Inexperienced 23M, recently took virginity of and lost virginity to plate.
So we hung out regularly and for looong hours after sex cause I got hooked on the emotional validation, with her basically being the first woman I tried to pick up and it succeeding instantly.
After a few weeks she'd throw in comfort tests, while cuddling in her bed. Half a dozen were about what I'd do if she'd transform into x, like a worm, fly whatever. Always had fun with it, like telling her I'd sell the massive fly she'd become to scientists or stomping on her cause a human sized fly would be horrifying. Giggles and shocked expressions.
I asked myself how much comfort a fwb deserves/should be given. Do you guys even get these types of tests? They seem pretty relationship-y to me, so maybe I only got them because I hung out massive amounts with her.
With me calling it a fwb situation but spending several days a week with her I clearly overinvested. But I also ask myself how I should play it in the future, how much comfort they need. With her I spent 2 weeks with bjs before taking her virginity proper, I don't believe a 21 year old virgin is a good benchmark for future engagements.
The second part: I liked the girl, we talked a lot about her history, I humored her with talk about our future together. At the time I thought nothing of it, but I became more emotionally invested as well. The flipside was me being sickened by the thought of her fucking other men which led me to lose the aloof demeanor that attracted her in the first place. I realize that her being my only "plate" also lead to this, but I can also imagine myself in the future being uncomfortable with sharing these fantasies or thoughts with a woman that might get fucked by other men. Does this get fixed with more plates, did I simply overinvest early on, how do I make sure I protect that emotional investment in the future?
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2mo ago
From the sidebar: HumanSockPuppet’s Guide to Managing Your Bitches
Nyesh 2mo ago
Was aware of it, after rereading it makes sense that my situation was a mix of scarcity and a disconnect of my investment vs. her perceived investment. If it was a girl that showed me she was worth the investment it wouldn't be a thought in my mind that it might hurt me. Her giving me her best would be obvious and my emotional availability a reward for it.
I hate that I constantly forget the basics, it is like having to learn 3 bibles by heart. All the more reason to throw myself into the experience of dating.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2mo ago
That's a bullshit chick phrase.
Read the sidebar again. You should be mostly aloof but cheerful.
And for heaven's sake, don't go thinking that they actually do want vulnerability in men. Relevant reading material on that topic, including the comments sections and links within:
The reason men don't open up to most women.
The reason men don't open up to most women, part 2
The reason men don't open up to most women, part 3
The reason men don't open up to most women, part 4
Nyesh 2mo ago
Practical Female Psychology: For the Practical Man. Second phase of realtionships. Read up on it.
I didn't cry in front of her, I told her about my past, present and future. Giving insights into my person. Can't say I didn't fuck up several times otherwise but not in this way.
I agree it is a container word, but how would you describe it then.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2mo ago
I'm familiar with it through various summaries. It's on my "to read" list, with a few books ahead of it.
As I understand it though, that second phase thing is if it goes the way she tries to direct it. You don't have to indulge her (false) wish for vulnerability from you. You can, and it's in your best interest to, take the lead and keep things within your frame instead of hers.
I never said you did.
Surely you're capable of seeing how those examples might apply?
Hmm. You seem incredibly certain of that, what with this being the first chick you ever fucked.
You have no idea how happy I am to see you use that term. I take it you're familiar with Rian Stone?
Describe what, exactly?
Musicgoon78 1 2mo ago
Bro there's nothing wrong with having a girlfriend if you like her enough. As long as you don't get her pregnant, sign a lease with her or get married you can leave whenever you want.
First-light 2mo ago
Sounds like a very successful first foray. Congratulations.
One thing you will find with women is that while in some ways they are the same, each one is different. There are almost no real hard rules as to what you should do. What develops is just the product of how you two interact together. Don't go too far out of your comfort zone for her, don't ask her to do that for you either, observe her reactions to things and adapt.
Emotional investment is normal. Its how its supposed to work. In the world we live in today where women ride the cock carousel, where she is never yours but its just your turn, men learn to try to not over invest emotionally but that is not how nature made us. You are supposed to invest in her emotionally and you have to harden yourself not to (experience does that for you to a large extent).
If you want to get into casual sex and plates, you will soon meet women with high cock counts who seek and expect less relationship like stuff. The comfort tests will exist but they may be less and the women will be more half hearted about them knowing that "All men lie in bed anyway" Like you say you have an unusually pure benchmark. The more well used women will change that but if you deal with them much. Beware though if you harden yourself too much, you may lose something good in yourself -the ability to look kindly on women, to see them as more than fickle things you court and game and who abandon you you moment you show weakness or seek comfort and commitment from them. If you gamify sex, it has consequences.
The only way to protect your emotional investment is to move cautiously. If you do not invest at all, you will have very shallow experiences with women but since women have huge options and tend to be selfish by nature and education, you have to be guarded about investment. A very simple "rule" if you want a rule, where I said there are no real rules is never take two steps towards emotional closeness at once. Don't do what a lot of guys do and say "its her job to seek emotional closeness, never make the first move to that." This is very insecure and limiting thought and will lose you good opportunities where sometimes women really need to see you care to move forward but if you have made a move towards emotional closeness, don't take a second one till she reciprocates. Its a sort of dance. You move, she makes a reciprocal move, then you move again. If she is standing still or backing off, just pause. This will save you from needy behaviour which women find very unattractive and which is very stressful and unsatisfying for men.
whytehorse2021 2mo ago
I think this is a natural phenomenon that results from reproduction. You're staying close to her and keeping other men away to ensure she gets pregnant with YOUR baby. Next you will develop ONEITIS to ensure she survives to deliver the baby. These are very powerful instincts and hormones.
Obviously she won't get pregnant because of birth control and she will soon learn she can use your instinct to manipulate you. Then you'll lose frame and she'll dump you.