I want to type this in an efficient way because otherwise it can be pages long. will be short and very general.
I feel like I lost my masculinity...
why?
- SSRIs fucked my sexual functioning 5 years ago
- my last girlfriend was japanese and made me more feminine over time somehow (nipple licking during sex, making me wear stupid japanese metrosexual fashion etc)
- General society tries to destroy any masculinity so I cannot find masculine spaces anymore (even MMA gyms are fucking feminized these days... hard to find any hardcore one that trains hard)
- generally everyone around me is fucking feminized as well. I used to want to train like 4-5 hours a day but could not find anyone who would train with me (MMA) now its even worse! its like everyone wants to be a fucking casual
- turning 30 soon, and idk if its age or not but I lost my drive. idk why... i used to have lots of drive to train, etc... even with anhedonia and general "brain damage" from SSRI shit drugs
- i just feel generally, depleted. like my masculinity is just gone, and this shit around me is not helping at all. Is it just me?
If anyone can relate or has an ideas how to relight the fire again let me know...
edit: before anyone says stuff, i already have a good job, i am high level MMA, my fitness is high (although i did get skinnier so I can go lower weight class), my success is generally ok. But, living in NA I am kind of lonely in the sense of not being in a lively place. I do have close friends though. Its way too hard to meet anyone other than dating apps and those are shit.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 18h ago
@pofkaf and @oowiw both gave you good shit already.
I'll reiterate that you need to read "No More Mr. NiceGuy" by Dr. Robert Glover. Just as important is "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Dr. Manuel Smith.
I'll also reiterate that you need to stop blaming others for decisions you made.
Your doctor gave you some bad advice with the SSRIs. Most doctors are just over-educated drug pushers. It was still ultimately your decision to take them. (You've stopped, right? If not, I'd be careful. From what I've read, a sudden stop is worse than continuing. )
Your ex didn't "make" you wear anything. You chose what to wear.
One of the most important things about being a man is owning your shit. You make decisions, and you live with the consequences, good and bad.
TheRedPike Senior Endorsed 15h ago
I've never known anyone that trains that much be on any sort of SSRI or mood altering medication. Are you sure there isn't something else messing you up? Most of the medical industry is barely a step up from witch doctors, there to sell drugs that often barely do anything, but there are a few out there that know their shit.
givemeideaspls 10h ago
i WAS on them many years ago, because of a traumatic incident i had constant panic attacks 24/7. I was only on it for less than year.
pofkaf 2d ago
First thing you need to do is take accountability for yourself. You blame something/someone else in every single one of those bullet points. But you need to reverse your mindset.
Example: your girlfriend didn't "make you" dress any way, you ALLOWED her to dictate your style. Next time somebody tells you to do something that you don't want to do, sack up and tell them no!
I recommend reading the sidebar of this forum, and all of the books that are recommended. Specifically, read "No More Mister Nice Guy."
All in all, if you want to get your masculinity back, then go fucking take it back.
givemeideaspls 2d ago
yes my problem is i put blame on other things and make excuses.
pofkaf 2d ago
Literally every single bullet point in your OP.
SSRIs. Ex girlfriend. Trainers. Society.
You need to understand that YOU are in control of your health, habits, and life. Everything is just bullshit.
givemeideaspls 2d ago
well, SSRIs was not my fault, i got the worst side effects most people do not get this.
oowiw 2d ago
The only thing that's feminized about you is the external locus of control.
You literally don't need to do anything but change your mindset. And that starts with this self narrative that you're somehow "feminized" - you probably out earn me and you could definitely beat my ass to a pulp and yet I'm sitting here feeling plenty masculine and you're talking yourself into gender dysmorphia.
My advice: 1) Fix your self talk. Pay attention to your own thoughts. Over time, start to fix that self talk. I'm not suggesting anything delulu, no "manifesting" or anything like that, but your problem is your inner narrative and you need to recognize that A) there's enormous latitude in how you frame things to yourself and B) the wrong framing has become a habit. 2) Stop focusing on something amorphous, like masculinity. Set tangible concrete goals, ones you can reach in the near and medium term, and then focus on the concrete. When you find yourself getting too abstract notice it, and replace it with the concrete.
givemeideaspls 2d ago
thank you, yep my mind is my worst enemy in life. I think my self talk is extremely awful, due to years of conditioning it. thanks for the advice.