Hello. There's this new girl in my company's bus and she's kind of cute. I really want to approach her. But this will be the first time I am actively approaching someone and don't know how to proceed safely.
About me: 30M, 65 kg, 178 cm tall. Skinny. Bearded. Earn enough to afford rent in a big city. But not that much. I used to go to gym but I am preparing for GMAT so busy with that and don't get time for anything else (11 hours take up work and commute)
I am pretty much a loner. Don't have friends and don't talk to anyone else. I don't have friends, male or female. I am a virgin and haven't even kissed a girl. I don't know where else to ask and get a genuine reply, so I am posting here. I apologise if I broke some rules.
The thing is I am really getting lonely these days and have been watching as my 20s went by without achieving anything in my life while my friends and cousins (who look down on me) are starting families. It's painful.
mattyanon Admin 1w ago
Quit making excuses and find a way to get fit, stay slim and build muscles.
Ok.
Ok
You're tall enough, young enough and slim is a great place to start.
But socially you need to build a life. "I'll just get a girl" is difficult without a social life, social base, friends and social experience. It can be done, but you need some combination of experience, charm, social life, good looks, etc......... the more of these things the better, and the less the easier.
Girls all have a lot of social experience. They hand out shit tests. They learn how to get the most out of men, and how to read men. They get pretty good at it because their survival depends on it. They measure value, and that value includes a large part of "how good does he think he is", and it's actually pretty hard to fake that without having it.
Where I am going with this is the following:
Forget this girl, at least for now. You're starting from scratch, and you don't start with a cute girl that is in any way anything to do with your company.
Good luck
Lauda11 1w ago
I really try talking to people. It just doesn't happen. I am incredibly boring and don't know just how to connect to people.
mattyanon Admin 5d ago
What steps have you taken to learn how to have an interesting conversation?
Typo-MAGAshiv Can't think for myself 1w ago
stop that.
Musicgoon78 Should i (x1) 1w ago
I was going to write a post on this idea. I'll start here. I fucking hate the statement "I'm boring". Let's just change that to what it really means: "I'm actively choosing to be a complete loser".
Life can be difficult, fun, frustrating, complex, sad, hilarious and simply amazing! But boring??
I'm never bored. My life has not been dull. With all the amazing shit to see. do and experience how the fuck can you not find any entertainment?
Do you just stare at the wall and watch the paint dry? Do you have any interests? Do you feel passionately about a subject? Do you ever face your fears?
I'm boring is code for someone that never takes action.
You say you're not connecting to people. You aren't connected to the world.
Here's the thing, people want friends, they don't want a burden. You've chosen to be a fucking downer and that's completely your fault.
You're not going to get a trophy or sympathy for this. It like a guy putting his nuts on a table and then slamming them with soap on a rope.
He turns to everyone and says "this hurts and I don't like it". No one is going to feel sorry for him or want to be around him. They will be thinking "what the fuck is wrong with this retard".
Open your fucking eyes.
I would like to hear you admit that you'd want to be unsuccessful. Because your actions and words definitely show us that. So maybe start with the truth. Have some balls for once
Typo-MAGAshiv Can't think for myself 1w ago
Well said, and I look forward to reading it.
No-Stress-Cat 1w ago
You walk up and say "Hi." Stop being scared of women, young brother.
Also, get ripped. You won't have to worry about approaching women. They'll approach you.
financehardo420 1w ago
Bro you’re like my exact height but I’ve got like 40lb of muscle on top. You only really need like an hour on weights get to it you’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for.
Lone_Ranger 2 1w ago
You are a loner?
You have much bigger issues that chicks. Build yourself a social life. Deal with social anxiety. Feel the fear and do it anyway. quit making excuses.
Build your life before you start anything to do with chicks - trust me, if you met a chick now, you would blow it.
Work on yourself - your friendship group, your social connections. Chicks will come naturally then.
First-light 1w ago
From everything you write, it looks like it may be a tall order to win this girl from the starting point where you find yourself. However, all expeditions have to begin with first steps. So definitely go talk to her.
Play it safe. This is your company's bus. You don't want her to think you are the strange guy on the bus who is clearly into her but who creeps her out. There is a risk of this with a guy who is inexperienced. His gaucheness comes over to women as creepy. Don't try to be smooth or commit too hard to winning her because you may either become regarded as creepy or better as just an amusing loser who is into her. This will not help you to feel good or progress and she will be on the bus next week and the week after to remind you of how you messed up.
Don't stare at her lots when she is not looking. This will be seen by someone else if not her and is unlikely to do you any favours. Instead, catch her eye when she naturally looks your way and smile. Make it clear and overt you are pleased to see her. Don't pussy out on this. Women have a deep seated need to know they are liked and like to be liked by confident men. Do this right and it is itself a win if you can make her a nodding acquaintance. Then try sitting with her and striking up a conversation. Here you have the luxury of a captive audience. She will be on the bus tomorrow and next week. You do not have to wow her, just be good company for the journey. Just make small talk. Impress by the way you talk happily and confidently. The actual content of small talk on a bus is trivial. If you are lucky some common ground will open up where content matters but if not content is almost immaterial, its that the conversation is positive, light and friendly.
If you succeed she may well choose to sit with you in future. Don't read too much into it though. Women are glad to have pleasant orbiters. However it will be a start for you and over time with good conversation you may unlock her and be able to ask her out to share lunch.
Get on with everything else in life and you never know with this girl but do get on with everything else. As you allude to there is only so much time in life. You can work and prepare for exams but what exam do you really want to pass? natural selection? if so, get studying for it. I am not saying throw everything in and try a different life but it might even come to that. If you want a family, you need to start studying to be a man who passes the reproduction worthiness test. In the end when you are dead, it will be the only test that makes any difference. You can take nothing with you in death but you can leave offspring and the legacy of a good father.