https://www.forums.red/p/asktrp/322849/need_advice_on_this_ltr/7846741/
Hi everyone I posted the above asking what to do. I gave her a call. She was saying it’s too late for change blah blah. And I was saying how I feel we could work on it, and it seemed like she was saying no still but crying about it..so I just said are you home right now I’ll swing by. She said yeah I’ll be outside.
I went there and she continued saying there’s nothing I can do, that I never showed her I cared (which is true)..I made like I understood what she was saying and that I’d make some changes and she continued to say it’s too late.
I definitely stayed longer than I needed to. I kept trying to tell her how we could work it out but no still “we need to be separated”
I was calm the whole time and I wasn’t showing emotions while she was crying. But I just know the “right thing to do” would be to say i understand and leave. It was just really hard for me. I even did say casually while talking “and you know I love you” which we never said to each other. She started crying more.
Basically I know I probably messed it up even more than I should have but since this was all about me not showing her I care I thought I had to show it in some way. If I did really want her back what would you say is the best thing to do? Just no contact and self improvement? Texting her one last time and agreeing to her decision?
Also on top of this I saw she’s on tinder already too.
Please no insults. I’m just trying to find a solution and feel better. Really upset rn. Thanks
[deleted] 2mo ago
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wswZtyqNGQ 3mo ago
OP you keep demanding to know what to SAY while ignoring what everyone advises you on what to DO. You will gain absolutely nothing from here until you understand this.
t7716 3mo ago
Ok sorry I don’t understand. What should I do then, if you could just clarify.
coolsocks00 1 3mo ago
Move the fuck on and stop texting/calling her like a bloop.
t7716 3mo ago
I haven’t been at all that’s been the problem lol this meeting was in response to her text. Of course I haven’t texted or called since
prapra-horse 3mo ago
Don't worry dude, They are hard on you, because they have to.
But I understand; when you are 18/19yo, you tend to do whatever and do not take advise seriously. This is how probably everyone here learnt proper conduct: the hard way.
As long you will not start to foolishly defend your actions or be arrogant, you will be forgiven your youngnblood naivete.
You can start with not saying you didn't contact her and did contact her in one paragraph. Make it at least one paragraph apart.
redhawkes 2 3mo ago
Bruh, the guy is 32
financehardo420 3mo ago
i choked on my coffee laughing
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 3mo ago
Holy fuck.
I'd been deliberately sitting this one out because I felt bad for what I had thought was an 18-24 year old dude.
Mental note to dissect and/or roast him tomorrow when I'm
soberless exhausted from a long work week.[deleted]
wswZtyqNGQ 3mo ago
@Typo-MAGAshiv Knock knock, motherfucka!
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2mo ago
RL shit took up too much time yesterday. We'll see how today goes.
Whatsnext 3mo ago
Best answer is to ignore them when they say shit like this. In the past i've said Hey no problem thanks for everything and wish you the best! But now knowing more I wouldn't even respond. Trying to make it work only makes them double down 100x harder. If they mention breaking up you have to be so outcome independent and abundant that they question their value. If you ask for her back she thinks "Im making the right decision look at this loser." Its fucked up but its what ive learned over time. As far as what to do now? Likely never talk to her again, go gym, start gaming new girls, do fun shit
t7716 3mo ago
Yeah I get that 100% to agree with the breakup .. but in this relationship I was always stand offish. We didn’t see each other much, she always pushed for more, and I regrettably left her hanging for a bit when she asked to talk
So that’s why I did want to give her some reassurance that I’d work on stuff but she just kept saying it’s too late
Whatsnext 3mo ago
Wrong time. + who knows if you did give her reassurance and love earlier and she breaks up with you anyway for being too comforting. Can't worry about what ifs, can only think about Whatsnext
Musicgoon78 1 3mo ago
Now you will know your mistakes and hopefully won't repeat them with the next girl.
All you can do is move on since this relationship is torched.
I recommend you start building your soft harem. After you start fucking other women, this will stop hurting.
She definitely overtly communicated that she was done and she's moved on.
t7716 3mo ago
All I see online is about no contact. Focusing on leveling up and improving. And while I know that’s good to do anyways ..I was wondering if that would help at all here since it wasn’t (from what I know) about my attractiveness but rather my lack of being an actual boyfriend.
I know impossible to say and that I shouldn’t be focused on her but I feel like I just need some actionable thing I could do for at least now in my head to “win her back” then I’m sure time/living a better life would have me get over her naturally
Musicgoon78 1 3mo ago
Your lack of emotional intelligence and comfort is extremely unattractive to her.
You're trying to negotiate desire. You can't win her back. There's nothing you can do now to be a part of her life. And putting effort into that will ensure that you are wasting your time and cultivating loser behaviors. There is no magic answer.
Your options are :
Wallow in self pity. This will assuredly spiral you into depression and drive people away from you. People will see that you're going about this the wrong way and avoid you. Those that stick around will be very annoyed.
Durek_The_Bald 3mo ago
Cut contact, and move on. She was already spinning plates, and making an ass of you with sexual innuendo towards guys she'd meet on girls' night out. That is not the behaviour of a hypergamously satisfied woman, so it's no surprise she's already on tinder. You gave her an easy way out by being a passive-aggressive bitch, but it was already over before that. Ignore the waterworks, it means nothing. Women can turn that off and on at will. She's putting on a show for her own mirror, in order to feel good about herself ("I cried, which means I'm still a good person").
Next time, with the next girl, be more assertive, state what you want, and be ready to dump them when conditions aren't being met. Your only power is your willingness to walk away. And throughout this, you haven't been willing to. You've just been making passive-aggressive threats, and then not following through on them. No wonder she lost the tingles then.
Read the texts she sent you again, and translate from womanese. She explained it to you quite clearly, what your problem is.
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redhawkes 2 3mo ago
Askholes like you don't deserve advice.
Lmaoo my sides. She's probably getting her guts rearranged while you're here bitching.
You literally did everything opposite of what the guys here told you. Fuck off.
First-light 3mo ago
You want a girl already on tinder back for a LTR? She is going to need to do some character growth herself one thinks.
Yes agree with her decision politely and kindly. Yes start working on self improvement (and enjoying and liking your self and your company, don't forget that in all the self improvement). Then you can check in on her every couple of weeks, give her a little news, hear hers and see if she wants to talk to you again over time ad if you want to talk to her.
wswZtyqNGQ 3mo ago
Ah, a man of intelligence.
...I take that back!
First-light 3mo ago
He might just want to bang her again. That was what I was thinking but I appreciate the humour of your post.
wswZtyqNGQ 3mo ago
Yes, true. If all you want is empty balls then this is a method. Jerking off is a much more efficient method, however.
At some point in dealing with these slores, the juice just ain't worth the squeeze. And I suggest that OP is far beyond that horizon.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago
From your last post. Treated girl like a plate (she was) for two years and then treated her like a plate after commiting. This is fucking retarded. You can't upgrade a girl and then not give her anything relationship or security related.
Not to mention this is untrue. You can fully text a woman funny and interesting shit that you couldn't do in person. You have a lot to learn
Doing "man stuff" like AC around the house is not a masculine way to lead a relationship. Wtf? I hate to say it but your understanding of relationships is very poor.
Are you a chick? Tell her what she did wrong instead of this hiding and space shit.
The fact she said she wanted to talk about it, didn't get a call from you and ended it shows she was thinking about it anyway. She just threw that out there as bait so she could blame you when you declined the first call. Learn to understand women it was already over and you played into that bait sandwich perfectly. It was already over and now she suckered you into feeling like the one who ruined it (although you don't seem to know how to relationship anyway)
Because she is a dumb child and is stressed out she has to endure the conversation of confronting a guy she's having to reject after four years.
BECAUSE SHE ALREADY WANTED TO BE OR WAS ALREADY GUARDING HER PHONE FOR TAHT REASON FROM YOUR LAST POST
and she's a hoe
You need to open your eyes and hit the sidebar again.
Go lift at the gym, enhance your looks and game, get your shit together because this was weak stuff, and get in your redemption arc stronger than before. And then laugh at her sad single and and lonely social media posts 3 years from now while you ignore her texts asking to get back together with you while another chick is in your bed
Get on it. You fucked up and she also sounds like a hoe. You shouldn't have been in this relationship to begin with you don't know how to relationship
lonewolf1 3mo ago
You can't fake being a self-respected emotionally stable, rational male. You are the proof of that.
You came on here and everyone tried to give you the right clues and advice - and still you did the one thing nobody advised you to do.
I will tell you, just accept what you are and follow your heart.
She is wearing your nuts as earrings, forever.
t7716 3mo ago
I really don’t see where I did something wrong. People in the other thread were saying show your actions, I didn’t see anything about them saying don’t ever hit her up. The whole problem was me ignoring her.
I’m not here to say I’m right I’m just saying I didn’t think I did anything completely opposite of what I was told
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago
"A leaky house can fool the sun, but it cannot fool the rain". ~ Haitian Proverb
financehardo420 3mo ago
It’s called tough love. Don’t be a little bitch.
We all told you what to do in the last post. Reread our comments. You did the explicit opposite of what we advised.
You fell for a bop; it happens. You had feels for the wrong bitch; It happens. It will suck; it will hurt. You can take that pain and let it throw you into a downward spiral of depression, deeper obsession with this hoe, continued derailment from your life’s purpose, etc OR you can take the redpill.
Upward spiral. Go the fuckin gym - you’re feeling sad and hurt? Lift till those weights and that muscle soreness hurts MORE. Over and over again until your muscles get bigger and stronger and that pain becomes lesser and lesser. Do this correctly and you’ll come out of this being much more attractive to bitches; pulling hotter ones etc.
READ THE FUCKIN SIDEBAR
t7716 3mo ago
What did I do that was the opposite? Talk to her? I’m confused by this.
financehardo420 3mo ago
Correct. In last post we all more or less told you that it’s RIP for you w that chick. We told you to see other women, fuck other women, and forget this broad.
Instead of following said advice, you ran back to her to try and negotiate. One of the first things in redpill… you can’t negotiate attraction.
It’s finito; she wants other men inside of her; why the fuck would you want to LTR that? Are you a cuckold? If no then just forget about it and move the fuck on bro you’re in your 30s for fuck’s sake
t7716 3mo ago
You’re right. I felt like since this wasn’t a loss of attraction thing and that it was more from showing now emotions and ignoring her, that I wanted to at least show her I was willing to take it seriously. Even though it was too late. I know I shouldn’t have but that was my thought process. But who knows what the real reason was.
You’re right, fuck this hoe. I’ve been really kicking myself all day. It’s making me exhausted. Trying to get over this. I replay things over and over and it would have been easier if she cheated or it ended bad. I know you guys are telling me what’s right but this one really hurt me bad.
financehardo420 3mo ago
Don’t ever listen to what they say… listen to what they do.
Pretty sure there aren’t 70yo on duty cops out there. She lied ab it. And told u ab essentially her saying sexual things towards another man.
Don’t kid yourself; this was 100% loss of attraction. As well as bare minimum one other dude has been railing your chick. She def cheated lol.
Hit the gym, chase that pape. Build a dope life n baddies will throw themselves at you
t7716 3mo ago
For #2 I agree and even said it to her. I said if I’m trying to fix it what’s the issue? She said you promised this too many times. But I really didn’t I have said in the past I’d try to see her more/text her more but this issue never came up that I know of …about not talking thing out …so I didn’t know how much it bothered her
She said it was her “friends dad “ the cop
You know it’s coming back to me now at one point a while back, she said something along the lines of “I’m a good liar”..sure a lot of girls probably are but to say it is crazy
As crazy as it sounds, you saying she lost attraction in me helps. I need a little anger in me. Right now I just feel sadness because I just feel like I didn’t do the right things, which is true. But I wanna be more like “fuck her” and become a monster
financehardo420 3mo ago
Yeah no chick is telling her friend’s dad that she wants to be put in handcuffs by them in a sexual way bro lol. Much less not to a 70yo man.
Good; this is the way. Read the sidebar, apply the sidebar to your life, forget this hoe, lift weights, get jacked work hard n get rich.
MrSupreme 3mo ago
She's already on tinder.That alone should tell you what you need know. Let the break up take its course, don't contact her at all.Now you have a choice to take some time alone to get your shit together,or go on tinder and have some fun with other women. Either way is a better choice than developing oneitis further and trying to get her back,there's nothing to get back. And some other piece of advice,when women cry it is always for the wrong reason,mostly to manipulate you, don't fall for it,yes they have feelings ,just not those you think