Apologies for somewhat broken english! So..
For a really long time, I was not in a relationship. And when I was, it was ages ago when I was still pretty blue pilled (well who is not when you are 20?). I now entered a relationship again and any advice is welcomed.
I was casually seeing a girl for 7 months. Around month 4 I lost interest (no specific reason actually) and stopped paying attention to her in hopes she will just stop contacting me as well. Which she did, and my plan worked. I choose that over directly saying I am done because I knew she had feelings for me and I do not want to be an asshole if its not necceesary. She was a bit needy and direct telling her would hurt her a lot so I decided to be mild about it.This ignoring phase took two months..in this two months we met 4 times, had no sex, and talked just a few times. Eventually she sends a message how we should have a closure conversation, which I did not need but I did not want to be asshole again so we met to talk.
During this ignoring phase, I fucked someone, turns out she did as well. Not that it bothers me, I wanted for her to go anyway, just mentioning it. During casual dating I do not care what she does when she is not with me, and more so after I do not fuck her two months. I dont have any right to complain.
That meeting ended in hotel room with very hot sex. Thats not what I planned. But here we are. We continued having it casual for another 3 months, and she started pushing for relationship (just as she did before).
We have all important prerequisites to start a relationship: she is good looking, fucks like an animal (very good sexual chemistry between us), cleans and cooks for me, we always had a pleasant time together out of sheets as well; further it started with sex first then relationship; she is the one madly in love and pushing for relationship, not me. I made it clear to her that she wanted me, now she has me, and now she must work to keep me. She said she will do anything to keep me. This women loves me. Or at least she acts like she does. Basically I do not see a reason to say no to this.
And on top of that I myself dont believe that plates last forever, either I will discard them or turn it into a relationship. I decided to give this one a chance.
My relationship skills are just a bit rusted to be honest. Lot of hookups and casual dating do not translate perfectly to the relationship territory.
I am very aware I should not allow relationship to turn me into opposite of what made me attractive to her. I do not know redpill term for this, but I call it domestication of a man. If anything, now I should turn my douchebaggery and charming-asshole game to even bigger level.
Still, I am afraid. Woman want whatever they can not have. She was crazy about me when she begged for relationship and I was telling her we are staying casual. I dangled relationship possibility in front of her, but always out of reach. Now that she actually has me in relationship, where is the chase which will excite her?
Relationship often means comfort and stability, which are nice things but they are seduction killers. Nothing is more appealing to ladies then uncertainity about feelings of some guy that fucks her brains out. Nothing makes her more submissive than waking up and thinking about ways to lock down some evasive guy. Or hoping he wont bang that cute coworker chick. This makes them fall in love with you. Not some dumb holywood love story..
I like this woman too. What I want is to try relationship with her, but I want to keep excitement which we had before relationship. Maybe my gut feeling is lying, but I am afraid commiting is a way to kill true, animalistic desire women feels when she is chasing you. And not only women, I enjoy it as well. I do not want to turn a good thing to something that will slowly die out while we are losing attraction to each other and just becoming bored. Women are not the only ones who dont like boredom. I dont like it as well.
Anyway to wrap this up: what is your advice to maintain a relationship but also dont kill the true desire between us?
My ideas are: turn the red-pillery up and under no circumstances let yourself become caged; dont provide too much feeling of comfort and security; make her work to keep the relationship. Also I planned to occasionally meet with some of my old female friends and let her know about it, I did not do it so far (at least not that she knew) - not to cheat on her but just to keep her wheel spinning.
Sheets-wise, I would continue doing what I am doing anyway with women to keep sheets alive - fuck her in various ways. Entering bed, she never knows who will I be today? Will I be sweet and sensible lover today, or fuck her like I want to split her apart? Will I give her nice sensual massage and gentle kisses..or tie her down, spill beer on her pussy and lick her until she almost passes out because too much orgasms? Focusing on her today...or on me? Will I treat her like a queen or like a rag doll? Actually I know she likes to be dominated every time..but if I do it every time, it will get old quickly. So I always rotate between styles and try to keep everything fresh. If you ask me sexual chemistry is the most important thing to keep alive. If it dies, rest will follow as well. Women need good fucking, men need it as well, women like to be tied down, men like to tie someone down, it is our nature and I never intented to fight it. Neither I want.
Anyway thanks for reading and any advice of guys who are maintaining good relationship is welcome.
MrSupreme 2w ago
You're thinking a bit like youre starting out at 3 years relationship.It has only been a few months, the initial spark doesnt die,it just transforms into more comfy and stable lust, attraction dies if you let it get too comfy. You gotta relax a little, youre just trying out if you work together,it aint black and white,theres many shades to it.
For the moment, the sex should be great, the feeling of fucking a total stranger is fading to give way to fucking a person whose company and fucking is enjoyable. No need to apply shock maneuvers yet. If you wanna try out new stuff like BDSM,anal,rape fantasy or any other kink then a stable partner is what you want, this is a stage you wanna enjoy for a while.
Relax,youre not getting married,youre just going steady with a chick
derdeutscher 2w ago
Thanks man sounds like a solid advice. As I said I am not too experienced with relationships.
pofkaf 2w ago
No comment about the actual question. But the "domestication of man" that you're referring to is called the "betazation process" here in the TRP world. Chrck out Rian Stone for more guidance about that.
First-light 2w ago
I think just ride this wave and enjoy the fucking. Don't get drawn to commit but don't pull away. Enjoy her positively. Give her positivity and joy outside bed and just see what happens. The great fucking never lasts forever, when its cooled, see what you want to do with the relationship.
What concerns me here is that you were not that interested in her to start. You seem to be reacting to her enthusiasm. Now she is keen you are keen on her. Now to some extent this is a simple truth with women -all they have to do is try and we are happy with them (if only they understood!) However it is also true that you are going to want a woman you really want and respect if you are in for the long haul. It didn't start that way and so either she is going to need to win your mind over as well as your dick or when you dick stops getting prime service your mind will walk. I think you don't want to commit to anything at this stage.
When you start wanting to spice it up, it usually means the best has already passed and you are looking for some way to regain it. You can't keep pure animalic desire flowing for ever. Trying to will only fail. You either move to having an adult relationship that leads to children and a good regular vanilla style bang two or 3 times a week when all is well between you or you keep her as someone who brings joy and receives joy when you are both available but you don't tie yourself to her. If you are just reacting to her enthusiasm, I would hold off and enjoy the ride. The last thing you want to be is tied to a woman of easy virtue whom you don't respect who used to be enthusiastic in bed.
derdeutscher 2w ago
I was thinking as well about losing interest in her. But there is some truth in saying "man can have any women, except the one he likes". If I will try a relationship, better with someone who is "she is fine" to me than with some person who infatuates me. Besides knowing women well enough I dont think its possible for me to "fall in love" with someone or even respect her unconditionally. If thats what you wanted to hint to.
However I dont react so much to enthusiasm simple giving this a chance. I had women being enthusiastic about me before but I was not interested (beyond sex).
But your last paragraph is correct. On top I always had a problem of NEEDING to bed new women. Its my addiction and its a problem. But as the other guy said I should relax and enjoy the ride atm.
Thx for reply.