Medicare covers in-home caretakers now. I would set them up with care-taking and use video-calls to keep in touch. Maybe come out once a year to visit and thank the caretaker. This is the cycle of life. Everyone dies. Say your peace and live your own life before it runs out.

You have nothing to give if everyone is bleeding you dry. Once you get yourself in a place of happiness and abundance, then you can offer help and street healthy boundaries.

If this is diving you to tht brink of suicide get out. Learn from your father's mistakes. Don't settle for shit treatment. This is his burden to manage, not yours.

I had to leave a severe abusive marriage in my 30's. I had to leave my daughter with that toxic monster of a woman. It still hurts, but I wouldn't have made it out alive if I didn't take care of myself first.

Just because your mother birthed you doesn't mean you owe her anything. And it especially doesn't mean you need to tolerate her shitty attitude not poor treatment.

It's time you forge your own path. It will be much better for your future.

In my opinion it's every young man's duty to move outside of the reaches of his parental figures support. To explore, grow, succeed and fail all on his own in an unfamiliar environment.

The issue you have is Dad is dying. Further more if Dad dies and with all of your siblings far away, are you going to put leaving your comfort zone even longer to help take care of Mom?

You do that and you could be right where you grew up into your thirties.

Assuming you're being honest with yourself, this situation has already pushed you to the brink of ending life before you've had a chance to experience anything else.

If you value your own life more than your parents, grab that one way ticket sooner than later.

One of the red pill realities we all accept is that a man is responsible for making a success of himself because no one else will ever do it for him. Its his first responsibility in life even in blue pill world where you exist only to feed a family. You are becoming the cutting edge of the family now -the younger generation of adult men who get stuff done, gather resources and set themselves up. You are doing your intergenerational family a disservice if you do not take that responsibility seriously. Your future children need you to succeed to improve their own chances of success and your parent's greatest wish in raising you was that you succeed for in your success, lies the completion of what they began in raising you. So it would be ill advised to hobble yourself with filial duty at this moment in life. Most parents get this.

Against this is the fact that you may regret deeply not being around in your father's last days and not having asked him more before he dies. As we get older and raise our own children we tend to become more sympathetic to our parents' errors. People make errors. People usually do their best with children and we all have flaws. I would recommend trying to blame your parents as little as possible for everything in the past and not avoid them because of it. Failure to do this could become a source f regret when they are gone and it is too late to remedy.

Try you best to steer a middle course between these things. Maintain frequent contact, make visits home, try to plan how you can get away home if your father really appears to be about to die.

Also consider if you can succeed closer to home. Is this a case of needing to assert boundaries with your mother? Distance is a de facto boundary but it of itself does not solve the boundary issue with your mom. Women are not as good in general as men at getting the point I started with about a young man being primarily responsible to himself in order to make the whole intergenerational family more successful. If you can succeed in setting boundaries with your mother -wherever you live- you will ultimately feel a lot better about things as the years go by.