Indian? Bad luck honestly, mate. You've gotten some good advice already.

The most important thing you can do is take responsibility. The good, the bad, everything. And start making changes. You'd be ahead of most in no time.

I'd just add this:

Taking Care of Yourself: Don't Isolate Yourself: Even though your wife might have discouraged friendships, try to reconnect with old friends or build new relationships. Having a support system is crucial for your mental health.

Revive Your Hobbies: Rediscover the activities you used to enjoy. This can help you feel more fulfilled and provide a healthy outlet.

Seek Help for Suicidal Thoughts: If you're contemplating suicide, please reach out for immediate help.

find another woman to fuck, fix your issues, divorce her and move on. Whining isn't going to solve the issue.

First things first: DO NOT hit the eject button. That is losing. And your children will never forgive you. Don't do it.

Second thing: You need to forgive yourself for your mistakes. Forgive your parents for not giving your the love, attention and guidance that you needed. Forgiveness is REQUIRED for you to move on, to move on from being a victim. Forgive yourself for your previous porn addiction (lots of guys fall into that trap, myself included).

Third bit is the longest. I wanted to get the kind stuff in first, because the third bit is going to be tough love.

Your whole post is a victim puke. You have allowed yourself to be dragged so far down that you are in a hole. You need to stop, reset, and rebuild yourself. You are obsessing over whether your wife is cheating on you, but that is the wrong focus. Your focus should be on yourself;

1. How in the hell did you get so in her frame that she decides if you can go on work trips or not? (which she goes where she wants)
2. wtf is this shit about her 'giving you permission to eat'? What are you, a dog?
3. How in the hell is she going through your phone and controlling whether you look at porn? That is serious abuse (coercive control), and you are just sitting there taking it?

The GOOD news is that you can (and will) get out of this hole, no matter whether you stay with your wife or not. You can stand up and be a man again, and set yourself free from this bs victim mentality.

You need to start by reading. Read all you can in the side bar. Seriously, read all of it.

Also - do you see what a trap therapy is? Therapy is never good for men. It's feminist shit, and anything you reveal in therapy will be used against you.

You need to form friendships and networks with other men. You need hobbies that involve the company of other men. You need to transform yourself into a strong and independently happy man. You are young, you can make these changes.

But change you must.

You're 38. In 2 years you can learn serious game and start pulling hotties. You will be pulling decent girls in half that.

Your marriage is over, regardless of who's at fault. She moved on, regardless of whether she cheated or not. You're just living together. You should move on too, the sooner you understand this the better. Plan a divorce but make sure you cover your bases with a lawyer that can get you the most beneficial outcome for you.

Your career is fine as long as you make a living and can support your kids (not her, she has her own income, you're both adults). This ties in with the divorce, talk this over with him: if you start making better money she might appear to want to reconcile and "fix things" only to get higher payout at the divorce. Your lawyer needs to be on your side and understand this.

You made multiple mistakes but its not too late to turn things around. Not with this girl tho. The sooner you stop the self pity the better. Same goes for "I was abused". I get it, but that was 30 years ago, time to live your own life.

I made the exact same mistake with my first wife.

Your problem is you're still living like you're married, while she is living like she's single.
You don't want it to be, but your marriage is over. You have to accept that. Your wife already has.

There's no alternative. You gotta rip the bandaid off.

I'm going to disagree with Lone Ranger. You gotta hit the eject button. It's not losing to get out of a bad situation before it gets worse.
The sooner, the better. You cannot heal until you get out of the environment you're in. That should be your first order of business.
Your second order of business is MALE therapy. Not a psychiatrist, they'll only give you drugs. You need a psychologist. Another guy who can help you work things out.

Your children will only be worse off if you keep this charade going. They already know something's wrong. You won't be doing them any good while you're all fucked up in the head. They don't need any more trauma than they've already experienced.
I'm not saying go no-contact. You need to keep seeing them regularly. The more often the better. They don't have to know any details, just that you're working on "something" and that you won't be home all the time, but you won't be away from them either. All they need is reassurance you love them, and you're not going to leave them no matter what.

When you finally get right in the head, your children will still be there, and they'll see the real man their father is, and not some blubbering pile of mess that looks like their father. My advice is to get out, get yourself together, and then start divorce negotiations. I guarantee you, if she makes the first move, you're going to be totally fucked, and she's already ahead of you in the race.

I am very sorry to hear of your situation. I have been in a bad place in marriage too. Every situation is a bit different but I feel your pain and I know what it is like to just wish you could die (I never thought of suicide, just wished I was dead and barely slept for a year).

I think there are two problem areas here. They may well have quite a bit of cross over but they are probably best dealt with separately little by little. There is no silver bullet but you can fix everything with the time you have left at your age.

First you seem to be married to an uncaring women who takes you for granted and manipulates you. She may or may not be unfaithful but it sure looks like potential for it because she is acting in a way that looks down on you. I am sure liberal whiner could say she was abusive but basically she is not treating you well.

Secondly, you are isolated, have low self esteem and have been addicted to porn.

I would start work on yourself -getting fit, getting hobbies, getting some good male friends who like you stuff. You may have to fight your wife for a bit of this (hopefully not too much if you are politely assertive that you want to get out, get fit and make friends, she can come too if she likes. Read up on cultivating self esteem too. It can be quite useful to take a cognitive behavioural approach. Low self esteem induced by a bad marriage is a learned behaviour after all. Do not relapse into porn. Don't worry about other women till they come along and throw themselves at you. They will if you fix those issues.

When it come to the marriage, make plans to exit but do nothing. The situation will develop. Either she will come around as you become more attractive and have more options and self esteem or flash points will develop that lead to a breakdown. If you exit now you are just alone in the world and feeling down, with the huge chore of trying to keep in your kids' lives. Its a big hit to take when you are down. You need to get strong first.

Part of getting strong is sorting yourself financially for the potential huge hit of divorce. Put money aside into accounts she does not know about. Buy physical gold and store it someone she does not know about (preferably at another address). Learn all your local divorce laws and plan your best work around them where it is possible. Log all incidents of her abuse, maybe sending the incidents to an email account only you know the password to, then deleting them. Women can play very very nasty in a divorce and if she plays nasty, you now have ammunition. Log what the law might call "abuse" but do not think of yourself as abused. You are letting this happen to you. You are someone with agency. Talk to a counsellor about her "abuse" of you, then its logged. It might one day get her out of your house and you allowed to stay in it. Equally make sure nothing you even say to her could be construed as abuse. Maybe talk to a lawyer prospectively. At the end of this regular process of preparation, you will either have a softer landing in divorce or you will have a nice little nest egg of savings to surprise your family with one day.

Work hard on your relationships with your kids. She will try to turn them against you if you split and circumstance will help it. If you are working from home and she is working too, there is just a chance you can argue you are the primary carer and she has to leave the home and pay you to support them. If you get in on this now, check it might work in your state and put in a couple of years' work, you never know where putting in a bit more "woman's work" might lead you. Preparation is key.

Good luck. You really can turn this around and with planning it can turn around a lot quicker and better. Ending my first marriage (my only legal one, never doing that again) was a really hard choice with huge feelings of guilt and trepidation but so good in my case. I think I would have just been a doormat otherwise all my miserable life.