I've read 95% of the TRP sidebar and just been soaking up the knowledge for a couple months now.
I see 2 things consistently pop up: 1. you need to hold frame 2. you need to be your inner child (be fun, adventurous).
My question is - how do you combine these 2? If you oversimplify it, the question becomes: how to be a man and be a child at the same time? Which is contradictory.
Say a new person meets you and they see you act all childish and unserious. I feel like they'd assume that's your character and that's how you act 90% of the time.
How can you be that, but also hold frame, be confident, be stoic, when the situation calls for it? I think if you had behaved childish before you are automatically discredited in some people's eyes and they see you as as pushover, hence you holding frame will seem like fakery.
I guess there is a sweet spot where you can allow yourself to be fun and do what you want - with the right people at the right place and time. But then it would feel disingenuous and you wouldn't really be having fun?
I've been quite stoic most of my life, so allowing myself to have fun has been eye-opening. But I've noticed it catches people who know me off guard.
EurasianChad 1 4mo ago
Context bro. Don't act childish in a formal corporate meeting. You can act childish as a joke in a home, drinking with buddies & girls. But always keep that barrier of laying the line when someone goes too far. Tell people not to do things you don't like, if its invading your boundaries. If they press, always be ready to physically assert yourself. Willingness to fight & ability to fight is essential for this. But always keep your head on straight - know who you are dealing with.
Its the ability to be aggressive when it matters that counts. The line of being able to have fun but the same time, keep it playa.
Musicgoon78 1 4mo ago
Childish if an absolutely horrible word for that. The last thing you want to be is immature. What guys mean by that is there's something to be said about the curiosity and open mindedness of a child. Most guys on here try being stoic and look like a boring robot or sperg. There's absolutely nothing attractive about that. Women want the leaders and life of the party. The stoic loner isn't either.
In all honesty, most of the guys that do really well with women know how to have fun. Th vast majority of men don't have fun and make life extremely hard and boring. No one wants to be around that kind of bullshit.
whytehorse2021 4mo ago
I'm almost 50 and still ride a bicycle. Granted it's $3k carbon fiber bike and I climb mountains with it but I still feel like I did when I was a kid. Hitting jumps, tearing down trails, hopping curbs, etc.
Stop calling it your "inner child". It's stoicism. Within stoicism is amused mastery.
Stoicism is an ancient Greek philosophy founded in Athens by Zeno of Citium in the early 3rd century BCE. It teaches the development of self-control and fortitude as a means of overcoming destructive emotions. The philosophy holds that becoming a clear and unbiased thinker allows one to understand the universal reason (logos). Key figures in Stoicism include Epictetus, Seneca, and Marcus Aurelius.
Core Principles of Stoicism:
Virtue as the Highest Good:
Control and Acceptance:
Emotional Resilience:
Amused Mastery in the Context of Stoicism:
Amused mastery is not a classical Stoic term but rather a concept that can be aligned with Stoic principles. It involves maintaining a light-hearted, amused attitude towards challenges and difficulties, rather than becoming upset or distressed. Here’s how it connects to Stoic philosophy:
Emotional Detachment:
Perspective and Humor:
Practical Application:
To practice amused mastery in a Stoic context:
Example:
Imagine you are stuck in traffic and running late for an important meeting. Instead of getting frustrated, you could practice amused mastery by thinking, "This is a perfect example of the unpredictability of life. At least I have some extra time to listen to my favorite podcast." This perspective keeps you calm, reduces stress, and aligns with Stoic principles of maintaining inner peace regardless of external circumstances.
Sources:
In summary, amused mastery is a modern interpretation that aligns well with Stoic ideals, promoting resilience, emotional detachment, and a light-hearted approach to life's challenges.
EurasianChad 1 4mo ago
This is golden. Great post
1980svibe 4mo ago
Thanks, that’s really helpful. I remember seeing amused mastery be mentioned somewhere, but not in such detail. This stuff makes sense, thanks
Vermillion-Rx Admin 4mo ago
Don't use the word childish to describe anything about being a man
First-light 4mo ago
In the end you have to be authentically yourself and present the best view of that possible to others.
There is an inherent tension in this -who you are is never as good as you would like to be seen. If you spend too much time faking it, you are living the life of an actor. If you spend too much time not caring what people think but being yourself, you are not actually doing yourself any favours.
I don't think there is a magic solution but I think that a good litmus test is "is there an unreasonable cost to this behaviour?" A litmus test just says is it acid, alkaline or neutral. Doesn't have to be PH 7 but shouldn't be burning you inside.
Amused mastery and stoicism can be used to cover a whole lot of male hamstering. They are fine when they are genuine and getting to the point where they are genuine is a great goal. But when they are acted, it is not always healthy.
MrSupreme 4mo ago
I don't think being childish is what it is about, having a youthful sense of humor is more like it. Can you hold frame whilst having a sense of humor, absolutely. Just be unphased by people's bullshit, not just always stoic and serious, just immune to bullshit