My Alpha friends naturally don't even pay for the girl. It's important that you word it correctly when before taking her out. There's a difference between:

"Let's go grab a cup of coffee after work" and

"Lemme take you out for coffee after work :)"

One implies that you're casually going there and not paying for her shit, while the other implies that you're trying to buy her (things).

Also, something big that really hit home is when I recently asked my Alpha friend how he manages to take all these girls out for ice cream and never pay for shit (for them). He told me how "no girl will ever go out without being prepared to pay. No girl will ever want to face the embarrassment of that akward silent moment when she doesn't know if you'll pay or not" Something along those lines.

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Is paying for dinner and activities even considered blue pill behavior?

Not on its on, but it's certainly symptomatic.

Look, like most things red pill; the concept is mind-blowingly simple, but the execution can seem almost impossible to do. Simply say "can you split our check" when it comes time to pay. It will flesh out any and everything you need to know about that particular girl.

Remember our mantra: Abundance. You don't have to qualify yourself to this woman, you have others. You don't have to hold up idiotic and unfair social constructs to keep her attention on you, women can thank feminism for their "equal" treatment. If you have any fears that by not paying for everything you'll lose this chance at pussy; you're still pedestalizing her.

Pay if you want to pay, but don't hamster your way into thinking I don't mind paying because I really want to because you're afraid of losing potential sex for not paying.

I make it a running joke that I am tight, and try to get out of paying for anything. I make this clear in every interaction, and will joke about it when arranging hanging out.

On your first date, there is no reason you should be spending more than $40. A few drinks and maybe an appetizer or coffee. You should however have a well stocked liquor cabinet at your place.

For your 2nd date, have her make you dinner at your/her place. The reinforces the masculine/feminine roles of your relationship, and as a bonus, you happen to be in your apartment by the bedroom already.

Your first date should not be a date. Pick a place where you will enjoy hanging out for a few hours whether or not you have company. Let her know that she has an opportunity to come enjoy your company. Have your food/drinks/whatever already in front of you when she shows up. Let her deal with getting her own whatever if she wants some.

A traditional date tells the girl "this is all about you"- it puts both of you into her frame, and she knows that territory very well. Inviting a girl to come visit in your frame changes the social and psychological dynamic completely.

my 2 cents.

You value your money(time) more than her company and (supposed)approval. If you have a strong sense of self this will come naturally so some inner-game is perhaps in order.

Alternatively you could focus on why you get the "feeling" you "need" to pay for everything and examine that. Best way to do that is to put your self in situations where that feeling arises (in your case on a date). Make mental notes, write them down and examine them, perhaps with a trusted someone to bounce ideas of failing that bring them back here.

Short answer: you feel(on some level) it is the right thing to do. You need to change your idea of what is the right thing to do.

If I'm trying to pick up a ONS at a bar, I don't pay for shit. I'll buy a round of shots occasionally but that is usually for a group, and not a single girl.

In a relationship though I see nothing wrong with paying for dinner. I make decent money (more than double the girl I currently date) so I feel going dutch would make me look cheap. I know that's counter to red pill advice but just my two cents. However if you're a young college dude with not a ton of money then alternate who pays. Start by having her pay for the less expensive stuff like coffee or ice cream.

Simple. Break the cycle on the first date. Go "dutch" from the beginning. It will set expectations that sharing the cost of everything is "normal." It's also a great way to tell the intentions of your date. If the girl gets upset at having to pay she's probably not the type of girl you want to date anyway.