his drove me insane as I don’t want to commit to a girl that is doing this shit

Don't go mad. This is the wrong approach.

Correct approach is this: she isn't worthy of commitment so don't do it.

But before that the sex was going down and now we haven’t had sex in a month.

Ok. You need an explanation.

Valid:

• Medical reasons, resulting in more blow jobs instead.

That's it.

Tired.... not in the mood..... not feeling it..... "I don't feel sexy"....... all these are euphemisms for "I am not attracted to you".

Doesn’t seem to have that genuine desire she used to have and she always says she’s too tired or she’s in a rush to get home.

You're not having sex therefore you are not in a relationship. You are the provider of security.

she’s making rules for me and women make rules for betas.

right

I want to go through her phone secretly but she’s so protective of it and the fact she didn’t let me see it and the fact she said that what this K person said is important and can’t be shared with me.

100% she's cheating.

Like what the hell we’re supposed to be Man and Wife

You are married???

how can there be secrets between us who the fuck is this guy.

Here's the problem.

She's doing this shit and you are letting her.

I don’t know what the fuck to do. Call me a bitch call me an idiot. I just want some slap me in the face hard advice.

You are providing emotional security to a woman who is cheating on you and is fucking someone else.

Sorry. It sucks.

What you do now is act according to the circumstances: you're not in a relationship with this woman, so stop emotionally providing for her. Cut her off. Leave. Next.

Things were so good in the beginning and now my gut feeling says I can’t trust her

Of course you can't trust her. Jesus fucking christ, she has someone else writing on her with his initial. Why the fuck are you still in this "relationship" ?

Every fiber in my body wants to leave her but I don’t want to at the same time because what if I’m wrong.

What if you're right.

Trustworthy people do not behave like this. Secret notes, secret text messages, lies about her grandfather.

If nothing else: find out her grandfather's names (first and last, both grandparents).

What if she’s telling the truth.

If she has a close friend who is writing on her, you can reasonably ask for details about this, and should be furnished with proof of what's going on. Honest people will always happily provide proof that you have nothing to worry about. Sure there are secrets, but anyone who is not cheating will provide reassurances and be happy to provide proof.

I want things back how they were as beta as that sounds.

You can have things back as they were WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.

I truly love this girl.

She isn't fucking you. It's over.

She apologized, says she loves me. But it’s all bullshit to me.

Apologised for what? What form does this "love" take....... secret letters and writing and phonecalls from someone else? That's not love, that's manipulation

I don’t know I’m lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated sorry for the wall of text.

You know what to do.

Some more information. She had a boyfriend for 2 years but she broke up with him because he cheated on her.

How do you know this is what happened?

But he was abusive to her like would hit her get mad she talked to other men and stuff.

This is often grossly exaggerated.

So she didn’t break up with him over abuse but over cheating which is interesting to me.

Women ALWAYS claim that they were abused in their last relationship.

"He hit me" is often "I hit him and he hit back but I miss out the first part".

"He emotionally abused me" is often "I was a bitch and he told me to stop it, he was so controlling"..... or...... "I wanted to fuck other men and he said no, he's a controlling abusive asshole".

When you hear what girls say about your relationship with them later, it really opens your eyes about how much they lie about the past relationships that they chose.

Whether you realise it or not, you are in a lot of pain right now, so your decision making is not optimal.

Guys fall in love with women, and they idealise women. That is what young men do. Some call it oneitis. its a natural biological urge, and its hard to resist.

The only think that can help is the passage of time. That, and developing solid frame. Solid frame comes from having self respect. This is something that can be learned and developed.

I empathise with you, because I have been there myself, more times than I care to remember. A few things that you have to remember;

1. You are not thinking with your head right now. You are running on emotions.
2. When you are running on emotions, she is driving the bus, and you are a passenger.
3. All of her tears are crocodile tears.
4. When a relationship is broken, it cannot be fixed. You'll never have that care free love fest that you had again (with her).
5. Sometimes the best thing to do is to cut and run. In poker they say 'don't throw good money after bad'.
6. She may not be a bad person, but she is subconsciously enjoying your pain right now. You are displaying jealous emotions, which is exciting for her. She is learning that being disrespectful and hurting you gives her more power in the relationship. The 'drama' that is going on in your relationship is enjoyable for her, but not for you. She is now controlling this relationship.
7. Once a woman starts to control a relationship, it is doomed. For two reasons a) it will be unpleasant for you, to say the least and b) she will get bored of you very quickly.
8. Women are totally irrational, they want what they dont' want, and that which they don't want, they want. So she wants to control and hurt you using jealousy, but as soon as she sees that she is in control, she won't want you any more. This is crucial to understand. They see a man they want, then they try to control him, when the succeed in controlling him, they don't want that man any more. They will look for the next man. And on and on it goes. Until they find a man that they can't control, and usually he will dump her, and that man will be the Alpha that widowed her.
9. The hardest things to understand (for a rational man) are those things that make no fucking sense whatsoever. That is women in a nutshell. once you understand that women are 100% illogical, it is easier to manage them. Millions of young men all over the world are making the same mistakes as you - they say to themselves

"But she clearly loves me - why would she go out of her way to destroy our relationship? Makes no sense?? Wtf?"

Women make no sense whatsoever.

You're young. You will see this play our a few times in your life. The solution is to set the ground rules as early as possible. You have to be the leader, and you have to drive the bus. Otherwise, this shit will happen over and over on an endless loop.

EDIT: If I were you, I would not waste time on wondering whether she has some other dude or not. That almost doesn't matter. THere are things that you can never really know. What you do know for sure is this;

How she made you feel.

You know that she made you feel jealous and uncomfortable in your own relationship. All of that was by her own choice. She could have chosen to make you feel secure, like you were the king of the relationship, but she chose not to, because it gave her more power and she enjoyed the drama.

That would be enough for me to make up my mind.

What a shit show. She is fucking someone on the side and it's clear as day. Get the fuck out before you ruin your self image completely.

Bro, you are being played.

Man up, get out of there ASAP.

Next her. Your intuition exists for a reason even if you don't know the answers. Often times your intuition IS the answer.

There are a lot of times i made a guess of why a woman did or didn't do something with me and later, after a lot of digging and wasted time (against what everyone else was telling me) ended up being that exact thing I initially suspected.

Your intuition usually is the correct answer, especially for repeat occurrences

how old are you?

sounds like you need to get more experience with plating girls. Oh, and this LTR, should be demoted to a plate, or just move on from her.

The no sex in a month, may likely be due to the miscarriage,etc, either physical issues or mental.

if she's protective of her phone, she should "NEVER" be considered for a LTR.

Bro not only is she fucking K she probably got the whole alphabet on her phone. She spreading them legs A-Z