First of all, ty for your time mates
I'm an extroverted guy who is a bomb in social dynamics, people long to be around me and I have a queue to talk to me and to work with me. I have a lot of interesting things to say and a lot of wisdom (that's what they said). I'm somewhat good with girls, but because they don't put them on a pedestal and I'm not interested in sex but the dopamine rush of the hunt and flirting. Unfortunately, I'm not that brilliant in many other sub-areas so to speak, I realize I sometimes make feel people awkward or I just cross the line in many occasions. This isn't a deal breaker because I wouldn't get so many interactions if I were a bad guy to be with, but there's a lot of room for improvement.
I want to fix what I'm terrible at, well not that terrible but it is just one of my main weaknesses: approaching girls, cold approaching and isolating them specifically. Once I get even a remote eye contact or a half of a smile or just proximity I don't have any problems, quite the contrary, I feel very confident. The problem is that I feel very awkward if I have to cold approach a girl, I haven't done once in my life. The same thing goes with isolating her. I don't see this as a problem, but this needs to be tackled. IMO I have this leak because deep down I have a fear of rejection but when I see a minor green flag my awkwardness vanish, but at the same time, it could be that it is just something that I haven't practiced so I'm just not good at it, as it should be. What course (free or premium) or YT channel would you recommend for my needs?
Ty in advance and best of luck out there
Lone_Ranger 2 10mo ago
It seems that you are putting way too much pressure on yourself and the situation.
The trick is to simply get good at what I would call 'non-committal random social interactions'.
The best way to get good at cold approach is to banish the though of 'cold approach'. It is simply too much pressure, too goal orientated. If you do a cold approach, then you can fail. And if you fail, you just get negative feedback, get more nerves, into a doom loop.
Just practise talking to everyone in a non-comital, low stakes way. Make sure there is no goal other than the chat itself. Then you can be truly 'outcome independent' - if there is nothing riding on a chat, you can't fuck it up. Do you get my drift?
So... step one ... ditch the idea in your head about what a 'cold approach' actually is (one liners, giving compliments etc) and simply make it a rule that you start convos with people that are open to it. Could be women or men. Could by anyone. Learn to make small talk. Learn to read signals. Learn outcome independence.
Then it will all come easily.
MatteMatto 10mo ago
I'm already really good at casual conversation and I get an overwhelming positive feedback. Anyway I totally get your point and I agree with you, basically your advice is groundbreaking because it completely obliterates failure since I will start conversations with people are open to, if they aren't fuck off, there's no point to put any effort. I've already realize this only a few months back when I decided to ditch completely the girls who are downers or just not open to conversation (not with me but with anyone). Why should I put effort to put a smile on someone else which is screaming that she wants to be alone?
Lone_Ranger 2 10mo ago
Sounds like you are on the right track.
The trick is this;
Don't worry too much,
Don't expect anything from a convo
Be outcome independent
Don't worry if they are not interested - every convo builds your skills. If you talk to a person and they say 'I'm a bit busy right now' just walk away knowing that you got a win - you got convo practise
Always remember that convo is skill, like tennis or darts. Every hour that you spend on it makes you better.
MrSupreme 10mo ago
I learned this from Andy at "Kill your inner loser", check out his YouTube. Just be kind, you can be an edgy guy giving sexy asshole vibes and still be kind and pleasant to be around with.While being kind,just be honest with the girl "listen, I saw you from across the room and thought you looked cute/interesting and thought that maybe we should go for some coffee sometime", no need to drop some clownish one liner. May not be club game but if you're walking around the mall or at the subway and you see a cutie then just approach like this. It's a bit more organic and since you seem to have other facets like social proof locked down it may be just what you need to do. good luck
MatteMatto 10mo ago
Ty as well mate
I have enough social proof to drop any comment I like, it's not a brag but you know, even if I don't have any social media, everybody knows me and greets me both boys and girls, so yeah this qualifies as social proof. Also, thank God, I'm not needy, yes I like girls, and I talk a lot about them but at the end of the day, there's a huge difference between me and the std guy who wants to fuck literally every hole. Girls can smell their desperation miles away while I don't give a fuck.
There's one young guy at the gym who is improving a lot, especially with his mentality. He cold approaches girls saying "Excuse me I just want to let you know that you are really beautiful" The problem is his attitude, he seems like he's begging. His eyes, his posture, his tonality scream neediness miles away. I am completely different, very secure, always a smirk on my face, and somewhat handsome and if I say something like that girls blush because I'm in a position of "power" so to speak.
I think my main issue is my comfort zone, while I do recognize my perks, I need to focus on my weaknesses as well. I never cold approached even with IOIs, it's time to take a small step.
Ty a lot again bro
MrSupreme 10mo ago
Yeah baby steps will get You far,it's a marathon.Also,you don't need girls worshipping your cock to feel comfortable,results matter but internally knowing you got the right stuff is better.
whytehorse2021 10mo ago
All men have approach anxiety. It's an evolutionary feature. If you were living back in tribal days there would only be about 8 women you could potentially reproduce with. If you fucked up approaching one of them, you were going to die a virgin.
We deal with approach anxiety by doing it over and over but in baby steps. At first you are just going to go up to a woman and give her a compliment and make her day. Do that until your anxiety is gone. Sounds like you know the next steps of building rapport and getting her to commit to a display of interest. If and only if she shows interest, you can go for the instant close.
The instant close is basically asking her to join you for a coffee or whatever isolates her from strange surroundings. Maybe if it's a night club you go to some booth where it's not loud. Then you can either set up a date or give her plausible deniability to go back to your place and accidentally fall on your dick with her panties off.
MatteMatto 10mo ago
Ty for stopping by mate, I really appreciate it.
this passage flipped completely how I approach this spot, you are fucking right, I make her day by give her a compliment and I'm very good at it, because I'm not needy and I don't want anything back, well at least this is what is perceived. I make compliment to everyone I think deserves them, male or female doesn't matter. If a guy is fat as fuck and works his as off he deserves the compliment (no homo obv), girl same thing. Obv in this case I will have an agenda, but it won't change the dynamics