Hey Fellas,
Took this plate who I haven't seen since September out to a hockey game. Some may say its a little much for a plate, you're probably right. But I have season tickets, and I regularly bring hot girls and tag them with me on my insta stories, so it helps my social proof. She is a HB9 no question, but definitely not LTR material. Talks about boys a ton and her escapades with them, goes out and parties, and blames a lot of her nights on blacking out. She also fights with her twin relentlessly its like a reality TV show lol.
We go to the bars right after the game and get to drinking/dancing/making out. I make sure to push pull by taking breaks and going outside making sure she follows me on her own accord. Everything's going well. Well she gets a message from a guy who saw her story asking what bar she's at. She must've replied cause she started to look over my shoulder at someone and I could tell this guy was here. The bar is shoulder to shoulder so we didn't have direct line of site with each other, but he is with some other people too.
We continue to dance and she is still all over me. At some point though, she has the balls to say to me, "Hey I should go say hello, he's my friend". I say to her you can say hi later. She was pretty adamant and drunkenly pushed past me. Here's my first question. Should I have said yes let's both say hi to this guy? Or did I do the right thing and let her go and just observe and not potentially mate guard?
I make small talk with the girls/guys around me, and she comes back after like 2 minutes. I figure all is well, this guy can obviously tell I'm making out with her and dancing. Well not like 30 seconds of being back, she goes up to this other guy right next to us and gets his snapchat. I turn around and walk out to the balcony as I am not one to take this type of disrespect lightly. She follows and starts putting her hand on my back. I can't remember exactly what she said there, but I held on to being stoic as long as I could. I knew the right thing would have been smiley and suggested we bar hop. But eventually I cracked and said something along the lines of, "I haven't seen you in months. I take you out to a hockey game which I only take a few girls to. And we spent the last hour together making out and dancing and you want to go get someone's snapchat right in front of me? Faaacckk you (like a Boston fuck you, not a Walter White to Gretchen fuck you.) It was said in a stern tone, not a "I'm completely losing my shit and yelling at the top of my lungs tone."
Well she storms off back in to the bar. I stay out on the balcony for 15 minutes. I started to head in looking for her. This bar is huge its easily got 500 people spread over a few floors. I find her downstairs talking to guy #1, but she doesn't see me as I am above them. I decided to text her and this is how it went:
Me: You're my responsibility where are you Her: I'm not it's good Me: Time to go. Don't play games I brought you here I'm getting you home. Her: I'm okay. Thanks
Like I said, she doesn't know I saw her downstairs and I leave out the other door so she doesn't see me. I just went home it was 2am anyway.
Any review on my actions and how things were dealt? I haven't heard from her nor have I texted her. Did I dry her up with how I acted? Or was this reasonable given the circumstances.
Impressive-Cricket-8 1y ago
She was more interested in the other guy than you - she told him where she was (disregarding you being her escort), she wanted to say hi as soon as she saw him, she wanted to ditch you for him, she didn't care about not leaving with you. If you were to suggest bar hopping, she'd either find a reason to not go, or ask the other guy to join you. Long story short: leave her in the past. Block her and forget about her; she could beg to come crawling into your bed at 2 a.m., still dismiss her.
I personally would have just walked away and blocked her earlier in the night (probably right after the snapchat incident), but I don't think you did bad - you didn't lose your mind, you didn't yell or curse, you didn't chase her. I also wouldn't comment too much on her behaviour (since she doesn't really care), but it wasn't wrong per se, just a bit of wasted words. As for if you should have greeted him with her, it kinda depends on how things were going with her, but I don't think it would have affected the outcome either way - she had already decided to end the night with him the moment she told him where she was.
Finally, as for your responsibility bringing her back home, while you acted as a gentleman, that should be reserved for ladies. If she behaves properly, she gets the nice treatment. If she wants to hoe around, she can suck a cabby for the fare.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
As disrespectful as it seems at face value she was making out with you. She said the other dude was her friend, that she came back in two minutes and not 20 means he probably was.
She got a guys snap and came right back to you and touched you.
Was it disrespectful to say hi to a friend, no. Was it disrespectful to get a guys snap in front of you, yes but not horrible. She came back to you.
I've seen my plates do much worse in front of me an it fucking blows. I think you should temper your expectations. This isn't a first date. She already knows you and is already going to go home with you. She didn't do anything awful in front of you
An ideal plate wouldn't be getting snaps when she's out with you because it's disrespectful but she is a plate.
I personally think you fucked up the situation and that her talking to other dudes after the balcony incident was avoidable.
There are plates that do far worse than chatting to someone briefly. Snaps are also less personal than phone numbers, I'd be more pissed if a plate got a number in front of me.
Pick your battles better next time. I don't disagree that she should have been more focused on you before the balcony shit, but the friend can slide (assuming it wasn't clear it was not more than a friend). While the snap thing was disrespectful it wasn't horrible.
I think you pulled out some alpha bravado out of your sleeve in that situation and fucked you. Alpha bravado is usually uncalled for and is antithetical to actual frame.
You could have said "I haven't seen you since September, I'm trying to catch up with you" if it got noticeably worse. What's she gonna do, blame you for saying that? She probably would have been less ADHD I think you tried to act alpha and looked beta instead
kncrew2112 1y ago
Unfortunately I know this guy as more than a friend to her. I had heard about him at one point before. So to me I was watching actions versus believing what she said. The full thing she said was, “ He’s just a friend, he’s too religious for me.” I could see her determination to go say hi stated otherwise.
Plus, after the balcony thing and I saw them together but they couldn’t see me, they ended up kissing. That’s what prompted me to leave.
There hadn’t been a time before where a date had literally brought someone else in her vicinity when I’m on a date with them. I didn’t go full beg beta trying to convince her to come back to me, and I also didn’t go absolutely Awal and try to start fights. Rusty in that situation yes, but you think I really over reacted?
Question is where does this go from here. I assume never reach out until she does to me?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
I mean you incidentally left out some of the most important key details of night out of your already detailed post
How are we supposed to give you good situational advice and feedback when you leave out key stuff like that?
Well now that I know what actually happened, point is she still did come back to you repeatedly that night.
I would have just fucked her that night and then never invited her out again over the disrespect.
I also have not had a plate or date ditch me temporarily on a date either. I agree it was tasteless and worthy of never taking her out in public again, but she was coming back to you s night.
Next time finish out the night, fuck the girl and then fade her out or something.
That plate sounds like a disrespectful headache, I'd next her. Just fade her out without saying anything and move on to ones that don't do that
Like I said I haven't really had that happen either so if she's a rare case of that kind of disrespect focus on girls that don't
kncrew2112 1y ago
What would have been the right thing to say on the balcony or action after feeling disrespected do you think? I mean what could have given me the best possible outcome that evening.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
There was disrespect but there hadn't yet been any drama or adandonment. She still came back to you rather quickly and touched you. You should have maybe said you haven't seen her in a while and she keeps disappearing to see if she caught your drift.
I would have just continued with night. You two already made out, you've already fucked her before, I would have just continued the night, pulled her home, and then faded her out. Maybe see her again but only at my place and never in public again
dongking 1y ago
Taking a girl you're already fucking to a dance club is generally a very bad idea.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
kncrew2112 1y ago
Learning as I go. Gotta deal with everything once. Now I’m better prepared to not get myself in that situation again.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
As someone that goes to such venues all the time, I've never had that issue with a date because it's clear we're on a date.
I have however had that issue repeatedly with plates to varying degrees. Dongking is right, I just have disagreement when it comes to dates. Dates tend to stick by me all night. Never had a date screw off somewhere
Edit: I know @dongking says "girl you're already fucking" i.e. plate. Just adding a caveat here
Lionsmane8 1y ago
Dude, i'll tell you what went through her head (i think). You taking her to the game must have subconsciohsly signaled to her that she is more than a plate.
Hence, she got comfort, she got points, credit. Credit that she can abuse. The impetus to act right is dimished (crazy right?)
Your reaction was right if she was YOUR girl, but she isn't. You're acting like her boyfriend.
Also it should be fine, you are right to set boundaries even with plates. You should.
I think you need to determine what relationship you want with her and act accordingly, incongruence sends mixed signals which gives you mixed reactions.
Plate? Exclusive plate? Gf? Figure it out first, then set the rules, then don't deviate from the rules.
kncrew2112 1y ago
Thanks for the write up
Intrepid_Place53900 1 1y ago
as others have said, it wasn't that bad in terms of disrespect. She's a (plate), she was with you, she was probably lining him up for another night. But, hey, she's just a plate.
You lost frame , you lost it that night.
I doubt you will hear from her. She went home with the other guy, he was fun, you were not.
Plates are plates, you got to treat them like one. There's no investment.
If a girl doesn't treat you like a prize, like she is a winner with you. Don't care about them, don't get feelings for them.
This girl was just a smash or someone to do something with, nothing more.
kncrew2112 1y ago
Yeah. The one train of thought that I live by that seemed to get in the way is that my time matters and who I choose to spend it with matters. And when someone disrespects me, I take it as an attack on my good will. Not sure if that's the best way to put it, maybe it's just ego, but that's what got in the way. As I mentioned in my post, I should've suggested a bar hop in stead. Ultimately, I shoulda went to a smaller bar after or a more intimate setting before jumping back to my place.
MidgetSpinner 1y ago
Other guy was there to steal. Nothing to lose, which is why he was more fun.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
She's set up another guy to meet her while on a date with you.
Correct play is to tell her "look, you want to meet up with this guy, that's great, but it's no longer our evening" and then LEAVE.
And don't accept her grovelling apologies either, this girl is awful and unsuitable to be seen with in public.
But now you are complaining/negotiating. And from a position of weakness. You have provided, she has been a slut, and you are calling her out on it hoping for what exactly? What could she possibly say that would turn this around? She has fucked up, and now it is you who are TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK.
Dude, at this point you got ditched for the other guy.
Honestly, it's fucking weird that you said she is your responsibility. She isn't..... you don't own her just because you took her out. But it's worrying you think you do. You think you have some control in this situation, you think she is your girl but she's acting out. This is not the case: she had a date with you and then found some other guys to hang out with. What is wrong with you that you are trying to recover this / regain control / trying to make things work with her?
My questions are not rhetorical, answering them will help you see what is wrong with the whole situation.
You stuck with a sinking ship for far too long. No idea why. Find better options. Don't pretend "she's only a plate" and then care this fucking much when she sluts it up.
kncrew2112 1y ago
Always appreciate you chiming in matty. All I see are facts. It's been a long hard struggle for me to become a better version of myself in the girl area in my life. Though I didn't play the evening exactly right, I know my past self woulda been blowing up her phone, begging, going up to her and chasing etc. I'm just gunna have to analyze the night and suck it up and make sure I handle it better if something like this happens again.
As far as the complaining/negotiating. I thought I was making the point she crossed a boundary of mine. A plate shouldn't care you're right. I should've suggested it was time to go then and there, probably the only thing that could've saved the evening.
When I texted her yeah I knew she was with the other guy, but she didn't know I knew that. I wanted to see how her responses were going to be while with the other guy. The responsibility thing was simply my gentleman/protector/manners coming out. She has a sister I know and I felt the need I had to at least try in case something happened.
At the end of the day, I took a chick out who doesn't have the respect that I need in a woman. I'm okay with plates fucking around with other people while not on my time. But I'm not okay when they are on my time and they fuck around like that. I think that rule should be at least the bare minimum for a woman. That's my problem, and she obviously doesn't meet that criteria.
dongking 1y ago
Not trying to rub it in now buddy but I recommend that you're honest with yourself. It'll serve you better in the long run.
When you said:
That was a weak attempt to mateguard/manipulate her to leave the other guy and come back to you. She obviously understood this too. White Knight shenanigans does not work lol.
It's not about respect, women aren't loyal and honest creatures. They're opportunistic and hypergamous. Your story here is a great example of it.
For this bitch in particular though, there's no coming back. Not even to plate status. You lost frame a lot so I'd take the L and never respond/message her again. You're better off developing new plates instead.
MidgetSpinner 1y ago
Well then you make that the rule by establishing that boundary early on. It's up to the girl to agree with it or not. Don't start enforcing shit like that, or holding any expectations long after you've been fucking each other.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 1y ago
I've seen a lot of stuff like this lately. I think a lot of newer and/or younger guys don't realize that "plate" isn't a synonym for "girlfriend".
MidgetSpinner 1y ago
No, they know exactly what it means, they just don't know how to plate properly. They're afraid of the judgement they'll receive from the community for admitting they have feels for a girl, so they'll refer to them as a "plate" and then try to downplay the fuck out of it like OP did in this post.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 1y ago
Distinct possibility.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 1y ago
There's been a lot of good advice already, even though some of it conflicts. Some thoughts of my own to add:
some of this stuff you'll have to figure out for yourself. It's impossible to convey everything via text, and impossible for strangers on the internet to know enough about you to give you complete, all-encompassing answers.
if you're trying to fuck a woman, you generally want to progressively isolate her. You went in reverse, from crowded venue but that doesn't usually involve pickup, to even more densely crowded venue that exists for virtually no other reason other than for strangers to meet and hook up. If you didn't want to go straight back to your place or hers after the game, maybe go somewhere more intimate like a coffee shop or small wine bar. If it's an intimate venue, there's no plausible deniability for her to invite some other dude. You took her to what's essentially a large party atmosphere, which provided all the plausible deniability in the world to invite others, whether Mr. Just-a-Friend or her cockblocking girlfriends.
if she's just a plate, then you cared way too much.
You have a lot of "tells" in your story that you acted emotionally, jealously, etc. Don't give her that satisfaction.
when she fucks up like that, she should be the one trying to make it right. You should be walking away. No drama, no explaining, just leaving. If she chases and apologizes well enough, maybe get some more sex out of her, but she is unworthy of any upgrade past plate.