I went to a bar last weekend alone. Walked into a spot and got a beer and while I was looking around, this group of chicks were sitting together at a table and looked kind of bored. They were knee deep in their phones and they were wearing nice dresses. AsI looked around, one of them was glaring at me and then gave me a naughty squint when I locked eyes with her. I wanted to talk to her but she was with her friends and I’m not experienced at all with approaching groups of chicks.
I haven’t posted on here in a while because life has been kinda shitty to me lately. Currently going through a very serious depression. I’ve been reading books, two of which I finished are Mark Manson’s “Models” and Robert Glover’s “No more mr nice guy”. I’m looking to get a LOT of reading done this summer.
nicknack 1mo ago
Hey you’re really cute, how’s it going.
Hi, how’s your night going.
Hey, you're not eating the olives from your martini?
Hi, cool spot here isn’t it?
All successful openers I’ve used this week.
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nicknack 1mo ago
I wouldn’t wait on that, man. I just started smashing a 21 year old virgin and I walked up to her on the street she didn’t even see me. Why limit yourself?
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mattyanon Admin 1mo ago
It's a journey...... you need to get good at talking to everyone, all the time.
In the case you mentioned, there are three main approaches I can think of:
Directly go up to the group, and with energy slightly above theirs, say something fun. Then grin and bear it and have more fun if they look at you blankly. Commit to the convo, but also keep kinda rocking and turning your body away to establish you're about to leave. You want them terrified you're gonna leave, not terrified you'll stay.
Or you can go up with a question.... this shows less value, but it is vastly easier...... "hey! where do you guys go to get a decent quality wine around here?" Make sure your tonality is fun, smile, be upbeat, and have a follow up question ready....... get your answer.... thank them.... move to leave..... and then "oh, another quickie..... have you guys..... blah blah". Again make it clear you're about to leave at any second. Worst case if convo ends but they're friendly you can go back later, or one of them might even come and talk to you after you've broken the ice.
Less directly...... you can find an excuse to sit near them..... eg at the bar...... then turn over your shoulder and ask them a fun question.
Highly recommend having some fun / topical / interesting conversations rehearsed and ready to go.
Never go directly with "you're cute" / "you're hot" etc etc when talking to a group.
joyboy 1mo ago
you sure those were "fuck me" and not "fuck you" eyes? glare to a squint doesn't sound very seductive
User4566 1mo ago
I kept catching her making eye contact with me and no one else in the place, so yes. Not as far-fetched as you think.
joyboy 1mo ago
I mean if you were watching her close enough to tell that she wasn't looking at anyone else in the place, it sounds like you were staring at her and she realized and was wondering "why tf is this guy looking at me". If she wanted you she would've come up to you buddy
User4566 1mo ago
I don’t see why a chick would stare at a dude they find unattractive, it would make sense to avoid all eye contact in general. But ok, she found me grotesque if you say so.
No-Stress-Cat 1mo ago
The only solution:
https://www.tiktok.com/@cheechandchong/video/7281365154967686446
pofkaf 1mo ago
All you have to do to open a girl is make observations. "I like that dress, it really brings out your eyes." "Looks like you need a refill, what were you drinking?" "Having a fun girls night?" Etc. Then offer to buy her a drink, or buy shots for the whole group, whatever. If she likes you she'll be very receptive and should make the conversation easy.
Next time, sack up and go approach. Worst thing that can happen is she politely rejects you, then you just go back to your spot and keep doing whatever you were doing.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
You still don't get it.
You still think it's about magical word sequences instead of being a normal person.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Second comment
The
LAST
Fucking thing you need is more reading. You are still not just being a normal guy. Reading any more is just going to fuck you up even more. None of these books will teach you social skills. Which, once again, you are missing
A normal dude would have approached her friend group and made normal remarks that most of her group could have responded to. Or if he needed some back up he would have had a buddy join him and made normal remarks. He then would have gradually focused more on the actual target with a normal-ass remark or some kind of statement.
Books are going to make you even more depressed because you, even after multiple years of floundering on these forums, refuse to learn normal social acumen.
Reading more of shit that won't actually fix your actual problem is going to annihilate your self esteem
User4566 1mo ago
Ok, I’ll go out tonight and try to talk to girls at a bar.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
You're missing the point. You need to just chat with everyone, especially friends.
If you can't succeed with friends and randoms you are fucked talking to women you are interested in
MrSupreme 1mo ago
I'm not into clubbing,but I know some sales experience can definitely help, a lot of you're talking to groups and you're looking to sell them the idea of getting together and maybe go to another venue. What i think youre in most need right now, is of some cheering up, get into the right attitude and mindset, then whatever you try wether it's clubs,old or cold approaching at the street will yield better results,cheer up and get it together mate
User4566 1mo ago
You’re right. I’ll prioritize my mental health.
MrSupreme 1mo ago
I had a great time reading David Goggins's " you can't hurt me" book, just look for a pdf on Google. Helps you develop that callous attitude, were you can't get hurt,can't get down. Also a bit of inspiration for jogging and working out
Hamza99 1mo ago
Audiobook waaaay better. There is a podcast-like-discussion section with Goggins and the narrator for every chapter.
whytehorse2021 1mo ago
Just go give her a compliment. Nothing more. Do it and walk away. "Hey you have a nice dress, it really brings out your huge camel toe". Something like that.
Musicgoon78 1 1mo ago
You're making an active choice to make things awkward and opting for hesitation.
The most normal thing people do is talk to each other.
Most guys don't actually get out of reading mode and into doing mode. This is how you become a theorycel.
Hamza99 1mo ago
Experience from doing is 2/3 of the work, if not more.
ObliviousDuck 1mo ago
From now on, every group you encounter, girl or guys, pretty or not, just ask "what are you celebrating tonight?" or "why are you guys together tonight?"
This is the single best low risk opener as it gives you a ton of information and can very easily be followed up. It won't build attraction, but as you get better at reading between the lines, it'll instantly tell you who's friend with whom, who's in couple, if they are co-workers, what kind of people they are, where they are from, if they are from another country, who's the cockblocker, etc.