make it fester and bleed.
That's why moderation made sense, in terms of society that shamed sluttery, and where the father had control over the man she "chose".
That's why we're nearing a fourth-turning (Neil Howe) anyway, its a long cycle and we're ready to finally swing back. Its going to be quite the upheaval. I'm sure the OnlyFans/Instagram whores aren't ready for it, even if the rumblings of change are there - such as younger men now understanding the true cost of burned-out bints like this one.
Overkill_Engine WAATGM Endorsed 12mo ago
If we didn't have the Welfare state enabling them by absolving them of the worst consequences, we'd have just been undergoing a fairly harsh but short cycle where the stupidest of women per generation would be be selecting themselves and their genetics out of the pool, improving humanity as a whole as a result.
Instead welfare is enabling them to replicate and persist when they should not. Half the reason we have so many stupid sluts is women face far less selective pressure than men when it comes to reproduction. Authoritarian Paternal control ironically is just a bandaid similar to welfare, just from the opposite end, as being forcibly prevented from making stupid decisions does not make women as a whole any smarter, and allows the stupid and impulsive to survive when rightly they should not.
What we need is to actually let people fucking die if they insist on being dumb.
GimmeTheUsual Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Reminds me of something I read about Intrinsic/Extrinsic motivation. By being given handouts, the motivation to do anything is diminished considerably.
Its the emotion-based policies that enables this behavior like you've said. Maybe the coming recession will knock things out of gear for the reset.
No-Stress-Cat 12mo ago
This is where they will reap what they sowed. Businesses won't be able to afford keeping those extra cashiers, burger-flippers, and store greeters around. Women most affected when it comes to those low-wage part-time jobs. And single men making an average wage aren't going to be able to afford Chad's Incubator and her Demon Spawn.
GimmeTheUsual Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Its getting there.
There are already desperate women parading around with "I need a husband/boyfriend" signs. They're just attention-grabbing now, and its just a few, but I am interested to see when shit really hits the fan how many of these "Boss Bitches" end up lowering their standards to something reasonable and humble.
Its all upside for men, and its about time.
Land_of_the_losers the-niceguy.com 12mo ago
Only two dates a week? Oh no. What a repressed creature.
No self-respecting 30-something woman should have less than 6-7 dates per week, plus a bunch of Chads on the side.
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 12mo ago Stickied
That's what makes this post so amazing by our standards. If a man could hit a dating app and get 100 dates a year presumably with decent looking members of the opposite sex, he'd be considered top shelf. Not only that, she probably didn't have to pay for any of them so that meant she was scoring about $4,000 a year in free food. Despite that, for 2 full years and 200 first dates, she was unable to land a guy for commitment. It's like someone starving to death in a food court with a $100 bill in their pocket.
She claims to have gone through therapy to shed selfishness so it boggles the imagination to wonder how selfish she was BEFORE therapy in her 20's. She mentions she earns $100K/year which probably means, being "unselfish", that's the floor for any man she wants to settle down with. It sounds like the self-fulfilling prophesies of classical literature in that she prepared to be a single mother with frozen eggs and caused exactly that. Even in her current state, 9 first dates a year would be fantastic for many men considering how many men she screened out before then.
lurkerhasarisen A Strategist Among Tacticians 12mo ago
I think I had fewer than 15 first dates in my entire life, and I was in my dating prime with sky-high MMV. She had nine in a year as a spinster on the wrong side of 35.
She's had hundreds of men show interest in her over the years, and either rejected or drove off every one of them.
Did she screw up? Why yes... yes she did. Nonetheless, she had countless opportunities to recover, yet she squandered every one them, too. What that tells me is that she is incapable of being content with any man.
37-85 is a looooooong time.
No-Stress-Cat 12mo ago
That reminds of that Green Day song:
I was alone...I was all by myself...no one was looking...I was thinking of you...and did I mention...I was all by myself...all by myself...
Justanaverageguy 12mo ago
If you’ve been on that many dates and haven’t found anybody then the problem is you, dumbass.
Land_of_the_losers the-niceguy.com 12mo ago
Age 26: "Where's my 6 foot tall millionaire??"
Age 32: "Where's my 7 foot tall billionaire??"
Age 36: "Where's my 8 foot tall trillionaire??"
Age 42: "where's my 9 foot tall quadrillionaire??"
No. Good. Men. Left.
Seagram7 Jr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Human Biology isnt good or bad...it just what it is. Women can rage against it and cry about how it is sooo unfair! but the reality is women have a fertility window and when it's gone, it's really gone. She thinks freezing some of her eggs will buy her some time but it does not alleviate the fact that she still can not find a man to commit to her, and the older she gets, the less attractive she is to men that want kids. I think that if a woman is at the point in her life that she has to freeze some eggs, she really fucked up in her life; she made bad choices and prioritized the wrong life's goals. Egg freezing screams of desperation and cope. What high value man wants to be around that?
She can always adopt after she finally lands a man, but again biology reigns supreme. She wants to replicate her DNA, not take care of some other woman' DNA.
No-Stress-Cat 12mo ago
Yet women expect men to want to take care of some other man's DNA, that they're supposed to "man up" and "step up". Then they wonder why they're only used as a pump & dump. They can't even live up to their double standards.
Typo-MAGAshiv asshole. giga-shitlord. worst mod EVAR. 12mo ago
Yep!
Even if you find a husband (likely to be either a younger, less-experienced burgeoning Chad or a much older man), it's too late for kids.
At least you can serve as yet another cautionary tale for young women who have any inkling that they might want to be a wife and mother.
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 12mo ago
I'm reminded of this wonderful line: "Your sins are terrible. It is just that you suffer. Your life could be redeemed, but I know you don't believe that. You will not change." -- Cardinal Lamberto, The Godfather III
She asks for advice, but would she take it? She could learn game including how to make approaches in public (instead of relying on OLD) and most importantly, she could "settle" and date men who earn less than her $100K or hot and good looking but are stable mates.
Someone here made a cool analogy to explain what marriage is to men in women's terms: Imagine a woman committing to marry a man who, as he ages, gets shorter by 3 inches a decade and sees his income DROP by $10K per year. That's what marriage is to men, particularly attractive men: It's committing to a pretty woman, particularly a 37 year old, whose going to see the bottom drop out on her looks over the next 20 years like Kirsten Dunst. Leo DiCaprio knows the score: Just hang out with 20 somethings until he's 60. Why bother buying a cow when it's $2.65/gallon for milk?
moorekom Urban Hoe Guerrilla 12mo ago
This just does not happen. Women learning "game" sounds good on theory, but does not work in practice because most of them go for someone above their league (Yay, hypergamy). They end up getting pumped and dumped most of the time and then they're back to bitching to anyone who's will listen to their bitching.
lurkerhasarisen A Strategist Among Tacticians 12mo ago
Did you hear that he asked for his name to be removed from the credits of, Titanic?
Once it turned 25 he didn't want to be in it any more.
(I'll see myself out.)
Bob_and_Virginia Jr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Ahahahahah! This should spread on the social media platforms. It'll really piss off the old women.
Vermillion-Rx Penchant for plastic dolls 12mo ago
Life:
Settle with your best option at 25 or settle with your even less valuable best option at 35
Women:
I deserve the best
lurkerhasarisen A Strategist Among Tacticians 12mo ago
Or remain as a spinster... first voluntarily, then involuntarily. The good news for gals like her is that, although the ratio of men-to-women gets harder to manage as she gets older, an old woman with resources can snag a man. He'll look like Elmer Fudd and have more meds than a pharmacy, but a woman who's willing to be, "a nurse with a purse" can probbably find an old widower willing to let her fill that role.
I hear that generic Viagra is available now. ;-)
lurkerhasarisen A Strategist Among Tacticians 12mo ago
The subtext is clear: she was a party girl during the decade-plus when she had the most leverage she's ever going to have. If she's 37 and looks like Margot Robbie now, imagine how hot she must have been 15 years ago...
... with so many fewer miles and scars, and so many more viable eggs.
She could get a man now, of course, but not the kind of man she wants. She's running into 20-something dudebros that are willing to shag a Margot Robbie lookalike, and she's running into guys her age who are running for the hills as soon as they spend more than a hour with her. What she's not finding is a man her age who gives her the tingles who wants to wife up a 37-year-old woman who got flung from the carousel face-first.
Her MMV match (which is the best she'll be be to do), is a guy who makes less than her, is not particularly attractive, and is not as socially calibrated as she is (after having spent so much time basking in the "hot girl summer" sunshine).
If she wants someone with more "on the ball" than that, she can always go for an older man. At her age she should be open to a husband as old as 60. (Subtract seven years and double the result.)
Those are her realistic options: a couple of decades with a reasonably well-preserved guy two decades her senior, or maybe three decades with a man she wouldn't have noticed even five years ago. Indeed, she probably wouldn't notice such a man now.
Silver foxes or Miltons... or she can continue being an inspin. Oh well.
hornetsfalcons12 Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
I bet a lot of women can be spared the pain of spinsterdom if they just accepted that a man twenty years older was her best match. And that if she wanted the kid, she would do all of the heavy lifting while the old man pops in mostly for fun stuff.
Instead, she’s probably trying to snag a man in his late 30’s that wants a family. And probably makes a top 20% income. Aka the man that every woman wants.
But hey, she makes 6 figures. Maybe she should take up one of those 20-somethings and assume the role of husband in their new family. Methinks that she wouldn’t like that, though.
lurkerhasarisen A Strategist Among Tacticians 12mo ago
A few years ago I spent a year working as an expat in the MENA region as a mil contractor. Arabs have a lot of oil wealth, but are incapable of creating or maintaining a modern society by themselves, so they use that oil wealth to hire foreigners to do everything for them. The place I lived had countless women from southern Asia / Oceania doing medical stuff in their hospitals.
One of the people in my friend circle was a woman who's almost exactly 20 years younger than I am. We got to be pretty good friends, but since I'm married it never went beyond that. If I'd been single it might have turned out very differently. Smart women from poor countries tend to be much more practical about their place in the international marriage market than Amerithots, and although I wasn't personally available, she wasn't going to do any better than a guy like me. (In fact, there was another girl who was six years younger than her I possibly could have snagged if I'd had a mind to, and the first one got jealous when I was merely being nice to her.) We still keep in touch occasionally, and she's still single. She was as cute as a button the last time I saw her in person, but in her last picture she looks like she ballooned up quite a bit... I imagine she's given up on finding a husband. Her competition is women who are 10-15 younger than she is now. Men who are 20 years older than her don't work as expats, so unless she's willing to be a third or fourth wife of some local dude (she turned down one such offer), she has already aged out of the marriage market even for guys in their 60s.
The woman who wrote the tearful complaint still believes that she can secure commitment from a highly-desirable man who's approximately the same age as she is. She can't.
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 12mo ago
Ahem, I must take umbrage at you saying that fifty something old fathers can't do the heavy lifting (so to speak.) I'm "senior coffee" at McD's age with a 7 year old and I work out at the gym and generally keep up, although I'm more careful in my movements. Some men were saying "You aren't running fast after your child" at the park when I realized that if I did, she'd only run faster and probably trip and hurt herself. So I walked slowly, and she slowed down. My 88 year old father-in-law is still going strong and works out but he's starting to get stubborn in his ways.
Another aspect of wisdom for me was accepting women as they were and managing my reaction to them. If I had married my wife in my 20's, I'd have divorced her. She's a drill sergeant. I am better able to manage my own emotions while reacting to family situations. There's a saying that grandparents are better than parents and it's only because they have had time to learn so I'm "grandparent" to my girl.
hornetsfalcons12 Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
It’s not so much that I don’t think they can handle it, as much as it is that the kind of men who would both be someone that a woman would want to reproduce with, and be willing to reproduce with, have likely already done the family thing, and she’ll want her last ditch family way more. So it can be reasonably assumed that he’s not changing diapers and cleaning puke. Kid wants to play catch, however, and that can be arranged
lurkerhasarisen A Strategist Among Tacticians 12mo ago
My wife and I were having a similar discussion just yesterday. I'm also in the "senior coffee" club, and I'm in better shape now than I was 20 years ago... and 20 years ago I was a Major waiting for my unit to get deployment orders. I've definitely lost foot speed, but on the other hand I set a new lifetime personal best on the deadlift just a few weeks ago (at well over twice my body weight). Not bad for an "old man."
(Edit. Mad Gainz: just added another 5 pounds and set a new PR.)
One of my colleagues is 67 and has a much younger wife, and his youngest kid is still in elementary school. Most people assume his wife is his daughter and his kids are his grandchildren. Not my cup o' tea, but it seems to be working out fine for everyone involved.
hornetsfalcons12 Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Be sure to give this man a high five on my behalf
ObliviousDuck Jr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
You complain that men don't want to be exclusive and then immediately complain all the men are exclusive in the next sentence. I think you are a bit self centered, not that I'm particularly surprised.
Yet here you are, complaining to internet strangers about your sudden realisation that you might have fucked up. But don't worry, with a hamster like yours, you will find a way to blame men when it will finally dawn on you that your dream died when your 20s ended.
I'm sorry my dear but it will never happen. Old fashioned way means finding and latching on the best quality man in your prime. The kind of man who would be ready to start a family with you today, you will get rid off, probably in the third trimester, and will end up alone anyway.
Problematic_Browser Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
"I'll take any constructive advice."
Okay bitch, I have a solution: invent a time machine, travel back 15 years, and go full "ghost of tinder future" on your younger, sluttier, more selfish self and hope it takes and that multiverse theory isn't correct.
Asking for constructive advice now is like calling the fire department after the house has burned down.
This woman is starting to realize the ugly truth - her time is up. She spent a lot of years fucking around and now she gets to spend the rest of her life finding out.
IceNineWithLime 12mo ago
"invent a time machine, travel back 15 years, and go full "ghost of tinder future" on your younger, sluttier, more selfish self and hope it takes and that multiverse theory isn't correct."
Next week on The Twilight Zone...
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
Thats the thing PB, I really don't think that she is starting to realise the truth. I really don't. She is just having a gripe. She has no idea that he time is up. She is in the 'shock' phase. She will very quickly go into the anger phase (I can see it already when she says 'I guess people move fast'.
That sentence makes no sense. Prior to that she said that don't want to commit. And now she is saying that men commit too quickly (to other women). She fails to see the common denominator.
She is VERY far from realising the ugly truth....that she is the problem.
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 12mo ago
I think I can explain what happened. Young women have been taught to use hard negotiating tactics of "chicken" on men: Play "hard to get" to maximize her "standards" including an arbitrary one of a man whose "in demand" but yet carefully "plans" and "leads" everything. He should initiate the sex AND the relationship. She doesn't want to come across as a beggar asking him to marry her and then he might say "OK, but no expensive diamond ring" or something like that. She'll look like a beggar to her friend clique.
But what happens if the man plays a form of low level MGTOW and just has her as a FWB without announcing it just as women "date" men but don't have sex with them? I know a gal who got played this way. Very sweet and lovely otherwise, but she moved in with a guy for like 5 years and he never escalated things and she said she wanted a family and he was "let's wait and see what happens" and she moved on. To this woman's benefit, she only wasted 6 months on a guy.
Her problem is that if she confronts the men on the first or 2nd date to see if he wants to marry her, she'll spook them off just as a man who tries to escalate physically too quickly.
lurkerhasarisen A Strategist Among Tacticians 12mo ago
Indeed, the only advice that doesn't require time travel is for her to take an honest inventory of where she stands in the mating market and adjust her sights accordingly. By that I mean that she will have to face the harsh truth that her male counterpart is exponentially less desirable than what she believes, as well as what she wants.
The next thing she'll need to accept is that her options will only get worse the longer she waits. The guys she can get now - men she undoubtedly thinks are pond scum - are better than the men she'll be eligible for five years from now. Ultimately she has to decide if a man she can get is preferable to no man at all.
But in the final analysis she will either acknowledge her real MMV or she will die having been a lifelong spinster (and probably childless).
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
That is very well put. You have explained the top 2 things that she needs to understand and accept.
But there is a 3rd thing that she needs to understand and accept, which most women are unaware of. And that is this....
Lets call it the 'curse of the good looking woman'.
So, you are good looking (lets take her on faith). That means Alphas (top 10% Men) have pursued you your entire life long. And you let them smash. So you have probably slept with 50+ alphas in your 20 years (17 to 37). You have gotten used to Alphas. Now you want to settle down, and you look around, wondering where all the Alphas are (you can't even see the 'ordinary' guys).
I'll tell you where they are - they are out on the prowl smashing chicks that DON'T want to settle down (like you, only 10 years younger).
I can tell by the way you say "I'm good looking, people tell me I look like Margot Robbie, young guys hit on me all the time" that you are confused between the market for sex and the market for marriage. They are not the same thing. Because you did so well in the market for sexual exchange, you now think that you are entitled to a good exchange in the market for marriage.
They are not the same markets.
lurkerhasarisen A Strategist Among Tacticians 12mo ago
Indeed. One of the correlaries of my statement,
... is that SHE is exponentially less desirable that she believes. Why? Two reasons:
1) She still thinks of herself as the "hot girl" she used to be. I have no reason to believe that she isn't attractive for her age, but let's face it, Margot Robbie isn't getting any younger, either. Granted, I would find a 37-year-old woman who takes care of herself and looks like Margot Robbie to be attractive... but I'm old enough to be this woman's father.
2) Like you said; she's conflating Marriage Market Value (MMV) with Sexual Market Value (SMV). Her desirability in the marriage market is almost nonexistent: and it's negative for the kind of man she says she wants. The fact that she thinks her decaying looks and 6-figure job (that she will want to quit if a baby arrives) qualify her for men who are at the apex of desirability clearly shows that she doesn't understand that.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
I think you expressed it better than me. If I were to refine my advice to her, it would be this;
"You might well be good looking, so men are still going to want to smash. But that has nothing to do with wanting to marry and start a family. Men will happily smash women that they would not dream of picking for a wife. You are one of those women."
Oddest-One-Here Jr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
There is a small chance that she will try to go the single mother route to avoid failing both locking down a man and having a child achievements which should be both very easy for even below average looking women to achieve.
lurkerhasarisen A Strategist Among Tacticians 12mo ago
True, and let's add that she's already 37, which is geriatric in OB-GYN lingo. She's nowhere near pulling the trigger on IVF because she understands that being a single mother essentially takes her chances of mating success to zero. That means a couple more years of predetermined failure as she tries to land her AlphaBucks, at which point she's looking at birthing a child in her 40s with a thawed egg.
The odds of that working are absurdly small. Few eggs survive thawing, fewer still successfully combine with the sperm, fewer still result in pregnancy, and few of those pregnancies result in a healthy delivery. Also, all of it that is ruinously expensive, and much of it comes out of her bank account.
It's entirely possible that she could subject her body to all sorts of mayhem, deplete her savings, experience multiple miscarriages, and end up with nothing to show for it anyway.
Then... on the off chance it goes according to plan.. the real work starts. Her hormones will be all jacked up, she'll have a screaming crap-fountain with nobody to help share the load, and she'll have to figure out how to keep food on the table without leaving the baby alone for several years.
I suspect that this woman is foolish rather than stupid, so she'll probably figure out that being a single mother of an infant in her 40s would turn her comfortable life into a Cat 5 hurricane of flaming sewage.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 12mo ago
"a Cat 5 hurricane of flaming sewage."
I'm going to note that down and use it later.