I made a previous post about my LTR breaking up a few weeks ago.
What I did since then: Went no contact and lost almost 10lbs, been going to the boxing gym, started taking up new hobbies like pool, making new friends, setting up new dates. My body fat is going down at a quick pace and I feel better than the whole last year. Been getting IOIs again and feeling more confident. The hormonal change still gets me from time to time but I had a better understanding of it now thanks to the advice on the last post.
Update: A late night text from my ex:
Her: Do you ever regret doing this?
Me: Doing what?
Her: Breaking up
Me: You broke up as I remember. You were secretly seeing someone else and got mad when I told you it's disrespectful.
Her: No I didn't "date" anybody else. I broke up with you because I thought it was a good idea at the time because of blah blah (started putting the blame on me). And even if I did date someone else I wasn't the only one. (she was, I take LTRs seriously. I only started dating other people after we broke up)
Me: I'm not trying to argue with you. It is what it is. I just want to set the record straight and that was how I see it.
Her: I still really care about you and I want it to work so bad.
Me: I don't think you should cut ties with someone and suddenly ask to come back into their lives like that.
We then went back and forth for a while. In retrospect, I admit I lost frame and was just being reactive. It would have been better to just tell her to come over and fuck. Then see how it goes. But anyway, that won't happen again. Eventually I told her that I needed space and we might talk later.
What I think: I've been getting back on track now and things are looking good. I do miss the sex but that will subside with time either way, and this is not LTR material so it's out of the question. I'm still working on myself so no other plate that's better looking than her but I believe in time I will score another. I plan to make her fight for her place in the harem (lol) but will not give her my commitment anymore and just keep as a plate until she breaks. However I also fear that if I come back to her my stupid meat head will catch oneitis again.
Can you guys give me some advice on the situation? I have some idea on what to do but the advices here always give me some great perspectives. Many thanks
ogrilla99 3mo ago
Dude, plating an ex is a lot more hassle than it's worth. You're not seeing it for a few reasons.
You're thinking of how easy things were before, and assuming it would be just as easy. But it's not. Because you were in an LTR before. Managing a plate is a whole different matter.
Along the same lines, someone who's been in an LTR with you before will resist like hell just being a plate. She will mate guard you, try to sabotage the rest of your prospects, constantly try to get you to commit, etc. etc. At some point, it'll get tiring and you'll move on. Look at it this way: she didn't want you when you were offering full commitment. Maybe she realizes her mistake and might be willing to go back to an exclusive relationship. Given how unlikely that scenario is, how likely do you think it is that someone who didn't want you in an LTR will be okay with being your plate?
benzino 3mo ago
you're right. I realize that problem too. At some point I was just trying to rub it in her face that she lost me - it was my hurt ego talking, making her a plate also seems like part of it. Now I feel it's better to move on and not waste my time on that.
Side note: She texted again, asking to meet and explain herself. I'm free that day so I'm going to meet her at my place, but rest assured, I'm ONLY going to give her like an hour to see what she has to say, she's not getting anything else out of me, even sex. I just feel "icky" about it at this point. Sex was her bargaining chip in the relationship and I'm not playing that game anymore.
I'm gradually getting back to my old self and I think I don't even need someone better. The freedom feels refreshing and I'm now more happy spending time with the boys and meeting new people at my new hobbies (men and women included). I'm just focusing on myself now and not putting "finding someone better" as a goal. It's overrated - AWALT.
Thanks for your input though, I agree with them all.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago
Horrendous comment in my opinion. Singlehandedly destroyed your exchange, unless of course you meant she said that, which is extremely unclear based on your labeling
You should never commit to this bitch again. Plate max. Not even Fwb. Don't dig through the trash. Once a woman dumps you you cannot operate on your ego
She probably broke up for some dick and now that dick isn't working or isn't commiting. Or it could have been some "hot" guy and the sex sucked. But we don't know, it might not even be that, but you have to assume that and act accordingly
Fuck her max. I wouldn't recommend it. If you're breaking frame like this you shouldn't be plating an ex girlfriend. I don't care if she wants it to work, she more or less told you you are not her hypergamous best option in the most profound way possible
Next
Edit: if you want any other advice, just overtly tell her a relationship is out of the question at this point but if she wants to keep it casual that's fine. However i wouldn't. You're in her frame
benzino 3mo ago
Yeah that was her talking, I edited my post to make it more clear.
I also think it's an ego thing. I want to keep improving and let her see it, I think I would enjoy to see her come back and beg while I give her nothing. Yet I also know that it's a stupid thing to do and I have better things to do with my time. Still, a plate is a plate.
Makes sense. But I'm not texting her out of nowhere to say that. I haven't had contact with her since and for the foreseeable future she's done to me. I already have dates set up over the weekend so things are good. We'll see if she comes back.
Thanks Vrx!
spartanblood1 3mo ago
Abit off topic, what happens if an old FWB comes back, after she left. When there previously were no connections or feelings?
Is it fine to take her back or no
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago
Why would it matter under these circumstances? Your question should answer itself
benzino 3mo ago
Im doing that right now. Going on a date with her in the weekend. So I think it's okay(?)
I ghosted her after entering this LTR. Then we got into contact again. She was nice and I actually felt bad for doing that.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 3mo ago
https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/
benzino 3mo ago
Yup the iron rule, somebody also posted it in my previous post. I agree with it but im not trying to fix this relationship because she already disqualified herself and I'm looking for a replacement.
My question was more along the line of should I keep her as a plate and dump when I find better and how
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 3mo ago
It was me.
If you fuck her, she's going to think you're back together.
I always found it best just to move on. Exes aren't worth the hassle.
Musicgoon78 2 3mo ago
Garbage rooter here. I will admit to making this stupid mistake many times over.
The truth is that it's takes little effort to jump back into an old routine. She's someone you know, it's familiar and doesn't require as much work.
In my head I would think I just want to fuck her at least one more time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex was enjoyable and familiar. But there was always a cost. Post sex, every ex would think "Oh! We are back together"! Then they would try to fast track commitment and big decisions. I would get sex and enjoy it but I was quickly reminded how I didn't want to be shackled to these women.
Trust me when I say that the idea is nice, but finding a new hot chick and experiencing that excitement of something new is vastly better! Move on from this chick. She blew it and it's her fucking loss.
benzino 3mo ago
Thanks. I agree about the excitement part. I took like a week to build new routines. Then meeting new girls speeds up the process. Would recommend.
I'll just enjoy my freedom in the mean time, applying some instropection too. I fucked up last time because I got busy with work and lazy in life (gained like 12kg) - I could tell I was getting unattractive. Lifting and staying in good shape is so important imo.
Justanaverageguy 3mo ago
You messed up by engaging with her at all. Why isn’t she blocked? SHE DUMPED YOU. She basically said “I can do better than you”. Don’t do like I did, ex of 2 years dumped me over text. Few months later it was my birthday and she texts me and tries to talk to me. I don’t fall for it. She tries a second time and I tell her to leave me alone (should have had her blocked). She then asks to meet up and talk. I stupidly agree and think she’s wanting to get back together. No, she’s trying to a solve herself of guilt and tried to “I want to be your friend”. I said hell no to that and blocked her for good. Self respect is way more valuable than pussy.
Silly_birb_returns 3mo ago
She is clearly trying to keep him, the LTR who invested, as a safety net to try other dicks.
All this messaging is just to keep him hooked to her emotionally and not allowing him to see her as a woman for casual sex.
I bet that if he said he wanted to go back having a relationship she would reject him on the spot because her goal is that safety net.
Which is why you cannot make a LTR woman into a FWB, she knows that in the worst case scenario he would keep her if she gets pregnant by him, because he is someone who committed in the past, something that all the other guys never did to her.
mattyanon Admin 3mo ago
Make sure you are also fucking other girls, then oneitis won't set in.
And be very very prepared for her to not accept the harem situation, and be ready with a big slice of indifference if it doesn't work.