Some time ago, I participated in an activity where I was in a group with many women, and I served as the leader of that activity. During this time, I experienced many situations commonly discussed in red pill forums about the ways women test men. These included passive-aggressive behavior, subtle sarcasm, and push-and-pull dynamics (for instance, one woman would suddenly act flirty and then become distant). On the other hand, there was a woman who displayed very feminine behavior toward me—she was my deputy in the group, and she was caring and very supportive of my struggles in managing the team.
As the leader, I tried my best to handle all the challenges, including logistics and complaints (since I was the leader, all grievances were directed at me). However, I didn’t internalize all the complaints because some women gave feedback driven by their own interests, cleverly disguising it as general concerns.
What I want to ask is about certain scenarios where I felt incompetent, particularly in managing people with diverse backgrounds within the group. I did my best, but perhaps due to my limited experience in managing individuals with different personalities, some members saw me as "less capable" as a leader. However, the woman who was my deputy always supported me, saying, “It’s okay; this is a learning process. I can see you learning a lot day by day, and there has been gradual improvement.”
What can I do when I feel incompetent in certain scenarios? I am not married or in a relationship, but I think this could relate to scenarios where, when we have a wife or girlfriend, we might feel incompetent in certain areas. As men, sometimes our pride or ego drives us to always want to appear "proper" and capable of doing everything for women. As additional context, in the scenario I mentioned earlier, some women were always gentle and caring toward me, while others were blunt, as I described before, often testing me.
First-light 3w ago
Typo's advice is good.
Time spent on reconnaissance is seldom wasted. Do your homework first if you can. Remember that a failure or a poor success is just reconnaissance and practise for the next run. Try to remember this when you are in the hot seat. This will all be experience tomorrow and that is no bad thing if you unpack it properly.
When in the hot seat stay cool and decisive. People don't like fearful leaders. Cautious leaders are OK but calm cautious ones, not fearful ones. No one wants a leader who knows he is not up to the task. As Typo says its fine to say "This is new to me" and then ask the advice of trusted retainers. This is what every young military officer has to do at some point. The sergeant usually knows what to do. If you pussy out, pretend you know what you are doing, fall back on rank and double down on errors the NCOs will stop respecting you and start to joke about fragmentation grenades. If you say "This is new to me sergeant, what would you recommend?" you will do a lot better. This is usually much better than having a team meeting to discuss and vote on what should be your decision. If you do that you have given them all the headache of your job, many of them will be less well prepared and capable.
The team discussion is really only for discussing "Do we abandon a project we have put a lot into? Do we admit another group? Do we change the agreed big rules?" Other than that its better to take advice and then make decisions. You don't have to always go with advice. Just own it if you go against advice and it fails. If you take advice in private rather than in an open meeting, its much better when it goes wrong.
We are all incompetent some times. Some of the most successful leaders just don't let that get in their way, they just get back up and keep trying. Trump is a good example -wasn't a career politician, almost all his new subordinates were against him. He made quite a few mistakes and most of his subordinates tried to derail him even when he didn't. He was thick skinned enough to just keep getting back up again. Now he knows the game, knows who he wants to listen to and he is back for what will be a more impactful second run. He didn't count himself out even when most others did. So don't worry about not being competent. No one is at first go.
Try to have the answer from prior research. If not, can you get good advice? Make confident positive decisions. Give off positive energy to your men and they will give it back most of the time. Its not all this easy but if you back your self in action and privately unpack your errors in reflection you will survive and come out wiser, tougher and more competent.
There will always be small men with un addressed inner weaknesses and grievances against a world that didn't give them what they wanted. There will always be women with scarcely veiled self interest dressed up as group concern. There will always be little barrack room lawyers who want their eggs not to be broken when you bake the cake. These types will want to see you fail. They will stick the knife in when you do. Simple answer is "Fuck them" Its not that simple I know but you have to work to making it so. You have to work towards seeing them with mild compassion as opposed to loathing, ignoring them as irritating insects and getting a good night's sleep.
Intelligent-Sir-6319 2w ago
Hey, thank you so much for your input, your advices are pretty constructive.
How could you read my circumstances? That was indeed what I was experiencing. I know a leader takes a lot of responsibility and all of the times, the members' eyes and thoughts are always on the leader. Every minor mistake that I made often turned into a useless debate topic by some women (not all, but there were some problematic and drama women in my team). I really appreciate a lot your advice and opinons for relating to my experience. This gives me a lot of insights.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 3w ago
Are you actually incompetent, or do you only feeeeeeel incompetent?
And what kind of scenarios are we talking about here? Technical know-how? Or what?
Here's what has worked for me:
1) be as prepared as you can. You can't know everything, but you can certainly know a lot.
2) if you hit a situation where you don't know something, try to do some research while simultaneously leaning on one or more of your team members who might know more about that situation. Don't be afraid to admit "I've never dealt with this before". People can smell bullshit easier than they let on, so don't try to act like you know something you don't. You're better off confidently saying "I've never dealt with x, but let's see what we can do" instead of lying and then making a fool of yourself.
Pic related
Intelligent-Sir-6319 3w ago
What I meant is that I wasn’t completely incompetent, but there were scenarios I didn’t anticipate in activities I hadn’t handled before—particularly when managing women from different backgrounds. There was nothing wrong with the technical aspects; in fact, in most activities, I tended to focus on the technical side: doing task X > marking it as done > checking > and moving on to what’s next. However, my team members (most of whom were women) often complained that I lacked empathy when interacting with them.
For additional context, the event wasn’t in a professional setting. It was more like a community service program where we cohabitated for a month. The environment was less formal, and while some of the women were kind, others were quite rude (the rude ones often tested me).
I just want to understand what the proper approach is as a man when, at some point in a relationship, unexpected situations arise where we don’t know what to do or feel confused about how to handle them—not from a technical perspective, but more in terms of manners. Based on the principles of the red pill, men are considered the leaders in a relationship. While that sounds simple in theory, in practice, there will always be unexpected contexts and challenges.
For example, in a scenario where a married woman doesn’t want her husband to overly prioritize his mother’s opinions in their household matters because the household belongs to the husband and wife alone. The mother can offer input but shouldn’t have control. On the other hand, the husband might feel conflicted, wondering whether to follow his mother’s perspective or his wife’s.
In situations similar like this, I sometimes imagine myself in such a position and realize that similar moments of confusion would make me feel incompetent. Because holding frame is essential from red pill perspective, but when the situation is so confusing and we lack experience, fake it till you make it seems work only in a short term.
In my context, in that event, there are a lot of input that I have to process but due to decision fatigue, I mostly discussing about the decision making with my deputy, the woman that really feminine and caring to me, because I feel like her opinions are more mature than the other women in that group.
That said, I acknowledged and apologized to my team members for my lack of empathy. Aside from that, the technical aspects of the event went smoothly. Yeah and I also prepared as best as I could, but some things went unexpected.
Regarding the term "partner," I was using a translation provided by ChatGPT and pasted it into this post. English isn’t my native language.
[deleted] 3w ago
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