Can’t cut contact cause she supports me financially. I live away from her, but in the same city. She is the most unbearable person I have to deal with. Typical AWALT example. Failed marriage with my irresponsible father(I wonder why she stayed with him for 15 years. Hmmm.) Blames my “supposed” father for everything that went wrong in her/my older sister’s life. Always compares me to him. She is getting fatter and uglier by the year. ZERO accountability. I have tried to reason and have honest conversations with her, but to ABSOLUTELY no avail. Whether about her mental health, physical health, boundaries, her fuck ups with how she brought me up (or lack there of).
My main issue here is that she wants me to be her bitch. She says shit like “It’s not manhood to say curse words, it doesn’t make you more of a men.” (Yet she respected the guy who treated her like shit and was paying the bills/everything instead of him) She blames me for getting angry at her stupidity, giving me false information, blatant lies. She’s the most undependable person when it comes to information. She’d rather make shit up than tell the truth or say she doesn’t know.
She never got “payback” or got her “justice” from my father, so she just projects everything on me. I am the only male in the family basically, with two older, as you would expect, whore sister, who got princess treatment from my mother all their lives. They created this “us vs him(me) mentality as I got tired of all their shit. Sister’s literally abused me all my life, until I cut all contact with them. So they have this pact mentality against their own brother/son.
How to deal with a narcissistic mother who tries to bitch me up by ridiculing me, disrespecting me in private and in public, tries to teach me about masculinity as a failed mother with two failed marriages and half a dozen failed relationships(that I know of), favors her two girls over me, oblivious to her shortcomings and toxic behavior?
Thank you.
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
You're being supported by her financially, she has leverage over you.
Let me rephrase that. She has you by the balls. Read 48 laws of power: keep people dependent on you" specifically.
Suck it up and use it as extreme motivation to support yourself financially. I would make it a serious priority to leave this situation as its horrible for your mental health, and if you allow her to program you to her little domesticated doggy, you will have to reprogram yourself the other way around.
Keep mental distance, do the bare minimum, and GTFO ASAP.
Arcturus 1y ago
The answer is in your first sentence. Become financially independent. Not easy in this day and age, but good things rarely come easy. Would you rather work 60 hrs a week and be free of her shit, or be her bitch forever? Learn skills and invest in yourself. A 2 year degree in a field with demand or getting into the trades (electrician, plumber) could also help get you there. It sucks but narcissists generally don't change their behavior. Once you don't need her cut contact like you did with your sisters.
Hamza99 1y ago
Great comment.
That’s the hardest step for me right now(becoming financially independent) as I need to learn a skill.
I tried my best and gave up on many occasions. I just held out for hope she would change as she is the only constant in my life and I would have liked for the relationship to be better than this shit. No regrets. I went above and beyond.
Your last sentence is something I have been dreaming of since childhood, more specifically since Covid.
EurasianChad 1 1y ago
Good to see someone commented with the exact solution as mine. I hadn't read the replies prior to answering.
Anyway, what country are you in? It's not very hard to afford rent & living if you pick a studio unit in a less expensive part of town. Sure there may be compromises but depending on how desperate your situation is to leave, you may want to consider those options.
No-Stress-Cat 1y ago
Get a job.
[deleted] 1y ago
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