Hello AskTRP,
While this is my first post on the forum, I have been aware of TRP for 6-7 years now. For context, I’m 21M , freshly graduated from university as an engineer, and have a great physique ever since I started lifting in 2021. I’m 6’1, 195 lbs, and fairly attractive.
I grew up in a fairly restrictive environment and a high school of mostly guys, so I didn’t have the proper social development when it comes to dating at a young(er) age, but I still got along quite well with the guys and a few girls (platonically), so I have the basic social skills needed as a foundation. I had only dated twice by the I graduated from high school, and in both instances I was operating from a blue pill mindset. Those two women I dated were initially attracted to me as I would find out through my friends, but I wasn’t really into them. Regardless, I still wanted to date them to get my foot in the door in terms of experience. My socializing was pretty decent when I felt comfortable or safe, but I also had severe bouts of social anxiety due to discrimination and bullying in my earlier years. Luckily, I somewhat outgrew it and could hold my ground. However, after binging on red pill content in any medium I could come across, I was able to internalize most of it and set myself up for success in university. Because of COVID, I didn’t actually go to campus until my second year, where I was still the same shy kid from high school, the only difference being the knowledge and strategies I had gathered. This made me quite successful with attracting women and hooking up in late 2021/2022, where I would effortlessly attract and escalate on OLD, clubs, and even the library. Several women in my classroom were talking to me, and naturally I developed confidence. Talking to women had become second nature. It felt as easy as talking to guys, something which I have no difficulty in doing whatsoever.
However, not too long after my home run, I meet a woman in the club and we hit it off. You see where this is going, right? I basically had a lot in common with her, and she was really into me, so I developed oneitis towards her and we were genuinely really close to getting into a relationship. We went on several dates, but we didn’t fuck, only made out and cuddled. Me being the newly minted stud, I wanted to still venture out and talk to other girls while still seeing her, so I did exactly that. But it turned out that one of the girls I was texting knew her and told on me, so on a random evening, after texting her a snap, she blocks me on all socials and never talks to me again.
Naturally, this was my first proper heartbreak, so I was demoralized and basically blackpilled for a few weeks. After going back home for the summer that year, I doubled down on the gym and learning business concepts on the side to fuel my goal of being an entrepreneur. I wouldn’t really date for a year after the breakup, where I hooked up with a girl I met at a party.
Ever since that hookup, I have been on a dry spell of almost two years now. I have made a couple of approaches in bars/clubs/cafes or through mutuals but I noticed that I no longer had the nonchalance and inner game I once possessed. As a result, my actual game and social skills started to deteriorate, which brings us to the present moment.
I have tried everything to return to that former state of DGAF-ness and aura, but nothing seems to be working. I tried reading more books, watching more videos, optimizing OLD, but I was back to that shy state younger me was in, effectively making me a virgin in mindset. Those few months of success and results feel like an alternate dimension, where ever since I have been afflicted with a curse of some sort. I don’t know why or how this happened, seeing as most guys here usually learn the concepts, apply them, and stick to them. But it genuinely feels like I have been regressing and even doubting TRP philosophy as a whole.
I don’t know if it’s possible to bring back that state anymore. I am in a negative feedback loop, but a sliver of hope remains because of the brief success I had.
How can I reclaim my pride and stop being such a wimp?
mattyanon Admin 4mo ago
@Durek_The_Bald thanks for the tag.
You're right not to show 100% commitment to women, especially while you are they are young.
The problem is when you "sell yourself" as a loyal beta, and then it turns out that you're talking to other women. Women hate that.
Conversely if she expects you to be a bit of a player and it's clear from the start that you see other women, it's fine and expected when you're doing that. You do this with a million small actions and gestures and implications. It helps if it's true.
Yeah, this is the problem with commitment: emotional heartache and rollercoasters. It fucking sucks, I'd recommend avoiding it.
Rusty, got it.
You want something, and then you are not DGAF because you want something. Now you're looking to pretend you don't want it and are trying to read and rationalise your way out of it.
Better is to go after what you want, and get so much of it that you DGAF about all of it, because all your needs are met.
The issue is that you're not getting laid. Let's not overcomplicate this.
Quit typing and start doing.
whytehorse2021 4mo ago
Sounds like approach anxiety is holding you back. You overcome that by complimenting random women and making their day. No pressure to ask them out. After you get that far, you can start with the easiest game, London Day Game https://niplav.site/doc/game/beginners_guide_to_daygame_torero_2018.pdf
Durek_The_Bald 4mo ago
What does that mean? Which books have you read? Which part of the sidebar was the biggest eureka moment for you?
Great. No hard mode for you then.
This part is a bit unclear. You write about "escalating" and "hooking up", but in the same breath you're saying "talking to". Did you fuck these girls or not? Was this a "fucked a lot of girls" spree, or a "talked to a lot of girls, kissed a few and held hands with them" spree?
Right...so the problem is, you're giving away a lot of your time and attention to girls for free, girls who haven't yet earned that time and attention by fucking you.
That means your base assumption, of you having internalised TRP, and then somehow lost it, is erroneous. You have never internalised TRP, because you haven't internalised a prize mentality. You don't view your time and attention as something highly valuable, therefore not to be given away for cheap.
This is common amongst you Christian boys, thinking you were given this life to serve. But you need to shed that.
All in all, you're good though. Good career path, tall, in shape. It's the mentality you need to fix. Women can sniff out the nice-guy-vibes like nobody's business.
Read "Book of Pook" for a mild, easy-reading insight into how girls think, and what your mentality should be like.
Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" for a critical look at your current mentality, and what to do about it.
Read "When I say no, I feel guilty" to learn to be more assertive, and maybe shed some of that Christianity-induced internalised man-shame.
Read "The Rational Male" for a more hardcore insight into the nature of women.
And practice. Go out and meet girls, but don't chase relationships. That's their job. Your job is to fuck. You know that's what you really want to, so don't bullshit yourself, and don't be ashamed of it. Only when you're already fucking can you be kind-of-sort-of open to a relationship. This isn't 1955.
GensisofMind 4mo ago
I have read "No More Mr. Nice Guy", "The Way of the Superior Man", "The Game" by Neil Strauss, and "The Mystery Method" over the past year or two. But I will admit, I have not yet read the sidebar as this is third time on the forum and my first time posting. I will check it out right after typing this. Other than that, my knowledge of the red pill comes mostly from YouTube, from guys like Todd V, John Anthony Lifestyle, OG Casey Zander, The33Secrets, Owen Cook. Not strictly red pill, but Hamza Ahmed's older videos on attracting women were the catalyst that helped me set up my Tinder profile, socialize with groups, and learn how to lift for aesthetics. Andrew Tate, also comes to mind, but I think he has done me more damage than good with his generic platitudes and bizarre style of game, though I find his older videos/podcasts on dating quite aligned with TRP as a whole.
To be honest, it was mostly the latter, but I did fuck a few of them. Seeing as it was my first time venturing in the real world without my helicopter parent mother, I can see why I conflated the two. The breakup made me go through a brief RP rage phase where I almost went MGTOW (lol) and tried monk mode (lol) several times after.
Fair point, it does often seem like I think of the rewards life and society has to offer as being a reward for the toil and work I put in. While I understand that work is a part of the process, it is not a moral requirement, so the ends are indifferent as to the means. With women, though, I try to silo them away into another part of my thought, where I never really show off my achievements, unless indirectly or when prompted. I just try to talk to them but recently that would lead to a dry conversation and a quick end to it.
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Durek_The_Bald 4mo ago
That's cool. It's (unfortunately) a rare feat we get new guys here who have actually done some work, and are willing to do more. But you're doing the lifting, and you're doing the reading, and that makes you are very welcome addition.
I'll try to summon some more members for you off the top of my head, seeing as you deserve a proper exchange, and a few more perspectives.
@redpillschool @Typo-MAGAshiv @Vermillion-Rx @MentORPHEUS @TitusTorquatus @Whisper @mattyanon
(no offence to those I've forgotten just now)
I'm somewhat familiar with John Anthony Lifestyle, Casey Zander, Owen Cook, and Andrew Tate. The rest, I don't know. But in general, I'd say be very sceptical of the YouTube grifters. Mostly, it's just guys trying to reinvent the wheel to make a name for themselves in the "lost boys market".
I'm thoroughly unimpressed by all of the once I'm familiar with there - except maybe Owen Cook, seeing as he's one of the earlier ones with the pure pick-up stuff (and TRP does owe a lot to the early pickup community). Just know, there's a lot of ego and marketing with these guys, lots of faking it, and not a lot of down-to-earth, honest, actionable stuff.
The real juice is in the sidebar and the recommended literature. I will recommend Rian Stone though, and his sidebar series on YouTube. Also the stuff where he goes through some field reports from the TRP heydays (typically on Mids Watch).
In general though, I think it's better to just read the "canon" literature, and take away from that what you wish - rather than having someone chew it for you, and tell you what you're supposed to take away from it.
Hey, it's part of the learning process. As @Musicgoon78 said, heartbreak is part of becoming a man. It's better you learn to deal with that sort of thing when you're still young, rather than having an awakening when you're old, codependent, and stuck in something shitty.
Although that is not untrue, having read No More Mr Nice Guy, you probably understand how this is potentially also a massive covert contract.
Women, and what they have to offer us, are reflections of ourselves. So you're right not to brag of your achievements - that will only make you into a good plow horse in their eyes. If you want sexy, fun times, you have to show the sexy, fun dude. Cocky and funny etc.
You're probably just a bit reserved, perhaps a bit afraid of women and their reactions. But you just have to try and push through that, be a bit brave, a bit outrageous, take them for a bit of an emotional ride. There really is no wrong emotion when it comes to women - except indifference. You'll win some, you'll lose some, but it's all good.
As for marrying TRP with Christian morality, I'm personally highly sceptical of that. But I'm neither a Christian, nor too familiar with scripture, so there are probably other guys here who can say more about that. I'm just observing the effect the church seems to have on young men, and I'm not liking what I see.
Just keep in mind though, that TRP was originally rather opposed to the traditionalist conservative way of thinking ("old order thinking"). It was more of a "get with the program, and adapt" sort of thing, in a time where neither feminism/progressivism nor traditionalism/conservativism is working in the interest of men. And so TRP offers a third alternative: enlightened self-interest, rule zero.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 4mo ago
I opened this post in a new tab after I originally replied to your tag so I'd be less likely to forget about it.
It didn't work. Oops.
Anyfuckingway, let me tag Mr. OP @GensisofMind and mostly address him from here on.
OP, you already have a lot of good replies to your post. I'd mostly just echo that it's in your interests to pursue sex, and make the women earn any upgrades. I addressed another askTRP post somewhat similar to yours about that. I recommend you read my comment there, along with the rest of the thread.
You really already received the answers to your OP you need from multiple people, so I'm going to focus mostly on this thread between you and Durek.
First and foremost: most YouTubers aren't worth two shits. Most of them are full of crap and don't really grasp the Red Pill, but just say whatever gets them views and superchats. Many others might say good shit, but it's completely ripped off from stuff other men wrote years ago without giving any credit.
A few are good for entertainment and little else.
Preciously few are truly worth your time.
Let's go down the list of the ones you two mentioned in this thread:
Todd V - the information is good, but it's not his work. He completely copied shit written years ago by Roissy/Heartiste. Check out any archived shit from Roissy you can find. Here: http://www.heartiste.org and https://theredarchive.com/blog/Heartiste
John Anthony Lifestyle - I don't know anything about him.
Casey Zander - blue pilled retard that too many blue pilled retards have quoted in askTRP as of he were some authority figure.
The33Secrets - bit of a tard. What little good he has said was copied from either Rollo or Roissy or one of many other prominent Red Pill figures.
Owen Cook - I knew him as RSD Tyler Durden years ago. He has done some excellent work over the years, but most of his best stuff is from years ago and extremely difficult to find. His more recent shit is very salesman-like and puts me off, and you have to sit through hours of that crap for a few gold nuggets.
Hamza Ahmed - absolute retard. Blue pilled through and through.
Andrew Tate - fuck that piece of shit. I'll refer you to my comment here in another post that links back to many other discussions about him.
Rian Stone - best Red Pill channel on YouTube, hands down. The dude is Senior Endorsed at the original TRP subreddit and a moderator at the MRP subreddit. His sidebar series playlist is excellent, but still do the reading because it's a companion, not a substitute.
There are others worth watching occasionally, but this is really long already and I have other shit to attend to.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 4mo ago
That's the second tag from you that I really want to respond to when I get more time.
I just used up a ton of my time on benzino's post, and both of your tags deserve more than my usual smart-ass shittalk.
Mental note to come back to both of them.
EurasianChad 1 4mo ago
You're overthinking it & focusing on the past too much. Happened to me before.
You need to get back on that upward spiral. Go out more often, talk to girls without the mindset of "I need this to go somewhere". Socialize with people normally so you build up those unused neural pathways that haven't been triggered for a while.
DGAF attitude comes when you genuinely don't give a fuck. Independent from outcome. If she rejects me, if she likes me, if she doesn't...either way doesn't matter. I do what I want to do because its what I believe is right.
GensisofMind 4mo ago
I guess it's just a matter of putting the reps in and further internalizing TRP notions. Thank you.
Musicgoon78 2 4mo ago
The funny thing with confidence is it's always in a state of flux. It can change from one instance to the next. You don't lose confidence, you just forget or choose not to use it.
You're still young. Shall heartbreaks feel big and overwhelming. Most relationships in your 20's won't last. Remember the saying she's not yours, it's just your turn. Now I'm going to be a bit harsh: you weren't even fucking this girl. It was infatuation. You didn't lose a relationship because you didn't have one.
You need to sexualize the frame almost immediately. Other guys will do this and raw-dog a girl like that on the first night..
The hardest part about this is the loop you're caught in. If you don't approach women you won't get better and the more time that goes on, the less you'll have the drive to approach.
You haven't reached abundance yet and that's why you're suffering. Go out and talk to more women. Don't give a fuck about the outcome. Practice sexualizing the conversation and go after sex.
Heartbreak is a rite of passage. It's happened to the best of us.
MrSupreme 4mo ago
You don't need to read more, you need to get into the zone. You need to talk to everyone you can,not just women, talk to friends,clerks,family,strangers,hot chicks.Try to make a few laugh,try to give some compliments too, enjoy getting to know people and details about them. Enjoy talking about yourself as well, social skills,as you have experienced, are a muscle, you gotta work out that muscle. don't stop gaming