Hello I have a bit of a problem I'd like some feedback on. Recently it seems like my mother is pressuring me into getting a girlfriend, and she always brings my sexuality into question when she brings up this topic.
To make a long story short the conversations that happen usually boil down to this
Her : "You have a girlfriend?
Me : "No"
Her : "Will you get a girlfriend?"
Me : "No, not right now, I'm not even ready to even be in a relationship"
Her : "Will you get married"
Me : "no"
Her : "You're not gay, are you?
Me : "No"
Her : "Good, cause gay people are Devils"
Whenever she says this last line I think she's trying to shame or gaslight me, I use to explain the various reasons why I won't get into a relationship such I don't have the money for a relationship, girls don't really find me attractive, or it seems like it would be stressful, but I just gave up explaining seemed pointless, I now just try to keep the conversation as short as possible.
She also tried giving me advice on how to deal with girls, but I don't know how reliable what she says is given her track record.
Overall I'm kinda lost on how to deal with this situation because it's probably going to come up again.
AbusiveFather1 1y ago
I’m curious: what advice did she give you regarding girls?
Why don’t you just tell her what she wants to hear?
Her: Will you get a girlfriend? You: Of course, whenever I get the chance? Her: Will you get married? You: Certainly, who wouldn’t?!
Maybe she’ll even set you up with the neighbor’s daughter; you’ll plough her brains out and bugger off, and then her dad will give you the stink eye whenever you come around for Christmas
Pizza5 1y ago
In terms of advice, well there was a lot, but the first ones that comes to mind is that she says something along the lines of don't rely on a woman, seems reasonable, but then she says things like, you should praise women, and please women, and that's where things started to get confusing, she also said I should respect women, and treat them like they are my equals, and I guess that makes sense I'm not going to go out of my way to demean some girl.
I also did start telling her what she wants to hear, did that today actually, told her I'll get into a relationship get married and will even have kids, when we entered this same conversation again, but it still ends with her bringing my sexuality into question, and saying gay people are devils
As for her setting me up, yeah no, in my neighborhood, or well the houses that are in the closet proximity to my own, everyone keeps to themselves, and Most people my mom associates with are family so any females she knows that are my age, or close to my age are most likely related to me.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
right
haha this is bullshit. this is what women want, but when a man does it he's a creepy beta.
haha more beta bullshit. women want a man who is better than they are. if you treat her like an equal she'll believe she's your equal, and then she'll look for better.
No, it doesn't make sense because women are hypergamous and they date UP.
I also did start telling her what she wants to hear, did that today actually, told her I'll get into a relationship get married and will even have kids, when we entered this same conversation again, but it still ends with her bringing my sexuality into question, and saying gay people are devils
As for her setting me up, yeah no, in my neighborhood, or well the houses that are in the closet proximity to my own, everyone keeps to themselves, and Most people my mom associates with are family so any females she knows that are my age, or close to my age are most likely related to me.
AbusiveFather1 1y ago
just know that even though she is your mother and probably wants what's best for you, she might not actually know what "best for you" is, and goes with whatever the society's current consensus is. learn to nod and keep your true opinion to yourself.
agree with her, say that they're devils, along with whatever else she wants to hear and will get her off your case
i don't see any problem here ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
If she wanted what's best for her son she would give good advice rather than destructive bad advice.
She wants what's best for WOMEN, not for her offspring. Women are weird like that.
AbusiveFather1 1y ago
True. But why though? Why would favor some random women that aren’t even related to her over her own flesh and blood? Doesn’t this oppose the mammal mother’s instinct? Or do they lose any semblance of it once the progeny is older than a child? What’s the scientific explanation
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Because she's female and solipsistic.
Yes
Ok, here's my guess on this.
Solipsism and prioritising female best interests is an evolved characteristic.... it helps the woman and it hinders her male offspring. But on balance it works better than not doing it. Favours the woman, favours the female offspring, harms the male offspring..... but that works better than not doing it.
Women have not yet evolved a mechanism for "stopping lying when there are male children"..... that trait might not even work because presumably the males around her would spot that she's lying when she stops lying to her male children.
Additionally.... people are not evolved for modern society. We are evolved for a village of 100 people, not for Tinder, swiping, smart phones and #metoo. That's why we care so much about This One Girl.... we're not evolved to try and date a million women, we're evolved to try and date 10. There are many evolutionary maladaptations.... getting fat with recent cheap food and low exercise lifestyles is another.
Notorious 1y ago
Simply tell her that she set the bar really high and there are no good candidates.
AbusiveFather1 1y ago
remarkable!
GenericKevinTheFifth 1y ago
Game your mother like any other woman, just don't get with her to bed.
You're not angry at her when she asks you these things you're angry at yourself that you have to endure it. You have to, coz you can't move out, or if you dont live together - you wouldn't visit (unless youre coodependent).
Your probelm is she is sill a woman and you're depening on her, as with any woman you don't want that situation, your brain tells you eject, by being angry and disgusted. Sure, some men can extract money by knowing how to make it happen - but that might be less then ideal and will take some skill and skill takes time and resources to learn. That skill is not bad to have but you don't want to rely on it & be 35yo gaming your mother and have babies with her.
You can play with your answers to her, like you did lately, this is how you learn to game, good job. Just grow some balls and be more imaginative. Just don't say 'ill fuck you up bitch'.
Did u ever have situation where by telling unhinged absolute truth you knew you are giving the best advice possible? But by doing it, you fuck yourself up big time? That is the situation below.
Truth; but she means other women, not herself as that would undermine her position as woman and MOTHER, but in reality it applies to all women including mother, but instead of explaining it with details, she lacks mental capacity to do it and says:
Lie; but now she wants to reverse eventual damage from previous quote and really only takls about herself not other women as she wants you to be there for her when she needs it - minus sex.
She knows truth about women, but doesn't want to fuck herself up, because you might be her carer later on in life and she can't be straight and honest about stuff thinking her future provider, her little beta, will not talk to her
What she does, is being mother and try to raise you, but at the same time she acts as an average woman, that spreads her legs for dicks.
You're still a man a she'll treat you by default this way, even if you're a pussy.
Wisdom about women comes from switched on fathers.
Listen carefuly GENERAL negative stuff she says about women, skip ALL positives, and negative personal remarks.
Play with being accused of gayness, you will hear it in you life many times from diff people anyway. Cut out nipple holes in tshirt and tell her, you want her to help to come out in front of the whole familly.
She will play offended many times, upset, angry. Don't let it detract you, it's normal process. She won't be really offended. Shell understand even if shell say otherwise (and surely she will say it).
If she'd get really agressive (or even physical - as in rage, rather than systematical, EMOTIONLESS ass spanks), she has personality issues and you should make quick eject arrangements. If she is single mother don't rely on her rising you, spend time outside of home with some buddies.
And finally go and interact with women same way. Go piss off some of them, come back home and do the same.
Rememberer you wont piss ME off if you do the opposite of the above.
I assume you have no father
Read sidebar. Dont skip its most important to start.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
I agree with @GenericKevinTheFifth but in a different way. Your mom IS being selfish in that she wants grand kids. So put her to work recruiting women for you. Or if you're gay maybe she can find you a real stud. Either way keep her busy and she'll chill.
GenericKevinTheFifth 1y ago
Sure, any way to get pussy is good. Social circle (mother) is great to obtain pussy. He could even fux some distant cousin.
I got the feeling he is v young / inexperienced /fatherless and he should start learning. Otherwise what will happen without knowledge and game... instead of respectful pump and dUMP, he'll end up with unwanted marriage or baby at the first whiff of obese pussy at 31.
My mother did gay thing when I was young and inexp, even when she found out I was involved with some girl.
Overkill_Engine 2 1y ago
Fun tip:
Withdrawing attention from women when they misbehave still applies to even mothers.
Is it stupid that this can sometimes be necessary to resort to? Sure. Doesn't make it any less necessary to keep in mind though.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
As someone who's own mother is unfixable, just keep the conversations short, deflect, end them, find the right phrase that gets the convo over. Nod your head
There's a certain point where mothers no longer give a fuck about changing a damn thing for various reasons. It's an uphill battle you can never win, you can only escape it
[deleted] 1y ago
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mattyanon Admin 1y ago
This isn't gaslighting.
She wants grandkids, basically.
Everything you say will fall on deaf ears, because SHE WANTS GRANDKIDS.
Her advice is designed to benefit WOMEN. Most female advice to men is deeply counter productive to men because it is always generated with the female best interest in mind. "Just be yourself" and "Always be honest with girls" and so on. Women never ever say "Look, women have a dualistic mating strategy, so step spending money on them" and they never say "hit the gym and lose some bodyfat".
Stop caring what she thinks. Stop needing her to believe anything about you. It's not your problem.
Or troll her and tell her that you find Dave rather attractive and would like some advice on how to seduce him.
MovinCruisin 1y ago
That's not gaslighting. Tell her you are not talking about this and ignore her or ask her to hook you up with someone.