Since I've started my RP-Journey I've put a lot of effort into leveling up, meaning going to the gym, dressing better, going out and getting better at socializing, collecting experiences, learning new skills, etc.
Being honest I mostly did it bc. I knew and expected it made me more attractive to women. Like ppl say I should go to the gym for myself, but looking at the progress in the mirror always made me proud, it made me smug, especially bc. I thought it made me more attractive. Which is also my main motivator.
I know most ppl would say that I shOulD dO iT fOr mYsElf, but lets be honest; as a guy I have a lot of T, I wanna fck, therefore I work towards that, I'm fueled by a desire for sex. I can't turn that off. The animal in my body doesn't see anything wrong with that. Rollo also says that it doesn't make sense to kill your libido to become more productive (or chasing "excellence"), bc. all the great minds were fueled by their sex-drive. Would sb. like Elon Musk even care about reviving the US' space efforts if he wouldn't have some sex-desire?
I realize slowly that I'm also kinda a slave to it, I think. I mean I don't do retarded shit like simping, never have, even in my worst bluepill days. But literally everything is geared towards becoming attractive. Maybe it's an ego thing, that I want to be attractive just for the sake of it.
Would that be fine if that's the case?
Tbh. if I wouldn't pursue women, I'd play videogames, that's literally the only thing I'm interested in when the thought of women is absent. (Of course gym as well, but only on a minimum level for self-maintenance.) I've also been thinking about doing some roadtrips soon when I get my drivers license, but tbh. the thought of it making me more "interesting" to women also puts some motivation into the context again. Hell, even getting the damn license was started by exactly that motivation. Bc. guys with cars are "hawt", right?
I just can't escape it. What should I do?
I only know the extremes of working to become more attractive vs. give-up completely and go kinda like MGTOW. How do I cultivate my life, my personality, my interests without considerations for women, without boycotting those efforts entirely?
A man should have a life outside the realm of women. Women are just the cherry on top. They're a complement. But what should they complement? The word "mission" gets thrown around alot. And tbh. I cringe when I read it. Like is my critical "mission" to paint canvas? Is saving dogs from the streets crucial enough to dedicate my life towards it? To only work part-time so I can dedicate more time towards this "mission"? I just don't see it. My interests change yearly, there's not enough commitment to warrant a life-long dedication. Especially bc. there's always sb. else to fuck it all up.
Kreaton01 6mo ago
I understand your problem. Women are an easy way to tell yourself "I gotta do this!". Doing it for yourself might be a bit misleading, I prefer living for yourself. If you're just worried about not being alpha, you shouldn't second guess yourself. Being a beta is bad because beta guys often don't realize what they need to do to feel like a man, not because every man wants to feel that way. Obviously people on TRP are here because they'd like to feel alpha and live like one. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to live your life set in stone according to every tenant. If girls are what motivates you to be a better man right now, I say keep using it. If you're truly upset about it your priorities will naturally change anyways. Nitpicking on whether something like this not makes you alpha is pointless.
Lone_Ranger 2 6mo ago
Find your mission.
There is a very good reason why learned men all arrive at the same conclusion (which is "find your mission"). People like Jordan Peterson and all kinds of men in the manosphere, plus all the philosophers have this in common - they realise that until you find your mission, you will be lost (you sound lost right now). It's one of the reasons why Andrew Tate is such a waste of time - his mission is to take steroids, get tatts, buy Lambos and fuck chicks. He has no mission and doesn't understand what a mission is.
Find your mission. Its because so many men get lost in life. They bounce around from woman to woman, job to job, go to the gym, buy cars, don't know what they are doing. They end up depressed at the emptiness of life. They watch sports, drink beer, get drunk, get laid.... nothing helps. The world is an empty, lonely and pointless place. Suicide is the leading cause of men under 50 in the west. And most men kill themselves NOT because they are depressed - they hit the off switch because life is pointless.
You need to find your mission. You said yourself, that your 'interests change yearly'. Interests are not missions. I love my motorcycle, but its not my mission.
Find your mission. Devote some thinking time to it. What do you want from life? Start backwards. Where do you want to be buried? Who do you want (if anyone) to visit your grave when you are gone?
Find your mission. Do you want to have kids? What kind of life would you like to give your kids (if you wanted some)? Do you want to achieve something, big or small? Do you want to learn something? Do you want to contribute to the sum of human knowledge? Do you want to help others? What the fuck is your mission? why are you here?
Find your mission. Time is limited. Every day you wake up is another day taken from your account. What did you do yesterday to further you mission? Nothing? Ok - what about today then, What are you going to do today to further your mission?
If you did one thing today for your mission, it could be this - sit down with yourself and spend 45 minutes writing in a note pad - bullet points is fine - about finding your mission. At least when you wake up tomorrow morning, you can answer your daily question about what you did yesterday to further your mission. You can say
"I spent 45 mins on findinig my mission. That was step one. Today i will do step 2"
Find your mission. Let me know how you get on.
Boosted_Arrow 6mo ago
As I wrote in the last paragraph I don't like the notion of a "mission". I can't just find out in 45 mins what I should dedicate the rest of my life into. Tate is waste of time bc. he's a moron.
Is getting better a mission? I've dedicated my life towards that the past few years.
What's your mission if I may ask? I couldn't even come up with an example tbh.
Lone_Ranger 2 6mo ago
Did I say that you could find your mission in 45 mins? No. I said spend 45 mins on it on day 1. Then you will have made a start. The issue is that days go by, and you have not made a start. It will take time and effort to get anything of value. Nothing that you can get instantly is of any value.
I'm not going to tell you my mission, because I think it would distract you (I don't mind at all that you ask, brother). If you want to drink coke, smoke weed and play CoD for the rest of your life, if that's what you really want, then I see no issue with making that your mission. It doesn't have to be something noble. It's all about living an intentional life. there is no problem with getting high and playing video games for your entire life, if that is what you think a life well lived is all about.
The issue is when your life goes by, time is up, and you look back and say, I didn't do what i wanted to do, my life was a waste of time. THAT is what causes men to become depressed - they get to age 34-55 and they realise that their life is meaningless.
meaninglessness is the cause of misery. Not suffering, not poverty, not loneliness. Men can tolerate great hardships and come out the other side. But they cannot overcome meaninglessness.
That is why finding your mission is vital.
It sounds like you still 'don't like the notion of a mission'. You really ought to read more about it. It is a transformational journey to find your mission (it takes time).
You ask, is getting better a mission? I don't think so. Do you have healthy issues? Getting better is just a necessary part of progress. For example, I have to have a shower and get dressed each morning, but its no the point of the day. Its just something I have to do before I get to the important stuff.
No-Stress-Cat 7mo ago
It's easy. Understand the nature of women. I'll give you an example:
You're buff and shredded and looking good and you go out and snag you a woman or two or three.
Eventually, you might find one to LTR maybe settle down with.
Now that she's got you, she wants to keep you.
That means having to eliminate the competition.
There's two ways to do this: Either physically fight off every other woman that tries to steal you away, or make it so that you're not attractive to them.
Since the latter is the least amount of work, she'll start manipulating you in to things like eating less healthy foods and skipping days at the gym.
She'll feed your ego and say things like, "I like a man with a bit of a dad bod," and having suckered you in, you fall for it every time.
A few years down the road, you've turned into a fat blob and she's no longer attracted to you.
She dumps you and moves on to the next sucker, and you're stuck having to start over at square one, years of effort gone down the drain.
On top of that, the older you get, the harder it is to snap back. Not that it can't be done, just takes longer than when you were younger.
And that's just one woman. How many times do you think you can go through that over the course of your life?
Electrical_Tackle 7mo ago
I think its impossible unless you are a castrated man.
But lemme give my two cents: Where I work, i'm the youngest. I'm 32. There are 30ish old guys who are dating. But let's jump to the majority: Guys there are 45+.
EVERYTHING you read in RP as "such is their nature" about woman, i saw happening to my older colleagues, or heard the stories of those who had already passed through this. I've seen CORRUPT CHEATY DUDES banging/marrying HOT BITCHES beucase Status/Looks/Money. I've seen a client giving a blowjob to one of the bosses in his car. They had just met. She was in the place for 30 minutes total, sucked him in the parking and took a bus back home.
When i arrived 3 years ago, most of those guys were divorced. One is still married, but he calls sex with his wife a "slightly better masturbation". I've seen some of them going through divorces, having their kids taken away, paying child support and sent back to their mother houses at forty. THEY ALL SAY "She started saying i had changed."
Why i'm saying this? Because that's their nature: To be a storm in your life, make you feel safe to slip. They'll do whatever it takes to take you of your rock state. But if you do, they'll suck your self respect and self steem out of you and go away. In my own experience, you can literally see those shiny eyes the girl had on you becoming a dead eye. My old partner even said it to me: "this girl is trying to change you and you are going along. She'll dump you anyway". Unfortunatly, can't go back now.
TL,DR: DON'T FALL BACK FOR A GIRL. If she can't keep up, dump, you are not their father. In your case, go date gym girls and dietitians. Lucky you.
EurasianChad 1 6mo ago
By locking in to your mission. Your contribution to this world. Fully focus on developing both your internal & external attributes, and realize women are just a side effect of excelling.
Gilles 6mo ago
This is the answer. If you make it your primary purpose in life to get laid, then you will put women on a pedestal. With that said, I think it's excellent that OP focuses on becoming more attractive to women. Thinking you're the hottest shit, without having to improve yourself, because "you're not focusing on women" is a pitfall I see guys fall into. Improve your attractiveness until you objectively get the results you want. But never have getting laid as your primary purpose in life.
Problematic_Browser 1 6mo ago
There's nothing wrong with wanting to appeal to women. The problem comes when you focus on women and become outcome-dependent.
To answer your question of "How can I stop putting the focus on women", the answer is about changing who benefits from your actions.
For example, I like to lift. Does it help me get laid? You fucking bet, but the outcome that I'm looking for isn't female validation - the outcome that I care about is internal (in this case, being stronger). I make money, but the outcome I care about isn't using it to get pussy - I focus on investing.
It's when you shift the focus of your efforts and the satisfaction to an internal one that the external sources of validation matter less.
Boosted_Arrow 6mo ago
Getting laid is also sth. I want. So technically appealing to women for sex is sth. I do for myself.
Also why should I care about being strong? I'd only care about maintaining mybody. I've thought about caring becoming a strong, independent, competent man. But where's the finish line for that? That's like playing an infinite game, it will never stop. Also I'd still fall into the expectation of being more appealing to others.
Problematic_Browser 1 6mo ago
Oh I'm sorry, I mistook you for someone who wanted solutions.
coolsocks00 1 6mo ago
Solid answer.
To latch onto that, there’s nothing wrong with feeling like the first part of those equations is the most enticing part of it. Initially, it likely will be, and that’s fine. That’s not the same thing as first behaving as if, and then internalizing what’s most important and fulfilling long term.
Gilles 6mo ago
No one can tell you what your purpose in life is. Only you can tell.
whytehorse2021 6mo ago
Well it sounds like you're still pretty young. You should be focused on stacking cash. Muscle is only one part of the equation. You might also try to get into social circles of other guys that are in a similar position as you. Have some guy friends. Do guy things.
Boosted_Arrow 6mo ago
I'm 22. Making money is important, but working too much is kinda an endemic problem where I live. I'll have a well-paying engineering job. But having money is useless if I'm not living a fullfilling life.
I struggle making friends.
whytehorse2021 6mo ago
Get some hobbies and sports, you'll make friends there.
MrSupreme 6mo ago
You gotta find something before it is too late, some passion besides dipping your dick in hot pink pussy.Engineering,programming, architecture,mathematics,social communications, marketing. Those are all things(there's more) that,should you find your passion there you can make a living and profit off of it. There are other things like buying action figures,videogames,collecting Ferraris,raising a family..there's passion there too. It is not about letting your love for sex go away,just find something else if youre feeling empty
Boosted_Arrow 6mo ago
I'm studying engineering. It's fullfilling, but obviously I need other facets in life. I'm actually quite passionate about sex. The issue is, as I wrote, my interests fluctuate.
MrSupreme 6mo ago
Just keep trying different things. in the meantime try some kinks like orgies,threesomes and bdsm, there's a lot to explore
Boosted_Arrow 6mo ago
lol I'm actually quite into BDSM. It's just difficult to get girls for that. Do you mean explore just in the sexual realm or in general?
MrSupreme 6mo ago
With BDSM you gotta be straightforward,ask chicks if they're comfortable doing it. And yeah explore stuff,everything. It is a nice habit to just try new stuff, even if you don't stick to one single thinf