I try my best to refrain from complaining these days, because it feeds my pessimism towards life and makes my mental health worse than it already is. I have been in a bad place for months and considered many times to just end it.
However, I am at a point in life where I seem to always be the target of some bullshit. Whether the new barber I went to was rude and unprofessional, cashiers are giving negative energy back, kids taking the piss and making fun of me. I get that I have no control over people's actions or reactions, but almost all my interactions with the outside world are negative. I am giving out positive output into the world, but the world is giving me extremely negative input.
Lately, I tried to get out of my head, say hi to cashiers upon first interacting with them at the corner store and such, instead of just going about things in a cold manner, but that hasn't helped. It's interesting how when I am cold, some people are friendlier, but when I am the friendly one, most people are still cold.
Going out of the house to go anywhere is a struggle and going for a walk to get some fresh air always ends up with negative stuff happening, making me shut out from interacting with people and just staying home.
Add to that, I have no friends, never had a father figure/male figure in my life, and my family, which is made up of mostly broken women, is shit. So I am basically by my wholesome ALL THE TIME, whether indoors or outdoors.
What to do?
MyBoyJob 3mo ago
I mean people usually aren’t super friendly off the bat. You might have to push through a little bit. If they continue the fuck you attitude, then whatever
Hamza99 3mo ago
True. It's more about total strangers or people you see on the daily like security/cashiers.
No-Stress-Cat 4mo ago
Like energy attracts like energy. When you walk around all miserable and stuff, people are going to feed off of that, and return the same back to you. Nobody likes interacting with a sour puss. Women especially can tell if you're faking it or not.
Hamza99 4mo ago
"Like energy attracts like energy"
Depends. If you act "happy got lucky", some people(especially women) will be weirded out and most people won't return/reciprocate that "positive" energy back. The "Halo effect" comes to mind. It's a fact that attractive people get treated better, regardless of their behavior (cold, stuck up, etc.) You know the shebang. Attractive quite guy is "mysterious", Unattractive quite guy is "creepy" or "awkward"
"When you walk around all miserable and stuff, people are going to feed off of that, and return the same back to you. Nobody likes interacting with a sour puss."
In my experience, true.
"Women especially can tell if you're faking it or not."
What do you mean by this?
No-Stress-Cat 4mo ago
Women can pick up subtle body signals you may not be aware you're making. As an extreme example, they might see you smiling, but notice your eyebrows are frowning, they'll know you're faking happy.
Hamza99 4mo ago
It just feeds into their preconceived judgement of you. It won't matter that you are faking happy IF they find you attractive or want something from you, whatever that may be. If you are faking happy AND they find you unattractive, it doesn't really matter, might as well be cold cause they'll treat you pretty much the same way.
AbusiveFather1 4mo ago
Change your attitude
Read (or re-read) meditation
Whatsnext 4mo ago
this is a good reminder for me too. this book is so insane for how to think when negative factors try to affect your frame
Hamza99 4mo ago
"Change your attitude"
Change it to ...... ?
AbusiveFather1 4mo ago
Stop caring about other people’s perception of you, unless the people in question dictate your income.
I meant Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Or any stoic/existentialist (Sartre, Camus). Realize how short our lives are, how small and insignificant we are. Understand that pondering about other people’s attitudes towards you takes away the limited amount of time that you have to yourself, time that could’ve been spent enjoying life.
I have the same experience that you’re having, and I’m sure a lot of other people as well. Understand that ultimately people don’t and have no incentive to care about anyone other than themselves, so I’d say people being nasty to each other is the default. I’m sure there is or will be a person in your life who’s good to you - make sure to hold on to that person and ignore the others.
Hamza99 4mo ago
I appreciate it.
I tried the BP advice of "be more friendly and nice to people, smile more, be considerate." But it took me a while to find out that was not the answer, because it never helped. I tried being the opposite, cold, to the point, and not "nice" or "friendly", but that made me depressed.
I'm sick of the approach that people are nasty (which they are) and that I should not trust anyone, this depressed me. Yes people are shitty, but where do we go from here? How do I achieve better social feedback? It's in my nature to want to talk to people.
How can I navigate the nastiness, while being able to make connections with unplugged people (at least self aware people)?
I think If I make friends with a couple of decent guys, half of this burden would go away.
AbusiveFather1 4mo ago
Absolutely, that’s what fixed it for me. It took a long time to find a like-minded individual but it makes sense since there’s just so many people around
Sometimes we just need to know that we’re not alone in this whole thing
ObliviousDuck 4mo ago
Stop acting like a victim and go to the gym. 54Kg at 180cm is a clear sign that you are not on point with your life. You probably look sickly and people are scared they gonna catch whatever it is you have. Being scrawny also make you look mentally ill and they are scared you gonna jump them out of desperation.
Getting bigger is something you can easily fix in a few months. Stop complaining and do the work. Get a gym subscription today and start the GSLP program and stick with it until you are at least 75Kg.
Hamza99 3mo ago
What can I do till I reach a respectable weight?
Kids be making fun of me sometimes or looking me up and down and just staring. How should I react to it now?
Hamza99 4mo ago
Interesting take. The classic "get big and everything will be fine". How is getting big going to fix people being cold/negative towards me?
I look fine. Well groomed, neat clothes. My face looks normal. I have no idea where you get the assumption I look sick or mentally ill.
"they are scared you gonna jump them out of desperation."
?
Whatsnext 4mo ago
mate. i have been VERY skinny in my life (sickness, injuries, etc.) And I have been shredded (not where I want to be ofc can always have more muscle) people treated me DRASTICALLY different when I was skinnier. Its a nature thing I think. They have no fear of disrespecting you. But if you gain 50lbs of muscle their hindbrain wants to respect you. super weird but its true.
Hamza99 4mo ago
"They have no fear of disrespecting you."
Exactly. Even if they are weaker than me, like women and kids.
Whatsnext 4mo ago
Women and kids are going to be very commonly disrespectful. They see you as 120lbs though and that should be your mission to change. Find your TDEE (google tdee calculator.) Eat 200-300 calories over maintenance. Eat bodyweight (lb) in protein (g). Lift 4 times a week (15 sets per main bodyparts a week). Do cardio 150-180 mins / week.
Also its all about how you react to things. Instead of reading things as an insult or someone trying to get you (as the internet trains our brains to think) think of everything as positive. I always use the example of if you are leading a squad in combat and the enemy has you surrounded and your men look to you and ask you if you have a chance to survive im NEVER going to be negative. So why be negative over trivial shit (even if its true) its better to be positive than 100% correct imo
Hamza99 4mo ago
"Women and kids are going to be very commonly disrespectful."
Doesn't make sense to me though. Like, I could beat the shit out of you, so why would you violate me or make fun of me? I'm bigger and stronger than both kids and women, yet I get made fun of/disrespected/receive micro-aggressions the most from women and kids, NOT men bigger than me.
Whatsnext 4mo ago
Because women have never had to deal with violence but men have. For example if I went out in public and spit in a mans face hes going to hurt me (usually) but if a women spits on a mans face and he hurts her HE will go to prison. They are protected by the police. Its a common complaint I have --- They are removing the need for husbands / fathers because they hire men to do all the work that we traditionally have done: Police (protection/justice) Firefighters, Farmers, Tradesmen, etc etc. and it causes people to not respect eachother because you arent needed really.
Kids have no sense of anything yet if their parents haven't taught them discipline and respect (uncommon nowadays)
Hamza99 4mo ago
But women always complain about "stranger danger" and how dangerous and unsafe they find the real world, "men" specifically (who they find mostly gross and unworthy of their golden pussy)
There is strength in numbers as well, so they feel safe to treat you like shit if they want to, because they have coworkers.
Honestly bro, I realized a while ago that men are much more empathetic or sympathetic towards other men than women are towards men. We have been led to believe that women are the "EmPAtHs" in society, just like we have been led to believe a lot of other bullshit.
Some kids need to get slapped to learn that they aren't immune and that there are consequences to their foolery.
Whatsnext 3mo ago
Its true that men are the empaths. Not only towards other men (because we understand pain and suffering) but towards children and women as well because we are their protectors.
After awhile the rage of the truth fades and you just see it as what it is. I was angry for years but the last year ive really learned to let go
ObliviousDuck 4mo ago
I wrote you a more helpful and elaborate answer but then realised you edited you original post to make me look like an asshole.
Fuck off, if you don't want help.
Hamza99 4mo ago
You are an asshole.
I want help, but how are you helping by assuming I look sickly and mentally ill?
ObliviousDuck 4mo ago
If it's any consolation, you are slowly convincing me that you don't "look" mentally ill.
Thegoats 4mo ago
No one is gonna help you, NO ONE, not even your mother or even your father. You are alone my g. And you could fucking die at any moment, maybe even tomorrow.
It’s scary bro.
Once you’re gone, you might be forgotten in just a few months or days. . We’re all in this alone. You. Me. Everyone
(Maybe Jesus will save you)
Hamza99 4mo ago
Same could be said about you. You should relax.
Thegoats 4mo ago
.
Hamza99 4mo ago
You could die tonight as well, and I hope you do.
Thegoats 4mo ago
I didn’t mean to offend you. What I’m trying to say is that you should focus on self-improvement and not expect others to always be there to help. We only live once, and everyone is busy with their own lives. Perhaps my previous wording didn’t convey this well
Hamza99 4mo ago
Elaborating on your assumptions?
ObliviousDuck 4mo ago
They are not my assumptions, they are the assumptions of everybody who sees you. I gave you two reasons why being skinny might make you look socially awkward in the eyes of others but instead of taking it and improve, you decided to wear the assumption and act offended.
This says a lot about you. You are stuck in a victim loop and you need to get out of it.
Hamza99 4mo ago
What things can I do to improve myself mentally? (besides working on myself physically)
ObliviousDuck 4mo ago
First, admit you are stuck in a victim loop, your brain is feeding on negative emotions because it's easy, but make no mistake, this attitude is what is destroying your chance at a good life. While you may only be partly to blame for everything that happens to you, you are 100% responsible for fixing it all, even if it's bad luck or someone else's fuck up, such as your parents.
Then, you need to do something positive and easy. Anything. When you are done mastering that thing, move to the next low hanging fruit, and on and on. It can be as simple as cleaning your room, learning to cook, fixing that stupid broken door, saying hi to X strangers a day, etc... The important thing is to go from easier to harder goals. This will create a snowballing effect that will eventually affect everything in your life.
The problem I have with that attitude is your mind and body are the same, and if you have a shit body, it's very hard to have a good mindset, and vice versa. It's like a fat person asking how to lose weight without eating less and exercising.
Hamza99 4mo ago
"The problem I have with that attitude is your mind and body are the same, and if you have a shit body, it's very hard to have a good mindset, and vice versa. It's like a fat person asking how to lose weight without eating less and exercising."
So work on both simultaneously?
ObliviousDuck 4mo ago
Congratulations. I give up.
You just won one internet point and I'm still gonna fuck a beautiful woman tonight.
Good luck.
Hamza99 4mo ago
??
Hamza99 4mo ago
That took an unexpected turn.
"I'm still gonna fuck a beautiful woman tonight."
I highly doubt that.
Thegoats 4mo ago
I bet you’re that lonely nerd who always wears black and has a bad haircut.
Why the fuck are you always complaining? Just look at your post history. People treat you based on how you treat yourself without realizing it. What I’ve figured out is that our brains are linked.
If you think you’re socially awkward and lonely, people will pick up on that vibe and avoid you, because who tf wants to hang out with a gloomy pessimistic nerd? not me.
Hamza99 4mo ago
"Why the fuck are you always complaining?"
Ok bro. Just say you can't help/don't want to help. This comment is unhelpful.
Hamza99 4mo ago
Help, or get off the pot
[deleted]
Musicgoon78 1 4mo ago
I understand what you really want and this isn't the place You're going to get it.
Hamza99 4mo ago
What are you implying?
Hamza99 4mo ago
And what's that?
Musicgoon78 1 4mo ago
I see it all the time. You want to be the victim and seek validation and pity.
These type of guys will do anything within their power to make this true. Even if this means destroying their social lives and making people around them, avoid them.
You're not the first narcissistic jerk we've seen here and you won't be the last. No one feels sorry for you. And that's based on the simple fact that you only put effort into being a victim.
You have a wealth of knowledge and guys that can help here and what productive steps have you taken? What is your mission? What tools do you not understand or need help with?
So far I've heard a giant victim puke. Me me me. Look at me and feel sorry for me. Some one has already told you to lift and you argued with them.
If you really wanted a different life you would work towards it.
Hamza99 4mo ago
I ended the post with "What to do?"
Is there another way I could have worded the post without coming across pity?
How could I IMPROVE and CHANGE my situation/experience(besides getting "BIG")?
Hamza99 4mo ago
Is lifting the only answer? Is my skinny body the only reason I am having this negative experience socially?
Musicgoon78 1 4mo ago
No. Your attitude is terrible and feeling sorry for yourself is an unattractive habit. You also haven't reported to us that you've tried anything or used any of the sidebar tools.
What's are two things you've tried doing to improve your situation?
Hamza99 4mo ago
Good habits to improve my mental health
Being more open in social settings, while trying to relax if I am getting anxious.
Hamza99 4mo ago
Good habits such as meditating, going off twitter (the only social media I use), doing yoga, taking better care of my health.
ObliviousDuck 4mo ago
No, lifting is not the only answer. But it is the first, easiest and most bangs for your bucks step, and yet here you are arguing against the whole world instead of acting and doing the bare minimum.
If you can't even do something as simple as lifting, what makes you think you can become a better man?
You think because you groom, dress well, meditate and don't go on Twitter you can just forgoe the rest? Any fucking idiot can do that.
Changing your attitude toward life and the universe requires acceptance, discipline and hard work, none of which you are willing to demonstrate. Opting instead to blame other people for how they perceive you
Hamza99 4mo ago
I listed a few things. It's much more good habits than just those four. Better sleep cycle. Being outside more. being more productive, getting shit done. Gratitude journaling. Positive self-talk. Taking risks. Less garbage input from the internet. Exercising. I could go on.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 3mo ago
I originally ignored this post because it was whiny bullshit.
Tonight, I saw there were shit tons of replies, so my curiosity arose.
You got a lot of good replies from a lot of different guys.
Stop the faggoty ego defense bullshit, and go back and re-read everything.
And start hitting the fucking weights.
mattyanon Admin 4mo ago
What do you look like?
I ask because while it doesn't matter much for friendships, it REALLY matters for initial interactions with people.
Hamza99 4mo ago
"while it doesn't matter much for friendships, it REALLY matters for initial interactions with people."
Of course it matters for friendships. Friendships develop from (positive) initial interactions.
I am average height, thin arms and legs. My wrists are very thin, similar to these in the image (google images).
https://p1-tt.byteimg.com/origin/tos-cn-i-qvj2lq49k0/11fbcc42a5ec4974b625c895b5279ca0.jpg
The only physical advantages I got are my height and that nothing is particularly ugly about my face.
mattyanon Admin 4mo ago
ok.
do you smile?
MrSupreme 4mo ago
I'm on a similar situation, a few things have worked for me. To actually stop caring about things makes you more resilient and you may get results youre looking for.Also, become a loving son/brother/father, a strong family life is very nice to have. And last but not least, however old you are you need to learn to enjoy and embrace solitude. You always have yourself, meditate on it and let it shape you into a stronger man
Hamza99 3mo ago
"become a loving son/brother/father, a strong family life is very nice to have."
Can't have that with my all female family. Two whore sisters and a controlling, Narcissistic mother.
MrSupreme 3mo ago
There'll be good moments every once in a while with your siblings, can't be all that bad, just change your outlook and change yourself if you can't do shit to change your situation yet. Get working on living by yourself soon, there you have a medium term goal to put your efforts into.
First-light 4mo ago
I think you sound a bit primed for the negative. You are spotting bad things but probably not tuning in to the good ones.
A technique that really helps some people is to daily write down all the good things that happen to you and re-read it the next day or at the end of the week. Anything no matter how small goes on the list -cashier smiled at me, mail man waved, even it it was the rain stopped on your walk, write it down. Look it up if you like its a CBT technique, often called "positive journaling".
The more you fill your world with good stuff to do, the less notice you will take of crap so getting some good male friends that you can do your hobbies with is always good.
Hamza99 3mo ago
I have been actively socializing since I moved to a new area recently. Honestly, haven't found my crowd yet. The guys I met are boring (don't watch or play sport, no actual interest in anything, nothing in common). Ran into one who was a bit of an ass, but that's how life is.
That's a good technique/perspective, but it is hardly effective when people's looks towards you or feedback to your existence is so negative and judgmental, most of the time without even interacting with you.