I am turning 35 this year. I am taking a good care of myself and I look a lot younger than I am. When I tell people my age I usually get a shocked response, which is funny in general setting, but for dating it is starting to become a problem. A pattern like this is happening more and more:
- Start talking to women either solo or with my younger wingman buddy
- They look interested, so we banter and mess around
- We exchange our ages (it is customary in my country to do this when meeting new people)
- I get shock/cringe response, followed by some variation of "Ooookay, I'm getting out of here", with panic in their eyes, looking for an exit
- My night is destroyed, I am now creep in my own eyes
- The vibe is killed, they turn to my buddy or leave if I am approaching alone.
It is not that I am approaching college girls or something, I've got this response from 25-27 y.o. The questions start roaming my head - Should I just stick to older women? Should I lie about my age? Should I dress and behave differently, to signal my age properly? After all work I put into myself to start living a life I always wanted - am I too late now? If women like me before I tell them my age, why does it make such an extreme difference when I do?...
Anyways, I noticed that this is getting up to my head and it has a potential to close me up socially and warry of approaching people (which I've spent YEARS fixing) so the situation needs resolvement. It is a relatively new position for me and I don't think I can figure it out by myself.
Lone_Ranger 2 4mo ago
I can't understand how you would be 35 and think that your age could possibly be an issue with 'younger women'.
If brad pitt was there at the bar, at 60 years old, do you think his age would prevent him from pulling a 23 year old? I'll tell you.... answer is no.
You are failing for countless reasons - and age is most definitely not one of them. You are using it as a crutch. Tbh, you sound like one of those women that say the following things are getting in the way of their dating success
This is all cope, and the idea that being 35 is too old to smash women in their early 20s is the craziest thing I have heard all week.
Do better dude.
benzino 4mo ago
You're just not Leo Dicaprio... yet
Seriously, if they don't want you then they just don't want you. It doesn't matter. There are girls who like older men and there are those who like younger. Just shoot your shot and see where it lands.
In my experience, looks win. If you're good looking, especially next to them, they talk about your age with pride. They keep calling me uncle when Im only 10 years older. It's like "daddy" but more socially acceptable
MyBoyJob 4mo ago
Don't mention your age unless she pushes it, just like any other potentially perceived negative aspect about you or your life.
whytehorse2021 4mo ago
The research shows women prefer men 3-7 years older. 35-27=8. So just get their age and say you're 3-7 years older. One thing I loved about Asia is they don't care about age gaps.
MatteMatto 4mo ago
Hi there, the situation could be more tricky than you described.
Disclaimer: this is just food for thoughts Is it possible that you misread the whole interaction? Maybe they aren't interested but you mistakenly believe so only because they talked to you. I'm a social bomb and I'm able to create rapport instantly due to my innate ability with people and what I've found out is guys vastly overestimate signals from girls. Could be your case?
What about the vibe you are signaling? Are you sure you aren't needy? Girls have a special sense to detect desperation and it could be a huge turn off. Again, I know countless guys who their face and behaviour scream "DESPERATION"
I'm telling you this because the age gap you mentioned in your example is basically nothing and this let me lean toward other creepy issues.
bannanawolf 4mo ago
Hey, thanks! Regarding interest, I would say it is not that they are ready to jump on my dick, but there is at least curiosity from their side. The reason I singled out age gap is because the mood shift after I tell my age is just too great and too specific to be ignored, like they specifically react to that.
One example: I take an ex coworker on a date because she was ogling me when we worked together. We have a great time, and at one point she asks me my age. I respond and she immediately says "oooooooh" and burrows her head in her drink and the whole vibe shifts to uncomfortable. 2 minutes later she mentions that she is kinda in a relationship.
KendraKillSon 4mo ago
First you don't say what is your notch count, how did you get it - social circle or bar hame for example.
You are 35 but it seems you have little exp with chatting up women with goal to fuck them.
As for the quote it means nothing. SHe could be: turned off in general, because you didn't hit on her, because you hit on her without calobration, she was using you for freebies etc.
BTW read what is on the right side of this post called 'Ask TRP Sidebar', if you can't try to help yourself, no one can or will.
mattyanon Admin 4mo ago
This will vary. Some will run, some will stay.
Best option is to filter out the disinterested ones like this and focus on those that stay.
The less good option is "take a guess" and when they say 25, you look shocked and say "fuck me, you're a good guesser, how the fuck did you get so good?". But this isn't as good as the first option.
Nah. Stop with the creep thing...... you're not a creep, you're fine. Stop falling into their manufactured shaming tactics. You're a guy trying to get laid and have a girlfriend and have fun. Nothing creepy about that. The only creepy is to be unattractive, and you sound like you're fine.
So this is in your eyes, not theirs. Get over it.
But some will see you as too old for them, and that's fine. Not the same thing as creepy though.
no
ideally not, but maybe.
If you're looking for short term things, then sure: lie or mislead about it. If you want longer term, you gotta be honest.
Mayyyyyyyyybe. If you look/act your age more, you'll pre-filter more for girls looking for guys your age, which might work better for you. Try it and see.
hahahaha fuck no. I did just fine at your age and older.
Not sure. Could be a cultural thing in your country. In Europe/USA, you'll get some women who love a slightly older man (you're not much older!). Some will hate it. Some are indifferent to it.
You're fine. Stop worrying about it, and just accept you're a good fit for some and not for others. Go find the ones that are into it.
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MrSupreme 4mo ago
It is fine that you are approaching,and even better that you know it is happening.Im 36 here and yeah I've noticed it a bit,maybe not as much as your case. As we get older, and we still love younger women (18-25) we gotta realize there's three types (I saw this recently on Rian Stone) : one girl doesn't like older men,one girl doesnt mind dating older guys and one type absolutely loves older men. Just find the right type of girl, gotta keep approaching to find out