Im a decent looking guy, who gets female attention.
But ive always had anxiety about cold approaching with women, such as the gym, public areas, etc... I would walk passed them and not say anything, maybe just a smirk, it feels awkward not talking or saying hi.
On the other hand, I see men in there middle age at the gym chatting up random women, having conversations with hot girls.
Any way to become more confident in these scenarios, perhaps im scared of rejection? or she has a bf staring at me? I just want to shake off this nervousness
MyBoyJob 2mo ago
Take a deep breath and go in faggot
No-Stress-Cat 2mo ago
Back when I was 20, I met a girl in a book store once. She was hot as fuck. We chatted for a few minutes and had a good conversation. I didn't get her number. Anxiety got the better of me. I regretted that decision. Don't be the 20-year-old me. GO GET 'EM TIGER! RAWR!!!
EurasianChad 1 2mo ago
You need to start somewhere, and the skill atrophies if you do not do it often.
If you have "normal" social decorum, meaning you aren't excessively rude or hostile upon first meeting people and can generally hold a normal, pleasant conversation, you'll be good. If you have social anxiety, meditate and over a few weeks you'll be a more calm person in general.
After that, go out on walks around your city/village and say good morning/good afternoon to people. No matter how they react, just tell them to have a good day when you're walking away. Eventually, your social anxiety disappears and can move on to the next step - approaching people for conversation.
You approach women like you would men. Just make a passing comment, if its responded to, great, if not, wish them a good day and move along. That's how I did it. No matter how they react, always wish them well and move along. Find things in the environment or in the person that you can make a passing comment on, and if theres nothing, just move along man. You get better and more ballsier every time.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2mo ago
What u want us to say? Magic cheat codes? That you won't get stabbed? The secret chocolately deluxe codeword to moisten her on the approach
Just do it man. Worst case she rejects you and the conversation starts dying and you say "have a nice day" and your world carries on like normal
You're not going to get stabbed or shot or jailed for approaching a chick. You are however getting the same results as rejection for every approach you don't make and at least if you did the approach you would learn from it each time
Fek you expecting? It's a random. Best case you vibe surprising well and worst case you learn something and possibly never see her again
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2mo ago
What a great opportunity to plug my 100% surefire method.
FDraper 2mo ago
Are you nervous? Then talk to her while you're nervous.
With experience, this will go away.
Land_of_the_losers 2mo ago
I'll tell you a few things borne of a lifetime of experience...
...the way that women react to you might have nothing to do with you.
When I was 17, I went to a statewide sporting competition. High school athletes versus other high school athletes. I remember being told by my classmates that I was completely fearless when it came to women. I got some laughs, got some amazing reactions to my wit and jokes but, guess what? I didn't get anywhere with them. And it's not because I didn't know how to speak English.
I also studied an odd foreign language very intensely in high school-- Chinese-- and I had the kind of parents who were very supportive with foreign language study. I spent the summer of my high school junior year in Taiwan, and I got a lot of attention from girls my own age and my first kiss from a girl who was one year older than me. And this was speaking a language which I was not very confident in.
So the lessons I learned is that: I can be very confident in one environment-- speaking my native language-- and get lots of laughs and ooh and ahhs from women, but get absolutely goddamned nowhere with them. Then, in another environment, I can be not very confident at all and do quite well.
Confusing? You bet it was. I still find it odd. I can get on a Chinese airliner, and I can make the stewardesses double-over in laughter. Then I get into the Los Angeles Airport, and the white girls sneer at me and tell me to get the fuck away from them.
It's not always you. I wrote a little novel, by the way. https://www.landofthelosers.com/
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2mo ago
Rejection isn't that big a deal.
The instinctive fear we men have of it is from back in caveman times. If one cavewoman rejected you, word would spread and the others would also reject you (negative pre-selection). Your chances would be doomed.
It's not like that anymore. That vestigial instinct just holds us back.
You can get rejected a dozen times in one night, and then get laid on your 13th approach.
If this cerebral approach doesn't cure you of that fear/nervousness, then your best shot is to just power through it and let experience teach you that rejection isn't a big deal at all.
And also, it's important to remember that rejection is just a fact of life, and don't take it personally. Frequently the rejections are more about her feeeeeeelings in the moment than about you at all. All any of this stuff taught in these communities does in increase your odds.
MrSupreme 2mo ago
Approach,approach,approach.Get used to approaching strangers and having something to say.
Talk to everyone, ask for the time,small talk about whatever with the old guy at the bus station, chit chat with people at work.
Calibrate, use your surroundings and pay attention to detail.
Social skills are like a muscle,you gotta work it and train it.
Musicgoon78 1 2mo ago
I live in the south. Everyone talks to each other. It's normal.
Take the "leap before you look" approach. See someone interesting and approach. Almost no one does this anymore because of the internet.
Lone_Ranger 2 2mo ago
You say you're a decent looking guy, that gets female attention
But you can't chat up chicks.
Somethings not right - sounds like you have become too passive?
The solution is to get out there. The only way to get better at this is to try and fail. That's right you have to try and fail.
Most men are crap at game because they instinctively measure the success ratio - they measure how many shots vs goals they score. and if they score only 1 in 10 they think they are a failure.
That is retarded The secret is to forget all about the conversion ratio and simply be gaming 24 / 7. Always be flirting. Never stop. That's how you get laid about once a week.
The other thing is outcome independence. Just stop caring about the result.
First-light 2mo ago
Try not chatting them up but chatting to them. If you are not trying to pull them, then you can't fail at it. But you can get lots better at talking to them at ease and then later when you try to pull them, it will be easier.
Kloi 2mo ago
Go get a job as a server, especially if you're on the younger side.
Forces you to socialize, get good at reading individuals and groups. You learn to small talk, ask questions based on what customers said. Learn to cut conversations off too.
Plus if you get into a good place you can network.