seeing this girl for 3 years before we were a thing we spoke about college life and she mentioned that she used to go clubbing every weekend in her early years of college when the conversation got prolonged she got a bit defensive and said she only went there to dance with her friends (okay?). we spoke another time in the start about casual sex and she gave a wishy washy answer about how it depends on mood. i was trying to categorize her as a plate or ltr. she claims to have n count of 1. she said she lost her v at around 19 and dated another guy and then was single until she met me. 2 months after our first date we went on our second date we were getting a bite to eat and her snapchat notifications were going off and it showed a guy messaging her on snapchat i didnt care much but i casually brought it up a week later and she denied it and became very defensive this made alarm bells go off in my head. i dont think she was f*king other guys but the reaction caught me off guard. one day i mentioned that our anniversary is the day of our first date and she claimed the anniversary was after our second date when we had the relationship talk i asked if she was talking to anyone else after our first date when we were getting to know eachother and she said no. after we started dating i tried to get her opinion on casual sex again and she mentioned how she never had it and would never do it but in the start she said it depends on her mood
one day i saw her old college photo and noticed she used to wear a bunch of makeup but now she doesnt, when she noticed that i saw the picture she seemed a bit awkward - again alarm bells. i might have accidentally given off the judgemental vibe that i care about a womans past at some point. when we met she seemed like a studious quiet girl but she looked a lot different in her older photos (photos from 5 years ago). when i jokingly mentioned that she had a lot of makeup on in her old photo she said how she would do it to look good for herself. another time she also claimed that she never gave head before. i get the feeling that she slept around in college and is hiding it now. a few times i asked her about her past and she claimed to only have 1 count but a week into meeting eachother she mentioned that she messed around with 2-3 guys in college but didnt clarify if they f*cked. it seems a bit inconsistent to me. the relationship has been good, she seems wholesome but i wouldnt want to settle down with a girl with a wild past even though ive had a lot of a past. how can i figure out her n count? we dont follow eachother on social media, it never came up. for most of the relationship i just been busy with my business and fitness so i didnt pay attention to this as much until now. she went to college in a different city and then moved in with her parents for her masters degree where we met in class. now she comes off as very nerdy and career driven and never goes out her notifications going off that one time still seems weird to me - i know i saw some guy messaging her but its not worth bringing up because she will get defensive. what do ya think fellas. would she lie about her n count when we knows it matters?
derdeutscher 20h ago
Stop being so insecure..who cares about her past. Focus on the future. Asking n count or any other question about past is just asking for trouble. How is that beneficial in ANY way?
That same time could be used to...fuck her or something?
mattyanon Admin 1d ago
The problem is the guys who "didn't count". ......... "I didn't cum, it doesn't count"....... "it was only a one night stand, it doesn't count"..... the list goes on.
concerning obviously
This isn't the way to do it. You find the truth gradually and you withhold commitment until you're sure. And you don't tell her that this is what you're doing, or even imply it in any way.
right.
right
Right.
Women don't tell truth, they talk about how they feel AT THAT TIME.
Yes.
Very much so.
You SHOULD be judgmental....... but you shouldn't show it.
Ok my man..... here's the thing......
They are never, ever, ever safe to "settle down with". Virgins turn into mega whores later. Innocent girls drag men through the divorce courts.
I think that one time was when she didn't turn notifications off.
Would a girl lie about her n count??? Are you seriously asking this?
Wintergreen 2d ago
Oh God.
You’re about to get a bunch of comments saying that women ALWAYS lie about their n counts.
I don’t agree. However, it’s possible that this specific girl is lying, or that she isn’t.
Your mistake was not finding out what she meant when she said she messed around with the guys.
As for the anniversary thing… that could range from a conflict in definitions about when something is labeled to a topic that matters because she wants to absolve herself from guilt for (hypothetically) having fucked a guy after what you call your anniversary.
None of us can truly answer this, you’ll have to go with your gut feeling.
As for the casual sex opinion thing, you’ll just get different answers every time with this girl since she’s already shown that she doesn’t judge the idea of casual point blank. My ex FWB said she doesn’t do casual then later at some random point in time proudly bannered her initial encounters with her ex as casual for some fucking reason. Seemed stupid due to her trying to appear that she didn’t do casual while also saying she… did do casual.
Anyway bro, you just have to feel it out. And not following each other on social media is fucking weird. How can you vet for LTR if you’ve missed the last however many stories she’s posted and shit.
Edit: also, you said “when the conversation got prolonged”. Breh you can’t ask more than like two questions at once about something a girl says or she’ll think “he’s probing” and shut the conversation down. You should’ve just said “oh yeah I bet you hooked up with a few guys from the club then?” while hiding judgement. Then she’d have either confirmed or denied.
Unfortunately if after 3 years you still aren’t sure if she’s a hoe who lied about her past, you probably didn’t vet well. One thing that does stand out to me is the fact that she said she lost her virginity at 19 then dated another guy then you. Aside from the fact that being “single” doesn’t necessarily mean without dick, the numbers don’t add up unless the guys she “messed around with” were before the guy she fucked at 19. And this is all assuming that she would've counted the 2-3 guys and not have said she was “single” cut and dry if she was messing with the guys.
Conversely, could the 2-3 guys have included the virginity guy as well as the other guy she said she dated? Either way, ranges like that piss me off. I messed with 2-3 people, I have 2-3 jobs, I have 2-3 testicles. Like wtf.
asdjnad 2d ago
She didnt say exactly “2-3” she said in the beginning of college she had a thing with one guy and he was talking to some other girl and they broke it off then she met some phd student un the summer and lost her v and he moved away for his phd after 2 months for the fall semester and then she dated another guy and said he would pressure her to do stuff and when i asked if it was head in the beginning she said yes but now she said she never gave head to anyone before.. the anniversary thing i find weird af man i remember a month after our first date she went mia on me for few days and a week later we went on the second date and thats when her snapchat notification went off right when she was done work and when i brought that up a week later she denied it. Theres so many inconsistencies. Recently i asked her if she was seeing anyone since we met and she said no she said she didnt know anyone in this new college but 3 years ago she mentioned how some guy hit on her in the library.. she still claims shes only been sexually active with 1 guy .
Wintergreen 2d ago
I can’t say for sure. Her saying the guy pressured her could mean he attempted to get her to do something through pressure, which she declined, or it could mean she gave in. Also, don’t give them the answers. You should’ve asked WHAT he pressured her to do and what she did. If you say “was it head?” she will likely say yes if that’s more acceptable than the truth. Unless she doesn’t lie. Which is why it’s best to make sure the girl isn’t a frequent liar.
It’s still possible that he just asked her for head and she said no, idk. None of us here can tell you the answer for sure.
asdjnad 2d ago
What about the snapchat notification thing, i saw it but she denied it and turned it into a fight and she made it fishy by saying the anniversary was after our second date
Wintergreen 2d ago
Tbh this all is a bit confusing, but since I also type things in the way you do I think I got the picture… you’re saying that during the second date she was getting the Snapchats, then some time later in the relationship she tried to say you started dating on your second date? So you’re worried that she was talking to another guy at the time and possibly fucking him?
Well I don’t know, it could’ve been anyone. It could’ve been a simp she cared so little about that she totally forgot that he messaged her when you asked. Or she could’ve been fucking the guy who messaged her. What I’d say is the biggest red flag is that you went 2 months between dates. Why?
Overall I’d say go with your gut here. If you have a horrible gut feeling then it’s probably right, and if it’s wrong then at least if you trust your gut you get away from this bad feeling of being with someone who may have fooled you, even if you’re wrong and she didn’t fool you.
asdjnad 2d ago
And yes you got the picture
asdjnad 2d ago
I waited long for another date because i was a workaholic. My gut tells me something was wrong but she ended up crying and getting upset when i confronted her about that long time ago and kept reassuring me she didnt see anyone. I could tell she was inexperienced because she would get wet when i would kiss her and i could smell it. Do you know how i could vet her now after 3 years?
Wintergreen 2d ago
Honestly, I’m not too sure. My ex FWB came clean about a lie AFTER we had a huge argument and I told her I was mad at her for relaying details improperly (she hadn’t actually lied about these details but rather just didn’t think the answers through because it seemed trivial to her and she misremembered without giving it enough thought). She ended up telling me details that I hadn’t even anticipated. And she learned not to lie to me, which was cool.
So yeah idk how to vet them after 3 years together. But when you weren’t seeing each other was she pursuing you, were you pursuing her, were you two talking, etc.?
asdjnad 2d ago
Ya we were still talking at that time. Right now the relationship is great but inconsistencies from the past bother me
First-light 2d ago
Women tend to lie when it counts. She wants you to think well of her, so she will probably lie if she needs to keep your good opinion of her. This leaves you without much to go on.
Got wet when you kissed her is not necessarily inexperienced, could just be was very excited, perhaps had not had sex for a while but could just be excited.
Got defensive is the biggest worry here. Unless you have been piling on pressure to know about her past and made the topic toxic, there should be no reason to get defensive unless she knows she has to hide something. The woman with nothing to hide makes a badge of pride of the fact that she has nothing to hide and can just smile through worries. Think of it like this. You have a girl and she is suspecting you of sleeping with another girl. She says "So what were you doing when I saw you with Miss X last week?" If you were just helping her carry her shopping to the bus after you saw her walking down the street, then you just smile and shrug when she interrogates you and tell her the truth but you don't get defensive, unless she is a paranoid control freak who is always suspecting you of chasing women, If on the other hand you are sleeping with Miss X and your girl just saw you with her taking the ingredients for your romantic dinner home, unless you are a very experienced player, you are likely to get a bit bothered and defensive. Same is true for women.
There are not many without a past these days. If she is solid in all other ways, do some digging, follow her on social media, make friends with her friends and see what you learn. Its a difficult choice when you find a really good woman with a short past that she appears to have put behind her. Gather information but don't interrogate as it just makes her clam up and double down. Loose talk may drop some truths.
Musicgoon78 2 2d ago
Go to the corner and curl up in the fetal position and cry. I guarantee she felt the judgement coming from you and now she's going to lie incessantly.
Welcome to the real world princess.Life is violent, unfair, messy, complicated and sexual. It sounds like you're looking for a unicorn. All the women you are going to date going forward are going to have a past. If you can't handle that part of life, you can always go MGTOW and get a sex doll.
This was one giant bitch fest of a post. If you don't like what you have currently, look for something else. It's that simple.
Do you enjoy setting yourself up for failure and asking for approval from guys on the internet?
If you go looking for problems your either going to find them or blow stupid shit out of proportion.
So let me say what the others won't: Who gives a shit? We aren't dating or banging this chick. If you don't like her just dump her. If you don't trust her, then dump her. If you just want something else admit that and dump her. If you're happy, STFU and stop trying to sabotage yourself.