I met up with a buddy of mine from a long time ago recently, spend the day together and some of his friends were there.
Towards the end of the day as we’re packing up I hear one of ‘em go “chad is a fucking pussy!” Another of his friends went “no he’s not he did the rope swing” It was so off the cuff that I was just like, wtf, and kept moving.
I see on social media my long time friend and his other friends were in the same spot we were last week, no invite so I guess they don’t fuck with me.
It’s got me thinking recently that maybe I come off as someone who isn’t worth respecting. Is this true in your experience? How do you fix this?
MidgetSpinner 3mo ago
Others mentioned providing value, which should be a given as a man anyway. You don't have to overtly provide value, just provide it by being you and living your life. Being a cool ass dude who's knowledgeable, or funny or whatever is value in and of itself. So my advice there would be: focus on achieving your goals and becoming an overall more valuable individual with self respect.
To give you a different example: I'm the kind of dude that seems to automatically get respect from most dudes. This isn't a brag, but an observation. I'm not a big guy or anything like that. I'm not a body builder, or 6ft whatever, or rich either. I just know deep down that who I am is good regardless of what anyone else may think, and trust me, there has been detractors too. Even from within my own family but the important caveat of all of this is: I truly don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of me.
The key to getting automatic respect I believe, is to walk through life like you are owed it first and foremost. And I don't mean be an arrogant or pretentious douche, I am saying you should expect respect and that's the air you need to put out. You also need a spine for whenever anyone disrespects you, and be willing to show that spine when necessary. This doesn't mean go around starting arguments, or getting defensive at every opportunity, but to stand up for yourself when it matters and then let it go.
I naturally give people respect myself, until it's taken away for whatever reason. So when you give out respect, it is returned most of the time.
There will be some people like your little bitch friend who are your detractors, and you can simply categorise them as either 1. Jealous, or 2. Afraid of you. That's really all the hate comes down to. If you're being respectful to people, then there's no other reason for them to behave that way.
Problematic_Browser 1 3mo ago
I occasionally get called a nigger by people who still live with their parents. I got told that I'm "no prize" by a coke abusing granny who works gigs because she can't hold a job. I got asked "what makes you so great" by someone who was literally the direct beneficiary of the things that make me great.
Other people are just stupid assholes sometimes and the only way they can feel better is to try to tear down others who are doing well.
Ignore them and keep winning.
ExConvictNowMillionaire 3mo ago
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
Musicgoon78 1 3mo ago
Who gives a fuck? The world is filled with faggots and assholes. They don't matter.
redhawkes 2 3mo ago
It's all about the value you provide. If you're just a leecher, no one wants that.
Sometimes it's just because they see you as a threat, especially when women are involved. Create your own tribe, don't be an ass licker.
chadinthemaking69 3mo ago
This is what I was trying to get at. How do you provide value?
whytehorse2021 3mo ago
You provide value by learning what other people value and providing it...
wswZtyqNGQ 3mo ago
Respectful sympathy counts for a lot with men.
If the problem is that you are better with women and the guys are pissed off, tell some stories about how women act crazy with you and that you are just as confused and suspicious about women as they are. If they see the women as crazy, and not you as competition, they will relate to you.
Other than that, find ways to show each man respect. Especially about his special interest. If a guy likes some hobby try to come up with some historical thing you heard (even if you know the story in detail ask him if he heard anything about it) or reference some fictional character associated with it. Most guys will immediately want to talk about the interest since they usually spend so much time working on it alone and they're happy to share their skills and hard work with someone else. (It pays to have eclectic knowledge here.)
redhawkes 2 3mo ago
Be charismatic. Stop whining and criticizing, you're 90% there.
Bring bitches/booze and be fun (this is classic theory of social exchange). Have hobbies aka be interesting. Story telling/anecdotes..
Simply, don't be boring and fag. Shit talking is how men vet their comrades. No one wants sensitive bitch as a friend, especially when shit hits the fan.
financehardo420 3mo ago
In this specific situation I’ll say this:
In some friend groups there’s almost always at least one dude that isn’t too trusting of new dudes being brought around. They will consistently try to shit on the new guy to keep them out. Ie “yo Chad’s a fucking pussy”. If you see other guys shitting on em in the group, throw some shit right back. Otherwise try your best to be the absolute boi and deliver value to the shareholders (women, booze, drugs, etc).
Lastly: friend from a long time ago means those other guys have been his boys for a long time. I wouldn’t take it too personal bro
First-light 3mo ago
Firstly, it doesn't sound too serious an accusation if doing the rope swing is enough to clear you.
Second, its quite easy to say hurtful things without realising it. Young men do say a lot of stuff that can be hard on the ears. Unless its a regular thing people come up with I would not give it much mind. When did you last call someone a pussy? It might have been he was a real pussy but probably he just did one pussy like thing that you saw? If a guy is known pussy its usually pretty clear when he is never asked for help in any tight spot or to participate in anything difficult.
Finally, the guy who defended you has shown the answer -you did something that some people are afraid of. If you keep choosing braver choices, people will never really think you are a pussy. The best solution is to see every frightening situation as potential to display courage. This does not mean rush in and be reckless but see a frightening challenge as an opportunity. Sometimes the manly choice is to back down but I think if you cultivate the mindset of "here is a challenge -oh good", rather than "here is a challenge Oh no" you will never be considered a pussy.
Most of the posts on here are about what women think and tis worth noting that women care very little if you are a pussy. Today's gynocentric culture does little to reward male courage and much to punish it when it goes wrong. Some boys make a rope swing and go swinging, if no one is hurt -OK, good job no one got hurt but if someone breaks his leg -stupid boys. If a teacher let them make the swing that someone broke his leg on -oh dear his job might be in danger. Women like things that are rewarding, they seek men who get rewards. Men who do brave stuff rarely get rewards, so women rarely have any interest in male courage. Even when male courage is to women's direct benefit, how often does the white knight get the girl? We all know the answer to that one here.
Lone_Ranger 2 3mo ago
Is going on forums asking about disrespect from other men in social situations (the details of which the reader has no clue) retarded and autistic?
chadinthemaking69 3mo ago
Nah.
Lone_Ranger 2 3mo ago
wrong answer.
Whatsnext 3mo ago
So I used to think this growing up but when I was in the Corps I learned that when I gave them shit back and made it funny and never broke I became decent friends with them back. Dont ever look to others to see what your value is because they will always want it to be lower than theirs regardless if its true or not. Dont take it personal
mattyanon Admin 3mo ago
shit test. it's fine. don't care.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago
Not necessarily. Some men will detest you for the mere inconvenience that you are better than them