A little background for you, currently with 3 plates, all good girls, all good looking. Doing pretty good financially, in good shape hitting the gym consistently for 10 years, i’m 29 now, white guy living in SEA. Considered above average looks, even back home.
A couple months ago I matched with a girl(22) and we met up, first date went perfectly, got laid same night.
She doesn’t live in town, she was staying at an AirBnb literally just downstairs from my apartment which i think helped a lot with getting her over to my place, we chilled on the apartment rooftop for a bit before i suggested we head down to my place for drinks and a movie.
I suggested she spend the next 2 days at my place instead of her shitty bnb, she was down, vibes were great.
She left town after that but she had plans already to move here, while she was gone i kept texting to a minimum. 2 weeks later she was back, looking for her own apartment while staying at her guy friends place (she knew him for years but that was still a major red flag for me and she was inching away from LTR material in my eyes). We only met up once while out drinking with a few of her friends and a few of mine, her roommate was there but i could see how visibly uncomfortable he was that she was all over me all night long. She even got jealous and annoyed when i spoke to a different girl while we were all out, which i easily managed to turn into playful teasing when i saw that she was getting jealous. I tried bringing her home after that but no luck.
The next week she texts me apologizing and asking if i received any texts from her the night before. Confused, i asked her whats going on, turns out she and the roommate got into an argument and that he got a hold of her phone and said he messaged me saying that she was seeing someone else.
The argument between them was so bad that she left and went to a cheap hotel to get away from his toxic soy ass. Pretty much walking distance from my house, i told her i was on my way and went to talk to her to see what was going on. I got there to see that this guy had actually physically beat her and left marks on her arms, legs and even her neck bc she rejected his advances 1 too many times. Here i come in as captain save-a-hoe and take her to my house, after chatting for a bit, i went with her to fetch her stuff and “talk” to the guy, lucky for him he wasn’t there so it went smoothly. On the ride home, she blocked him on most socials, throughout the night and the next day she immediately showed me when he found a new way to contact her and blocked him again, even going so far as to contact her friends and family, i told her we will soon have a messenger pigeon pecking at the window.
She later told me that she has been lying to me and that she is currently in a relationship with another guy from SG. She said that she wanted to break up with him after meeting me but just hasn’t had the courage to do it yet, saying that she was forced to do it because that roommate guy contacted him and told him about me. My thought process was that i really couldn’t care less that she was dating another guy while riding me, but i don’t like people hiding shit from me, she thought that i would explode with anger after she told me, all i calmly said was that from now on it will be pretty hard to trust a word she says, we are not in an LTR yet so i didn’t care about the other guy. A plate is a plate and shes a HB9 imo, i wasn’t gonna give up free pussy just yet.
I also brushed it off as not significant that she was dating him bc he asked her to be his gf after 1 month of talking to each other, i thought it was inevitable to fail or that she would be looking for alpha dick bc he rushed things like that and we all know what happens when you rush into an LTR with a girl.
She continued staying at my place for about a week which i quite enjoyed if I'm being honest, super feminine, submissive, helped with cleaning, bought us both food a few times. This shit caused me to grow more attached, my blue pill brain and red pill brain were going at it hard, too many red flags to LTR her but so many god damned green flags that just made me like her more and more.
On the day that she left, everything was normal, very affectionate, very loving and caring, just as she was the week before, the sex was only getting better by the day. When she got in the car and left, she messaged me and said she will miss me, i replied by saying “no worries, we will see each other again soon”, few minutes later i got a long message from her basically saying she still has feelings for the other guy and she wants to pursue that relationship, i almost feel bad for that guy, what a way to start your relationship huh? I responded by saying "I understand, i wish you the best of luck in the future." but I was blocked before it could deliver, not blocked on any other socials though, but I know better than to try and contact a girl who blocks me on anything.
I come to you, my fellow redpillers, what in the actual fuck just happened lol? I’ve been in the game for over a decade now, reading books, reading posts, putting the knowledge to use as much as i can, but this far from anything i’ve ever experienced, usually there are major signs when a woman is about to jump ship, and those have become more and more obvious to me over the years. This time there were none. Now i’m sitting here, feeling like none of my plates can live up to her, feeling offended when a plate uses her perfumed shower gel that she left behind. Your boy caught feelings and i don’t like it.
Don't get me wrong, logically i know that she is bad news, i know that this is for the better, this is not a post asking "how to get her back".
And yes i do fuck up sometimes, i know the rules and i like to think i know the game, but we all fuck up sometimes when the hormones run rampant. AWALT right? Yet me and all my other RP’d buddies slip up when we find a person that completely knocks our socks off, ykwim?
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2mo ago
This was a young girl, in a hoe phase, hooked up on first night with you. who , if I read correctly, had a boyfriend, moved onto yet another guy,etc.
This girl is not just in a hoe phase, she's far from LTR material and you should see that.
This girl is recreational use only.
You forgot to assess the mess in front of you. The girl is fun, but she's gas station sushi for any type of relationship.
It was fun, you wanted more of it, but you can't change them nor should you try. Only they can, if they find someone they want to do it for. Which in many cases, is after they've realized that they need to change to get what they want.
B4ker 2mo ago
100%, logically I knew for sure she is the furthest thing from LTR material, I DID see the flags, they were hoisted high like a communist military parade.
As i said in the post, it's good that she is gone, I'm not trying to win her back. I'm just wondering why my dumb ass was willing to white knight so hard even after seeing all the red flags, and why I fell for her.
But I'm realizing that I spent way too much time with her in my presence, I also invested a lot by helping her so much. I knew what I was doing was dumb, even as I was doing it, I even told one of my buddies that I'm being captain save-a-hoe. The RP'd side of me was screaming at me all the way through. But like a harmful drug that will kill me within a week, I chose to ignore the danger.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2mo ago
The answer is, she was fun, it was enjoyable.
Their are girls who can "keep themselves together" for a night, weekend, month or more of getting together with you. Sometimes you don't even recognize that the rest of their life, when you aren't their is a dumpster fire.
So, this girl hooked up on first night with you (not LTR material = fun)
Had a boyfriend and still hooked up with you ( never trust this girl)
Left for yet another guy ( no problem, you go girl) you dodged a bullet and hopefully wore condoms.
You got to put immediate limits on the girl as you "recognize" her flags. Tough when the girls are such fun, but it's better in the long run. I learned the hard way, "twice" when young. After that, I would put limits on them.
Fun girl, will never be long term, no investment, etc. Categorize them.
First-light 2mo ago
The trouble with oneitis is that by the time you know you have caught it, its too late. The best plan is to try not to catch it but no one is 100% immune to the disease. Those who say they are are just blind to the truth.
In terms of warning signs that she was about to jump ship, the thing is she never jumped on your boat to start, so there was no inner struggle in her going her own way. She is just a disorganised mess, messing men about because she can be. Life has taught her she can get away with being chaotic because she knows how to play men and they will keep trying to help her.
From the very basic evidence we have, I would say she played you when she went to stay with the other so called room mate -probably a fwb. She created the argument about you talking to the other girl, so she could spend the night with him, he was getting jealous and she thought she should go calm him, it misfired and he got hold of her phone.
What would one do different? Odds are probably make different mistakes -men are very weak when hot girls come on right. What should one do different? -spend longer vetting from a distance. Don't look for girls casually on apps that match you unless you mean to only be casual about them. But yeah no one is immune.
B4ker 2mo ago
Appreciate your insight, this is what i come here for, it will help me to do better next time.
I disagree with the apps take though, with the rapid decline of cold approaching going on and younger generations seeing approaching as actual harassment, some girls have no choice but to look online for a potential LTR if they don't like anyone in their social circles. These days, swipe apps do not attract only one type of person, a huge percentage of people use it and by pure virtue of statistics, there are bound to be decent woman swiping, we just need to weed through all the trash, but it's not impossible.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2mo ago
One-itis happens. You're only human. Learn from this and guard yourself better in the future.
About this particular woman: she is bad news, and sounds BPD as hell.
Musicgoon78 1 2mo ago
Some plates break sooner than others. That's fairly normal. The problem with most girls is they have lots of options and are indecisive. They don't need to make any long term decisions. They go with what feels good in the moment. She let's the some dominant guy she feels good about sweep her away for an adventure. Then later, onto the next kawk.
You have to remember that you're playing with some strong things here. Bonding hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, and of course a flood of testosterone and endorphins. You're also being intimate and vulnerable with another human.
Mix in fun and attraction and you're bound to find a favorite girl. I would just call it feelings instead of oneitis. I guarantee that every guy that is successful here has dealt with this. I also guarantee that some of the guys will bullshit you about it and scold you like hypocrites. Playing the game, you have to accept a certain amount of heartbreak. It's a rite of passage.
This girl is still in her exploration or hoe phase. You aren't going turn a hoe into an LTR. And if we are honest, it can be very disappointing when a girl you like doesn't meet your expectations.
She bit off more than she can chew. She wasn't juggling her dicks properly, she wasn't being honest and she has no idea what she wants for the future. You did nothing wrong my guy, she isn't ready for commitment. She's for the streets. Release her back to the roadways.
She's not yours it's just your turn. Hopefully you enjoyed the ride?
B4ker 2mo ago
Was a hell of a ride my friend, i appreciate you taking the time to read my wall of text! I try to be self aware with my shit. I also try to limit contact with girls to prevent the feels from setting in like this, even with my ex LTR, i managed to teeter on the edge of falling head over heals, been many years since allowing myself to feel something. The highs are high as fuck, the lows are dog shit.
No-Stress-Cat 2mo ago
The word of the day is: "kawk". Say it. Use it. Wear it out.
lonewolf1 2mo ago
This wall of text shows you the level of investment you had after a short while.
You were the chaser, you were operating in her frame and went white knight on this cunt.
Accept that you also could not override her bond to the other guy, you will next time if you stay cold.
I always make sure to widow them properly, time frame doesn't matter, it's the only way to have a loving relationship with a female today.
Keep your head up, champ. March on.
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B4ker 2mo ago
What would you have done differently?
whytehorse2021 2mo ago
Sounds like your typical alpha fucks beta bucks dual mating strategy. She got your seed and tells the other guy it's his. That's my best guess. She's a lying cheater and I feel bad for that other guy. I met a hot Russian chick in Bali by herself. Just up and left her husband and daughter for a week to go fuck around. Spending his money, fucking surfers.
aj14 2mo ago
[while staying at her guy friends place] stopped reading right there.
Real talk - you know the truth dude. "Do what you need to with her, then broom her fast." - Norman Osbourne/Green Goblin.