I've been pretty lost in life for a while now. I've had OCD since I've been born. It developed into extreme social anxiety after a few trumatic school experiences. As a result of my increasingly isolated life, I developed scoliosis and GERD over the years. Now, I have constant chronic pain both in my back and stomach. And it only magnified my anxiety in general.
I've been trying to get myself back together ever since I got to an age where I understood what was going on. I've read dozens of books, I diet, go the gym. I learned game and social skills even though I barely get to use them.
Pretty sure it's OCD that's causing me to self isolate. It actually shook me pretty deeply when I started reading about the false rape accussations. Now I feel like I'll somehow end up jail after saying hi to a girl.
I meditate, it's the only reason I even got somewhat of a stable mind. I used to uncontrollably eat, waste my time. Now, I try to balance it. Sadly, I can't purely focus on improvement because my OCD takes over without some distraction throughout the day.
I've been to many therapists over the years. I took antidepressants, got off them as meditation got me stable enough. Right now, I gave up on seeking professional support as I've spent over 8 years constantly seeing therapists and psychiatrists, and it never helped. Everything that helped I mostly learned from extensive reading.
Very often I get distraught when I think about how little I've progressed over about 12 years since I started having these issues. I'm 22 right now. I still can't talk to people unless it's in a safe context like at a shop or when someone asks me the time. I feel extremely uneasy even making eye contact, especially with girls. And I realize I need to get out there to meet people, but since I can't initiate conversation or get closer to people, it often ends in my dissapointment no matter how many hours I spend outside.
I'm at wits end here. I always hold the hope that one day I'll somehow get better, meanwhile being terrified that day will never come without my active effort. Which I do give, but often to no avail.
I'm looking for all kinds of support here. You don't have to have had OCD or have any advice for me. I would equally appreciate someone to talk to. I hope you all have a good day.
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RedPirate751 1y ago
I'll say the same thing I told the last guy about anxiety: the only way out is through. You've got to face it. Let's say its contamination OCD here. You wash your hands because you're afraid something is "unclean". The only way to truly beat that is to refuse to wash your hands. Accept the anxiety. Feel it, and refuse to obey regardless. You'll find that, in reality, the world won't end if you don't wash your hands.
Lionsmane8 1y ago
Dude.
No offense, but these plethora of branded mental issues are big excuse to suck. It's a form of helplessness porn. "Oh, I can't perform because I have -insert pathology here-".
Get off your rockers, doesn't matter what sorts of problem you have, you'll need to work with it.
Don't take meds, don't go to western therapists. Their job is to make you a repeat customer.
Stick to the gym, find any excuse to spend time outdoors and around people.
Just talk, feel awkward, try again, build that muscle slowly and methodically.
I used to have a drug problem years ago, and got depression, OCD and another shitload of physical and mental health problems.
I was lucky I got a good therapist. You know what his advice was?
"You're fine, you don't need me. Starting next week I don't want to see you again".
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WokeDown 1y ago
Yeah dude, try eating more plants but as grown, not as "products" or fast food or flour products. That will probably help your GERD pretty fast and may help with your back pain and stomach further down the road although that's less certain. The point is to get more fiber in and less acid promoting foods modern factories magnify, like oil.
If you want to google it, it's called whole foods plant based diet.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
You'll be fine. False rape accusations don't happen after saying hi.
Understand what is happening here: you feel social phobia, and in your mind you try to rationalise the reality of this, and overblow the likelihood of false accusations. The cause isn't the reality, the cause is your social phobia.
Learn to talk to everybody..... girls, guys, old ladies, young guys....... everybody.
Look to the future. The past doesn't matter and will always make you depressed. Look to the next 10 yrs.
It's good that you can talk when it's safe.
This is due to feeling like you are low social status. Low social status avoid angering others and pretend they don't exist as a way to avoid conflict and consequences. It sort of makes sense, but it's also keeping you feeling low social status.
I'm glad you're trying. I suggest you keep trying, but push yourself a little further each time. Ease yourself into it. "Today I will have eye contact with a girl"....... "Today I will tell a random stranger that I like their shirt"..... "Today I will ask a personal question", or whatever. Keep pushing it rather than "go outside and hope".
You need to make active effort to push yourself into learning what's ok and what works.
Can you find a club or hobby or activity or social group? This will help you meet friends and learn to talk to people, they're usually very welcoming, and you can take things at your own pace while doing something else other than focusing on socialising.
Bulba 1y ago
A lot of cheap mental health pros just try to get you hooked without really helping you out. This is the kind of issue where throwing some cash at it can make a difference. You need a solid therapist and coach, and if you've just been going to the cheap options, no wonder you're not seeing results. You gotta check out the high-end side of this market.