Hello, 25M here, she's 25F. I've never been in that situation before, so, I'm having mixed feelings about it despite still wanting to continue the relationship. It's all somewhat unusual, so let me give you the context and story:
Alright, so basically I live away from my hometown because I'm graduating in another state in a college that is a great one in the country for my field, It's a 2:30h trip by plane. Feb 2023 I was on vacation in my hometown and met 2 girls during my last month there. I was more attracted by the second one, I will call her Jane, and her SMV was considerably higher than the other, Lucy. , Me and Jane had 2 dates together in a 15 days time-frame, we had sex and she gave me some excuse to go the airport to see me just before I left, in MARCH. (at the time, she told me her cousing was arriving from other country and she would take the that opportunity to see me, some months ago she confessed me there was no cousing that day lol).
Well, from the start I had it clear in my mind that it would be better to forget it there because a long distance relationship would be inconceivable. But... she kept reaching me from text and somehow we managed to keep the conversation going. It was quite balanced who would initiate the conversation between us 2, just talking sporadically about routine, random stuff, news, a bit of sexting, nude pics, and so on, so I knew that she had some interest. I told her I would be on vacations again 4 months later, at July, so there were expectations from me and her to see each other in my hometown again and see how things would go between us from that point.
During that 4 months time frame, we would talk to each other only by text and not very often, usually once a week or every 8, 10 days, just for the sake of keeping the conversation alive. After month 1, I made out with a girl from college, we had one date, kissed, but things did not go further than that and I cut off all contact with her. One of the reasons I did that was because I wasn't certain how things would go with Jane, or if I was her only option. I couldn't know precisely how much interest she had on me and if she was seeing other men. I was simultaneously talking long distance to Jane (my gf now) and to Lucy, the other girl I met in my city and who I also had 2 dates at the time. I started developing more feelings for Jane and my interest in her was growing. Still, I did not want to rush things before I could get a better idea of how she was like in person and how we would get along, afterall, we saw each other for only 3 days. She is very attractive, calm, with a restrained personality, much more on submissive side, raised in a good family, finishing college and apparently fitted my criterias for a ltr.
To be honest, things on college got much harder for everyone in my class because of a change made by the direction on the grading system and I had basically no free time for anything man, so I was not going to parties, hanging up or meeting anyone. It doesn't help i'm at my last semesters at med school so we were doing tests after tests almost every week along with heavy hospital routine and I was at peak stress.
Finally, after 4 months, the semester was over and after studying my ass off I did very well, passed everything and on my vacation I spent a whole month in my hometown. Me and Jane were hanging out a lot, knowing each other better, I could figure more things about her and I decided to make things official with her one week before I left and see how it would work out. She agreed, we talked about the distance and decided to make it work. She asked me to meet her parents and friends, she met mine and from that time on - end of JULY we became official.
So since august, we began talking almost everyday, she wanted to see me more, we started making more calls, being more emotionally open to each other and started building a greater connection. One month and a half later, at SEPTEMBER, I had a week break from college and I traveled to back my city and we spent those days together. At november, she did the same thing and she traveled to the city I live and we spent another week. At DECEMBER another college semester was gone, we were both on vacation and we spent another month together in my hometown. We were closer than ever, lot of chemistry going on and we planned a 5 day-trip. In the last day, when I was driving back home, things kinda went south on my head. During the 7 hours we spent on the road, at some point we started talking about our romantic past. She had a big disappointment in her life with a guy she was friend with since they were kids, but only happened to made out once at a party, after they finished school. She expected something serious to come after but it never happened. She wanted him to comfort her about a traumatic experience she had about being robbed at gun point a certain day, he didn't care, she got upset, they stopped talked and she got depressed for months. I'm her first boyfriend and she told me she has never found the right guy before and did not want do have any idiot with her just for the sake of having a boyfriend.
Everything was fine for me until she asked me how many girls I made out with during the 4 months we were talking -> before JULY. I wanted to avoid getting into that topic, but I did not think much and told her the truth about 2, and I asked her back. Before answering me, she said I would not believe it, then said she only kissed one guy at a party, because everytime she would compare me to the other guys so she couldn't date anyone. She spoke so naturally and I kept it cool, we talked about other things, I was already so exhausted from driving that I could not really rationalize it too much or react, I just wanted to get home and rest. Later that day, at night, what she said finally got to me, I got very upset, she realized I was distant and cold and I brought up that subject again. She said she was afraid, she couldn't know if I was seeing anyone else, it was only one kiss at a party, she later thought the guy was a pos and she never saw him again, and she realized that I was the one she wanted. I trust her on that, she is probably not lying and for some reason, she did not realize entering that topic would not be a good idea.
This talking was a month ago and we didn't talk about it since, but this stays on my mind, even tho I know I probably have no reason to given the context. I get the uncertainty factor, I was on the same boat. She could not be sure whether things would go right or wrong between us, especially because of the distance and it was 4 months. But still, I feel kinda bad about it, it's like an ego thing and it's annoying. It is not a lack of trust I tell you guys, I trust her a lot, it's not about insecurity, I'm simply upset because she considered other option before we were official, as if she did not want me enough. Besides this situation, things are going great between us and I think she is a woman worth staying with. She displays a lot of signs of investment, she planned and is about to come here and stay for two weeks. Also, it's really easy for me to tell she was proud being with me, because of the way she validates me, how she wanted to showcase me to everybody in her family and to her friends. They would often compliment me in front of her, she even showed me situations where women in her family were talking to her about me, how handsome I am, that she found the one and so on. It's a mix of feelings, it messed me up and made me confused for a while and I honestly want more perspectives on this.
irvingscott 7mo ago Stickied
TL,DR: I met her one year ago in my hometown, during college break. We went on 2 dates together with each other and I returned to the city I live, in march. She kept reaching me after that and we talked by text esporadically for 4 months. She knew I would be back in July and we would keep knowing each other better. In july, we spent a month hanging out, she showed me to her friends, I saw her as ltr potential and in the end of it I decided to make things official with her, she asked me to meet her parents, she met mine. We talked about it and agreed to make it work.
Since then, we got closer, built a stronger connection, started talking much more to each other, she traveled to see me and so did I. In december, another college break and we spent another month together. We were driving back from a trip, I started talking about past relationships. She then asked me how many girls I made out during the 4 months we talked. I told her the truth, two, asked her back, she said she only kissed one guy at a party. Later I got upset, her reasoning was that she was afraid and unsure what would happen, and didn’t know if I was seeing someone else. Despite that, everything was going great, she is caring, always reaching, demonstrates investment and desire and so on, man, I can’t really point much flags or reasons to end. I’m her first boyfriend, I really trust her and I know she is probably going to be loyal, but that situation still hits me, as an ego thing, the thought that she would still consider other options even if we had nothing official. This is a high SMV woman that despite being unofficial and not knowing too much about me, thought high enough of me to not have sex in 4 months, but she still went to a party and kissed someone and I feel bad even if it was not a break of trust.
pofkaf 7mo ago
Bro how do you write a TLDR that's almost as long as the original post? Lmao
Close your diary and start learning how to manage your bitches better.
Thegoats 7mo ago
TL;DR of the TL;DR: Met her a year ago, went on dates, became official, built a strong connection, she kissed someone during the early stages when we were not exclusive, feeling upset about it but everything else is great, struggling with ego and trust issues despite believing she will be loyal.
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Anbessa 7mo ago
Ain’t reading all that bud
Anbessa 7mo ago
but Im happy for u or sorry that happened
coolsocks00 1 7mo ago
Someone took the simp pill instead of the red pill
Didnt read it all but it’s clear as day you’re severely overinvested and making blunders left and right.
Only one right answer: READ THE SIDEBAR
And if you already have: READ IT AGAIN
irvingscott 7mo ago
Sorry for the long text, just wanted to provide as much information as possible.
TL,DR I met her one year ago in my hometown, during college break. We went on 2 dates together with each other and I returned to the city I live, in march. She kept reaching me after that and we talked by text esporadically for 4 months. She knew I would be back in July and we would keep knowing each other better. In july, we spent a month hanging out, she showed me to her friends, I saw her as ltr potential and in the end of it I decided to make things official with her, she asked me to meet her parents, she met mine. We talked about it and agreed to make it work. Since then, we got closer, built a stronger connection, started talking much more to each other, she traveled to see me and so did I. In december, another college break and we spent another month together. We were driving back from a trip, I started talking about past relationships. She then asked me how many girls I made out during the 4 months we talked. I told her the truth, two, asked her back, she said she only kissed one guy at a party. Later I got upset, her reasoning was that she was afraid and unsure what would happen, and didn’t know I was seeing someone else.
Despite that, everything was going great, she is caring, always reaching, demonstrates investment and desire and so on, man, I can’t really point much flags. I really trust her and I know she is probably going to be loyal, but that situation still hits me, as an ego thing, the thought that she would still consider other option even if we had nothing official. This is a high SMV woman that despite being unofficial and not knowing too much about me, thought high enough of me to not have sex in 4 months, but she still went to a party and kissed someone and I feel bad even if it was not a break of trust.
coolsocks00 1 7mo ago
What is your question?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 7mo ago
I'll take one for the team when i have a minute
nicknack 7mo ago
A 25-year-old man navigates a budding long-distance relationship with "Jane," a woman he met during a vacation. Their connection deepens over time through texts and visits, eventually leading them to commit to each other officially.
However, the relationship hits a snag when they discuss their past romantic encounters. The man learns Jane had entertained the possibility of other partners before they became exclusive, causing him discomfort and prompting him to question her initial commitment.
Despite no breach of trust or infidelity, this revelation triggers an emotional response, leading him to seek advice on managing his feelings. He grapples with the impact of this knowledge while acknowledging the strong bond they share.
ChatGPT
Vermillion-Rx Admin 7mo ago
You weren't the hero we deserved but you were the hero we got.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 7mo ago
I seriously was going to do this but i already took one for the team manually
What was your prompt i couldn't get that summary
nicknack 7mo ago
Summarize this
“ … “
Something like that
redhawkes 2 7mo ago
Lmaoo, novel format always implies onieitis.
You know what to do, you're just looking for validation.
[deleted] 6mo ago
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Overkill_Engine 2 7mo ago
I saw this post earlier and after the initial skim, I was sorely tempted to ask if they were a woman pretending to be a man online, because the neurotic rambling and obfuscation of their actual question under a few fathoms of emotional diarrhea sure as fuck came off as something a woman would write.
Which is the usual female variant of being an askhole.
redhawkes 2 7mo ago
I doubt, but I've seen some autistic hoes in the Public Square before. Imagine having all those places to shitpost and you chose some forgotten corner like TRP.
I believe it's just a low T mangina, purplepill at best, trying to use RP for his Disney fantasy.
lurkerhasarisen 1 7mo ago
I, also, am not going to read all that: romance novels are for women. I read the Tl;dr. A few observations:
1) Providing all that detail is indicative of the fact that you are wildly overthinking this situation and that you are extremely invested. Both of those factors indicate that you’re looking for validation for doing what we all suspect you’re going to do anyway.
2) You are not official. You have verbally agreed to be exclusive (which is not the same thing). A relationship becomes official when you announce your engagement.
3) You have oneitis for a girl you barely know.
4) Your jealousy is completely unjustified. Not only were you not “official” (nor are you now), but you weren’t even exclusive. The fact that you’re jealous of her doing something once that you did twice is nuts.
If she were the one seeking advice I’d probably advise her to be wary of you.
irvingscott 7mo ago
You are right, I’m invested because I like her a lot.
I know these bad feelings are probably unjustified and not rational, but sometimes I can’t help and my mind just falls at it again, even tho I keep trying to convence myself they’re unreasonable and that I should just move one and forget it. It doesn’t help I also have OCD and it’s probably why I’m over dimensioning all of this and getting caught in this thoughts patterns. Thanks to your insight. I don’t think she should be wary of me, as the only harm in doing is to myself right now.
ObliviousDuck 7mo ago
TLDR guy develops onetis for girl he slept with while on a 2 weeks vacation home. They engaged in a non commited long distance friendship. After 4 months they resume fucking here and there, but still long distance. Guy freaks out because girl says she kissed a guy while they were still long distance fuck buddies even though he did the same.
Is he the asshole?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 7mo ago
NTA
Just kidding yes
ObliviousDuck 7mo ago
And here is my answer: It's a LDR. Who fucking cares?
Next time, don't get tangled in long distance deals if you can't accept you and her will probably see other people.
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No-Stress-Cat 7mo ago
Wall of text. Something about a girl and an LDR. She kissed someone before you were official. I'm sure she banged a guy or two while she was at it. Happens all the time. Perfectly normal in today's day and age.
What your real problem is, is that you're the one she "settled for." Let that sink in for a bit.
[deleted] 7mo ago
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Lone_Ranger 2 7mo ago
Good lord that is a long post. Perhaps learn to be more concise??
Here's my advice: if you are asking about her past, you are automatically in her frame. Men are naturally jealous, and will be 'retroactively jealous' over previous lovers. Women learn this early on, they see how uncomfortable men are on the topic of previous lovers so they use it to gain power over their partners within a relationship.
I have never once had a relationship in which this does not happen. They will never tell you the truth either - they want to just trickle truth you to make you uneasy. Most men, 95% of men, walk right into that trap (me included). The thing is, men are FAR more jealous than women because of biological reasons. Women can never be cucked, because they always know that they are the mother of their child. Men's biggest fear is the fate of raising children that are not biologically theirs.
Honestly, I am in my 50s now, but if I could have my time again, as soon as women start talking about prior boyfriends, I would just shut it down hard. I would just say
"I'm not interested. I don't care, nobody cares"