Anybody saying your GF (or ex-gf whatever) should get raped again is fucking scum. We do not support rape over here. Please report those cunts to a mod

Man, this whole situation is loaded with so many red flags it's unbelievable. She fucked you over, personally, I think you need to be comfortable with cutting her off, because your life will only get worse if you stay with her

Well just saw the update, Op caved again, I say at this stage OP you are too dumb to live but it's your funeral, the whole thing smacks of them telling you whatever it takes to keep you there.

deleted ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.8835 ^^^What ^^^is ^^^this?

So here is the question part of my post for you.

How do I take back control of my part in her life?

Assuming that you're not a troll (which, given your story, I nevertheless sincerely hope you are), let me tell you what I've repeatedly said in here:

You know that you've terribly screwed up if the relationships sub tells you the same thing TRP would.

Because (isregarding the guys who said they hope you GF gets raped again/cheats on you before your eyes/whatever) that's exactly what happened: even the twu wuv-crowd from relationships thought that you were taken for a fool, strung along, lost your relationship for good, should have bailed months ago, and that she'll cheat on you again because you just signaled her that you're willing to be taken advantage of.

Again: if the overwhelming majority of the relationships sub gives you unambiguously reasonable advice (in this case: "RUN!!!"), your situation is so FUBAR that you shouldn't even be asking the question you had in the first place.

I don't like you at all and believe you're making a horrible mistake in even trying to make things work with your train wreck of a girlfriend, but I'll give you some solid advice you've been ignoring since the first fucking posting.
GET HER A NEW THERAPIST

I owe the community an apology.

I went back through my p.m.'s and I was going to screen shot the rape p.m.'s to the mods here because after reading the sight and the responses I came to the conclusion that those people did not represent fairly or accurately what you guys are about.

Guys I'm just shy of 4 k messages, not from here but just in general since my first post over on /r/relationships, so it is not an easy thing to look sift threw the messages.

But I found it and well I'm here to say

mea culpa.

The offending posts did not have a link to trp. It was sandwhiched between a couple of other posts that linked up to that thread on your main page and some of the language was the same. But I was wrong, there was no link so therefor more than likely they were not trp members.

If you guys or the mods would like I will happily delete my post to you guys.

Now going through a lot of other posts there were ones that had the harsh language calling me a "pussy", "bitch", "spineless" or other stuff but after reading the thread and reading a lot of the sidebar I've just come to the conclusion that this is just the way you guys talk (or at least some of you talk like that).

However the real kick in the ass for me was that when I stopped and read beyond the initial name calling I read that not everybody was saying this stuff to put me down but doing it to maybe wake me up and see things from another view point.

In fact a trp member by the name /u/_Big_Nick_Diggers sent me the link and a very solid heartfelt message about my situation.

In other words my entire post is null and void.

I'll leave it up to the mods if they want me to delete. Personally I've gotten some really good info from this post.

Also for anyone who wants to know I will be leaving the job in just over an hour on my way to the meeting with Sara and the therapist.

The biggest issue you have is a lack of abundance mentality.

Think of a relationship as similar to a transaction or business arrangement, only with love, sex and care as the traded services. It may sound cold at first, but everyone needs to look out for themselves and avoid being taken advantage of. You don't have to be a dick about it; you can negotiate salaries, haggle and buy goods without going full Machiavelli.

So imagine you're at a car dealership, buying a car (your gf). You see one, you take it for a bit of a drive and you like it. The dealer comes up to you and asks how you like it. You tell him you love it and will have it no matter what. His eyes light up. He can now raise the price as high as he likes, because you've just sacrificed your most valuable bargaining chip: the right to walk away. More importantly, you've told him. You gave him a blank cheque to gouge you for all you're with.

This already happened in your relationship. You stuck around and she fucked around, giving you absolutely nothing. Since the rape, you've been a single man with none of the benefits and a leg cast of concrete.

Now in this case, you've told us that you are still going to be with her and aren't going to be leaving. This is, in many of our minds, a terrible idea. The car is damaged, the salesman is scummy and you're pretty sure the boot had a dead body in it. But, taking into account you're set on this, the most important thing you can do is not reveal that under any circumstances. If you're going to be buying a shit car, the least you can do is haggle it down to a low price.

How do you haggle? You point out all the flaws. You hem and haw. You appear torn. You pull out some other dealership quotes and talk about them. You explain how you just 'can't pay more than half what you're asking'. You bluff and you bluff well. You'll still end up with a shitty car, but it'll be decked out with extras and you'll get it for a low price.

In this case, 'price' is equivalent to 'care in the relationship'. You already did this. You placed 'intimacy' (sex) as your bottom line price. Whaddya know? She put out, when all of the care in the world from before had her screwing another guy behind your back. What else do you want? Daily BJs on demand? Breakfast when you wake up? Respect? Never to be shouted at again? The right to screw other chicks? You can get it if you haggle right.

Haggling, in this case, is what we call dread game. There are eleven stages, which you can find over on /r/MarriedRedPill, an LTR-oriented RP sub. In a nutshell, you raise your value (pass shit tests, hold frame and lift) while showing that you have options. You say (nonverbally) "I can get someone hotter than you who hasn't stabbed me in the back. Make it worth my while to be with you."

This is not abusive; it's being aware of your own value. You are a lover, not a mother or brother. Romance is conditional love. At present, she's expecting you to be a parent; someone she can reject, insult and disrespect and still expect to love her. Trying to force that upon you is abusive. All we want you to do is put a fair price on your love and stop selling yourself short.

All that said, your car is shit. It's been t-boned and taken for a joyride. The breaks are shot and the paintwork is a mess. It's going to cost more than you bought it for just to make it roadworthy. I can't suggest more strongly walking out of the dealership and going anywhere else. Try out some other rides. See if you like any of them. Enjoy how much more smoothly they run, not having to spend an hour jiggling the keys in the ignition just to get it to start moving.

Failing that, get your wreck of a car at scrap-metal pricing, with a sick complimentary stereo system thrown in.

How do I take back control of my part in her life?

Dude, you don't. You move on and GFTOW (go fuck ten other women).

It's a hard pill to swallow -- I know from experience -- but there comes a point with a woman where you are fucked. She just doesn't see you like that. She can't. You are beta forever.

So I'm not saying "dump the bitch", I'm saying she dumped you. And there's no coming back.

spare me the "dump the bitch" or "lose the hoe" posts. This is my choice and I'm right now choosing to take back what was my place in her life. If it blows up in my face then its on me

This, here, shows how you are thinking right now, we males give shape to our live by ourselves, you don't have a place in her life, she has a place in your life.

This is what we call "frame", by thinking this way, you are showing you are inside her frame (that is, her reality defines your reality), and this explains a lot of what happened to you.

So here is the question part of my post for you. How do I take back control of my part in her life?

You don't. I'm really sorry, but you don't.

It's like asking how do you put a firework back together. Relationships are the strongest sense of entropy and entropy is single direction.

I know you said that's not what you want to hear, doesn't make it any less true.

Good luck.

The problem is man.. even if you follow TRP perfectly it will not work out and it's simply because she has known you too long. She knows she can win you back, your reputation in her eyes will be forever tarnished by what has transpired.

If you followed TRP and met her brand new none of this would happen. So that's why everyone is telling you to move on.

Do what you want though, no body can tell you who you want to be with. I still recommend following TRP because even though your fiance is a lost cause, when you do eventually split you will be able to get the right girl next time.

(or you can continue to let her control you, marry her, and spend the rest of your life like that)

[deleted]

TRP Mod here. Please PM me any usernames and the body of the messages you were sent and I'll be happy to take moderator action. Anybody contacting you, especially harassment, is strictly against our rules and they will be dealt with.

There are 3.5 billion women on Earth. This one particular woman you're with is not special. She's just the only woman giving you anything close to a chance. She's actually worse than most other women. Not only is she a cheater. She's damaged.

Her rape isn't your fault, and it isn't your problem. You shouldn't have to deal with this. You're not married. You have every right to find a non-damaged woman who isn't a cheater and be happy.

You're sticking with this one, non-special, inferior woman for two reasons. Sunk cost - you don't want to lose all that you've invested in her so far. And lack of options - you don't think you'll find anyone else or do any better.

In this case, no woman would be better than this damaged one. But you have the potential to improve yourself and be happy if you own your shit, right now, and start doing the work.

telling me that you hope my g/f is raped again while I have to watch is not okay

Nobody thinks that's okay.

Even the person who PMed you that message knows it's not okay.

It's called trolling. People say things not because they believe those things but because they hope to make you angry. If you actually received such a message, you should contact the reddit admins.

The person who sent you that PM may not even have been from TRP. There's a subreddit that sometimes tries to troll us, and they've talked openly about false-flags. About a year ago, there were a lot of women in TwoXChromosomes complaining that they constantly received harassing PMs. When the admins investigated, they found the claims to mostly be lies.

It's so easy to troll, so easy to false-flag, so easy to create fake accounts - you just have to accept that while on the internet, you can't believe everything you read.

I've been following your story since the original post hoping you'd find your way here. We couldn't draw you here, you had to find it yourself. I'm so excited you're here.

As for those assholes who said your girl should be raped, I'm sorry. They are trash and those comments were just meant to hurt. Don't sweat it. Glad you're here and trying to find a way to be a man.

[deleted]

Welcome.
You've chosen to stay with her. You will do anything to stay in her life. We call this oneitis. There are close to 7 BILLION people in the world, which translates to 3.5 BILLION women. Yet, this is the only one for you. That not really how things work. What this is is you're too AFRAID of life without her. You're AFRAID of change. Which is understandable, no one really likes change. But now, you're suffering extra and putting in more effort because of a mistake SHE made.
Now would be a more perfect time than ever to red pill up. What has she done to earn back your trust? What has she done to earn back your relationship? Is your time not valuable? Why waste it with someone who will hurt you so badly?
So here's what's about to change. You know all those times you wanted to go do something but she made you feel guilty about not doing what she wanted? Yeah, that doesn't happen anymore. You do what you want, when you want. You ask her what's she wants for dinner? Nope. You tell her what you're eating. She wants you to do chores, promising sexy time once they're done (chore play)? NNNNAH. You smirk and tell her to get to work and do a man project. You see she's had her fun and had her assistant (YOU). But she done Fukt up. Live how you want and if she wants to join, she will put her self where it fits your schedule. This is called frame. You have a direction, a drive. You know where you want to go and what you want to do. Women will try to make you loose frame, or bend to their will (their primal instinct, to see if you will be a good supporter and providers), with what we call shit-tests.
A shit test would be if you're sitting on the couch watching tv and she says come clean these dishes. Old you would pop up and do them, to prevent the inevitable nagging if you remained on the couch. You've bent to her will, lost your frame, and now look like a good provider. New you would do what you want. You can remain on the couch and ignore it, the same way a child crying in their crib gets ignored to eventually break them of the habit. Or new you could get up. New you could walk to the kitchen. New you can confidently, firmly grab her, lead her to the dishes, bend her over the sink, and fuck her while she does them. Because that's what you want to do.

This is only a fraction (really a byproduct) of what the red pill is. Red pill is reprogramming your mind to be a man. Men build thing with their hands. Men use their mind to solve great problems. Men use their muscles to defend their family from harm. Men make decisions. Men don't gossip about people at work or in the neighborhood. Men don't complain about their day. Men don't have to talk about how they feel (meditation is HIGHLY recommended in this sub). And most importantly, men are leaders. We captain the ship. If she wants to be first mate, she got to earn her spot.

Welcome to TRP.

Your woman is damaged goods and to top it off she fucked someone behind your back. Call yourself tough all you want. Your actions are very bluepill.

There are plenty of other non damaged women out there. Go find one.

You posting this with your main account that your gf has access to wasn't a smart move.

I'll just say it now. If it was ongoing or more than one, I'm out.

Good luck getting an honest answer, if your gf finds out you wrote this it is guaranteed she will tell you what you want to hear (that it was only once) whether it be the truth or not. And her family and your sister will take her side in keeping the truth from you. She cheated on you once that you know of while showing no affection to you, only to "miraculously" start showing affection towards you when she was threatened with losing you. that is more than enough reason to leave by itself.

Ignore the troll noise. They will always be there in the Internet.

As for your question, you can not. Words mean very little in general, but even less for women. Actions speak. And what your girlfriend now knows is you are a guy who will come back to her after she cheated. No matter what you do, no matter what you accomplish, that will always be in the back of her head. You might forgive her with time, but she will never forget.

As for the meeting with the psychologist, be very careful. First, you are right about what you should have done after the rape, but don't beat yourself up, it looks like the perfect trap. You are young, inexperience and her family and the psychologist took control. Even if you tried not much would have changed. At least you have good instincts looking back. That's why I think this relationship is doomed, you might hang there for a while but will eventually snap out of it.

For the meeting be ready for anything. Psychologist can be very weird people with weird theories but they have years of talking through shit like this and you'll be on her turf. This women should be doubted as psy given your gfs evolution, as other people told you in r/relationships. Not all psys are bad but be very careful with this one. Don't assume good faith, but don't confront her and try to avoid arguing with her too much. She has years of practice plus men are at a disadvantage because when we open up we look weak. Don't feel obligated to justify yourself, just say you don't feel something and that's it. And be ready for anything: she might be telling you there is more, your gf might be dumping you or she might be even trying to get the blame out of your gf and into her out of gf's parents pressure.

Be ready for anything, don't assume good faith and remain stoic. The damage has already been done, now its your turn to move (or she is dumping you).

[deleted]

You know how people describe beer goggles? The concept that with enough of a chemical someone becomes attractive even though they really aren't. This is exactly what you are experiencing at this point except the chemical isn't alcohol. You are trying to fix this relationship because you believe you are in love with her. The problem is that the person you believe her to be is an illusion.

Ask yourself if you are in love with her recent behavior. You should tally up her actions of late and set them aside as a completely separate thing than the person you believe her to be. Do you love those things that she has done? Do you love the selfish behavior that she has shown to you? Then attempting to justify cheating on you as 'finding her sexuality.'

You are going to 'sober up' and all of the bad shit she has sent your way is going to drop on you like a ton of bricks. It's going to be like waking up next to a 500 pound chick after a night of drinking. You are going to realize that you fucked up by not kicking her out of your life.

I'm just hoping that you can see through the haze before you bind yourself down to this woman.

It will blow up in your face.

Take our advice and dump the bitch.

Edit: You are the biggest cuckold in the world. Not "apparently".

I put an edit on my main post for those interested. I'll be honest my first impression from the people sending me shit wasn't the best but coming here and reading and watching video's has been a little eye opening to say the least.

PMed in parallel.

I apologize for TRP coming and finding you. That's not supposed to happen.

TRP is a boot camp. We call people things like "bitch" and "faggot" here, to motivate them. But boot camps are for volunteers. They're not supposed to come find people.

Please realize that however harsh the language, the people who messaged you are actually concerned for your welfare. They told you to "dump the bitch" because they believe that is healthy for you. No matter how much anger you can clearly see in their writing, they are far more angry for you than angry at you.

They are outraged that someone would treat you this way, and they want to see you fight back. I share this desire. I hope that you will read the sidebar, hang out a while (horrific as some of the things you see might look at first glance), and absorb some things that may help you.

As a TRP mod, it's my job to run the community... but I can't prevent people who agree with me from sending PMs with their opinions. That's not happening in the subreddit, so I can't police it.

But don't let it put you off the things here that may be useful to you.

When i first saw your post it was a huge wall of words and it seemed you tried so hard. Aren't you tried yet? You are putting so much time and stress, energy into something and getting nothing in return. Sure you love her, but its time to cut your losses.

Well you have made up your mind to give your cheating gf another chance, even though everyone has rightly told you not to. Btw this therapist of hers, if it is the one who told you it's not cheating, it's taking back her sexuality, then don't bother going, cause you will be blamed for traumatizing your gf, destroying her progress blah blah. You should focus on yourself. Stop being such a pushover, you were bullied into staying by your sister and her sister. If you can't see that, then god help you.

all I wanted to do was do what it was everybody was telling me to do

Read "No more Mr. Nice Guy" It's a great primer for TRP given your certain situation.

I am going with her again to her therapist

If its the same therapist that was in your original post, it's not going to go well for you.

Sorry you had to deal with some assholes though. There's 120k men in TRP, there are bound to be assholes but most of us are not.

[deleted]
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.4135

What is this?

Dude your eyes are now open.

You're smart if you're here.

Read and take back the control of your life.

[deleted]

It is my assumption that you GF felt "something new" when the rape happened and she went out to seek it. That's why she broke things off with you. I know it doesn't make sense and I know that rape is bad but seriously you have no idea how a woman's mind works. Then she felt remorse and bad about the whole situation and tried to get back with you.

Do you still want to have a relationship with this kind of person? Or are you just settling in because you have no other options?

Well apparently the worlds largest cuckold checking in.

I have seen worse, but you are high in the ranks.

Yeah, keep going to the therapist that immediately began explaining away the cheating the moment it came up and trying to guilt you for not being happy about it... solid plan

Going to the therapist is a waste of time.

I don't know if anyone told you yet but, regarding sidebar material, I believe that plenty of us were disagreeing and were at disbelief for a very good while. But don't take things at face value. Try something and if it gets you results, it works. If it doesn't, drop it. Skepticism and constructive discussion is highly encouraged.

Screenshot the PM's you were sent. Post a pic with the names blacked out here, and without the names blacked out to the mods here and the main TRP subreddit.

I've seen too much made up stuff about TRP to blindly take your word for it.

Respect. Glad you came to visit. Ignore the dickheads, everywhere has them, here too. People here are a little overcalibrated when it comes to fidelity if you ask me, but they're a good bunch of dudes, and the message here is much more truth and far less misogynistic hatred than the rest of reddit would have you believe..

That said, your situation is a case where I'd think hard about staying with her. Tough call though. If the infidelity was more than a one off, like you suggest might be the case, then even I would say you should dump her hard. Do have a think about the oneitis issue though. It's a pretty nasty state of mind once you see through it.

Let me tell you why you got so much hate: because any man with any sense of self-worth, any self-respect, any dignity, would walk away from this woman after what happened. You are not worth the dick and balls you carry.

I don't know what you are looking for here, because everybody will tell you to walk away. Nobody here is going to support you staying with her.

I also have a feeling you are a troll, but whatever.

[deleted]

My comment will be drowned out by hundreds other but you claimed you read all the thousand PMs they sent you, so maybe you read this too.

First off, I'm so glad you have discovered TRP and are approaching it with an open mind. Whatever happens in the future is largely irrelevant...once you've seen behind the curtain there's no going back so I trust your life will improve massively.

Secondly, apart from the resources on the sidebar and others, I'd highly highly highly suggest you check out :

REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS in Youtube --

They have hundreds of videos, but to get you started, go to rsdfreetour channel and look for Become an Entity with Structural Integrity. Up to you, but that shit is life changing.

Thirdly, TRP is not widely accepted in society and I doubt it ever will. Your sister and gf and so on know about this account. Are you sure you want to keep using this account to explore trp?

All the best to you man!

This comment has been overwritten by an open source script to protect this user's privacy.

If you would like to do the same, add the browser extension GreaseMonkey to Firefox and add this open source script.

Then simply click on your username on Reddit, go to the comments tab, and hit the new OVERWRITE button at the top.

Get the fuck out, is this real life? Now everyone that is stalking his user profile for updates are going to see he posted here.

Either we're going to see gigantic backlash at him, or people following his progress (being in similar situations) and then finding the red pill.

Either way the next day or two should be mildly interesting.

[deleted]

I don't know that much about rape victims, so I dont know if her cheating was related to her being raped, but I doubt it. If you take the rape out, your story would match a very large number of dude's stories that ask for help here. Though, your situation still doesn't seem too uncommon.

Her therapist has her wellbeing as a higher priority than yours. The only reason you were informed was because she's giving you the rope required to hang yourself--she's not helping you with shit, just getting some weight off your woman's shoulders.

She may have been 'reclaiming her sexuality', but it was at your expense(obviously). OP, once a girl crosses that line, she's going to keep doing it. Women have no concept of honor--after she's disrespected you on that level, that is now what you're worth. You can't un-cuck yourself with this girl.

OP, that post on TRP was made because you're lacking self-respect. The only people that have a man's interest at heart are sometimes his mother, and sometimes himself. Nobody else is going to stick up for you, while five (?) People have stood up for her.

We have quite a few guides on dating and picking up women and how to comfortably and safely spin plates. Your life can be quite a bit better Tomorrow, if you choose to help yourself. Good luck, man.

This is my choice and I'm right now choosing to take back what was my place in her life.

See this shit? Its not your place in HER life. It's her place in YOUR life. Stuff like that show how your mind works. You have to be the Sun and women the planets, not the other way around.

You'll be good man. Patience and read the sidebar.

First, welcome.

Second, you owe this girl nothing. She has proven that she is not capable of providing a healthy relationship. The only reasonable course of action is to leave her and find a good girl. There are hundreds of millions.

Not much to add here but to say: welcome, there's crazies in every group, and there's tons of benefit to be had in this community, good luck, and I hope you stay!

[deleted]

Considering the source of this thread, in the future I recommend all you use /r/RelationshipsUncut rather than the main sub.

I take a hands-off approach to moderation. So long as it's not illegal or against Reddit's ToS, have at it. There will be no moderating influenced by dogma/ideology on my watch.

But telling me that you hope my g/f is raped again while I have to watch is not okay. Now those people may or may not have been members of this community but they sure as hell sent me the links.

LOL. You're getting trolled man. Who does that.

How do I take back control of my part in her life?

Here's the problem with this question: your 'part' in her life is her choice. You know the old saying "You can lead a horse to the river..."

You two are not 'together'. You choose to be with her, and she is sort of/kind of/not really choosing to be with you.

You already know the answers to the questions you have, you are just terrified of them. And that's okay. Part of being a man is facing the shit you are afraid of.

I felt helpless and hopeless and all I wanted to do was help her and do what it was everybody was telling me to do.

Before you can help her (personally I don't think she deserves your help) you need to help yourself.

Jesus christ this is pathetic.

The red pill is not an easy pill to swallow. The gist of it is two fold.

1) You've been lied to about the nature of women your whole life. Your mother lied to you, your sisters lied to you, mass media lies to you. We have a phrase here, All Women Are Like That: AWALT. It means that if you see a woman behave in a particular way that all women do the same thing. Your GF cheated on you with someone she found hot. What other women are in this picture? Mom, sisters, etc. Do you think they might have cheated on their paycheck with some hot guy at some point in their lives? They have, and that's why they side with your cheating GF. What would their lives be like if there were consequences for their behavior?

2) You can better yourself, but it takes a lot of work, both physical and mental/emotional. You cannot change female nature. You cannot negotiate desire. You can get mad about it, you can get depressed about it, you can accept it, you can understand it, but you cannot change it.

That's a tough situation to be in, but I have no doubts I would have walked out of the therapist session and never spoke to her or her family again after the "It's not really cheating because of..."

In fact, I would have forced my way to see her long, LONG before he was given the green light to visit her. Most of us would.

Essentially, she resented her loved one because she got raped, and cheated on him whilst strong arming her family to keep quiet about it.

That's just evil and wrong. I don't care what happened at that point.

Men, hold on to your butts.

He STILL wants to be part of her life...

You can't fix stupid. You really can't.

I hope this turns out being fake. Who the hell sits like a duck for months after his S/O gets raped?

[deleted]

You can not take back control and be her. Bottom line she is a cheating whore, and you let happen without no consequence. Your fucked, she will repeat.

Edit: If you had half the respect for yourself as you do for her you could see what needed to be done.