Grew up in a neglectful/abusive household, which I think led to "avoidant attachment". Girls show interest and I push them away, even feeling disgusted. I crave real connections but intimacy triggers me. To cope, I use weird fetishes porn (which I don't even like). Looking for advice from others with avoidant attachment. I appreciate y'all !
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Kloi 3mo ago
First things first stop the fetish porn, porn, jerking off. It clear you believe this is a problem. If/when you really can't fight the urge use some lube, your imagination or at most a sexy still photo.
Second off what do you mean when you say, intimacy triggers you?
Are you attracted to the girls you are pushing away?
What do you consider a real connection?
In my eyes all connections we have are real. What changes are the bases for them. What both individuals are getting, putting forth into the connection. The severity of the connection.
mrone667 3mo ago
I believe that my experience with childhood abuse has contributed to my struggle with porn addiction. Despite my dedicated efforts over the past four years, it continues to impact my ability to connect with others, especially when it comes to dating. It's a difficult cycle to break.
When a girl I'm interested in signals her interest, I approach her, only to feel overwhelmed by the idea of being vulnerable. This stems from the emotional immaturity and neglect I experienced from my parents, which has distorted my understanding of genuine connection.
Kloi 3mo ago
After reading this and some of your other responses this is how it goes.
You're going to keep beating your meat to fetish porn, you're in agreement that it is causing issues in life.
Yahh, yahh, you've said you tried buttt it's hard.
Eventually something is going to snap and you're going to stop or you'll die beating your meat.
Life isn't easy. Getting ahead isn't easy. Correcting poor behavior and working through childhood traumas isn't easy.
No one hear is going to tell you it is.
You have to figure out what's personally harder, living a life you hate or biting the bullet by doing all the things you already know you should be doing.
mrone667 3mo ago
this is what I call a constructive comment, but you're wrong about the part that I'll stay a fapper. this time I'll move out from my parents home and start a new chapter of my life.
Kloi 3mo ago
If you're sick of your current life I believe in you.
I didn't say you'd remain I said it's either or but that's not fair because those are the only options.
I've dealt with addiction, not necessarily porn but you'll die an addict or the pain of addiction will either consume you or it'll hurt enough the pain from kicking it is less.
Best of luck.
MrSupreme 3mo ago
Easy, stop doing weird shit to stop giving weird shit vibes. At your age it would be amazing to just stop jerking off and watching porn. Set yourself some winner goals like studies and fitness.Theres A LOT of time to approach and get laid, don't rush it and make yourself more attractive both to women and to yourself. Quit the weird shit
mrone667 3mo ago
As easy as it sounds I tried this countless times idk I'm really confused
MrSupreme 3mo ago
Stop-jerking-off-for-a-week
Then two and three.Set yourself some goals and boundaries. I'm tryna lose weight so I set myself boundaries, like one meal a day, and the goal is to drop 40 pounds. That alone will sober you up enough
mrone667 3mo ago
I'll do this thanks
whytehorse2021 3mo ago
My guess is you got molested by your mom or sisters and your mind blocked it out. I had to use intranasal oxytocin to overcome it and have intimacy with my wife. A therapist once said that he had a woman that would have panic attacks every time she smelled roses. After recovering her memories it was discovered she was violently raped behind a rose bush when she was younger.
mrone667 3mo ago
you right bro I remember being aggressively punished by my mom for dump reasons. I think seeing a therapist is my only choice.
redhawkes 2 3mo ago
Here we go, another gaytard shitpost..
Porn is for losers and you're faggot using it as a substitute. You fried your dopamine receptors, hence the weird shit you're watching. Go outside and get some friends. Channel that energy in the gym and stop with the victim puke.
Doing the same thing over and over with no results is insane.
mrone667 3mo ago
if I've read my post a year ago, I'd say the same it sounds weak gay... Belive me I tried so hard to quit that bullshit.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 3mo ago
Forget that blue pill psychobabble horseshit. Total garbage.
Have you even read the sidebar?
Stop looking at it. You're training yourself to only be able to get off to weird shit.
I'm not one of those nofap retards, but they're right about a few things. Just don't beat off at all for a while. Allow your brain a few weeks to reset.
If after a few weeks you still haven't gotten laid with a real woman, and you're too horny to think, then try beating off with just your imagination. If you can't get off with just your imagination, stick to the least weird shit possible.
mrone667 3mo ago
I'll start reading it now bro
I'll do as you said concernig porn and mastutrbation . thanks man
Musicgoon78 1 3mo ago
Yup. The problems with these younger generations of men are all homogenous.
Here's the cliff notes:
Guys I'm all fucked up and can't get a girl. I'm a victim. This is (fill in the blank with some family member or acquaintance)'s fault. Let me throw out some terminology that is s semantics for "you should feel sorry for me". Anyways, please read my very vague gripe and solve the main issue that I've never stated. I'm also not going to list anything I'm struggling with because I really haven't tried anything. The sidebar is a long read and I want an instant fix without having to do anything. What gives?
So here's your first two steps.
Stop defining yourself as someone broken. From here on going forward, you are a blank slate with endless potential. Your past is gone and dead. You are only now and a successful future. Does this compute with you.
And stop watching fucked up porn. It's the equivalent of putting your balls on a cinder block and hitting them with a carpenters hammer. You're fucking up your sex drive and normal masculinity.
Don't give me bullshit about coping. That's self destructive behavior and you know it.
Lone_Ranger 2 3mo ago
This is the best comment here.
mrone667 3mo ago
I think that's what I needed to hear thanks bro
No-Stress-Cat 3mo ago
This is a shit-post gentlemen. Don't feed the fem-bot or you'll get cooties.
mrone667 3mo ago
trust me you don't sound rough or manly by laughing at a guy who seeks help you only look dumb asf
No-Stress-Cat 3mo ago
If you want help, you have 2 choices: Go see a therapist, or read the side bar.
You've been trolling over on r/pornfree for while now, and then you come here whining about how you're abused and a porn addict.
You're not asking for help, you're shit-posting and wasting our time.
I'm not laughing at you, I'm irritated by this dribble you put up top.
You're acting like girl. You want to make connections? Start acting like a man.
mrone667 3mo ago
listen listen your mind got too far, I know that I was talking in a way that normies would understand cuz I was in a group of normies. second thing is I don't know why are you telling me that I'm trolling, that's not the case English is my third language, I don't really know where did you assumed I was trolling.