We met in 7th grade, we are both 24yo now. She admitted to me a few years ago casually that she had a crush on me in middle school. Our relationship never made sense to me. She was the hot outgoing girl and I was a quiet loser. Yet despite that she would make a ton of effort for my attention. She was a good friend and I was okay with just being friends. I always knew she had deeper feelings for me but I denied that and told myself I wasn't good enough.
So 3 weeks ago I get a text from her just saying "what's up, I miss you" basically and she told me to call her sometime. About 2 weeks go by and I decide to call her and see what's up. We chatted for about 20 minutes on the phone and then she came to my place. I thought she was still in a relationship with her man of 3 years but I guess they didn't work out.
The first night I made a move when she asked if I had any Chapstick. I put it on myself and walked over to her and kissed her. We both laughed it off because it was funny, she liked it though. We cuddled a bit a while after chatting then she was giving me signs to kiss her and we made out. She spent the night.
Next day I text saying nice to see you and I tell her my availability. It was kind of a weak move because I didn't make plans I was letting her make them. So she asks "Are you asking if I wanna hang out again?" Later that night I said "I'm just letting you know my availability in case you wanted to schedule an appointment with Dr.Dickinson". She replies LMAO and I'm laughing about it cause it's funny as fuck. Then she calls me and says "ZCH8 ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCK ME?". I replied uh YEAH. I was stoned and definitely not trying to fuck her in that moment and I didn't know what was really happening so I just hung up, CRINGE but at least I didn't totally botch it.
The next day I ask if she wants to hang out she politely says no not tonight. I go to bed and wakeup to her calling me. She's crying and having a panic attack or something. She was upset because she thought I was just trying to use her for sex. We talk for a little and I just say you need to come over now so we can talk.
I was very honest with her, I told her that she is a GREAT friend and she's always been there for me. I'm not just trying to use her. I was hoping that her and her ex worked out, genuinely. I also confessed that I had some feelings for her. I called her out though and said I know you have feelings for me too. She tried hiding it at first but I held my ground and she confessed up.
The next night she comes over lookin sexy as hell to watch a movie. She clearly spent a lot of time getting herself perfect and dressed in this sexy pink outfit. We watched the movie, making out occasionally. After that movie we put something else on and we're making out, she sits up to watch the movie and I just whip it out because I'm hard and ready. She says "You're naked!" and I make her go down on me. She's absolutely soaked and we fuck.
She came over a few more times since then to cuddle/fuck.
I'm just wondering what is the best way to play this out. I want to remain friends preferably with benefits. I could maybe see a relationship working out but it hasn't even been a month since she broke up with the other guy. At this time I don't know what she wants. Do I let her hit me up when she's ready? Do I reach out in anyway?
Edit: Now that I'm looking back on our text convos she was very lovey, sending hearts and stuff. I didn't really reciprocate that or think much of it. I pulled away a little bit and now I think I'm seeing her react to that.
mattyanon Admin 3mo ago
Work out what you want...... if you are option to a relationship, she will detect this and kinda play you. If you want FWB then move things in that direction and against the constant contact of a relationship.
whytehorse2021 3mo ago
FYI I married my best friend. That's probably how this will play out.
No-Stress-Cat 3mo ago
Don't say shit. Just keep doing what you're doing. If the question comes up, "What are we?" Tell her, "We're just taking our time. You've just come out of a bad relationship. It would be unfair for me to take advantage of you like that." Then go fuck other women. Don't want to be falling into that oneitis trap.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 3mo ago
too late!
Wintergreen 3mo ago
What would you say to a girl who, right before you’re about to fuck, asks, “Is this what you usually do, casual?” in a concerned manner?
Edit: right before the first time you two have sex.
Musicgoon78 2 3mo ago
It hasn't even been a month since she broke up with the other guy.
Honesty bro, who gives a fuck about this other guy? They aren't together. I find this reaction very odd. It can be 2 minutes or a year.
What do you want? It sounds like you can have whatever you want from this girl. Decide if you want a girlfriend or a FWB. You two obviously like each other. So what's the problem? Be decisive and reach out if you want to. She will very likely give you what you want. Congrats on finding someone you vibe with!
AbusiveFather1 3mo ago
this is important, because if she's the kind of girl to forget about the previous guy after a month, and she dated him for 3 years, then she's going to forget OP just as easily - i.e. she monkey-branches way too easily to be relationship material.
ZCH8 3mo ago
I agree, I don't think she just forgot about him but she likely used me to distract herself from that situation. That's why I stepped back a little bit because she needs to deal with it and not bring it into our relationship.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago
It's been not even him that long and you're already talking about "your relationship"
You are upgrading this hoe way too fast. This kind of language should never be used or even thought of with a new plate.
And it's on HER to not entertain him. If it's a problem it's because she's letting him be a problem
benzino 3mo ago
Bro, I think all women forget and move on easily. It's just evolutionary.
Musicgoon78 2 3mo ago
Exactly. Men historically went to war and died. Women needed a new man after that. They are hard wired to move on. Statistically men have a much harder time bouncing back from breakups and divorce.
AbusiveFather1 3mo ago
I agree, but in my opinion a relationship-worthy woman is the one who has the upbringing and a community (for example: conservative family) that would shame her for rapid monkey-branching. i.e. a woman that has a support system in place to stop her from indulging in her natural impulses.
Musicgoon78 2 3mo ago
How long have all the previous relationships you've had lasted? Most women move on quickly.
This is a defeatist attitude and assumes the most negative outcome. What experience do you have with this instead of just throwing out a theory?
This is why you kids are struggling. You put up roadblocks for yourself not based in any facts instead of just taking an easy win.
ZCH8 3mo ago
I haven't been in a really serious relationship. Longest was like a month and some change. I guess I'm just a little insecure that she won't stay around (anxious attachment) and I don't let myself get attached easily to avoid heartbreak.
AbusiveFather1 3mo ago
i have zero experience and my longest relationship lasted 1.5 hours.
Musicgoon78 2 3mo ago
Zero experience means you have no room to talk. If all you have is a big shit pile of negativity, don't bring it into the conversation. I'm trying to build my brother's up and see them happy. Keep your mouth shut if you don't have anything constructive to bring to the table.
ZCH8 3mo ago
Thank you.
AbusiveFather1 3mo ago
Ok ok I’m sorry just don’t hurt me!!
Lone_Ranger 2 3mo ago
Sounds like everything is going fine. Perhaps you are falling into the trap of talking too much about the relationship. Just quit that.
I didn't say talking too much - its good to talk. Talk as much as you like. But don't talk about the relationship that is starting to bloom between you...you can kill the joy with over analysis. Just let it happen.
Many people are afraid of having intimate / romantic relationships with friends - because they don't want to ruin the friendship this is a bit silly. Because some of the most successful romantic relationships are between people that used to be friends. think of the friendship phase as the trial period - you got to know each other. ask yourself - was she a nice person in the friendship phase? was she fair, honest and decent? because however she was in the friend phase, that is how she really is.
so, on balance, I would say, all is well. just enjoy. Don't do all the chasing - let her come to you a bit.
redhawkes 2 3mo ago
You're developing oneitis bruh. Look at that novel you wrote.
Keep doing what you're doing and don't get invested. It's probably just a rebound.
ZCH8 3mo ago
You're right, I did write a novel because it's a good story BUT I'm not having enough of these experiences. How do I know if it's a rebound or if she wants more? She was acting all lovey or whatever.
redhawkes 2 3mo ago
The time will tell. Bitches get more affectionate after a good smashing. Just know one thing, if you start mirroring her behavior, she'll get dry really fast. Use the 2/3 rule.
lambOfGod 3mo ago
she is just a plate now. talk to other girls, make moves on them, get options. Nothing out of the ordinary
MrSupreme 3mo ago
Don't be a thing,she's already fucking another guy after a 3yr old relationship.Be her fuck toy, don't bring up any emotional subject about where it's going or what you both are. You're doing intuitively fine,so keep plowing.