I am in my late 30s and have a successful career. I have decided not to have children of my own.
Many of my friends are just getting on with their lives. They have a job where they earn good money, but they're no longer passionate about it. They've bought a house somewhere in the suburbs and live the standard life with their wife. After work, maybe they take care of the garden and then play on the console or watch TV. Going out or real hobbies have become rare. Many of them are heading for a midlife crisis.
I like my friends. They are good people and I enjoy spending time with them from time to time. But we've also drifted apart a bit and I'd like to find more friends who are more like me. However, I have to say that I find it quite difficult to find such people. It seems that I only meet the usual standard dad in sports clubs, for example. And at professional meetings, where I find people at the same professional level as me, they really all have a stick up their ass or they sacrifice their entire life for work. Not out of passion, but because they don't know any other way. But that's not what I'm looking for either.
I'm looking for people with passion for their lives. Who want to be their best self in many areas and not just live day by day. But where and how?
whytehorse2021 5mo ago
I would think professional competitive sports might attract those people. When I was at university I was around a lot of high achievers. Going back into the workforce was very depressing as people are like you describe.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5mo ago
You need to do more "passionate" activities then. A basics sports club is not going to yield passion, just some people casually meeting up because of "fun" and because it is a convenient, normie-safe outlet.
Where do passionate people go? They put their money where there mouth is and go deep into what they are passionate about. You're not going to find such people at superficial and fleetingly brief outings
Intrepid_Place53900 1 5mo ago
I'm not sure what you are really after.
I'm old, grown kids, end of my career, at highest point I can go unless I get into middle mgt.
Am I passionate about things?
not sure.
I still play tennis, lift heavy weights a few times a week, cycle for distance, hike. I still train on technology in my field even though I only have 2-3 years left, I still keep up on it. Am I passionate about it? No
I do stuff that I enjoy. I meet people that also enjoy those things, some seem to be miserable doing it , some are chill.
You can be chill about things and still really enjoy it.
yes in terms of work, I've seen many peers just bury themselves with work and many moved up, which was their goal. Were they passionate about the job or just wanted the money/power,etc. Almost all, it was about more money, power.
So, they work 60-80 hours a week, always are digging into their teams, their areas of work. Are they passionate about it? No they weren't, not to me.
passion to me is really enjoy doing it. These folks didn't enjoy it, they wanted what came along at the end of it and t hey sacrificed their lives/time to get it.
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FDraper 5mo ago
I'll try to explain what I want.
Although I'm doing well in many areas (e.g. finances, health/sports, career), I don't like the idea of not developing myself further. Not to mention the areas where I have even greater potential for development (e.g. languages, awkward social interactions, charisma, etc.)
I simply want to grow and would like to have contact with people who see it the same way. Friends are a great way to support each other and give feedback and different perspectives. But my existing circle of friends have resigned themselves to the status quo and has no ambition or strength to change anything.
Of course, you can also see it differently: They've managed to settle down and I haven't. But that's another story.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 5mo ago
it is good to expand , to grow in both knowledge and relationships. But it sounds like you think you need to do it.
Don't "need" to, "want" to, more.
If you try something and enjoy it, like it, go for it. If it's not your thing, drop it,etc.
Life will change over time, you should adapt to it and sure, grow and try to reach your potential. Whatever you "want" that to be.
yes, your friends may come and go. They get married, have kids,etc. Bury themselves working and so on. This is normal. Always be open to meeting and creating new friends.
If you are bored, which it sounds like. Find new things to do, typically with new people. Doesn't mean you aren't friends with the old group anymore, just spend less time with them doing your thing.
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