First approach ever:
Background: In gym, have intermediate/advanced physique and good style, good haircut, carry myself with confidence. Girl I approached has smiled at me before moved close to my vicinity and done double take looks at me before. When she walks by I may subtly smile or glance at her.
Approach: Finish my workout, she's on a cable machine with headphones in. Finishes her set. I've been resting on a somewhat nearby bench for maybe 3 mins preparing myself. Around 20-30s after her set. Go up from 1:30 angle and say "Hey". she takes out headphones and says "hi" and is clearly still flustered/out of breath from her last set. I say how are you, she says good. I say whats your name and stick out my hand for a handshake, she says sophie and shakes my hand. She's still worn out. I say something along the lines of you seem worn out, working hard, she nods like yeah no shit. I say "I was gonna go get frozen yogurt after my workout would you care to join me". and she says "I can't I have work" or "I can't I have work sorry" and looks away still out of breath. I say something along the lines of "Alright have a good rest of your workout" and walk away.
Analysis: Probably should have said I'll come back and talk to you once you catch your breath or caught her as she was leaving instead of between sets, but I was ready to leave at this point. I was also maybe too professional although confident in what I said, needed more emotion perhaps. The handshake was business like and was a weak handshake, she didn't really fully grab my hand
[deleted] 8mo ago
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NeoSpartan 8mo ago
Well, that sucks. You definitely butchered it. Walked up while she was out of breath and didn't use any charm or buildup. Just straight up asked her out immediately. First time though so definitely don't feel bad. Probably like 1% of guys would have succeeded.
I believe you when you said it felt like you were doing an interview. You were nervous obviously. The only thing that will help you with that is getting more experience with girls until you become at ease talking with ones you find attractive. You asked her out like a highschooler would, you definitely need more experience. Maybe rack some up by going to some bars or other "meeting people" type venues ya know? Warm approaching is much easier and more likely to succeed than cold.
Also, I think at the gym you would much better off opening by asking her if she minds if you work in on the machine she is using. It's a very low risk and socially acceptable way of gauging her interest or.. once you get better at girls... charming them up a bit. It's a neutral way to open up a reason to talk a bit. While you are both resting you can build a little familiarity and flirt a bit if the vibe is right. Then, depending on how well that goes you could either ask her out after your workouts, wait till you see her again at the place, or next her if her personality sucks or she seems disinterested.
Definitely don't just go up to girls and ask them out 15 seconds after meeting them for the first time again though. That only ever works if you are 9 going for a 6.
derodigital 8mo ago
Try a bit of humor next approach if that's your thing. Effective if you look like a true chad and have a good smile.
I'm 6'5", 27 and have sort of an emo vibe rather than a chad vibe, so I'll get approached every now and then at the gym by younger damaged girls with alot of tattoos.
I have really strong goals that I'm trying to hit on my lifts and I find it all very distracting.
That being said, the times I have approached girls in that setting, I always wait to see if I run into them the next few days, next week. First interaction is just a smile, comment, I don't go for a close until the second time around.
Your dialogue sounds a little boring / autistic but it could be a culture difference depending on where you're from.
Practice by talking to a few girls with zero intention of courting them. Just get on good terms with them, say hey to them when you see them. If you get too wired into the outcome.. "I want to fuck this girl.. I'm going to go ask her out... I hope she says yes..." you can see the negative feedback loop.
Keep the IDGAF attitude and crush your workouts bro.
financehardo420 Should i (x1) 8mo ago
First of all thanks for the laugh; reminds me of how much of an absolute sperg I was when I first started as well.
Couple questions/notes on background:
when you say intermediate/advanced physique does this mean you have abs, a visible vline shape with clearly defined muscles or are you still a fat cunt?
Report:
As I stated above, next time try approaching slightly sooner.
The convo was definitely a bit dry. I would recommend maybe teasing her ab something silly ie dang you’re almost lifting as much as me that’s exactly really embarrassing or whatever the fuck else you can think of on the spot. Instead of “hey, hi, wanna go on date”.
Solid delivery of date idea; hey I was going to grab froyo after gym if you want to join me BUT you need to build up a little more rapport before you send this. Get her laughing via some kinda joke at first. If she’s sexually attracted you could say “turtle farts” and she’d laugh.
Good shit for trying; I promise it gets easier and easier the more you do it. Keep lifting hard and it gets even easier the better looking you become. Build up that charisma and you’ll be wheeling in the hotties in no time my dude
Matthew 8mo ago
I did a second "approach" in the closed environment of the gym. Instead of insta asking one out I played this more slowly. Hot girl working out near me could easily have 2k-10k+ followers on insta real small, nice body, cute face. She took off her hoodie so she was just in short shorts and a sports bra. I went to the water fountain and as I was walking back to my bench she was walking towards me. She had long black hair with subtle streaks of red in it and I pointed at her at kind of waist level made eye contact and said "I like your hair". Her face lit up with a big smile and she said thank you while looking at me for 1-2s as we passed. About 15 mins later I walked by her again in a different location and I looked towards her from about 6 feet away and she looked up and away so I looked away. Wasn't wearing some of my accessories that usually turn more heads so maybe not wearing my chain today hurt my perceived status. Also not sure if it was a boyfriend or what but some random little lightskin guy I didn't know like 5'6 5'7 walked past me with this fist extended about 5 minutes after I complimented the girl and I fist bumped him and said whats up bro as he walked by and he just replied whats up bro.
pancakesforbreakfast 8mo ago
Yeh this isn't an approach. Good to get the social momentum rolling and see firsthand that girls aren't scary but doesn't count.
whytehorse2021 8mo ago
You should've made other arrangements to bang her. Got her number or whatever. Since this is a cold approach you need to vibe before anything else. After that you need to get her to show interest. Maybe she starts asking you something about yourself. THEN you pop the question.
doubleimprove 8mo ago
It's hard to say as someone who wasn't there, but it seems a little robotic from you asking NPC questions and going straight to asking her out. Also it seems she wasn't particularly interested with her one word answers. Before making advances it's best to see whether you get good energy/feedback from her before asking her out. In my experience some girls will just instantly taking a liking to you without much effort and some will just not be into you for whatever reason.
Someone might have a better insight than me though.
Either way kudos to you for making your first approach bro, it's a scary first step and no matter the outcome you've gained XP from doing it anyway. Keep it up brother!
coolsocks00 1 8mo ago
Yes, build more rapport before mentioning meeting up later. Be confident, charming if you can, and just shoot the shit for a bit. Especially in the gym or other spaces you dont wanna shit where you eat. Be sociable with others too.
Gilles 8mo ago
Good stuff my dude. I think your approach was just fine. It wasn't too pushy, that's important. Remember this is your first approach in hundreds, so you cant expect perfect results just yet. Maybe her excuse to work was legitimate; either way she will approach you in the gym later if she's interested. And if she doesn't, well she's just some random girl. You did a good job!
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 8mo ago
I got better results when I only approached women who showed me interest, usually eye contact and smiling. I usually found that if I approached a woman who hadn't, then it was a waste of my time and effort.
Your field report didn't mention anything about her showing you any interest at all, though she was polite.
Good for you for sacking up and trying. Getting started is almost always the most difficult part.
coolsocks00 1 8mo ago
no shit Sherlock!
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 8mo ago
Dude, have you not noticed how many of these dudes just spam-approach chicks who aren't interested, and interrupt whatever activity these chicks were engaged in, then wonder why their success rate is so abysmal?
I mean, it should be a "no shit, Sherlock!" situation, but much like "take a shower and actually fucking wash", some dudes need to read it.
coolsocks00 1 8mo ago
When im low on plates im definitely one of those guys.
If you wait for IOIs your success rate is higher but your total close number is lower. Unless you’re quite attractive and in high volume areas you cant wait for IOIs and expect to get a lot of game practice, let alone sex.
Sometimes its good for guys to put time and effort into cold approaching.
chadinthemaking69 8mo ago
Time to upgrade that prescription old man
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 8mo ago
what
chadinthemaking69 8mo ago
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 8mo ago
I think he edited that in.
Edit - let me rephrase, so that this isn't as unclear as your replies both are.
The part you quoted at me originally, when I had no clue what you were talking about because you didn't attribute the quote to anyone: I think OP edited that in after my original comment.
chadinthemaking69 8mo ago
Oh.
Whatsnext 8mo ago
good job on having the nuts to go up. its not always going to be perfect. dont focus on result. focus on how to improve and enjoy the process of it and the small wins