I am sorry for your loss

I am sorry for your loss.

You can't replace a parent and to lose one relatively early is bad luck.

One thing to consider is that there is really no such thing as a good death or a good loss, some are just not as bad as others. We call it a good death when an old man dies swiftly but its still actually a loss. Yours is, in the scheme of things is a medium bad loss. He died fairly early but he got to have kids and leave some mark in the world. You got to know him. All lives end in the failure and loss of death. The only thing that really matters is what you do first.

All you can hope to pass on is a good start to the next generation. Try to get them good genes -a quality mate for you, even if getting quality means harder work than getting an easy to find and keep low value mate. Love them. These are the best things you can do. Leaving them resources is good but not as important as the others when it comes to long term legacy. Beyond that enjoy your life. it will be shorter than you would wish it to be.

Don't be hard on yourself grief takes time to shrink to manageable levels of hurt but in being kind to yourself make sure to take opportunities to live.

I have buried a mother, a young wife and a child. The one that bothered me the least was the wife (only 26) -she really did her best to live. She was just run down by cancer. She managed to live just long enough to give birth. I think of her all the time, especially when our daughter does well but not with bitterness. She had a fairly unlucky start in life. Her parents were always in trouble with the law -cattle rustling and poaching for the dad, moonshining for the mum when the dad was in jail but she managed to train as a nurse. She really gave life her best shot and died bravely. The one that still makes me cross is my mother -60 when she died, heiress who had it easy all her life and was very generous to me. She didn't have to die, she just had a crazy idea that if she told no one about her cancer and prayed a lot, it would go away. I was stage 4 before I made her go to the doctor. That was a waste.

The loss of your dad is always going to hurt but I suggest taking the realisation of your own mortality as as source of inspiration not desperation. However you take it you will die anyway but the torch has been passed to you now and you are in the front line. Its not that different to playing sport at school. Don't be the kid with white knees who avoids the ball. Its better to get crash tackled running with the ball than to hear the final whistle not having played. If the kid with white knees doesn't get the wedgie he earned when he gets back to the changing room, he still hates himself. You have the ball now, its your call.

Sorry for your loss. Life is fragile and we should appreciate every moment of good health and freedom.

On one hand you have grief, on the other a lack of purpose. You’ll figure both out in time, but envision the paths your life may take and think about what you want to prioritize.

Do you want to start a family, and if so, in 5 years or 20? If you plan for 5, you’ll have more time with your kids when they’re older, and less time to build your foundation of monetary savings, relationship experience, etc.

Do you see yourself travelling; not having kids at all; being an entrepreneur; having two girlfriends.

You get the idea. Create goals and work out the timelines. Enjoy good health. Toast to your pops.

First of all support to you and sorry for your loss.

I wish I had real advice for you. But I am struggling with these things as well - why try so hard for success when we are all dying soon? 40 years from now most of people reading this comment will be dead. Two or three generations down the family line nobody will remember us. Ever thought of your grandfathers father? Yeah..me neither.

Heres ny short story, hopefully sharing it helps.Keep the good memories,dont let the bad stuff stick around.

My(36) dad died about 2-3 years ago,he struggled with some sort of throat cancer from smoking since a very young age,then covid struck and he didnt make it.

I had seen him once when i was 11 and then again about 12 years ago,when his family reached out to me,so me and my older(39) would see him,he was very sick from cancer,we visited,we met and he seemed to have zero interest in us,but we still saw the guy, he had a wife and another son, and he had one or two families that we know of, where he left about 2 more kids. So in total he had kids with three women,only stayed for the last kid,the others were abandoned.

About a year before he died I started reaching out to him on Facebook and WhatsApp,we had simple chats where I asked about his youth, he seemed alright, there was no trace of cancer but still had issues with the lungs and bronchitis. Whenn i thought i started to know the guy,i get a message from his wife,he had passed.

I never held it against him to be a coward or whatever reason he had for not keeping contact ever. My bro,my mom and I could have used the company,the support and all that comes with it. I cant miss what i never had.The rest is pointless "what if" scenarios.